Beg for Mercy

by Lucian Bane

  “You should go,” he said.

  That pain returned, worse than before at hearing he wanted her to, wanted to not be with her. “Ralph might go,” she said, grasping for something that would incite his possessive side. Where had that gone? But even angry jealousy was better than this, this cold distance.

  “The more reason for you to go, he seems like a nice guy.”

  Oh my God. Agony from his words hit her like a sledgehammer, making her gasp. She fought to swallow but the rock in her throat strangled the oxygen from her. This was… so fucking ridiculous, was he really going to pass her off to another man? Like she was just disposable to him? Like what they shared meant nothing to him?

  She fought to get a hold of her emotions—to think logically. Maybe he was testing her. Well in that case, maybe she’d teach him not to fucking test her in such a way. “He’s very nice, yes. A good fisherman from what I hear.” When he didn’t respond, her stomach burned. “And cook. He’s supposed to teach me how to fillet.”

  Her heart shot into her throat when he turned to her, his silver eyes pensive for a very missed soul mesh. “I’m sure you’ll do great. In anything you ever choose to do.”

  She gasped a laugh, mostly to hide her sob. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, anything she does, like in the future as well? “I’m sure,” she nodded, swallowing. “Well, I’m gonna go get ready. Pick out what I’m wearing. I’ll see you around.”

  She spun and left, holding her breath long enough to not allow that sob to burst out. She broke out in a jog, wanting to get as far from him as she could, ignoring the therapist in her that screamed she was failing her patient. But what about her? Fuck him! He was failing her, she didn’t deserve this!

  Mercy made a beeline to the back entrance of the beach house and hurried up the outside flight of stairs that led to their bedroom. A bedroom he’d not slept in, except last night.

  In a blind fury, she went through her drawers and found that sexy white bikini and matching sheer shawl. Yanking it out, she stormed to the bathroom and got in the shower. Turning it as hot as she could stand, she washed her hair and scrubbed at her body, feeling like ants were all over her.

  “Ralph’s a nice guy… I’m sure you’ll do great… in anything you ever do.”

  Mercy clutched her chest and gasped in pain, a sick sob wrenching out of her. Her stomach heaved, threatening to empty. She braced a trembling hand on the wall and clenched her eyes tight then her jaw.

  Fuck him! Fuck that bastard.

  Just who did he think he was, who did he think she was? One of his sluts to fuck and throw away?

  That was not happening, motherfucker! She finished her shower, then ripped the brush through her hair. You want to play with me, Mr. Sade?

  You want to fuck with me? I can play, I’ll show you play.

  Mercy finished dressing, her makeup and hair done to slutty perfection. She made her way down stairs, hearing loud chatter mixed with the kind of laughter she longed to experience. How had things turned so bad so suddenly between them? What had she done? Was she not the same woman he remembered even though she remembered everything, she was pretty sure? Was she missing pieces of herself she wasn’t aware of, but he was?

  She paused on the stairs making out Bo, Liberty, her dad, his mom... she listened for Sade then heard Ralph.

  Jesus, fuck, not him. She didn’t like him one bit. He was sweet, and cute, and would make a nice friend, but that was it. Sure, he’d probably like more but with Sade giving him the death stare, he didn’t even attempt any semblance of going there with her. Why did Sade act like he cared but didn’t care? Obviously he was torn about something with her, but what? If she were to think logically and positively about the situation, she would say he was suffering from the shame and guilt of what he wanted and couldn’t have with her and therefore sought to remove her from his life… to protect her.

  If she were thinking emotionally, she would say it was something she was doing wrong, or different than she used to and he just wasn’t that into her anymore and didn’t know how to exit the relationship now. The way he’d broken down in front her, she was leaning toward the shame part. Now he was pushing her away in hopes that she would do the job for him.

  Well, on both those fronts—Fuck. That. He’d have to work to get rid of her and she wouldn’t let him go easy. She’d go with the logical reasons for now and if her emotions got in the way, she’d deal with it then. She had feelings too. Needs. Hurts. He didn’t get to call all the shots, especially when he wasn’t thinking straight.

  Her stomach got sick at thinking about the other option—the he wasn’t that into her anymore because she changed option. If that was the case… oh God, please let that not be it.

  Bracing for a joyful act, she breezed into the kitchen where the action was. They were packing, she realized at a glance.

  “Look who decided to wake up,” her father called.

  Mercy let out a jovial laugh and sashayed to her dad’s open embrace, hoping Sade was hanging around in some corner.

  She briefly flashed her peripheral at exiting the hug. “And I wasn’t sleeping, I was getting ready.”

  He hugged her again and whispered in her ear, “I’m glad to hear you’re coming even though Sade is staying behind.”

  “Yeah,” Bo said, peeking his head into their conversation space, “no Sade or Liberty, looks like we’re the party.”

  “Liberty’s not going?” Mercy’s heart raced, along with instant negative thoughts.

  “She’s not feeling good,” Bo whispered. “But if you ask me, she’s scared of the deep blue and is too proud to admit it.” He winked and leaned further in, kissing her on the cheek.

  “How’s my precious girl,” Sade’s mom cooed, coming in with a kiss on Mercy’s forehead. “I’m glad you’re still coming, I need a girl to keep me company.”

  Fuck, shit.

  “Don’t worry,” Ralph called out, “I brought my lighter gear for the women.”

  “Lighter,” Sade’s mom balked, “You can keep it, I want the tough stuff. I plan on catching the biggest fish! I’m apparently very good at catching nice, strong, fish.” She wiggled her brows at Kane who pulled her into his embrace with a chuckle.

  “You’re likely to catch Godzilla with your beginners luck.” Her dad pecked her forehead and intimate kissing bloomed from there with sounds that belonged in a bedroom.

  “Get a room, geez,” Bo muttered, passing them.

  Mercy finally allowed herself to look for Sade all around. “Anybody see Sade?” she asked.

  “He mentioned getting a few groceries in the village. Liberty took him.”

  Panic stabbed her. “I thought she was sick?” Mercy said before she could catch herself.

  “Exxxactly what I said,” Bo raised his brows. “Like I said… she’s just chicken of the sea.” He burst out laughing at his own joke while Mercy’s gut churned with fear and fury.

  Mercy laughed and smacked his shoulder while barely hanging on to her act. By some miracle, she managed to help with the packing, all the while plotting in unhealthy fury. What the fuck was going on? Something was. Going into town for groceries, my fucking ass. Mercy thought back to the events of the previous week with Liberty in the scenario. Mercy hadn’t been great company with Sade being distant with her and now that she thought about it, Liberty seemed just fine with that. At the time, Mercy was relieved to not have to deal with talking when she was miserable, so she never thought twice about it.

  Mercy froze at recalling an incident. She’d walked out and found Sade and Liberty chatting on the porch outside. She hadn’t thought anything of it once Bo had come out and they began their love play. Then Sade had made excuses to be somewhere else as usual, and that was all Mercy could think about. Him leaving her presence. Again.

  But now…. Now she couldn’t help but wonder if he left for other reasons. The thought made her need to vomit.

  An hour passed and Sade and Liberty still didn’t return. Was she
the only one that found that odd? She wanted to ask questions, like when did they leave and how long was it supposed to take to get a few groceries in a village supposedly close enough to ride a bike to? If it hadn’t been for Ralph coming over, she wasn’t even sure there was a village with the exclusion of the beach house.

  Mercy opened the fridge, fighting panic. “You ready sweetheart?” her dad asked behind her, making her jump. “We’re all loaded up.”

  She turned and took a deep breath. “Dad…”

  He pulled her into his embrace. “Oh honey,” he murmured. “Are you feeling sick too?” he half joked.

  “Yes, actually.”

  “I know you are, I’m not blind. He needs a little space is all, he’s dealing with a lot of things. He’s a special kid, but he’s a very good kid, okay?”

  Hearing her father defend him gave her conflicting feelings. “I know,” she whispered, keeping her voice low. But she didn’t know, that was the problem. She didn’t know anything anymore. “Dad?” she asked, looking up at him, fighting down the sob in her throat. “Am I… much different than before the accident? I mean I feel like I remember everything but then maybe I’m not, maybe I’m acting weird and different and I don’t realize it?” she gasped, swiping the stupid tears.

  “Oh honey,” he said, pulling her back into a hug. “You’re the same beautiful Mercy you’ve always been. Maybe even more so.”

  “You’re not the right person to ask,” she mumbled.

  “I most certainly am,” he assured. “I wouldn’t poo poo around about that.”

  She smiled against his chest at the poo poo term. “I know you wouldn’t.” He’d always gone out of his way not to use harsh language in front of her. It used to offend her because she felt like he was saying she wasn’t mature enough to handle it. But now… now she realized he did it because he respected her.

  "So you won’t be mad if I don’t go?”

  “Not at all. I wasn’t that keen on you coming anyway.” She pulled away and looked at him.

  “Paranoid father syndrome sweetie, but I won’t apologize for it.” She smiled.

  “Faith wanted me to go.”

  “She’s fine. She only said all that so you felt welcomed.”

  Mercy snorted. “Now I feel really special.”

  “She would’ve loved for you to come but you must know that we hate sharing each other.”

  Mercy smiled at hearing that. “I’m so glad you two have each other Dad. Really.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before. It was hard.”

  “Like winning the lottery and not being able to tell anybody?”

  He laughed and the sound warmed her at how genuine it was. “Exactly that. You take care of that boy. He needs you.”

  “You may need to tell him that,” she muttered.

  “He knows, trust me.”

  “Well I’m getting a little sick of him not showing it.”

  “Coming,” her dad yelled when Bo warned the ship was sailing.

  He kissed her forehead again. “Remember who you are,” he said. “Remember everything I taught you. All the things you’ve had to overcome?”

  She nodded.

  “Don’t let him push you around. You got this,” he said. “You get on the bull, and you ride until he sees who the master is. Relentless. Unforgiving. Merciless. You know the drill. The only place the broken past has in our present, is the place we give it. So, don’t give it, and don’t let him give it.”

  Mercy embraced him tight, his words giving her courage and hope. “Oh God, thank you Dad. Pray for me?”

  “I never stop.”

  She believed that. Once again he’d walked right into her life and casually slayed the giants. She didn’t know what she’d ever done to deserve that kind of saving, but she was so grateful to have it. “I love you.”

  “Just do me one favor,” he said, setting her in front of him while pinning her with that familiar stern stare. “Stay put while we’re gone, no sightseeing till I get back. No swimming in the ocean, either.”

  Sightseeing? Was he joking? “How long does it take to go into town?” she finally asked, biting back her sarcasm. “And why the hell is Liberty with him?”

  “Oh no you don’t,” he said, chucking her chin. “Liberty’s fine, she would never do anything to come between the two of you. That, I’m sure of.”

  Shame warmed her cheeks at hearing the way she sounded. “Ok. You better go. I’ll… find something to read until they get back.”

  “I want you to lock up and stay in until he gets back. Once he does, if you want to swim, use the pool. I don’t want you in the ocean while I’m not here.”

  “I know, you just said that. No ocean, no sightseeing.”

  “And if you need anything, the radio in the basement reaches the boat. There’s a manual pinned to the wall next to the radio telling you exactly how to use it. Okay?” He stroked the back of his fingers over her cheek. “Try to relax and enjoy some private time with him.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m not making him. He either wants me or he doesn’t.”

  He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “He wants you,” he muttered as he pulled away and walked off.

  The matter-of-fact tone in his voice made her heart skip a beat. She needed so bad to believe that. “Catch me a whale, I haven’t eaten whale before,” she called when he was at the door.

  “It’s a deal.” He winked as he reached inside and locked the door then closed it. The deadbolt engaged next as he locked her in.

  Chapter Five

  Five minutes later, Mercy paced around the house trying to figure out what to do, peeking out every window she passed. She went around making sure all the doors and windows were locked, but really it was so she could see which gave her the best view of the long driveway leading to the beach house. And also to make sure he’d have to knock to get in, at which point he’d see she was there.

  Would he be pissed? Glad?

  What the fuck was taking them so long? Didn’t matter that her dad thought Liberty was a saint, it still burned her damn ass that she was with Sade. That he was with her. After ignoring her for a week straight, then trying to rape her. In the ass!

  Mercy was fuming four hours later when they still hadn’t returned. She almost radioed her dad four times just to ask what the hell could he be doing? Did he go to get food or go plant it and watch it grow, stupid fucker!

  There was no way to radio him without sounding like a jealous idiot. Oh she was going to have words with him. Was she ever going to have words with him. Many. Many, many harsh ones. She should kick his ass, literally.

  She headed upstairs to the window with the best view then froze at hearing something. Shit. She thought quick, wondering where to hide. Part of her wanted to bust him doing something bad, and another said don’t give him the chance, or she’d die if he did. The two desperate forces pulled her left and right in indecision before she hurried back upstairs to the hall closet. If he was the kind of person to do what she most feared, then she needed to know it. And hopefully, the huge closet that serviced the four upstairs bedrooms put her in the location that would allow her to discover whatever needed discovering.

  Closing herself inside the large closet with the half-slatted door, she crouched on the floor, listening. What if they didn’t go upstairs? She reached up and felt around on the door handle for a lock, realizing it was stupid that they wouldn’t have one in a closet.

  Her heart hammered in her ears, making it hard to hear. They were definitely inside. Mumbling and low laughter reached her itching ears. Female. When she heard his laughter, a fire exploded in her stomach, making her nauseous. What the fuck was he laughing about, how dare he laugh, Mr. depressed twenty-four seven around her. God, that laughing lying bastard.

  She waited in the closet, fighting the pain by feeding her fury. Sweat soon dripped off of her in the hot box. Did they plan to stay downstairs? Shit. She hoped they did but that meant she wouldn’t know what they wer
e doing. She realized it had gotten quiet. Had they gone outside? To the pool? To the patio swing? To visit like best friends?

  The idea that he was with another woman in any capacity had her trembling with so many emotions, none healthy for her or anybody else.This was bullshit. She opened the door and stuck her head out, gasping on fresh air. She crept her way down the stairs, head leading first, trying to see what she could see. She finally spied something that made her heart leap in her throat. Flying down the stairs, she raced to Sade, face down on the floor.

  “Shh!”

  Mercy jerked her head up to find Liberty in the corner with her finger on her lips and shaking her head.

  “Don’t disturb the sleeping giant,” she whispered.

  Mercy looked down at him, hearing him snoring.

  “It wasn’t easy to get him to drink that last drink with the Ambien but I finally did. Wondering where you were and when you’d get down here. Your father is the one who asked me to stay behind,” she whispered at seeing Mercy’s confusion. “He was worried Sade might try something stupid. And don’t worry,” Liberty said, hands up in innocence, “your dad decided that before he thought you were staying behind. Not that he’d have changed the plans since you seem to be gasoline to Mr. Sade’s fire.”

  Mercy leaned back on her haunches in utter relief. Thank you, God, thank you. It wasn’t what she’d feared.

  “Where the hell did you guys go?”

  “To the local tavern where he drank himself to shit,” she hissed, not happy.

  “Barely got him in the house, had help getting him into the car but getting him out was another matter. And then…” she shrugged with wide amazed eyes, “he got out and actually walked. The next thing I know he’s wanting to swim in the goddamn ocean, so I helped put him out of his misery before he found a way to conveniently kill himself.”

  Fear gripped her at how accurate that likely was with him. Once his self-destruct missions hit, they were nearly unstoppable, shy of tying him up. She looked up at Liberty then, sick that she’d misread everything. Sick that Sade was this bad off, and she’d been busy with jealousy.