Higher Power

by Dilloway, PT

  “He’ll come back,” she said to Koo. The whale only shot a burst of spray from her blowhole before disappearing beneath the water’s surface. Sarah was alone again.

  “Sarah?” When she heard Max’s voice, she assumed it was her mind playing tricks on her. She heard him call her name again and then he appeared on the roof.

  She thought of running into his arms like a wife whose husband has been away at war for years, but then she stopped herself, remembering Max hadn’t gone to war. He’d ditched her in the middle of the night after they’d fucked. She crossed her arms and said, “Where have you been?”

  “I had to go away for a while,” he said. He stood next to the door leading up to the roof, as if afraid to come any closer.

  “What does that mean?”

  “I want to explain it to you, but I can’t.”

  “Do you expect me to take you back when you won’t even say where you’ve been? Not even your parents knew. They’re worried sick about you. You just disappeared—” She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. He ran forward to take her in his arms. At first she tried to fight out of his grasp, but then gave in. “Promise you won’t ever do that again.”

  “I’m sorry, Sarah, but I can’t stay. I have to leave tonight. I’m not coming back, ever.”

  “What? Why? Max, you’re not making any sense!”

  “I know, but just trust me. It’s all for the best. For you.” Before she could say anything else, he kissed her in a way that eased the pain of his disappearance and cryptic remarks about leaving again. None of it mattered; she only cared that he was here right now.

  “I don’t want you to go,” she said after he pulled his lips away. “Maybe I could come with you. This aquarium job is too much for me anyway.”

  “I wish I could take you with me, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “Then I guess we better make tonight count.” She worked her lips into a smile, though inside she wanted to sob like a little child. “Let’s go back to my place.”

  “No, I have somewhere else in mind.” He took her downstairs to his car, saying nothing the entire way. Instead of Gullcrest Heights, he drove into Fishtown, stopping in front of a dilapidated white house that seemed familiar.

  “Why are we going here?” she asked.

  He said nothing, holding her hand as they went up the stairs and then carried her across the threshold like a newlywed couple.

  “What a dump. Couldn’t we get a motel at least?” she said after he put her down. He remained silent, but she saw a look of pain on his face.

  He took her back to the bedroom, where she found only a queen-sized mattress and springs on the floor. The walls were gray and chipped; she imagined coming away with splinters if she touched any of the boards. “I’m sorry about all this,” he said. “I wish I could do more for you.”

  “Max, let’s go back to my house and talk about this. I’m sure we can work something out.”

  “I can’t. I’m not sure how much time I have left.”

  “Are you dying? Is that why you left?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Oh God, Max, why didn’t you say something? I want to be with you, right until the end.” She ran her hands over his chest, unbuttoning his shirt.

  “Let’s just get through tonight first,” he said as he slid off her skirt. They undressed each other slowly, savoring the moment.

  The first time they had made love, she remembered the same look of peaceful concentration on his face he wore as he played the piano. This time his face tightened into a grim mask. Finally, tears came to his eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I don’t want this to end,” he said.

  “Maybe it doesn’t have to. We can find a way—” He cut her off with a kiss and she decided to say nothing more on the subject. Enjoy tonight, she told herself. Enjoy it like it’s the last. They both took their time, going slow to make the experience last.

  After she could no longer hold back her orgasm, she wrapped her arms as tight around his body as she could. I’m not letting you go, she thought. She would stay awake all night if she had to in order to make sure he didn’t go away without saying goodbye. “I love you,” she said.

  “I love you too. I always will, no matter what happens.” He stroked her hair and stared at her with teary eyes.

  She didn’t remember falling asleep, but sometime in the night she woke up and realized Max was gone. “Oh no,” she said into the darkness. When she got up to look for him, she smelled the smoke.

  Smoke filled the hallway. “Max?” she called out. “Max, where are you?”

  She put a hand to her mouth as she made her way down the hallway. The smoke brought tears to her eyes until she got down on her knees to crawl. “Max?” she called again through gasps for air.

  The hallway led to a kitchen on one side and a dining room on the other, both engulfed in fire. She looked around for a way out, but saw nothing. Her only choice was to go through the fiery dining room and out the way she’d come with Max.

  As she started to run through the dining room, a chunk of the ceiling gave way, landing only inches from her feet. “Max!” she screamed and then began coughing. A plume of fire came from inside the wall; she hit the floor a second before it would have hit her in the face. For a moment she lay on the smoldering floor of the dining room, trying in vain to catch her breath. Why would Max abandon her now? She tried to call his name again, but couldn’t get out more than a wheeze.

  She crawled as fast as she could across the floor, the heat burning her palms and knees, but she ignored the pain. Ahead, she saw the front door through the living room. The doorway represented freedom from the hellish inferno all around her; she doubled her pace, making it into the living room just before another piece of ceiling crashed down to seal off the rest of the house.

  Only a little farther, she told herself. The carpet was not quite as hot as the dining room floor, but the smoke was more intense. Her breath came out in gasps punctuated by coughs that racked her entire body. Still she kept crawling towards the front door. Then, outside the door, she saw Max.

  Clad in a white jumpsuit, he looked like an angel against the morning light. She held out a hand, beckoning to him, but he didn’t move. “Max,” she croaked his name and then slid a few more inches towards him. “Help me.”

  When he turned away, her last bit of strength gave way. She rolled over to look up at the ceiling. She couldn’t will herself to move as the ceiling cracked. There was a sound like ice breaking a moment before the ceiling collapsed. Her eyes turned back to the doorway before she passed out, but Max no longer stood there. He was gone.

  Sarah’s eyes opened to a bright set of blurs that gradually came into focus. She managed to turn her head enough to see the machines at her bedside. Her throat felt so dry. She needed water. She tried to speak, but could only make a gurgling sound. “She’s awake,” a man’s voice said.

  She turned her head to the other side of the bed and saw a tall man sitting there. He seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place where she’d seen him before. “She’s awake?” a woman’s voice echoed. A fat redhead appeared next to the man; she seemed familiar too. Had they met before? The fat woman left Sarah’s vision.

  “It’s all right, Sarah. You’re going to be fine,” the man said. He squeezed her hand, which she only now realized he was holding. Why was this creep holding her hand? Was he a doctor?

  The fat woman reappeared with a cup of water. She dribbled a few drops into Sarah’s mouth. “Not too much now. Don’t worry, Sarah, you’re safe now, understand? You’re in a hospital. A doctor is going to be here real soon to help you.”

  “Who…are…you?” Sarah managed to get out. The man at her side jerked as if she’d slapped him. He let her hand drop.

  The fat woman grabbed the tall man’s shoulder. “It’s time to go,” she said.

  “Wait,” Sarah rasped. Who were these people? Why were they here? How long had she been in the hospital? The l
ast thing she could remember was passing out in the living room after drinking a bottle of cheap vodka.

  “I’m sorry,” the man said. She saw tears in his eyes before he turned away. The fat woman helped him out the window before crawling out herself. Sarah stared at the open window, waiting for them to come back until deciding they must have been a dream.

  Epilogue

  Lindsey held the door open while Sarah toddled into the office on her canes. Sarah still had the ungainliness of someone not used to needing four legs instead of two to get around. She collapsed into the seat Max had occupied during his sessions. “How are you feeling?” Lindsey asked.

  “Some days pretty good. Other days like shit.”

  “What about today?”

  “Shit.”

  “That’s too bad. Let’s try to keep this short then.”

  “Right.” Sarah scratched the fresh pink skin on her left cheek transplanted there two weeks ago. When she finished, she brushed hair over the area.

  “The new skin looks great. When do you have to see Dr. Teague again?”

  “A couple weeks. I hate it. It itches.”

  “I’m sure that feeling will go away in time.”

  “I guess.” Sarah was about as talkative in their sessions as Max had been. She could understand now why they’d gotten along together so well.

  Lindsey opened her notes on Sarah’s case, reviewing everything they’d discussed over the last three months. “Mrs. Garnett tells me there was a problem the other night when you stayed out past curfew. She smelled alcohol on your breath.”

  “She’s not my mother.”

  “Were you out drinking, Sarah? I thought you promised to quit after the accident.”

  “It was just a couple beers. No big deal.”

  “I hope not, but you shouldn’t stay out past curfew. For my sake more than anything. I hate having Mrs. Garnett shouting in my ear about an unruly patient.”

  “I lost track of time. Jesus Christ, it’s not the end of the fucking world.”

  “There’s no need to get angry, Sarah. I only want to help you. So does Mrs. Garnett. We all want to help you recover. But we need your help. You have to want this to work.”

  “I know.”

  “What about the aquarium? How are things going there?”

  “All I do is shuffle around the place giving tours to a bunch of hicks who stare at me like I’m a circus freak. I want to work with the animals, but Lucille still won’t let me. She hates me. She wouldn’t even have hired me back except the board was scared I’d sue.”

  “I’m sure she doesn’t hate you. Have you tried talking about the situation with her?”

  “Not really.”

  “I know it can be hard, but you have to express your feelings. Tell her how uncomfortable you are about the tours and that you would like to work somewhere else.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure that will work.”

  “You’d be surprised. My brother had a problem with his girlfriend because he was too embarrassed to express his feelings. He finally did and now they’ve been married for six months.”

  “Congratulations.” Lindsey noted Sarah’s sarcasm.

  “The point is, you have to at least try.”

  “I suppose.”

  Lindsey could see this wasn’t going to get anywhere. She opened the top drawer of her desk to pull out a hand mirror. She went around the desk to hold the mirror up to Sarah’s face. “This is a little trick a friend of mine taught me. I want you to look into this mirror.”

  “Why?”

  “Just humor me.”

  “This is stupid.”

  “Come on, give it a try. What do you see?”

  As Sarah squinted into the mirror, Lindsey brushed the hair away from Sarah’s cheek to reveal the fresh skin. “All I see is an old, scarred freak.”

  Lindsey took the mirror away. Max was much more persuasive when he performed this trick. If only she could hire him as a special assistant to sneak into people’s dreams and show them the potential they possessed, the way he had with her in the institution. “Half of achieving success is believing you can achieve success. I know that sounds like the line from an infomercial, but it’s true. Until you see that you can be more than your injury, nothing good will happen. Do you understand?”

  “I get it, but what am I supposed to do, pretend it’s not there? Make believe I’m normal and pretty?”

  “Normal and pretty are both very subjective words.” Lindsey shoved the mirror back into her drawer and then sat down. “I want you to work on seeing yourself as you want to be. Not just your face, but your life. Try to imagine your life the way you always dreamed it would be.”

  “I guess I could give it a try.”

  “Good, that’s all I ask. We can talk more about it next session. Is there anything else?”

  Sarah cleared her throat and said, “Yes.”

  “About the coma? Have you remembered anything yet?”

  “Not really. I keep seeing faces. There’s one that looks a lot like you, except a lot heavier.” Since the night at the institution, Lindsey had lost seventy-five pounds. Whenever she was tempted to reach for a pint of ice cream, she had only to imagine the thin, beautiful twelve-year-old she could have been if she hadn’t spent so much time feeling sorry for herself. She figured she could still be a thin, beautiful twenty-nine-year-old. “There’s a man too. He has dark hair, big ears, and these really gentle eyes. I can’t remember his name, though. I thought he was sitting next to my bed when I woke up.”

  Lindsey wished she could explain Max to Sarah, but she doubted Sarah would believe what had happened. Lindsey wouldn’t have either until she saw Max’s gift for herself. Instead, she said, “Maybe your unconscious mind is trying to tell you something. Have you considered dating again yet?”

  “Me? Who would go out with someone as ugly as me?”

  “Well, you know what they say, love is blind.” Lindsey laughed, but Sarah only raised an eyebrow. “Never mind. I’m sure you’ll find someone once you get out there and try.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “I know it sounds unbelievable. I used to feel unattractive too and then I met a wonderful man who made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. So I guess I’m saying it’s possible even for those of us who don’t think so.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Sarah grunted as she levered to her feet. Lindsey gathered up her briefcase to follow Sarah.

  “I’ll see you next week,” Lindsey said. “Call me if you need anything. I’ve got another patient to visit.”

  “Thanks, Doctor.”

  As Lindsey climbed the steps to her apartment, she heard the “Fur Elise” playing through the window. She opened the door and saw Max at the piano; he didn’t look up or stop playing at her entrance. “How was work today?” he asked.

  “Fine. Same old, same old.” Just as she never mentioned Max with Sarah, she never talked about Sarah with Max. When he was ready to talk about her, he would. And she would be here to listen. “Aren’t you supposed to be practicing for tonight’s service? Pastor Robbins helped get you out of Gull Island Psych, so you better not let him down.”

  “I won’t. I’m just warming up.”

  She came up behind him to kiss him on the forehead. “Right. Don’t spend too much time warming up.”

  He kissed her hand while he kept playing. “I’ll try.”

  She let him go and sat down on the couch. As she watched him play, she wondered for a moment as she always did if maybe she’d never left the isolation room. Maybe she was still asleep and all this was some elaborate fantasy Max was engineering. Then she smiled and told herself as she always did that if she was still asleep, she didn’t want to wake up.

  Also by P.T. Dilloway:

  Girl Power: When a supervillain's weapon turns Earth's greatest male heroes into its greatest heroines, they enter a whole new world. Can Apex Girl, Velocity Girl, the Mermaid, and Midnight Spectre come together in time to save the world?<
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  The Impostors (Girl Power #2): A year ago an alien weapon turned the superheroes of the Super Squad into superheroines. Now as the Squad faces a grave new threat a new team appears made up of the former male versions of the Super Squad. Which team is real and which is The Impostors?

  A Hero’s Journey (Tales of the Scarlet Knight, Volume 1): Dr. Emma Earl never wanted to be a hero. But when she finds a magic suit of armor that can deflect bullets and turn her invisible, she becomes part of an ancient war between good and evil. It’s up to Emma as the latest incarnation of the heroic Scarlet Knight to save Rampart City from the fiendish Black Dragoon and his plan to rule first the city and then the whole world.

  Chance of a Lifetime (Chances Are #1): When Detective Steve Fischer investigates a robbery, he’s murdered by a gangster and injected with an experimental drug known as FY-1978. Thanks to the drug, Steve comes back—as a woman. Now Stacey Chance has to find those responsible and make them pay.

  About the Author

  P.T. Dilloway has been a writer for most of his life. He completed his first story in third grade and received an ‘A’ for the assignment. Around that time, he was also placed in a local writing contest for a television station, receiving an action figure in lieu of a trophy, thus securing his love with the written word. Since then, he’s continued to spend most of his free time writing and editing. In the last twenty years, he’s completed nearly forty novels of various genres.

  In 2012, Solistice Publishing published P.T.’s superhero novel A Hero’s Journey, Tales of the Scarlet Knight #1. That same year, December House Publishing included P.T.’s flash fiction stories as part of the collection We Are Now. Also in 2012, P.T. created the imprint Planet 99 Publishing to publish the remainder of the Tales of the Scarlet Knight series as well as a variety of other novels, all of which can be found at http://www.planet99publishing.com.