All For Anna
Page 19
He smiled sheepishly. “I hope it will leave us with you accepting my sincere apology. I never should have doubted what Kai sees in you…because I see it, too. You are what he says you are. I’d like to be friends, Tori. Kai is...he’s the brother I never had. He always has my back, and I just wanted to do the same for him. In this case, though, I was wrong.” Briggs held out his hand to me, “Friends?”
I smiled as I reached for his hand. “Friends,” I said.
“Am I allowed in on this secret handshake?” Kai asked, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he walked toward us.
“Oh hey, I was just making nice with your girl, bro,” Briggs said slapping Kai’s hand in some sort of mutual understanding.
I smiled at Kai, reassuring him that Briggs was speaking for the both of us. He came over to me then and wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head.
“Glad you’re feeling better; want to come and see our new digs for the next couple days?”
“Absolutely.”
TWENTY-THREE
After showing me our new digs, Kai took me on a walk to the lake; Briggs joined us. The walk was nothing shy of incredible. The dirt path was sandwiched between three large hills and pine trees. It was close to five o’clock by now. The sun cast a light that was bright and focused as it filtered down through the branches above us.
“Tomorrow we hike that,” Kai said, pointing to a narrow pathway up the side of the farthest hill.
“Oh...wow.”
Briggs tapped me on the back as he walked past me, “That ain’t nothing for you though, Miss I-can-run-ten-miles-a-day.” He laughed heartily.
“Whatever, running is not the same as hiking,” I said, kicking some loose rocks in Briggs’ direction.
Kai laughed at the two of us.
“So last year there was a contest involving this lake,” Kai said, as we approached the water.
“A contest? Why do I get the feeling that something inappropriate happened?” I asked.
“You’re in trouble Kai, she’s already figured you out,” Briggs said, jogging over to us. His shaggy blond hair blew in the breeze as he ran. It was then I noticed how truly handsome he was. He was tall like Kai, but leaner. His eyes were a piercing dark brown, and his smile was nothing short of swoon-worthy. He was a flirt for sure, but he was also good-hearted, I never doubted that for a minute. I wondered about his story…why didn’t he want a girlfriend?
Kai laughed, “Well each man that participated had to stand on one of those rocks out there and balance on one leg. He also had to hold the American flag up with his right arm,” he said.
“What on earth was the purpose of that?” I asked.
“Whoever won didn’t have to swim in the lake—in their boxers—at midnight,” Briggs said.
“What? You’ve got to be joking! Who would ever agree to that?” I laughed, looking at each of them.
They both busted up laughing. The answer was clear as day.
“And who won?” I asked incredulously.
“Chief Max,” Kai said.
My mouth hung open. A man twice their age had not only played this ridiculous game, he had beaten them in both balance and stamina? Impressive.
“Hey, that guy is a stud, Tori. Don’t let his age fool ya.” Briggs laughed as I shook my head.
A loud clanging sound rang out in the distance.
“What’s that?”
“Dinner!” The boys yelled in unison. They pushed each other as they made their way back up the path. I walked behind and rolled my eyes.
Brothers?
Yep…that is exactly what I’d call them.
**********
By the time we made it back up the path for dinner, the night’s camping crew was all accounted for: Mike, Carla, Chief, Mrs. Julie, Briggs, Kai and myself. The other three guys were still on track to be here by noon tomorrow.
“Hey, it’s nice to see you again, Tori,” Mike said, shaking my hand and introducing me to his new bride, Carla.
“Nice to meet you both, officially,” I said, smiling.
We were each handed a plate as we stood in line to be served by none other than Mrs. Julie herself. Ladies were pushed to the front of the line, no argument allowed.
“Here ya are, sugar. I’m glad to see you up and around,” she said as she plopped a giant piece of fried chicken on my plate, along with pasta salad and a slice of watermelon. “You’ve got to get your dinner before the rest of these thugs; otherwise you won’t get to eat.”
That, I could believe. I had seen the way Kai ate and I could only imagine what it took to feed this entire crew. But in the end, there was more than enough food to go around. I sat back and watched the interactions of this closely bonded group. Everyone seemed to have a story to share regarding a past camping trip or some other kind of group adventure. Mike and Carla’s wedding came up a few times as well.
“How long have you been married?” I asked Carla quietly. The guys were wrapped up in some hunting expedition story.
“Just about six months.” She looked at her husband and smiled.
“Congratulations,” I said.
“How about you? Are you and Kai pretty serious?” she asked, her voice filled with innocent curiosity.
“I uh...it’s still pretty early, but he’s…pretty amazing.”
I looked at Kai from across the fire. It glowed bright in the early darkness of the evening, casting a light on his perfect face. He was laughing at some joke Briggs had just told, but seemed to sense my gaze. He winked at me, and then went back to his conversation.
“I guess that’s how it starts though, right?” Carla asked.
My stomach dipped at her words.
Only a few months ago I’d been convinced I would never find love, least of all get married. So much had changed after meeting Kai. Notions that were once solid and unyielding were now soft and pliable. Boundaries which had held no room for expansion had completely caved under his charm.
I had let him in, totally and completely.
“Can I get your plate for you?” I asked her, standing.
“Oh, sure. Thank you,” she said.
I gathered the garbage from around the campfire and threw it all in the large hefty bag which hung from a low hanging tree branch. I worked to clean up the mess that had been created by cooking, when I heard a soft, familiar voice behind me.
“You don’t need to do that, the guys always clean up after dinner. Go back and sit down. Enjoy yourself,” Kai whispered to me as I put lids on open containers.
“I’m fine, I want to help out. I need to earn my keep around here,” I said, half-jokingly.
He stopped my hands by wrapping his arms around me from behind, holding them to my middle.
“You have more than earned your keep, now go sit down. We will do the rest.”
I knew by his tone that arguing was pointless. I dusted off my hands and walked back toward the fire. Chief Max called the guys to their clean-up duties only seconds later, and in an instant, it was just the three of us ladies who remained at the campfire. I was amazed at how quickly they had moved.
“Thanks again for dinner, Mrs. Julie,” I said.
“Oh, it’s my pleasure. This is a trip I look forward to every year, such a beautiful area,” Mrs. Julie said.
“Is this your first trip out here, Carla?” I asked her.
“No, I came last year when Mike and I were still engaged. It was a really great time, especially the campfire singing,” she said, eyes glowing bright in the light of the fire.
“Oh, there’s singing?” I asked.
Mrs. Julie and Clara looked at each other and grinned.
“Oh yes darlin’, there’s lots of singing,” Mrs. Julie said.
Chief Max and Briggs both carried guitars over to the circle. Mike and Kai followed as soon as the last plate was tossed. Kai came over to me on the tree log I was sitting on and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I was wearing a sweatshirt, but the instant the sun had set behind t
he hill, the temperature seemed to have dropped twenty degrees. I rubbed at my arms.
“Where’s your coat, Pele?” Kai asked leaning in close.
“I think it’s still in the cab, I’ll go-”
“Stay. I’ll be right back,” Kai said.
In a minute he was back with my coat and a blanket for my lap. I was grateful for the immediate warmth they provided. Chief Max started to strum and sing an old country tune that I’d never heard before, and Briggs and Kai both joined in. Soon the whole group was singing. It was a magical moment. Singing in the great outdoors was exhilarating.
A few more songs were played, some silly, some fast and rockin’, some simple and fun. Briggs played very well and seemed to compliment whatever Chief Max strummed. It was impressive to watch. The chief soon pointed to Kai.
“Okay Mr. Hot Shot contest winner, let’s hear from you now,” Chief Max said.
“What?” I asked, looking at Kai.
“He won the contest at the fireman's ball. You better slug him for not telling you, Tori, or I will,” Briggs said.
I stared at Kai in surprise; he smiled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders.
“Oh, so now you’re going to play modest?” Briggs said.
“You’d better stuff it before I jump you over this fire pit,” Kai said to Briggs, who apparently got the not-so-subtle-hint.
“Congratulations,” I said, patting his knee.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it, asking for forgiveness without uttering a single word. I smiled back at him. He was forgiven.
Kai looked again at the Chief.
“Let’s do a few church songs, Kai,” Chief Max said.
“Sure thing, sir. What do ya have in mind?”
I looked around at the rest of the group anxiously. All seemed to be nodding in agreement. I stared down at my hands, picking at a non-existent hang nail. Soon, the guitar started up again.
Kai led the group in a few songs that sounded familiar, yet had words I didn’t know, not that I would have sung them if I did. I listened as their voices rose above the crackling of the fire. Kai’s strong voice sent chills up my spine. When the last song ended, Kai asked for Briggs’ guitar, which he willingly handed over.
Kai began to pluck and strum. Again, I was surprised. He winked at me before his face grew thoughtful, pensive.
The chords of this song I did know.
I had heard it last at Anna’s funeral. My heart began to pound hard inside my chest, while Kai’s voice registered on every note with exact precision.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see”
I could hear Mrs. Julie’s beautiful harmony rise and fall as Kai bellowed out the strong notes, holding them for long seconds at a time before changing chords. After several verses, a new melody flowed; he sang without missing a beat. The words he sang were of redemption, love and freedom.
Words I could not relate to.
The voices that accompanied him were strong and rich. They matched the strength of Kai’s strum until the very last line where no music played at all. It was simply and indisputably angelic. No one moved for what felt like an eternity.
The fire held the gaze of everyone in the circle, except for mine. I looked around at each face, curious why this song had felt like more than a just a tune, but rather some intimate declaration that I didn’t understand.
Chief Max stood and reached for his wife’s hand.
“Well you young pups, Mrs. Julie and I are going to retire in our quiet resort back yonder. I’ll see y’all in the morning for pancakes and coffee. Boys, can you figure out shifts to keep the fire going?” Chief Max asked, exaggerating his Texan charm just a tad.
“Yes, sir,” the guys said in unison.
Next, Mike and Carla left the group claiming they were tired. Briggs guffawed as they exited. I shot him a look of disapproval and he immediately straightened, calling out a polite “goodnight” to them both.
“Well, I’m gonna hit the sack and let you two love birds do your thang,” Briggs said.
“You don’t need to go anywhere, Briggs. Sit down, hang out with us,” I said, sounding a bit like a bossy, younger sister.
“Nah, I actually had a really late night last night, so I’m pretty beat. Maybe we can play some cards tomorrow evening though—after the old marrieds head to bed?”
“Sounds like fun,” I said.
Kai handed Briggs his guitar back and we watched him walk out of view to his tent. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder again as I leaned my head against his chest.
“You have an amazing voice, Kai,” I said.
“Thank you...and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the contest.”
I sat up, remembering.
“Why didn’t you?” I asked.
“Honestly, I forgot at first, and then...I guess I didn’t want you to think that’s why I sang that night,” he said.
“Why would that matter? It was special no matter if you were in a contest or not, no one had ever sang to me before,” I said, laying my head back down.
We sat watching the fire together for a while, Kai playing with my hair. “What did you think of the campfire tonight?”
I knew what he was referring to. My usual instinct of avoiding this subject at all cost stayed dormant. I didn’t know what that meant exactly, but I decided I would play along…at least until it woke up again.
“It was nice,” I said.
Kai waited for me to say more, his silence pushing me on. I pulled the blanket on my lap higher, and clasped my hands over the top of it. Kai’s hand remained in my hair as I took a deep breath.
“I don’t know...I feel very disconnected from people like you and the others here, Kai, maybe even envious at times.”
Kai stopped playing with my hair. I turned to face him.
“Please explain what you mean.”
Great, how do I explain this without sounding completely pathetic?
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Try.”
“Faith looks so easy for y’all. You sing these songs with conviction, you listen to sermons you trust in, you pray and actually believe God can hear you and talk back to you…it’s not like that for me,” I said.
“Faith isn’t easy for anyone, Tori, even the strongest believers I know struggle at times. If it was easy, there would be no alternative religions or people who claim God doesn’t exist. Faith is faith because it takes active belief to trust that God is who He says He is,” Kai said.
“Then maybe that’s what’s so hard for me to believe. If God is good like He says-”
“Then why do horrible things happen? Why do little girls die in car accidents?”
I turned my head to stare into the fire again.
I trust him…I can do this. I can talk to him about this.
“God is loving, just, and kind. Because of that, He offered us freedom in a world that was doomed with failure and imperfection. He gave us freedom to choose how we would live, instead of dictating our every thought and move like some mythical Zeus-type god.” Kai picked up my hand and intertwined our fingers, causing me to connect to him as he spoke.
“This world is full of pain and darkness. There’s cancer, death, sickness, heartache…but God is not the cause of our suffering. He does not rejoice in our pain here on earth, this was never how He intended it to be. Instead, he mourns with us. Despite what you want to believe, He loves you Tori…and He loved Anna, too.”
My chest ached with longing. I wanted to believe him, I just…couldn’t. Anna’s death was on my hands—not his. I knew Kai had seen horrible tragedies in his line of work, but it was not the same as being the cause of one. The sad feeling I had felt in Dr. Crane’s office came over me again, but this time it was more than just sadness, it was hopelessness.
“I’m really tired,” I said. Though my body wasn’t yet exhauste
d, my mind was.
I was done thinking.
“Tori, you can know God. If there is hope for me—there is hope for you, too. And that’s a promise I’d stake my life on,” Kai said. “Now, let’s go get you settled in for the night.”
He took my hand and helped me up. I appreciated how Kai knew when I’d had enough. He had never pushed me further than I could go, but he also didn’t let me off the hook without a challenge. He was a good balance for me, even if we’d never see eye to eye on that particular topic.
In reality, Kai’s tent was only a few feet away from mine, but in the dark, it felt as if the Pacific Ocean was in between us. He had laid a thick mat down for me before putting Stacie’s sleeping bag and pillow on top. The temperature was dropping at a rapid rate. I pulled an extra pair of socks on my feet before he carried his lantern out of my tent, along with himself.
“Goodnight Pele, if you need anything…please wake me.”
With that, I laid my head down on the pillow. In complete darkness, I zipped my sleeping bag up to my chin and willed myself to fall asleep.
TWENTY-FOUR
I woke up in a puddle of ice water—not really, but you sure could have fooled me. I opened my eyes in a panic; everything around me felt wet to the touch, even my face and hair. The air hurt to breathe and my nose ached from the frigid exposure.
I pulled my hood tighter around my head, but there was no noticeable difference in warmth. The silky cool of the sleeping bag acted like damp Saran Wrap against my body and legs, causing me to shiver uncontrollably. I thought then about what I had packed in my duffel bag.
Maybe I could layer myself with all the clothing I brought?
The one gigantic problem with that strategy was I would have to get out of my sleeping bag to do it. That thought alone was enough to make me want to cry frozen tear drops. I shivered again.
Reaching back behind my head, I searched for my phone. I needed to figure out what time it was. That would determine whether or not I was willing to climb out into the frozen tundra. If it was close to morning, I would wait it out, will myself to sleep. If not, I would have to risk the cold and go for my bag.