I looked at Sia.
She sat on the couch with Kai next to her. Even though they didn’t speak as they ate, the love and respect they had for each one another was obvious. I envied it.
When the evening drew to a close, Sia pulled me in for a hug.
What was it about Samoan hugs that made me never want to let go?
“You come back and eat with me soon, Tori. I would love to have your help in the garden, someday,” she said.
“I would be honored to help you, although, I’m sure I’d just slow you down,” I laughed.
“Nonsense. You have a gardener’s heart, you just need to discover it,” she said.
Kai leaned down to kiss his mom on the cheek, before putting his arm around me. We walked down the path toward Kai’s truck. I could feel her gaze on our backs and secretly wished we didn’t have to leave her alone.
“Doesn’t she get lonely?” I asked Kai once we were driving.
“Maybe sometimes, but she has a lot of friends in this neighborhood...she’s a bit of a mother to the whole street actually,” he said, looking at me. “You like her?”
“Yes, quite a bit. She was just like you described her: strong, brave, an incredible woman.”
I watched the city come into view as we headed west onto Hwy 75. I still remembered the words he had spoken about his mom when we were at the lake a few months ago.
He squeezed my hand gently. “Yes, she is. Do you see the similarities?” he asked.
“What?” I asked, turning to look at him.
“I see those same qualities in you, Pele,” he said. He intertwined our fingers and rested our hands on the middle seat between us. I thought about his statement.
We rode quietly for the next several minutes. No words were needed. I focused on the touch of Kai’s hand. His thumb easily traced an imaginary pattern just below my index finger, leaving a trail of warmth behind.
It was his hands that spoke of his character the most, I’d decided.
The firm grip which showcased his strength, also showed his restraint. He was never overpowering. The calluses on his knuckles were rough and hard, but so were the jobs he had taken on. He was both willing and able to do whatever was asked of him. And yet, somehow, these same hands had shown kindness, love, trust, safety and protection. With each caress of my face, each hold on my hand, each rescue from harm…they told his story.
I hoped I could be a part of that story, too.
As we pulled into Stacie’s driveway, Kai turned toward me in his seat.
“Don’t forget to pack a warm jacket and several layers of pants for the evenings, Tori. The days will get to the mid-sixties, but the evenings will be cold.”
“Okay, Kai. I have gone camping before you know,” I said, rolling my eyes at his reminder.
“Well, camping in the hills can be a little more challenging than a campground with hookups,” Kai said, blocking my punch to his arm.
“I’ll pack a coat, don’t worry, and I have a sleeping bag that Stacie found for me in the garage, too,” I said, remembering he had offered me one of his earlier in the week.
“Okay. I’ll pick you up around nine. It should take us just about three hours to get there, so we’ll have plenty of daylight to set up and explore with the rest of the bunch,” Kai said, opening his door to get out. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the truck.
“You don’t need to walk me to the door every time, Kai. Go get some rest, I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, kissing him quickly on the lips before jumping out of the cab.
He rolled down my window as I ran up the porch steps.
“Consider that the first and last time you win that particular argument, Pele. I will always walk you to the door. See you in the morning.”
Morning could not come soon enough.
TWENTY-TWO
“So you’re really doing this, huh?” Stacie asked, hands on her hips.
“Yes, Stacie. For the millionth time, I’m going camping and it won’t kill me!” I said, pushing her aside to zip my bag.
“Okay, but don’t you remember those times Dad tried to take us and we always ended up coming home in the wee hours of the morning? I just hope that doesn’t happen to you with all those big, burly firemen out there; that would be embarrassing,” she said laughing.
Thanks Stacie.
“I have everything I need and most importantly, Kai will be there. He does this all the time, unlike Dad, who took the pop-up camper out once a year and called it camping,” I said.
“Like father like daughter I suppose...”
Stacie answered the knock at the door before I could comment further on that little jab.
“Hey, Stacie! How is it you look more beautiful each time I see you?” Kai asked, stepping inside.
Stacie laughed, thanking him as she closed the door, rubbing her belly instinctively.
“Come right this way, Kai. Our own Bear Grylls is just about ready,” Stacie said while pointing at me.
I glared at her. Kai covered his mouth to suppress his laughter. It didn’t work. I straightened and pulled the duffel bag over my shoulder. Stacie’s grin at my effort was less than encouraging.
I rolled my eyes at her and headed outside. On my third attempt to launch my duffle bag into the back of Kai’s truck, he caught it from behind me and placed it inside easily. My sleeping bag and pillow were next. He smiled at me without saying a word.
I always knew he was a smart man.
“Have a great time, Tori,” Stacie said, hugging me before adding, “And I hope I won’t see you back at two in the morning.”
I rubbed her belly and simply said, “You won’t. Goodbye, ye-of-little-faith.”
After filling up at the gas station, Kai threw a brown bag full of snacks into the cab. If I’d judged him off his physique alone, I’d have guessed he only ate salads, lean protein, and whole grains, but that, I was learning, was definitely not the case. He had a metabolism for which every girl in high school would have sold her soul for. He munched now on something in the cool ranch variety.
“What?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders at me as he put another chip into his mouth.
“Do you have anything in that bag that has less than twenty ingredients listed on the package?” I asked.
“Hmmm...nope,” he said, smiling. “I thought you didn’t care about all that diet nonsense.”
“I don’t really, but I also don’t want to live on junk food alone, either,” I said.
“Well…welcome to camping, Pele. You ain't gonna find anything organic, gluten-free or low sugar around for the next few days,” he said.
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He was quite adorable…chip breath and all. As we drove, Kai told me about each of the men that would be there and the women they were connected to.
Briggs was the only one who would be flying solo this time around. Apparently, he was taking a break from the dating world. Kai didn’t go into too much detail about it. He seemed to be a lot more guarded when it came to Briggs, never revealing too much at one time. It was obvious he regarded Briggs as a brother. I could respect that.
Kai’s chief, Max Lexington, whom they all referred to as “Chief Max”, would be there with his wife Mrs. Julie. Apparently, she was the only reason we would have real meals on this trip. I was already grateful for her as I watched Kai unwrap his second cream-filled pastry.
Chief Max had hired Kai eight years ago and was the one who had pushed him to become a paramedic after his initial EMT certification. Then of course there was Mike, my infamous ambulance driver who was newly married to Carla. As Kai spoke about each camper who would be joining us, I tried to keep their names straight in my head. I hoped once I had faces to match, that would be easier. There were at least three other guys who would be joining us, but not until the second day.
“What are you thinking about over there? You’ve been awfully quiet while I’ve been blabbing away,” Kai said.
“I’m just thinking about y
our station,” I said.
“What about?” Kai asked.
“About when you became a paramedic. Do all of you have your paramedic certification?” I asked him.
“No, not even close. All of us have at least our basic EMT certification so we can assist with the basic needs of people in crisis like CPR, or administering asthma treatments, or giving out glucose…that type of thing. Really the simple difference is that paramedics can break the skin and a basic EMT cannot,” Kai said.
“That makes sense. So you can call a paramedic an EMT, but an EMT shouldn’t be called a paramedic if he or she isn’t certified? That’s kinda like how it is with nurses, too. A lot of medical assistant's or CNAs can look like an RN, but our job descriptions and responsibilities are very different,” I said.
“Exactly. Hey...you’ve never told me about your graduation from UT Southwest—that must have been a great night for you and your family,” Kai said, smiling at me.
I looked out the window, my stomach clenching with unease.
Hardly.
“I don’t remember it that well, really. It was just your average graduation,” I said flatly.
I could feel Kai’s gaze on my face, but pretended not to notice it. I kept my eyes focused on the trees that filled the miles around us. The hills were in full view now and beauty surrounded us on every side. I could see a lake, which from our current vantage point looked more like a puddle, but I guessed we’d be seeing it up close soon enough.
“Tori?”
“Hmm?”
“Why don’t you ever want to talk about your family?” Kai asked.
“I talk about my family—I talk about Stacie all the time,” I said defensively.
“No, you tell me about living at Stacie’s house, but you don’t tell me about your parents or really anything of significance,” Kai said.
I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.
“I don’t have what you have, Kai. My family life is complicated,” I said, returning my gaze to the window.
“Complicated? Like moving to a new country, or learning a new culture, or losing your father at ten years-old?” Kai said, driving his point home.
I felt my cheeks flush. He was right. He hadn’t had an average childhood, either.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply your life hasn’t had complications. You’ve had a lot of big obstacles to overcome, but your mom chose to stick by you. She did what was best for you and that really shows,” I said.
“And what? You’re parents haven’t stuck by you? Every time I was over there for dinner last year, you were all they talked about. They talked about their daughter who was a nurse, their daughter who had worked so hard, their daughter that they were so proud of.”
“And what about their daughter who was wrecked for life…did that come up, too?” I said, anger pulsing through me.
“What? No. What are you talking about?” Kai asked looking at me, concern etched on his face.
“Nothing, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
I should have just kept my mouth shut.
This is pointless.
“It’s too late now, Tori. Why would you say that? You don’t really think-”
“It’s not what I think Kai, it’s what I heard, okay? I heard my mom say those very words to my father a week before my graduation. It wasn’t exactly the celebration I had hoped for when I passed my boards,” I said.
Kai went quiet. I knew it must have been shocking to him, coming from a home where there was open communication and enough love to travel to the moon and back. But that wasn’t my home; that wasn’t my family.
Our love was conditional.
“I’m sorry, Tori.”
“Yeah, me too.”
It was a memory I truly hated. Those words had cut me to the core, leaving the dagger inside to continue its damage. Sure I had learned to “play nice” with my mom since coming home, but there was nowhere left for her and I to go. I knew the truth.
I would never forget her words; they had represented everything I had feared and more.
Even though I knew she was right, somehow hearing it from her had cemented my fate. There was no glass-half full to that one. It was just fact.
I felt the truck come to a stop as Kai pulled us over onto the shoulder.
“You know that’s not true,” Kai said, offering me his hand.
I didn’t take it. I stared ahead at the dash instead.
“Sure, fine...whatever, let’s just go.”
“No, not fine whatever. Look at me, Tori. This is important. You can’t believe that. What good is all this work you’re doing if you believe trash like that?” Kai said, frustration mounting on each word he spoke.
About as good as trying to bring back the dead?
“You’re going to have to confront her, you know that? Someday when you’re ready…it simply has to be done. You’ll have to tell your mom what you heard her say,” Kai said.
Now I looked at him, mouth gaping.
Was he serious? Did he know my parents at all?
That was way too open for a family like mine—way too real.
“I’m dead serious, Tori. That kind of thing will eat you alive. I’d go with you...you know that, right? If you needed support, I’d be there for you,” Kai said.
I felt my throat thicken with emotion at his offer.
Why does he care so much about this?
“Thank you, Kai. You overestimate me, but I do appreciate your offer...you’re a good friend,” I said, taking his hand in mine, hoping that would be the end of this conversation.
“I don’t overestimate anything. I call it like I see it, Tori. You’re strong, you’re beautiful inside and out, and you deserve to be loved. My only wish is that you would see that, too.”
He raised my hand to his mouth and gently kissed it before cranking the truck engine back up and pulling onto the road. I told myself to breathe, but Kai had made that utterly impossible. He was my too-good-to-be-true boyfriend, and I would never give him up. I could never be that strong, and I hoped I’d never have to be.
**********
The last twenty minutes, on what seemed to be a never-ending gravel road leading to nowhere, caused me a bit of unanticipated nausea. Kai reassured me we were almost there several times. I kept my eyes closed and my head glued to the back of the seat. I was kicking myself for not bringing my Dramamine.
I seriously could have kissed the ground when the truck finally lurched to a complete stop.
Kai came around to the passenger door and opened it for me, “Let’s get you into the fresh air, Pele. You can sit over here on this rock while I start getting us set up. Looks like Chief Max, Mrs. Julie and Briggs are already here,” Kai said.
I nodded, trying to keep the nausea at bay. He helped me over to a nearby rock. I knew I would be embarrassed when I was feeling better, but I couldn’t even think about that right now. I put my head in my hands and focused on my breathing.
I could hear Kai speaking to a female who I was fairly certain was Mrs. Julie. When I tried to confirm my suspicion, though, I almost lost my lunch. I closed my eyes again and breathed out slowly.
“...Let me at least get her some ginger ale, Kai. Poor thing, that road is brutal.”
“That would be great Mrs. Julie, thank you,” Kai said.
About five minutes later I heard Mrs. Julie, again. She sat down next to me on my rock and offered me a tin mug filled with ginger ale and ice. I lifted my head, feeling a bit more centered.
“Thank you, I’m Tori by the way,” I said, making eye contact with the pretty red-head that looked to be about my mother’s age.
“I’ve heard all about you, Tori. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, sweetheart. I’m so glad you could come with Kai on this trip, although I’m sorry the journey was a bit rough on ya,” Mrs. Julie said.
“I’ll be fine in just a few minutes I’m sure, I’m already feeling better,” I said, taking a sip of the icy beverage.
&
nbsp; “Good, until then feel free to ask me for anything,” Mrs. Julie said.
“Thank you, Mrs. Julie. I will.”
In just under a half hour, Kai had set up both of our tents. They were about twenty feet out from the fire pit and just a couple feet apart from one another. I had guessed that the circle of tents would continue to grow as others arrived.
Kai was now helping Chief Max set up the cooking station. I could sense the anticipation in the air for our upcoming evening of Camp Firemen. My nerves started to wreak havoc on my insides—as if I needed one more thing to make me nauseous. I rolled my neck to the side, stretching it out before standing up. My legs wobbled unsteadily under my weight, it was then that I felt a giant hand grip my arm.
“Hey old friend, you alright?” Briggs asked.
I eyed him wearily as he withdrew his arm. “You don’t look so good, pal,” he said, drawing his eyebrows in to study me.
“I’m just a little car sick, but I’m starting to feel better now,” I said.
“Well here, let me help. You up for a little walk to stretch your legs?”
“Uh...sure,” I said.
He offered me his arm again, after assuring me he wouldn’t bite. I took it, gratefully. It was slow going at first, but every few yards I felt stronger, more balanced.
“I wanted to talk to you, Tori. I hope...I hope you understand what I meant at the fireman’s ball.”
I stopped, and pulled my arm away from his. “Despite what you think, I’m not heartless. I’m not trying to play games with Kai, and I never was. You can relax, alright?”
“No, that’s just it. I was wrong not to trust you, Tori. I realize that now, and I’m sorry for implying anything other than that,” Briggs said, pushing his hair away from his eyes.
“Why now?” I asked.
“At first, I didn’t think Kai was being very realistic. Things seemed to develop so quickly with you two and I guess I just couldn’t believe you were all that he said you were,” Briggs said.
“Okay...so where does that leave us now?” I asked, still confused.
All For Anna Page 18