Dangerously In Love

by Crystal Lacey Winslow

  London and I had to rush out of his apartment quickly because we were both running late for work.

  “What time will you call me tonight?” I asked as we ran out the door.

  “I should be home around seven. I’ll give you a call shortly thereafter. Enjoy your day.”

  “I will.”

  “Do you need anything? Any money for the day?” he asked.

  “London, I keep telling you, you’re all I need.”

  “That you have . . . that you have.”

  * * *

  I finished work around 5:00 P.M. and couldn’t get London off of my mind. I decided to do something special for him since he was always doing wonderful things for me. I had done really well in tips, so I ran to his favorite restaurant, Ida Mae’s, and ordered us some soul food to go. Then I stopped at The Body Shop and purchased massage oil. After dinner I’d give London a nice body massage to alleviate any stress from his day.

  I got to London’s brownstone around 7:30 P.M., but he wasn’t home yet. I thought about using his spare key, but I felt it a bit intrusive. I called his cellular phone but he had it turned off. He usually did this when he was with Jessica at the studio or if she was doing radio or television. I wanted to leave a message telling him that I was coming over, but I thought it would be a pleasant surprise.

  There was a small diner across from London’s apartment where I decided to sit and wait. I sat in the window booth that had a perfect view of his apartment entrance. I ordered a cup of hot chocolate, thinking he wouldn’t take much longer. And I was right. Shortly after sitting down, I noticed London getting out of a yellow taxicab. He wasn’t alone. She was beautiful. Her beauty was breathtaking and sophisticated. She had a massive amount of wavy hair, cocoa-colored skin, and a long, elegant mink coat. They were cuddling as they fell out the cab. He was looking at her dreamily, and it crushed me. I wanted to run over, scream and shout obscenities, but my legs wouldn’t let me. I stood frozen in place for almost an hour before the waitress got annoyed that I hadn’t ordered anything more. I went to the telephone and called London. “Hello,” he said.

  “London.” My voice was barely a whisper.

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. I . . . um . . . was thinking that I could come over tonight and cook for you. Maybe rent a movie.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Not too far away.”

  “Well, tonight really isn’t a good time for me. I’m working on another screenplay and don’t want to be disturbed. I’ll have to take a rain check. How about tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, we’ll have dinner and a movie.”

  “But, I was really hoping—”

  “Baby-girl, I’m really busy at the moment.”

  “I understand. Tomorrow would be fine.”

  “Great! Think about me tonight when you sleep,” he said, and hung up.

  London

  Jovie sounded a little strange just now when I spoke to her. I hope she isn’t having any regrets about what happened this morning because it’s just the opposite for me. I rather fancy how delicate she is. How soft her kisses are—never aggressive. She’s so pure, and even though at times I’m not sure if I did the right thing by giving her the ring, I have every intention of making this work.

  “Who was that?”

  “That was my future,” I snapped at Su.

  “Good for you,” she said, disinterested.

  So I continued, “That’s my fiancée.”

  “So you have a wife and a fiancée? You’ve been a busy boy since our last encounter.”

  “The lady you met wasn’t my wife.”

  “I already knew that.”

  “Really? How?”

  “You forget we were once in a relationship. You would never allow your wife to be touched by another man. You don’t have that free spirit. I bet your fiancée is some church mouse who can’t fuck you properly.”

  “Watch it, Su. Watch your mouth.”

  “Truth hurt?”

  “I don’t know why you’re here or how I fell in love with you in the first place,” I said. I was really talking to myself. Thinking out loud.

  “Because with me you had the best of both worlds. I was a lady in public and a whore behind closed doors. Isn’t that what all men want?”

  “What do you want out of life?”

  “An occasional fuck.”

  “That’s it? You just want to fuck?”

  “Precisely. My life is complicated enough. I don’t need a complicated sex life.”

  “Don’t you have any fears, running around fucking on your husband?”

  She laughed a hideous cackle, then said, “I’m twenty-six years old, and I can count the number of orgasms I’ve experienced. I remember each time, and they were few and far apart. It’s like people write about great sex, you hear about great sex, but you get into a relationship and there’s no great sex. People write about great relationships, I hear about great relationships, but I just can’t seem to maintain a great relationship. My biggest fear is to go through life unfulfilled.”

  “Is that why you left me? I didn’t fulfill your needs?”

  “Yes. I got tired of settling for less with you.” Her words stung for a moment. Then I realized who I was dealing with and realized who I had.

  Su and I had sex for old time’s sake and I couldn’t have cared less if she experienced an orgasm or not. There wasn’t any foreplay. No dim lights or romantic candles. I didn’t even put on a fire. Just five hours of straight fucking. I kicked her out somewhere around 4:00 A.M. I needed to get some rest. I had a full day ahead of me. Plus I wanted to spend time with Jovie. Maybe buy her a nice guilt gift . . .

  Jovie

  After London lied to me, I couldn’t summon the courage to go upstairs and confront him with her. I stood outside in the December blistering cold temperatures waiting for her to leave. To bide my time, I counted each yellow cab that passed in the eight-hour time frame. I counted 543 cabs that drove down London’s block. When his guest left, she and I looked eye to eye and she almost said something to me, as if we’d met before. I rushed past her and banged on the door. He was still awake.

  “Who is it?”

  “Jovie!”

  Silence. Then he pulled open the door and smiled. He was wearing a pair of boxers and had a toothbrush in his hand.

  “Don’t tell me you were in the neighborhood,” he joked, and pulled me inside. “Je-sus, Jovie! You’re frozen. Your cheeks feel like icicles.”

  My eyes welled up with tears.

  “Who is she?”

  “Who is who?” he asked.

  “Mink coat . . . cocoa-colored skin . . . need I go on? Who is she?”

  “She’s nobody. She’s a memory . . . just someone from my past that won’t be interfering in our lives again.”

  “Did you sleep with her?”

  “Jovie, this isn’t necessary.”

  “Did you make love to her after you’d just made love to me?” I questioned.

  “Don’t do this,” he replied.

  “Answer me!” I cried.

  “Please calm down. I know how this looks, but it’s not like that. She just came over to help me with some ideas for my new screenplay,” he reasoned.

  I was already in the room, and I spotted several condoms disposed of in his wastebasket and messy sheets. My heart sank, and then I lost it.

  “What is this!” I screamed hysterically and picked up the used condoms and tossed them in his face. “How could you put this ring on my finger, and then make love to that whore!”

  “I just told you nothing happened,” he said, but was unable to look me in my eyes.

  “Do you think I’m a fool?” I yelled, and slapped his face with all my strength. When I went to slap him again he grabbed my hand. I yanked it away.

  “Jovie, listen, it’s not what you think.”

  “Then what is it!” I bellowed. “Answer me!”

  “I . . . can’t . . .
I don’t know what to say or how to say it.”

  “You said you’d never hurt me like this,” I said, and collapsed on the floor and began to cry. London bent down next to me and cradled my head.

  “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” he pleaded.

  “How can you let that bitch jeopardize what we have? Didn’t this ring mean anything to you?” I said as I reached up and dug my fingernails deep into the dark chocolate skin of his arms. Long welts appeared immediately.

  “It was her ring first!” he shouted back, and from the look on his face he realized he’d said something he didn’t want to.

  “What? Did I hear you correctly? Is she the one who hurt you back in England? Is she the love of your life?”

  “She was,” he replied.

  “And you think that less of me that you’d give me a secondhand ring?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  I took off the ring and threw it in his face. “Then how is it? How is it?” I kept screaming but he wouldn’t answer me. He just kept staring at me with pity in his eyes. A look that I despised. I spit in his face.

  “You’re pathetic, not me!” I roared, and felt an uncontrollable rage come over me. I lost it and ran into his bathroom and locked the door. There I trashed everything in sight. I smashed bottles of cologne and hair products. Ripped down his shower curtains and finally smashed my wrists against his mirror. I screamed out in pain as my wrists burst open and blood came gurgling out like from a crack in the Hoover dam. Blood spurted out as I watched in horror. As I slipped into unconsciousness I wondered if I’d know who I was when I awoke. Or if I wanted to awake . . .

  You were supposed to come with me . . . in the pool . . . you never followed . . . now’s your chance to make it right. . . .

  London

  Jovie throwing a temper tantrum at four in the morning and slashing her wrists had unnerved me. I was basically a quiet man who didn’t like conflict. Her actions were quite alarming. When she screamed out in pain I had to kick the door down to gain entry. There I found her collapsed on the bathroom floor saturated in her own blood. I had EMS rush her to the nearest hospital, where they were able to stop the bleeding. She’s in stable condition, and she should be able to go home soon.

  I left a message at her house notifying Jada as to what had happened. I can just hear Jada’s mouth now. In fact, it would be a pleasure not to hear from Jada at all.

  The hospital released Jovie in my care, and I grabbed a cab and took her home. As we sat in the cab, she mumbled incoherently to herself. It was as if she were carrying on a full conversation between herself and another person. This was bizarre, but I wrote it off as the effects of the medication given to her in the hospital.

  After I got Jovie home and tucked her in bed, I raced out of there. I was no longer tired, so I decided to go to the gym to let off some steam. I worked out until my muscles burned, then showered and ran home and fell into a peaceful sleep. When I awoke, I started to clean up the huge mess Jovie made in the bathroom. There was blood and glass everywhere. I hated to admit that this was my fault, and it all could have been avoided if I had just been a man. What I hated to admit most is that when Jovie took off the engagement ring and flung it at me, I was relieved. At twenty-eight, I’m too young to be thinking about settling down. I’m enjoying my life. And although I care about Jovie, no matter how hard I’ve tried, I can’t be monogamous in relationships. I love sex. I love women. But I also love being in love with that one special person. I don’t think I’m any different from any other man on this earth but there is a small part of me that wished I was different. That I could truly commit when I’m in a relationship. I’m partly to blame for Su leaving me. She knew that I’d been unfaithful on more than one occasion and I’m sure she resented me for it. It’s not that I’m a bad person. I’m a good dude who gets tempted. The pounding at the door interrupted my thoughts.

  “Who is it?” I screamed.

  No answer. I looked through the peephole and flung the door open. It had to be her. I was disgusted just looking at her.

  “What do you want, Jada?”

  She pushed past me. She was all bundled up in a ski jacket, hat, and gloves. She looked a little different. Worn.

  “What are you trying to pull, you son of a bitch?!”

  “Don’t disrespect my mother,” I warned.

  “What happened to Jovie!”

  “Why don’t you ask Jovie?”

  “I’m asking you!”

  “Look, Jovie and I are going through some things at the moment, but we will work them out.”

  “You can’t! London, you need to leave my sister alone! Tell her it’s over.”

  “We’ve already decided not to go on with the engagement, but there is no way I’m giving her up totally. I can’t do it.”

  “You can or I’ll make you,” she warned.

  “And how do you expect to do that? Your sister loves me. And I’m one step away from falling in love with her.”

  “But you don’t love her. If you don’t leave her, you’ll be the death of us!”

  “What do you have to do with this?”

  “Jovie told you how we are in tune to each other’s emotions. The pain. The hurt. Happiness. Sexual feelings. Everything. I felt my wrist slice open while I was in bed sleeping peacefully with my daughter, Joy.”

  “Listen, I don’t believe you. And if I did, I still wouldn’t care. I’m not leaving Jovie.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “And why should I care?”

  “Because you’re the father.”

  “Stop it, Jada! You’ve gone too far now. I want you out of here,” I said, and grabbed her by her wrist. She yelled out in pain, and immediately I released my grip.

  “Didn’t I tell you, you sick, twisted piece of shit, I felt what went on in here last night. I’m only doing this to save my sister. If I tell Jovie that we’ve been sleeping together and that I’m carrying your baby, how do you think she’ll feel? She just started to trust men again. She’ll shut down. No one will be able to pull her out of her shell.”

  “Why would you want to see her hurt?”

  “Because I can’t stand to see her with you. You’re not good enough for Jovie.”

  “So what happens when the baby arrives? I would want to be in my child’s life. Jovie will have to find out eventually.”

  “I’m pregnant. That’s it. I have one child and don’t plan on having another one. Break it off with my sister, and I’ll abort the fetus.”

  “Je-sus! Jada, are you crazy? You can’t just kill my baby!”

  “Save the theatrics for your screenplays. The deal is you break it off with Jovie today, and I promise to take our secret to my grave. Do we have a deal?”

  I thought about the prospect of Jovie finding out that her sister and I were having an affair behind her back and realized that would certainly crush her. Then I realized that I’d never be happy with Jovie as long as Jada was in the picture, which was inevitable. These two sisters were draining me. I realized I had to lose Jovie to save Jovie. And that’s exactly what I planned to do.

  I had contemplated for hours on how I would end this or even if I could when my telephone rang.

  “Hello.”

  “London.” It was Jovie and I could tell she’d been crying.

  “Yes.”

  “London, I’m sorry about today.”

  “It’s okay, baby-girl. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m feeling much better, thank you. London, I need to come over so we can talk.”

  “Jovie, that’s not a good idea. You need your rest.”

  “Why not? Do you have someone there?” she accused, and I felt the tension in my shoulders return.

  “I’m alone, Jovie.”

  “London, I want to come back and get my ring. I acted irrationally and I want to make it up to you.”

  “Jovie, I think what happened was for the best. It’s really not working out between you and me. I think we need our
space.”

  “No . . . no . . . we don’t. I don’t. What I need is you . . . and my ring back on my finger,” she said. She sounded as if she were hyperventilating.

  “Jovie, are you all right?”

  “Goddamn it! I’m not all right, you fucking son of a bitch!” she exploded.

  “Watch your mouth,” I yelled back.

  “London, you better not ignore me, or I will make you very sorry!” she threatened.

  “What’s gotten into you?”

  “I love you. I love you, London,” she said, and she sounded like sweet Jovie. I decided I needed to get off this emotional roller coaster.

  “Jovie, I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore. I hate for it to end like this. And for what it’s worth, I really care about you.”

  “You can’t just end it.”

  “It’s for the best.”

  “How long is ‘four score and seven years ago—’ ”

  “Stop it!” I exploded. I had had enough of her antics.

  “Eighty-seven years,” she screamed, ignoring my aggravation.

  “You need help, Jovie.”

  “Will you help me?” she pleaded.

  “I am. It just doesn’t seem like it at this moment. But I’m helping you by removing myself from your life.”

  “You’re going to miss me when I’m gone,” she stated. Almost as if she’d make sure of that.

  “Just worry about your feelings,” I retorted, and hung up the line.

  Jovie

  He said he loved me.

  Did he say that or did you say it?

  I’m certain he said that. Or did we say it together? Perhaps, I could have said it first, but I’m sure he agreed at some point.

  You sound a little confused.

  Don’t patronize me. I’m forgetful, sometimes, but never confused.

  You know there’s someone else, don’t you.

  Of course I know! I caught them together, didn’t I?

  Don’t be upset with me. Your anger should be directed toward your cheating, ex-fiancé.

  Did he really break it off with me?