Higher Power

by Dilloway, PT

“I can’t leave her.”

  “Max, be reasonable. She’ll still be here in the morning.”

  “I don’t care. I can’t leave.”

  “Don’t make me call for security. Please, Max, go home.”

  He considered trying to overpower Henrietta, but even if he forced her from the room, he couldn’t barricade himself in here forever. They would break in and arrest him eventually. Then he would go back to the institution, never seeing Sarah again. Better to go quietly now. He stood up and made his way to the door. “I’m sorry,” he said, more to Sarah than Henrietta.

  “I understand, Max. You can see her again first thing in the morning, I promise.”

  “I know.” After he left Sarah’s room, he felt his way along the corridor. When he found a door handle, he slipped into a room that smelled like urine.

  “Nurse, is that you? I need a new bedpan,” an old woman’s voice said. “I’m sorry I made such a mess. I never—”

  “I’m sorry, ma’am. I have the wrong room. I’ll get the nurse for you,” Max said and backed out of the room.

  “Max, what are you doing?” Henrietta asked.

  “I took a wrong turn.”

  “Do you need any help?”

  “I’m fine. Someone in there needs a new bedpan.”

  “Oh, Mrs. Williams. That woman makes more messes than my two-year-old niece. I’ll take care of it. Thanks, Max.”

  Max waited for Henrietta to enter Mrs. Williams’s room before he went back towards Sarah’s room. He continued down the corridor to another door handle. The door was locked. Damn. Defeated, he left the hospital, but stopped outside the doors.

  Gull Island Hospital was only one story, which meant every window was on the ground floor. He began to feel his way along the side of the building, searching for the pull of Sarah’s mind. As long as the walls weren’t too thick, he should be able to reach her from outside.

  A hedge ran along the hospital walls, making it easy for him to go unnoticed. The gravel spread between the walls and hedge bit into the skin of his hands and tore up the legs of his trousers, but he ignored the pain. He measured the distance in his mind so he could find his way back when he found the spot. A mind called out to him and when he allowed himself to be drawn in, he found himself on the balcony of the Gull Island Regency again. He had found Sarah!

  He reviewed all the details in his notebook one more time. Then he went into the bedroom to lay down on the bed. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the changes to make. When he opened his eyes, he found himself in his childhood bedroom.

  He heard a knock on the door followed by his mother’s voice. “Max, honey, what do you want for lunch?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Whatever you’re having is fine.” He rolled out of bed and rushed to the door. Mom stood in the doorway, looking just as he remembered when she was painting in her studio. Before she could say anything, he pulled her into a hug. “I love you.”

  “Oh, Max, I love you too.”

  “I’m so glad to be back.”

  “I know.” He pulled away, wiping the tears from his eyes and feeling silly at the sudden outpouring of emotion. She wasn’t even real, just an approximation of his mother. It didn’t matter. “Come on, your father is waiting.”

  The rest of the house looked different than he remembered. The rooms were all bigger, with more expensive furnishings. Mom led him downstairs—they had two floors now—to Dad’s music room, where Dad sat at a Steinway grand piano. “There’s my virtuoso,” Dad said. “I thought you were going to sleep all day.”

  “I wouldn’t miss practice.”

  “I hope not. We don’t have much time to get everything ready for the recital. Are you still sure you want to play with your old dad? I’m not sure I can keep up with you.”

  “Of course you can. You’re the one who taught me.”

  “Well then, let’s get to work.” Dad patted the spot next to him on the piano’s bench. Max sat down, remembering the last piece they’d played before Dad died. His fingers moved of their own accord, tapping out the opening to Beethoven’s “Moonlight” sonata. Dad joined in and soon they had established the rhythm.

  “I’ll leave you two alone,” Mom said.

  Max and Dad continued playing as though twenty years had not passed. Dad stopped after the piece’s allegretto, saying, “Let’s go see what your mother made for lunch.”

  “Oh, sure.” He wanted to stay and keep playing with his father, but he had plenty of time now. He put an arm around Dad’s shoulders and started towards the kitchen. Along the way, he saw Mom’s studio, sunlight pouring through the skylight onto a half-painted canvas. He recognized himself sitting at a piano, but the exact location surrounding him was not painted yet. He let his father go on ahead while he went into the studio for a better look at Mom’s painting.

  She had captured a look of passion and contentment on his face as he played. Is that what he looked like during a performance? “Max, are you all right?” Mom asked. “Oh, I was hoping to surprise you with that.”

  “I am surprised. It’s beautiful.”

  “You think so? I think it’s a little too dark.”

  “No, it’s perfect.” He hugged Mom again, this time not feeling embarrassed at all.

  Chapter 25

  Sarah pulled up to the Gull Island Regency in a rented Cadillac. As much as she liked Max’s car, she didn’t want to embarrass him by asking to drive. He was a nice guy, but he drove like an old woman.

  She gave the keys to the valet before going inside the lobby. She searched the couches and arm chairs in the lobby, but saw no one who looked like Max. Maybe he wanted to meet her in the bar. She hoped not. Being around so many liquor bottles would put a quick end to her vow of sobriety.

  She’d made the vow last night while trying to sleep. She kept seeing the SUV going over the guardrail and then exploding. By all rights she should have died then, but somehow Max had found her. If Max hadn’t been there to get her out of the car she would have died.

  She would no longer be a slave to alcohol. This morning she went into work and emptied the bottle in her desk drawer into the bathroom sink, watching it swirl down the drain with the sadness of a funeral. The moment strengthened her resolve to make drinking no longer a part of her life.

  Before she could make the decision to check for him in the bar, she saw Max appear from around a corner. Like his driving, his gait was slow and cautious, as if worried he would run into something. She waved to him and saw his sheepish, little-boy smile appear.

  The closer Max came, the more she had to admit he was not her usual type. He was so tall and skinny that he appeared awkward as he shuffled across the lobby. His face had those ears sticking out, a cowlick above the part on the right side, and a nose a couple sizes too big.

  Max was not the type she would take home from a bar. She doubted he had even been in a bar. At the same time, for a concert pianist, he didn’t have the snooty demeanor of the rich people she’d known from growing up in North Carolina. He still maintained the modesty of a regular person.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Did you have to wait long?”

  “No, I just got here.”

  “Oh.” He fumbled with the knot on his maroon-and-gray-striped tie. “I made a reservation at Dorsia. The concierge says it’s the best place in town.”

  She knew of Dorsia, but had never gone there on any dates. It was even snobbier than the country club. Max would want to order a bottle of wine and then she would have to find a polite way of saying she didn’t want any alcohol. The entire date she would feel awkward, as if Mom were about to drag her back into the bathroom for a spanking. Max, like Sam Melville before him, would never call back and simply disappear from her life.

  “I appreciate that, but I have an idea for something a little more…intimate.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Come on, we’ll take my car.” He took her arm as if escorting royalty and walked her out of the lobby. While the valet brough
t the Cadillac around, Max kept fidgeting with his tie as though about to say something, but no words came out.

  Sarah felt sweat forming on her forehead as the silence continued. Was he unhappy about her asking not to go to Dorsia? Or maybe he didn’t like what she was wearing. After a lot of deliberation with Alicia, she’d gone with a turquoise summer dress that went to the knees. They’d hoped the dress would give her a mature, yet youthful appearance. Maybe he thought she just looked old. Why didn’t he say anything?

  “Is that your car?” he asked when the valet stopped the Cadillac in front of them.

  “I rented it until I can find something else.”

  “It’s nice.” Like a gentleman, he opened the driver’s door for her and closed it after she got in. After he fastened his seatbelt on the passenger’s side, she accelerated away from the hotel. “So where are we going?”

  She needed to find an answer to that question herself. In the lobby she’d only said she had a better idea to keep them from going to the restaurant, hoping something would strike her later. “Well,” she began. “I was thinking of…a picnic.”

  “Really? It looks like rain.”

  She saw the gray clouds through the windshield and nodded. “An indoor picnic. I know a great place. There won’t be anyone else around. Any other people, anyway.”

  She spotted a Kentucky Fried Chicken and pulled into the drive-thru as much to turn around in the direction of the aquarium as to buy food for her makeshift picnic. “Do you have anything against chicken? You’re not allergic or a vegetarian, are you?” she asked.

  “No, I like chicken. My mother used to make her own fried chicken and biscuits.”

  “My mom was a lousy cook. We ate most of our meals out.” Max nodded before a burst of static came from the drive-thru speaker. After repeating her order three times, Sarah finally pulled around. She reached for her purse, but Max handed her a twenty-dollar bill. “It’s the least I can do,” he said before she could decline.

  “Max, I owe you so much already—” She stopped when she saw the hangdog look on his face. “All right, but next time I’ll pay.” She took the money and handed it to the cashier. They waited in silence, Max sitting there with a look of intense concentration, as if straining to hear something. Sarah tried to think of something to say, but couldn’t come up with anything. She’d never had this problem on a date before.

  After the food came, she drove to the aquarium, letting them into the darkened building. She waved to the security guard as they headed towards the tanks. “Max and I are having a late meeting.” The guard nodded to her in understanding.

  “This place is beautiful,” Max said as they passed the tropical fish tanks. She paused to describe the various species to him and how the aquarium had obtained them. “You must really like fish.”

  “They’re beautiful, don’t you think? So majestic the way they glide through the water.” When he only nodded, she blushed. “I know it seems silly to spend your life looking after creatures most people would rather eat with tartar sauce.”

  “No, I don’t think it’s silly. At least no sillier than playing the piano for people who don’t know Tchaicovsky from Tolstoy.”

  She laughed and squeezed his arm. “I guess we have something in common then—the silliness of our professions.”

  “That’s more than most people.” His own laugh sounded tentative at first, but then became more robust. They laughed until Sarah stopped in front of Koo’s tank, where she had spent so much time.

  “This is a good place, I think. I have to get one thing. I’ll be right back.” She kicked off her high-heels before scampering down the hallway to the supply closet. She couldn’t find anything resembling a blanket, but did find a red-and-white-striped tent used during the annual Street Fair as an information booth. It would have to do for now.

  She spread out the tent over the floor in front of Koo’s tank, and then began laying out the food. “I know it’s not much, but at least we won’t have to leave a tip.”

  “No, I like it,” Max said. He sat down next to her on the tent. “It’s so peaceful.”

  “I come here sometimes when I need to get away from all the stress in my life. Watching Koo swim is so soothing.” She took a drumstick from the bucket to hide her blushing again for sounding so foolish. At any moment she expected Max to either break out laughing or run away.

  “It is a beautiful fish.”

  “She’s a mammal,” Sarah corrected. “Just like us.”

  “Oh.” Now it was Max’s turn to blush. She hoped she hadn’t embarrassed him too much; the correction came to her as a reflex, something she couldn’t control.

  “A lot of people make that mistake. It’s a really common misconception.” She patted his arm in what she hoped was a friendly way, but the redness in his cheeks increased. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s my fault. I haven’t been on many dates.”

  “Really?”

  “I don’t have time. And most of the women in the audience are a lot older. Concert pianists aren’t like rock stars.”

  “You don’t have a line of groupies wanting to get backstage after every concert?”

  “No, usually just a few old women with their husbands or kids. Half of them don’t remember who I am.”

  “I guess I don’t need to get jealous when you’re on the road, then, do I?” They both laughed, the laughter echoing through the empty halls of the aquarium. She and Max talked for hours, until the remains of the picnic had turned cold. She told him about growing up in North Carolina and then going to Miami to study marine biology, careful not to mention her sexual exploits. She told him about her first job in Orlando, where she worked with a killer whale calf that had been brought in. “Koo was helpless back then. I spent a week living by her tank to make sure she pulled through. It probably sounds strange, but after a while I came to love her like my own child.”

  “I don’t think it’s strange.”

  Sarah took Max’s hand to help him up. “Come on,” she said. “I want to show you something.”

  She used her keys to open a set of doors next to Koo’s tank with a staircase leading up to the top of the tank. She opened another door at the top of the stairs to lead him onto a platform overlooking the tank. “Where are we?” Max asked.

  “This is where we feed her.” She led Max over to the edge of the tank, where they could look down and see the killer whale as she navigated the habitat. Sarah found one of the feeding buckets and dangled it into the tank. “Watch this.”

  She slapped the water with the bucket until Koo began to surface, blowing mist onto them. “Don’t be scared,” Sarah said.

  When Koo stuck her nose out of the water, Sarah reached out to touch her and motioned for Max to do the same. Max hesitated a moment before laying his hand next to Sarah’s against Koo’s rubbery flesh. “Wow,” he said. Sarah gave Koo a pat before the whale dove beneath the water again. “That was amazing.”

  When she straighted, Sarah found herself only inches from Max’s face. They stared at each other a moment before she leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. At first he tried to pull away, but then returned the kiss. With another guy she would begin undressing him or asking him back somewhere to fuck, but she didn’t want to do that with Max. She didn’t want to chance ruining the moment with the complexities of sex. This, she thought, must be love.

  Chapter 26

  Lindsey woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. She assumed one of her brothers was calling with a relationship problem, not remembering the time difference between Chicago and Gull Island. Instead, she heard Pastor Robbins say, “I’m sorry to wake you, Lindsey, but I’m worried about Max.”

  “Did something happen?”

  “It’s almost time for the early service and he hasn’t shown up yet. I’m not sure what to do.”

  “I’ll see if I can track him down. In the meantime, maybe you could use one of those tapes you made for him.”

  “Or we might have to
go a capella this morning.”

  “Right.” It was too early for her to banter with the pastor. She hung up the phone and then dialed Midway House. After Mrs. Garnett screeched a hello, Lindsey said, “I’m looking for Max. Did he oversleep this morning?”

  “I’ll check his room!” While Lindsey waited, she took the phone into the kitchen as she made a pot of coffee.

  She’d stayed up until three looking for articles that might help with Max’s case. This Sarah he’d talked about must be someone imaginary, created by his mind for a reason Lindsey had yet to understand. Was “Sarah” a way to placate Lindsey so Max could duck his responsibilities of reintegrating into society while appearing to make progress?

  Mrs. Garnett came back on the line, startling Lindsey. “He’s not in his room! His bed doesn’t look slept in! No one has seen him in at least two days!”

  “Two days?”

  “Should I call the police?”

  “No, I’ll handle it. Thank you.” She hung up on Mrs. Garnett and then ran into the bedroom to change out of her nightgown. How could he have disappeared for two days without anyone noticing?

  She thought back to their last session. Max had come in dirty and smelling like fertilizer. When she asked him if anything was wrong, he said, “I’m sorry. I tripped outside.”

  He had lied to her again. After pulling on a shirt and pants, she went out to the table where all her notes on Max were spread out. When she found him, she would have no choice but to recommend he be taken back to Gull Island Psychiatric. She sighed at the thought of Max going back there, under the care of that ass Dr. Lee. Maybe she could still find a way to get through to him, but she needed to find him first.

  She didn’t have any idea where Max would go to hide. With no friends or family on the island, there was no one to shelter him. Holy Redeemer didn’t pay much in the way of salary, making it hard for him to rent a motel room for very long. And with his knowledge about the island twenty years out of date, he would have a hard time finding a place to hide.

  Then she thought about all the exploring he’d done under her supervision, which at the time she’d attributed to a curiosity about everything he’d missed. What if all their trips around the island had been a cover so he could mastermind this escape? She didn’t think Max capable of such deception, but maybe that was the greatest deception of all.