Higher Power

by Dilloway, PT

  The staff at Gull Island Psych kept Max on a suicide watch for a week after Conte’s death, but Max didn’t know how to kill himself. After the watch ended, he tried to fashion a noose from sheets, but it came unraveled, dumping him to the floor. In time, he gave up trying to end his life and settled for keeping himself isolated in Gull Island Psych so he could never harm anyone again.

  “Max, talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling,” Lindsey said. Only then did he realize he was crying. “He did a terrible thing to you. It wasn’t your fault.”

  He shook his head. Worse than the act itself, was his enjoyment of the power as he imposed his will on Alicia, overpowering her and releasing six years of pent-up lust. His sheer animal brutality sickened him. It was that angry beast on the beach he never wanted Sarah to see.

  He wished he could explain all of this to Lindsey, to get her advice, but she wouldn’t believe him. She would think it was all a delusion, like when he told Dr. Heathcoate what happened to his parents. She would think he’d gone crazy and send him back to Gull Island Psych. Sarah’s world would crumble until it fell apart entirely, leaving her at the hands of her own nightmares.

  “Max, say something. Don’t hide from me,” Lindsey said.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well. Can I go?”

  “Max, please—”

  “I just want to go.”

  “All right, but I want to help you work through this. You don’t have to go it alone.”

  But he did. No one would understand. He had no choice. He got up and left the hospital with no idea of where to go.

  Chapter 18

  He ended up back in Fishtown; he knew from a combination of the smell and the way the sidewalks slanted down towards the harbor. If he followed the sidewalk long enough, maybe he could find the harbor and get on a boat to take him somewhere far away. A permanent exile where his ability would no longer harm anyone. Not until Sarah woke up from the coma.

  She wanted someone to make her feel beautiful, valuable, and loved. She needed more than just her parents, co-workers, and a best friend. She needed a lover to make her feel special. If only he knew how to create such a person for her.

  In the last two weeks, he’d listened to books on engineering, physics, astronomy, and of course marine biology, but he’d read nothing on sex or relationships. No, books wouldn’t hold the answer to his questions. He wanted to make someone real for Sarah who would never harm her as he had done to Alberto Conte.

  Near the base of the hill, he heard the buzzing of a neon sign and figured he should look for a telephone to call a taxi so he could get back to Midway House. He found a door and pushed it open. Right away he smelled fried hamburger, onions, and mushrooms combined with beer. Must be some kind of restaurant. “Help you?” a man’s voice growled.

  “Do you have a phone I can use?”

  “It’s in the back. Keep going straight ahead. It’s on the left side, next to the door for the men’s room.”

  “Thanks. Where exactly am I?”

  “Whaler’s Bar and Grill. The best burgers in Fishtown.”

  “Oh.” He followed the man’s directions, hoping the man wasn’t the type who enjoyed playing tricks on blind people by steering them into walls or women’s bathrooms. The man’s directions were accurate; Max found a payphone next to a door, from which came a foul odor he assumed was the men’s room. By now he’d memorized the number of Gull Island’s only taxi company. The dispatcher even knew his voice when he called.

  “You’ll have to wait about an hour before I can get someone over to Fishtown,” the dispatcher said in her nasal voice tinged by a New England accent that made her sound more sophisticated. “I got one driver out with the flu, another is out at McAlbee Point, and the other just reported his car won’t start, so now he’s got to be towed to the garage.”

  “I can wait. Thanks,” Max said and hung up. He found his way back to a barstool to wait.

  “You going to order something?”

  “Do you mind if I wait here for a little bit? Someone is going to pick me up.”

  “I mind if you don’t order something. This ain’t no park bench.”

  “Oh. I guess I’ll order something then.”

  “If you want anything other than a hamburger or a beer you’ll have to wait a few minutes.”

  “I’ll have a beer.”

  “Good choice.” A glass bottle was slammed down in front of Max. He took a cautious sip from the bottle, recoiling at the bitter taste. How did people drink so much of this stuff? He couldn’t understand the attraction for Sarah. He coughed and pushed the beer away. “I just realized who you remind me of. You the Caldwell boy?”

  “Yes.”

  “My son went to school with you. Sherm Melville.”

  Max thought for a minute, trying to place the name. Sherm the Worm. In first grade Sherm had brought an apple to school; when he took a bite, a worm dangled from his mouth. The nickname stuck after that, though by fifth grade it also came to salute Sherm’s rebounding ability in basketball. “Sure, I remember him. What happened to him?”

  “He’s a forward on the Pistons. Won a championship ring and brought the trophy back here. They gave him a parade and everything. You been living in a cave or something?”

  “I don’t really follow basketball.”

  “I was sorry to hear about your parents. They seemed like nice folks for a couple of hippies.”

  “Hippies?”

  “Ah, I don’t mean nothing by it. Just they were into the arts and all that liberal stuff.”

  “Oh.”

  “So why’d you come out here? Other than using the phone.”

  “I was out for a walk and sort of got lost.”

  “Maybe you should get one of them dogs.”

  “I’m allergic to dogs.”

  “Well, maybe they got seeing-eye cats too. You should look into it. Then you won’t get lost.”

  “I guess.” Max reached for the beer and took another sip.

  “Come on, boy, that ain’t how a man drinks. You got to knock that son of a bitch back, not take no itty-bitty sips like one of those queers on the TV.”

  Max tilted the bottle back to let more of the beer wash down his throat, trying to suppress his gag reflex as he did so. His head began to feel lighter, like when he spun around as a child until he got dizzy. “There you go,” Mr. Melville said.

  Now Max began to understand why Sarah kept alcohol in her drawer at work. The dizzy sensation made him feel like he could float away. “I take it you aren’t much of a drinker.”

  “This is my first one. Except when I was seven, my dad let me have a little Dixie cup of wine for New Year’s.”

  “You best be careful with that stuff. I don’t want you passing out here on the floor.” Something rumbled down the length of the bar and Max felt a bowl in front of him. “Here, try some of these peanuts. Food ought to keep the alcohol from going straight to your brain.”

  Max reached into the bowl and took out a handful of salty Spanish peanuts. He managed to get about half in, spilling the rest on the bar. “I’m sorry. How careless of me,” he said to the peanuts. He slapped his hands against the bar in an attempt to find them, but they skittered away, falling to the floor. “Damn.”

  “Never you mind those. So why you out walking this way? Most folks tend to walk away from Fishtown.”

  “I don’t know. I have a little bit of a problem.”

  “If you in trouble with the law, you best get on out of here. I don’t want no cops busting in here again.”

  “No, it’s not that. There’s this girl—”

  “Oh, that kind of trouble. That trouble’s even worse.”

  “I want her to be happy, but I don’t really know what she wants. I don’t want to screw things up again.”

  “You show me one man who does know what a girl wants and I’ll show you a full-blown liar. I don’t think God even knows what they want and he created them.”

  Max finished his beer and
wobbled on the stool. “What kind of men do you think women like?”

  “Well, a lot of women will tell you looks don’t matter and they’re right. Looks don’t mean shit if you got money and power. You take my boy for instance. Sherm ain’t much to look at. He got his daddy’s flat nose, his momma’s big ears, and he’s skinny like one of them Ethiopian kids on the TV to boot. You think any of that matters to the ladies?”

  “No?”

  “That’s right. He shows up at the clubs in his Mercedes with that championship ring on his finger and throwing around hundred dollar bills like they was pennies. You think he’s ever hurting for a little female companionship?”

  “No?”

  “Right again. They all over him. He already got two girls knocked up. Course I never get to see my grandkids. He just gives the girls some money and they go away.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “His momma and I try to tell him to slow down and take care of his money, but he won’t listen. I tell him, ‘Enjoy it while it lasts’ ‘cause in a few years he’ll be washing glasses here when he gets too old to play and no more money is coming in.”

  “Really?”

  “Nah, he could probably end up as one of them radio commentators. Boy always had a big mouth. Gets that from his momma.” Max wasn’t sure about that but didn’t want to hurt Mr. Melville’s feelings. “Of course there’s one thing a woman likes even more than money and power.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A little something downstairs, if you know what I mean. If you’re blessed that way, won’t matter if you ain’t got two nickels to rub together. Women go crazy over that.”

  “They do?”

  “Sure they do. Drives them wild.”

  “Oh.”

  “Course for guys like me there’s always this stuff.” Mr. Melville tapped Max’s beer bottle. “If you got nothing else, you can always get her liquored up ‘til she can’t see straight.”

  “I don’t think I could do that.”

  “Come on, boy, sometimes you got to play dirty.”

  “I guess.” Max listened to Mr. Melville discuss his son’s basketball career, analyzing every mistake Sherm had ever made, until he heard a car horn. “I better go.” He put some money on the bar and headed for the door.

  “Good luck with your lady friend. Come back some time and let me know how you did.”

  “I will,” Max said. He found his way to the taxi and climbed into the backseat. After telling the driver where to go, Max settled back in his seat. Money and power, he thought. He had given Sarah money and power, but it had only made her less happy. Right now, though, it was the only idea on the table. Either that or watch Sarah’s life unravel. Given the choice, he would rather rely on Mr. Melville’s advice and hope it did what he could not on his own.

  Chapter 19

  Sarah looked at the pile of invoices and sighed. How could one aquarium generate so much paperwork? She wished she could go home and get about sixteen more hours of sleep; she had yet to adjust to getting up at four in the morning for exercise, but at least she’d lost five pounds.

  When the telephone rang, she considered letting the caller leave a voicemail to answer later. The last thing she needed at the moment was another problem to deal with. But there was no sense waiting. “Yes?”

  “There’s someone here to see you, Ms. Gladstone.”

  “Who?”

  “A Mr. Sam Melville.”

  “Does he have an appointment?”

  “Ms. Gladstone, I promise to only take a few minutes of your time. I would like to speak with you about investing in the aquarium’s future,” Melville said in a bass growl that reminded her of Barry White.

  “I can spare a few minutes. I’ll be right out.” She took her suit jacket from the back of her chair and headed for the door. On the way to the front desk, she stopped in front of Koo’s tank to check her reflection. God, she looked tired. She smoothed down her hair and evened out her lipstick with a finger. He’ll probably think I’m a mess.

  She saw an exceptionally tall, thin black man at the front desk in a gray suit that must have cost a fortune. When he smiled, his teeth showed, a gold canine winking at her. He stood at least a foot taller than her. “Ms. Gladstone, I’m Sam Melville.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” Despite the slenderness of his hands, his grip was strong enough to make her wince.

  “I’m sorry to stop by without an appointment, but I’m only in town for today.”

  “No, it’s no problem at all.” He was cute, no doubt about it. Even with that flat nose and the ears sticking out from his shaved head, there was an exotic quality to his face. Those fine cheekbones and the dark brown eyes that seemed so mysterious. She wondered what brought someone like him all the way out to Gull Island. “Let’s go back to my office.”

  On the way back, they stopped at the tanks so she could tell him about Koo. “This is Koo, our latest addition.”

  “She is beautiful. A killer whale, correct?”

  “That’s right. You know your whales.”

  “It’s a hobby.”

  “Who’s this?” Lucille asked. She carried a clipboard, no doubt with more problems for Sarah to handle.

  “This is Mr. Melville. He’s interested in the aquarium.” Sarah smiled at her co-worker, but wanted to scream, “Back off, he’s mine!”

  Lucille didn’t seem to notice. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Melville. I was about to feed Koo. Would you like to come?”

  “Mr. Melville doesn’t have a lot of time,” Sarah said. She didn’t know why Lucille bothered; no one young and handsome like Melville would be interested in a dried-up fossil like Lucille.

  “I’ll have to take a rain check. Thank you for the offer.”

  “I hope you come back soon. With a little more time.”

  After Lucille tottered off, Sarah took Melville’s arm. “Let’s go to my office now so you can tell me what brings you out to our little facility.”

  “Of course. Lead on.”

  Once in her office, she noted how he looked like an adult sitting in a kindergartner’s chair when he sat down. She blushed at the thought of what it must be like to get in bed with someone that tall. “Well, um, how can I help you?”

  “I read about the Gull Island Aquarium in the Times two weeks ago. I’ve always had an interest in underwater life. Last year I went down to the Titanic in a minisub.” She suppressed a laugh at the thought of him compacting himself to fit inside a minisub. “Have you ever dived to the Great Barrier Reef?”

  “No, I haven’t had the chance yet.”

  “It’s amazing. So many wonderful creatures. You really should go some time. I could give you a personal tour.” When he smiled, she thought she would fall out of her chair. He was coming on to her! She couldn’t give in too easily.

  “I’m afraid I have too much work to do around here.”

  “Yes, of course. You’re right. I’m sure you have many responsibilities around here.” He folded his hands and leaned forward until his fingers touched the desk. “I would like to make a sizable investment to your facility to make this the largest aquarium in North America.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. In the hands of someone as capable as yourself, I’m certain we can do great things.” While she sat there with her mouth hanging open, he took her hand. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

  “This is really something for the board to discuss. I mean, I’m flattered, but—”

  “I understand. I’m sorry to circumvent the proper channels this way. Perhaps, though, we could discuss my ideas over dinner?”

  “Dinner? Well, yes, I think we could.”

  “Excellent. I’ll have my driver pick you up at seven.”

  “Seven? That would be fine. I, uh, I better give you my home address so your driver knows where to go.” She laughed, feeling as awkward as when Dave Murray asked her to the homecoming dance in sixth grade. With a trembling hand she reached into her desk for a business
card. On the back she scribbled her address, hoping he could read her writing.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” he said.

  As soon as he left, she reached into her drawer for a belt of bourbon to calm her nerves. A date! She hadn’t gone on a date in months. And she looked terrible. She checked her watch and then took another shot of bourbon.

  She picked up the phone and called her salon. “This is an emergency,” she said. “I have a date in four hours and I look awful. You have to help me.”

  “You’re in luck, I just had a cancellation. If you get here in ten minutes I can fit you in,” Rosie, her stylist, said.

  “You’re a lifesaver. I’ll be right there.” She broke the connection, and then dialed the receptionist to say she was leaving early today. After another hit of bourbon, she snatched her purse and ran out to her car.

  Two hours later, Sarah’s hair was shampooed, cut, and put up to show off her lovely neck, as Rosie said. Then they applied make-up to hide the bags under her eyes and blush so her face didn’t look so pale. “You could really use a tan. You’re white as a sheet.”

  “I know. There just isn’t time.” She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. She still looked pale and not even make-up could disguise the tiredness in her eyes, but it would have to do. If she got lucky, the restaurant would be dark enough so he couldn’t notice any of these things. “Thanks, Rosie, you’re a miracle worker.” She paid the bill and then tore out of the parking lot to go home.

  She threw open the front door of the house and ran upstairs to her room. “Sarah, honey, is everything all right?” her mother called.

  “I’m fine, Mom.” She opened her closet and began rummaging through her clothes for something to wear. She didn’t have a lot of dresses and the ones she did own seemed inadequate for a date with someone like Sam Melville. Finally, she settled on a black dress that went down to just above the knee to give him a good look at her legs. With all the walking she and Alicia had done, there wasn’t a trace of cellulite on her calves.