I gave her Jack’s number and hung up, immediately dialing out again.
“Hey...miss me already?”
“Kai?” I said, letting myself panic for the first time.
“What’s wrong? Where are you?” Kai said.
“I’m at Stacie’s...she fell outside. I need your help.”
“I’ll be there in less than five minutes, I’m already out.”
I yelled down the street for help, my voice echoing through the hollow space. A man who was picking up a newspaper from his driveway looked over at me. I yelled again, he waved. As soon as he was close enough I asked him to go and grab me some blankets.
He reacted immediately, shocked at the sight of Stacie on the ground. She was shivering already, even with her coat zipped all the way up. I continually checked her pulse and said her name, trying to keep her alert, awake. Her breathing was labored, but I knew that was partly due to pregnancy and the frigid air.
“Tori?” Stacie’s eyes were frightened. She tightened her grip on my arm.
“You’re okay, Stacie. Everything’s going to be just fine. We’re going to get you to the hospital.”
“I feel something warm,” she said.
“What? Where?” I asked, looking her over.
“I think my water just broke.”
Kai was parking as the neighbor man shuffled down the sidewalk, blankets in hand. Kai intercepted them, thanking the man and asking him to standby in case of another need. He agreed.
Kai knelt beside me, assessing Stacie the same way I had.
“Stacie, how do you feel? Does anything hurt...your neck, your legs, your back?” Kai asked.
“I don’t think so...maybe my lower back a little. It’s starting to throb a bit, but-”
“She thinks her water just broke,” I said, cutting to the chase.
His eyes narrowing in concern, Kai glanced at me quickly.
This was not a good scenario. At thirty-six weeks pregnant, Stacie was practically full-term. The risk to delivering a baby at this stage was minimal, but the fact that a trauma had induced the labor was not. Kai helped me scoot Stacie’s body onto a dry blanket, covering her with the other.
“The ambulance is still another five to ten minutes out, the dispatcher said there were delays from the ice.”
“Call them back, find out exactly where they are. We may need to take her in ourselves,” he said.
I dialed emergency again, my hands starting to shake. The delay was confirmed—only the projected time had lengthened. The new estimate from dispatch was over ten minutes due to all the wrecks. I told Kai.
There was a calculated risk to taking Stacie ourselves. Kai would do his best to get us there safely, but the advantage to lights and sirens was huge. The hospital wasn’t far, five miles at most, but with the current road conditions there was no telling how long it could take today. The fact that Kai had just come from that direction, gave me hope.
“We need to move her into the Jeep. My truck won’t fit us, she’ll need to lie on the back seat,” Kai said.
He looked to the neighbor man who was already in motion to help us. Stacie moaned, holding her lower abdomen. I recognized that face from my year in labor and delivery, she was having a contraction.
After finding the keys on the ground and opening the back door to Jack’s Jeep, Kai nodded at me. The three of us lifted her, the blanket acting as a support underneath her body. Once she was secured, I scooted in beside her. She lay propped on the seat, her knees bent as she held her tummy. The blanket underneath her was already completely soaked. I wasn’t sure if it was caused by amniotic fluid or melted ice. I asked Kai to grab some towels from inside.
Stacie began to cry.
“You’re okay, Stace. Everything is going to be okay. Jack is on his way to the hospital right now. Do you want to call him?” I asked her.
She nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself. I bent down and reached for my phone. That’s when I saw it, a pool of blood. There was blood mixed in with the amniotic fluid—a lot of blood.
A chill ran up my spine as I handed Stacie my phone after dialing Jack’s number. Kai was back before I could hit send. I heard Jack answer and Stacie’s muffled cries filled the Jeep again. He reassured her, telling her that he was on his way and that he was excited to have a baby with her today.
Good ol’ Jack, always able to say the right thing.
She calmed then, getting lost in the idea. Today she would hold her baby girl. Kai’s eyes found me in the rearview mirror. I communicated my concern to him the best I could, using only my face. He seemed to understand. We were off a second later.
Stacie laid the phone down twice, breathing hard through contractions, moaning in pain. I took her pulse over and over, watching her every movement. We pulled into the emergency drive. Kai ran to grab a wheelchair, moving Stacie into it carefully.
They were waiting for us.
The minutes that followed were some of the scariest minutes of my life.
The ultrasound machine was able to diagnose what I was afraid I already knew. Stacie had marginal placenta previa, and she was in labor. A part of her placenta had detached during her fall, most likely when her water broke from the impact. That was also the source of the bleeding which had now soaked through the towels she sat on top of. She needed an emergency C-section, and quite possibly a blood transfusion.
I held her hand as we made our way to the eighth floor. They prepped Stacie quickly. Within minutes she was rolling into an O.R. I kissed her forehead as she passed me. She was crying.
I wanted to be in there with her, to hold her hand, to reassure her, but there was no place for an extra body in an emergency C-section. It would be over soon. The second she was out of sight, I felt my body crumble beneath me.
Fear had suffocated me in its grasp.
Kai lifted me up, walking me to a chair and letting me cry into his chest while we waited. He brushed my hair away from my face and spoke gentle words of reassurance. Then he prayed. He prayed for Stacie, for Jack, and for the baby. I began to pray too, feeling a new strength come over me.
He called my parents.
A delivery nurse came out just minutes later. She told us that the baby was healthy, but that Stacie would need a blood transfusion. Between the fall and the surgery itself she had lost far too much blood.
“We need to monitor the baby for a little while longer, but if you’d like to see her we can bring her into your sister’s recovery room,” the nurse said, smiling at us.
“Yes, please. Her husband should be here soon, too,” I said.
“Okay, great. Her room number will be 824, just straight down that hall to the right. The baby should be there in about twenty minutes, as long as all her monitoring goes well.”
Kai wrapped his arms tighter around me and together we thanked God for the precious life he had spared, followed by yet another prayer for her mother.
**********
As the nurse wheeled the newborn into the recovery room, I was certain I had never felt anything like I did that first time I saw her. How could a baby so new, so small, evoke such a strong emotion? It was uncontainable. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
At just 5lbs. 10oz, she was tiny, but her face had the same delicate features and the same fair skin as Stacie. I leaned over her, touching her small fingers and toes and feeling a love for her I couldn’t explain. It was as if I’d always known her.
I wanted to hold her—I ached to hold her, to let her know her mom was going to be fine and that her dad would be here soon. The nurse started to lift her up to me, when I looked at Kai in a panic.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I don’t think I should be the first one to hold her...I feel like I’m stealing a moment from Stacie and Jack if I do,” I said, my eyes filling with tears.
Kai shook his head and smiled, “You helped save her mother’s life and her dad is not here. You’re the next best person in line for such a job
. No one will think twice about that.”
I took in his words and sat in the rocking chair near the bed. I held out my arms as the nurse brought her to me. She was swaddled in a pink blanket.
“Do you know her name?” the nurse asked me.
“No, they hadn’t decided yet,” I said.
The nurse smiled and walked over to the counter in the room, filling out paperwork. Kai and I were in our own private world, staring at my precious baby niece. I was overcome with love, for both the hearts that beat near me.
**********
Jack ran into the room fifteen minutes later, breathing hard. He saw me holding his daughter and his hands flew to his head, bracing them at the base of his neck. He was working hard to regain his sanity.
“She’s here Jack...she’s perfect. Stacie’s still in surgery, but she should be out soon,” I said.
I stood up, offering him my seat and laid his baby daughter in his arms. Kai and I backed up, giving him room for a moment much deserved. He wept grateful tears over his daughter, rocking her, and kissing her sweet face. When he recovered, he held her up to me again, asking me to hold her so he could check on his wife.
I happily obliged; I wanted an update, too.
Stacie was wheeled into the room an hour later, groggy and tired. My parents were still on their way, stuck in slow moving traffic. The roads had been much worse than they had anticipated.
I knew Jack and Stacie needed some time alone. They needed time to meld as a family before our parents arrived. I gave Stacie a quick hug and left her holding her daughter. In the hallway Kai stood, leaning against the wall, just inches away from me. I smiled at him, my heart bursting with gratefulness. He touched my face softly.
“You’re so beautiful, Pele—inside and out,” he said.
My stomach clenched with longing.
“Thank you so much for today, Kai. I can never repay you...”
He leaned in and kissed my forehead as a familiar warmth spread through me.
Why...why does this have to be so hard?
Why when I’m leaving do I have to feel this way?
Stop running.
I saw my parents round the corner, my mom’s hand moving to cover her heart as our eyes met. She hugged me close and then grabbed Kai, kissing him on the cheek and thanking him profusely for his help.
“You’re welcome, but it’s this lady here who should get the credit,” Kai said looking at me.
My mom hugged me again and then knocked on the door to Stacie’s room. She and my father entered together. A moment later I heard Stacie call for me. I reached for Kai’s hand and headed for the door. Kai hesitated, pulling his arm back gently from my grasp.
“Come on. Let’s go in.” I stared at him confused.
He shoved his hands into his jean pockets, his face pensive. “I don’t think I should go in, Tori. This is your family. It’s a special day for all of you. I’ll just hang out here for a bit.”
It was easy for me to forget at times that Kai had feelings, too. So often I thought only of the way our breakup had affected me. I was selfish to think like that. The things that had transpired between us had affected him.
I could see that now, in his eyes.
“I’m sorry Kai...I don’t know what to-”
“Go on...go enjoy your special moments with your family. I’ll wait out here.”
**********
The picture inside that hospital room was beautiful. Parents, grandparents, and an auntie all surrounded this precious little life. We took turns holding her, swooning over her every sigh. This baby girl had stolen all our hearts in just a matter of hours.
This little girl had brought us together. I looked at Stacie. She was still so weak and frail, but her face was overcome with love and adoration.
I had spent so much time and energy questioning God’s goodness, questioning His will, but today I saw Him with fresh eyes. God didn’t cause pain. God didn’t cause tragedy, but God could make beauty from the ashes of our lives. My niece was just one example of that.
“Is Kai still here?” Jack asked.
“I think so, he said he was going to stay out in the hallway for now,” I said.
“What? Go get him, Jack. He’s just as much a part of this celebration as we are, plus we need to tell ya’ll her name. We finally agreed on one,” Stacie said, laughing lightly.
Kai walked into the room with Jack. He stood several few feet away from me. My heart ached to be closer, but I knew he was trying to keep his distance. I had to respect that. I had given away my right to wish for anything more.
I remained near the head of Stacie’s bed. She looked from me to Kai.
“You both deserve a thank you that’s bigger than anything we could ever do or say...” She grabbed Jack’s hand, shaking her head as tears streamed down her face. Jack smiled and took over for her.
“What she wants to say, is that we are so grateful to you both and because of that, we’d like to name our daughter in your honor. We have chosen a name that is a part of you both,” Jack said.
My mother burst into tears as my father wrapped his arm around her shoulder, smiling proudly. I looked over at Kai who appeared just as surprised as I was.
“Her name is Kailynn Grace- Kailynn after Kai and Grace after Tori’s middle name,” Stacie said.
Until that moment, I had never cared about my middle name or its defined meaning. Today that changed. It was by grace alone that Kailynn was born healthy, to a mother that suffered no long-term effects of her birth.
Jack carried Kailynn across the room, laying her in Kai’s arms. His smile was unmatched. Stacie’s touch on my hand pulled me back to reality.
“I need to apologize for what I said before, and how I said it.”
I looked at her puzzled.
“Back at the house—the Africa stuff. I’m still not happy about it and I don’t want you to go, but I wasn’t kind. I’m sorry for the things I said, Tori.”
I nodded, feeling my blood turn cold inside my veins.
The room was a tight fit with all the bodies we had crammed into it. The odds that our conversation had been ignored were not good. I could feel my mother’s gaze on us and I knew it was only a matter of seconds before the truth came out. Nausea hit as I looked from my parents, to Jack, to Kai.
All attention was on me.
“What’s going on? What’s Stacie talking about, Tori?” my mother asked.
I exhaled hard, gripping the side of Stacie’s bed rail.
“I...I’ve just been accepted into a nursing exchange program,” I said.
“But we’ve just got you back,” my mother said.
“Phoenix is hardly Africa, Mom,” Stacie said, pointedly.
“Africa?” My dad and Jack said the word together in unison.
My mom’s hand flew to her face. “You’re seriously considering going to Africa, Tori? Please tell us you’re kidding!”
Trying to seek refuge, I looked to Stacie. There was none to be found there. She might have been sorry for her careless words earlier, but now she was quiet, waiting for me to speak.
“It’s a great opportunity for my career and it’s just for a year-”
“A year? Heavens, Tori-” my mother cried.
“When do you leave?”
Kai asked the question quietly, participating in my family drama for the first time. All attention in the room went to him. I heard my mother gasp, surprised he was learning this information along with the rest of them. I couldn’t will the words to come out, they were stuck somewhere between my shame and my humiliation.
“She leaves in five weeks,” Stacie announced.
THIRTY-SIX
Uproar exploded from all corners of the room, the birth of Kailynn momentarily ignored. Stacie and my mother were talking rapidly, asking questions left and right. Jack was digging for more detail and facts about the program, and my father was silently shaking his head, eyes diverted. I watched Kai place the baby into my father’s arms, excusing hi
mself from the room.
It was then I felt a whack on my side.
“Well, go...go after him!” Stacie said, cords dangling from her arm as she hit me a second time.
I ran out the door following Kai’s long stride down the hallway. I caught up with him in the waiting room.
“Wait, Kai, please.”
He stopped, turning to face me.
Regret drowned every other sense I had.
When will I stop hurting this man?
“My sister told me today that my apologies are worthless, that I say them, but never change. Maybe she’s right, but right now I feel sorry, Kai. I’m so sorry you found out that way,” I said.
“Me, too.”
I stood waiting for him to say more, but nothing more came.
“Is that all you’re going to say to me?” I asked, feeling the knife of panic slice into my heart.
“What else can I possibly say that I haven’t already said, Tori? That I love you, that I want to be with you, that I’ll wait for you? All of that is still true. Only now the waiting has become way more real, hasn’t it?”
I stared down at the floor, too afraid to see what was in his eyes.
“I never asked you to wait for me.”
“You never had to, Tori.” Kai said, taking a deep breath. “You do realize the irony here though, right?”
I looked up at him, confused.
Realization dawned on me only seconds later. I had once felt so justified in accusing him of a similar kind of deception, yet here I was now, guilty of the same. I had withheld information from him out of fear, out of selfishness, out of pride.
Ashamed, I nodded. I understood the irony and I could do nothing to change it.
“You should get back to your family, sounds like there’s a lot left to discuss in there. I need to go,” he said.
“How will you get home?”
“I’ll manage. See you around, Tori.”
With that, he walked away.
**********
A full week had passed. Kailynn and Stacie were home resting peacefully while Jack worked from an upstairs bedroom. He wasn’t ready to leave his new family for his office downtown quite yet.
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