No Regrets

by Joy Argento

  “How was your day, honey?” I asked Claire, trying to start the conversation.

  She spooned mashed potatoes onto her plate. “Good. We had two new people start today so most of my day was spent showing them around.” Claire worked for the Benderson Company. Their claim to fame was manufacturing components for computers and smartphones. She’d started with them eight years earlier in Denver. A promotion and a transfer to Rochester was what brought us here. I sold my sign making business there and attempted to reestablish it in this new location. I was doing all right, but it had been slow going. I glanced at the clock, wondering when Beth would call and hoping it wasn’t during diner.

  “Do you think they’ll work out okay?”

  “Seems so.” She spent the next several minutes going into great detail about their credentials and her personal opinion of them. I listened and asked questions when she paused. When she finished her story, I moved on to the kids and asked them each in turn about their day. As usual, Annie was much more forthcoming than Andrew. Tess sat quietly under the table ever vigilant in case someone dropped a crumb she could scoop up.

  I had just finished loading the dishwasher when my cell phone rang. “I think this is a business call,” I called to Claire, who was already settled in front of the TV in the family room. “I’m going to take it downstairs.”

  “Yeah, okay,” was her answer.

  I pressed the answer button on my phone as I started down the basement steps to my work area. “Hello.”

  “Jodi?”

  I recognized Beth’s voice right away. “Yes.”

  “Hi, Jodi. This is Beth from the—”

  “Hi, Beth.” I interrupted her. “How ya doing?”

  “Is this an okay time to call?”

  I sat at my computer but didn’t turn it on. I grabbed a legal pad and pen from a pile of stuff off to the side. Claire often complained that I didn’t keep my work area clean enough and how could I be efficient that way, but I knew right where everything was. I know she was only trying to help me, but I liked things the way they were.

  “Absolutely. I’m glad you called.” And I was.

  “Did you happen to notice the sign I have up at the shop now?”

  I had noticed it, but only to read the name to see if I was at the right place. A neighbor had recommended it, but her directions to get there weren’t the best. “Hmm, I didn’t pay that much attention. I can swing by tomorrow to take a better look.” I really should have taken a good look at it on my way out, but my thoughts had been more on the possibility of a new friendship. I hadn’t admitted it to anyone, but I was lonely in this town, and while phone calls to my mom and friends back home helped, they didn’t replace the day-to-day interactions.

  “Oh, no need to do that. That’s the sign I inherited when I bought the place. I want something that reflects my style a little better.” She went on to tell me what the old sign looked like and what she wanted her new sign to be. She read me the dimensions she needed. We talked about material options and whether the sign would need to be lit at night. Once I had the important info down, I set the legal pad aside. We made plans for me to stop by the shop the following day at six when they closed. That would give me enough time to draw out some rough sketches and gather what I needed.

  “How did your daughter like your haircut?” Beth asked, surprising me that she remembered.

  I laughed. “She didn’t notice.”

  “Kids,” she said, laughing along. “How about your partner?”

  “What about her?” Was she asking me about Claire?

  “Did she notice your hair?”

  No, she hadn’t. I thought for a second how to answer that without making Claire sound indifferent. Claire noticed lots of things about me. My hair just wasn’t usually one of them. “She didn’t say anything about it. She’d had a really busy day at work. I think she was just distracted. But I love it in case you’re keeping track.”

  “That’s good. I would hate to think you didn’t.”

  “I’ll bet that doesn’t happen too often.”

  “Every once in a while. I always hold my breath when I finish until they tell me what they think.”

  I smiled at this tidbit of information. Beth seemed like a very confident woman, sure of herself and her abilities. It was interesting to find out she had insecurities like the rest of us. But I knew exactly what she was talking about. I did the same things when I delivered a sign.

  “How long have you been doing hair?” I asked, truly interested.

  “Since I was about five and I cut my sister’s. I thought it looked fabulous. My mother—not so much. I remember sitting in the time-out chair wondering what the heck I had done wrong.”

  “Sometimes mothers just don’t understand.”

  “Are you speaking from experience?” Beth asked, her voice turning serious.

  “Are you asking me about my relationship with my mother? Shouldn’t I be stretched out on a couch with you sitting across the room, notepad in hand, Doctor?”

  She missed the fact that I was joking. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

  “I’m teasing. For the most part I have a really good relationship with my mom. When I was young, I thought she was perfect. As I got older, I realized she had her own dysfunctions. But I guess we all do. Well, everyone but me. I’m perfect. You probably picked up on that right away.”

  “I knew you had perfect hair. The rest I kind of just assumed.”

  I liked her. She played along.

  Beth

  I turned the open/closed sign around and moved out of the way to let Cindy pass by me. “Have a good night,” I told her.

  “You too. Don’t work too hard.”

  “I’m just waiting for another sign estimate.” I laughed. “Shouldn’t be too much work at all.”

  “See you tomorrow,” Cindy said and was gone.

  Jodi showed up, portfolio in hand, moments later. She arrived, much like she did the first time she walked into the salon—with a huge smile on her face.

  “Hey there,” she said to me.

  “Hi. Come on back to my office.” I locked the front door. “Would you like some coffee? It’s decaf. Or I can make tea.”

  “Coffee would be great.” She followed me to the back. I poured two cups and handed her one. I put a small bowl of single serve creamers on the desk. I added two to my cup. Jodi took one.

  “Do you take sugar?” I asked her. The packets were in the break room.

  “Nope. Just cream.”

  “Me too.”

  I kept my desk pretty neat and organized but had moved the stacks of papers that I needed to go through to the top of the filing cabinet. The office was small, but minimal furniture made it user friendly. I pulled the more comfortable chair out from the desk and motioned for her to sit. I sat across from her.

  “Ready?” She slid several sheets of paper out of her case.

  “Hit me.”

  “Oooh, didn’t know we were going there.” She laughed.

  “Shut up and show me…” I needed to choose my words carefully now, “your ideas for my sign.”

  “Sorry.”

  She didn’t have to be sorry. I didn’t mind the joke. I just didn’t know how to respond. “You’re fine. No need to apologize.” I didn’t want her to feel bad.

  “I brought some photos of my work.” She laid several pictures down across the desk. “Some of these are from Denver.”

  I leaned forward so I could see better. “Denver?”

  “Yeah. I started my business there. Then started over again here.”

  “Wow. These are great.” I picked up one that had the color combination that I wanted. I studied it closer. “You do very nice work.”

  “See,” she said. “Extraordinaire.”

  “And quite modest too.”

  Her smile lit up the office. It was contagious. She showed me her sketches for my sign, and we went over pricing options. The cost was much lower than I expected, and I wonder
ed if she was giving me a price break. In the end we decided on a figure that included a trade for ten haircuts for her and her kids.

  “I’m so glad you came by, and I’m really looking forward to seeing the sign when it’s finished. I’m sure you must be anxious to get home to your family,” I said, hoping she could stay and chat a little longer.

  She slipped her papers back into her portfolio and glanced at her watch. “I made dinner for them before I left, so they should be set for a while. What about you? Do you have a husband waiting for you at home? Where is your daughter tonight?”

  “No husband,” I admitted. “And my daughter has a sleepover with a friend.” That gave me the whole evening to myself. Something I loved and at the same time hated. I hadn’t had a sleepover myself in quite some time. That sad fact of life seemed to echo in my mind much more when I had alone time. While I was perfectly happy with my life—mostly—I missed having someone to cuddle up to at night and share my day with, and yes, I missed the sex. A lot. While I had become very proficient at the art of self-satisfaction it wasn’t, well, very satisfying.

  “Not even a hot date for you tonight?”

  I laughed. “No. Not tonight.”

  “But it’s Friday. Surely a woman as nice as you has the guys lined up around the block waiting to take you out.”

  I wasn’t sure if she was messing with me or being sincere, so I just smiled.

  “No guys lined up around the block?”

  I shook my head.

  “I really do find that hard to believe. Anyone special in your life?”

  She was being sincere. I could not only tell by the way she asked the questions, I could feel it.

  “No. Not right now. Not for a while.” I somehow felt safe telling Jodi. She was just one of those people you knew you could somehow trust. “One of these days. I’ve been so busy trying to keep my daughter on the right track that I just haven’t had the time. Not that I’ve had any offers lately.”

  “Must be tough raising a teenager on your own.”

  “At times it’s wonderful. No one else to contradict my parenting style. And at times it’s all I can do not to shoot her. No one ever tells you how hard parenting is. I think if we truly had a clue before we have kids then we wouldn’t have them. The human race would have died out many moons ago.”

  “Wow. I like your honesty.” She leaned forward as if sharing a secret. “I feel the same way, but all the parents I run into from the kids’ school make it sound like their kids are their whole lives. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and would kill for them. But you’re right. It is so hard sometimes. And I know what you mean about not having someone contradict your parenting style. Claire and I don’t always agree on the best way to raise the kids—or the dog for that matter,” she added.

  “That must be difficult.”

  “Sometimes it is. Claire is so great in a lot of other ways. I’m lucky to have her.” She leaned back. “Is your daughter’s father in the picture?”

  “No. We were young.” I shrugged. “He was foolish.” My small laugh sounded more like a snort. I had gotten over it all a long time ago. It was Daniel who had missed out. Yeah, Maddie had missed out on a father. But Daniel missed out on being a father and getting to know her. He missed her first steps, her first words, her first time sitting on Santa’s lap. I had been there for all of it and reveled in every minute. Of course, now he was missing the calls from school when she skipped classes and the back talk. So, I experience the good and the bad by myself. “I was a teenager when I had her. He didn’t want any part of it.”

  “Wow. So young.”

  “We grew up together, Maddie and me. Sometimes I think we still are. I like to think I’m ahead of her on some things.”

  Jodi smiled. “Don’t we all. You raised her all by yourself?”

  I liked her. She was easy to talk to and seemed to really listen to me. Some of my friends seemed like they were just waiting for me to finish saying something so they could talk. Jodi wasn’t like that as far as I could tell.

  “My mom helped a lot. We lived with her for years when Maddie was little. My dad died when I was twelve, so she had plenty of experience raising a couple of kids on her own.”

  “That must have been hard losing a parent at such a young age.”

  “We did all right, my mom, my sister, and I. Then when Maddie came along it was the four of us for a long time.”

  “You’ve never been married?”

  “No. Came close once, when my daughter was ten.” I told her about my brush with happiness that came crashing down when my fiancé decided he didn’t want me anymore, a month before our wedding.

  “What an ass. I’m so sorry he did that to you.”

  “Yeah. He was an ass. I just didn’t see it until that moment. It kind of made me gun-shy. It took quite a while before I dated again.” I rarely shared that story with anyone, let alone someone I barely knew. But somehow it seemed okay to share details of my life with Jodi.

  Jodi

  It took almost three weeks to get the sign done for Beth’s salon. I propped it against the wall and took several steps back. Yep. It looked good. I was sure Beth would like it. Jack, the guy I hired to hang it, would pick it up on Saturday and hang it on Sunday so it wouldn’t interfere with business hours. I usually left that part totally up to him but planned on being there to make sure it was perfect. I liked Beth. I wanted everything to be just right for her.

  “Jodi?” Claire called down the stairs to me.

  “Be right up.”

  I found Claire in the kitchen pouring coffee into her travel mug. She had several, but this was one that she had purchased on a business trip to California. It was her favorite, and everyone in the house knew the rule was hands off. No one dared to touch it. There were several things in the house that had that rule attached to them. But it was understandable. Claire was six years older than me and had spent the majority of her life living alone. It was an adjustment to have a live-in partner with two kids. In order to preserve her sanity, I think it was important for her to stake her claim to her territory.

  She turned toward me, cup in hand, screwing on the top. “I wanted to give you a kiss good-bye before I go to work,” she said.

  I wrapped my arms around her and looked up into her eyes. That was the first thing that attracted me to her four years ago. Her eyes. Deep blue with a touch of gray in the middle and green around the edges. She kissed me once on the lips.

  “Gotta go, babe,” she said, pulling away. “I’ll be home at the regular time.”

  I resisted the urge to grab her ass as she walked toward the door. “Bye, honey. Have a good day.”

  She gave a little wave and was gone.

  “Bye,” I said to no one.

  I proceeded up the stairs to get the kids ready for school. Once they were safely on their way to the bus stop, I went back downstairs. I wanted to check Beth’s sign one more time. I really wanted her to like it and was looking forward to seeing her when it was hung.

  * * *

  I woke with the sun, way before I really needed to be up. I was anxious to meet up with Jack and watch him hang Beth’s sign. I pulled the covers back gently so that I didn’t wake Claire and climbed out of bed. She lay totally uncovered in her short sleeve pajama top and yoga pants. She liked to keep the air conditioner on during the summer months and I found the nights too cold to sleep uncovered. It was only the beginning of June, so I knew I had many more cool nights ahead of me. I took a quick shower, dressed, and headed downstairs to make coffee. I let Tess out and got the paper from the end of the driveway while I waited for it brew.

  I liked the quiet of a Sunday morning. It somehow felt more peaceful than the other days of the week. As a kid I was forced to go to church with my parents, but as an adult I leaned much more toward the spiritual side than the organized religion side. The only time you found me in a church was for a wedding or funeral.

  Everyone in the house was still asleep as I put my feet
up in the recliner, drinking my coffee and reading the paper. I was just finishing my second cup when Annie came down the stairs, hair a mess, sleep still evident in her voice and eyes.

  “Hi, baby,” I said. I moved the paper off my lap and opened my arms.

  She was getting a little too big to be doing it, and I knew she wouldn’t be doing it too many more times, but she curled up on my lap and let me wrap my arms around her. I kissed the top of her head and felt the warmth of her in my embrace. My little girl was growing up. The thought made me both proud and a little sad.

  When she grew restless, we made our way into the kitchen and ate cereal together. I knew memories were made of the small things in life, and I filed this one away in my mind.

  “Want to go with me today?”

  “Where?” She poured more Kix into her bowl.

  I told her about the sign and Beth’s salon. She thought about it for a minute. “If I don’t go can I have Marcy come over to play?”

  “You’ll have to ask Claire when she gets up. If she says yes, then you guys need to play outside. It’s supposed to be a really nice day.”

  “Deal.”

  “And no fighting with your brother today while I’m gone.” Of all the things the kids did that got to me, fighting was the worst. It drove Claire even crazier than it drove me.

  She scrunched up her face.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Okay, okay.”

  We finished breakfast, I loaded food into the Crock-Pot, and set it so supper would be ready with minimal work when I got home. I went upstairs, kissed a still sleeping Claire good-bye, and headed over to Beth’s salon.

  Jack was already there with his nephew when I arrived. He had his ladder propped against the building.

  The sun felt warm on my skin, a direct contrast to the air-conditioned temperature in our house. I stayed far enough back to have a full view of them working without risking being hit by something should they drop it from the ladder.

  They had it hung and were just securing everything when I heard a soft voice in my ear. It sent a shiver down my spine.