The Perfect Sin

by The Blakk Dahlia

  “Is it work?” he asked as the waitress left.

  “Oh. No. It’s not,” I frantically shook my head.

  He briefly glanced down at his phone then back to me. “Where did you work previously?”

  “This small tech company in Kennesaw. It was an okay job, good money, but not a place to advance. The company was family-owned and only promoted those who shared the same last name as the owner.”

  Darren crimped his lips as I replied. The dimples teased again before coming out in full force when he responded. “Been there, done that.”

  “I stayed because it helped pay for grad school,” I continued with a lowered tone. “I was almost done, but I had to quit when I lost that job. I’m debating on whether or not it’s worth the trouble to finish.”

  “Why?” He wrinkled his eyebrows with another seductive squint.

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Had a lot going on this past year and I sort of lost the drive for it.”

  “Don’t give up. Go back to school. You’ll never know what type of opportunities it’ll give you. We work at a good company but anything can happen. Can’t get too comfortable.” He advised in his sexy, articulate manner.

  The seriousness in his voice and face turned me on more than his dimples did on the first day I saw them.

  Dammit, why are you married? I thought, with my head tilted to the side, eyes piercing his face.

  “You old enough to be in grad school?” he joked. “I know women aren’t supposed to reveal their age but...”

  “I’m 28.” I interrupted with a girlish grin. “And I don’t mind. I think that rule applies to women over 30.”

  I played with my straw, thinking about how I could contain the throbbing urges throughout lunch. Everything he said and did, turned me on.

  “Ha! I think you’re right. My wife gets bent out of shape about her age all the time. She’s 35. I told her it doesn’t matter, but I guess it’s a woman thing.”

  And there was my answer. Him bringing up the wife. Maybe it was God’s way of reminding me to STOP LUSTING! But he was so damn fine in that suit sitting across from me with those teddy bear eyes. It didn’t aid in keeping my mind on PG things. Then, I noticed his lips. Lips that I wanted to sink my teeth into. Softly and sensually.

  “It is,” I laughed. “How old are you? You look fairly young to be a department director.”

  “36,” he said, with no dimples.

  I leaned forward. “Is it rude to ask a man his age?” I jokingly whispered.

  “Not at all. Men don’t care about that stuff. Well, I know this man doesn’t,” he chuckled, pointing to himself. “What were you studying in grad school?”

  “Computer Science. I was an art major in undergrad, but I fell into the web thing randomly. The money was always good and I wanted to learn more about it, so I figured grad school would be the best way. I only studied art because I couldn’t think of what I wanted to do at the time.”

  “You like art? Me too,” he smiled. “I go to galleries when I can. I haven’t been lately because of work and my daughter keeps us on our toes. Can’t squeeze in much time to...”

  I completely checked out after he said the “d” word. DAUGHTER. As in his sperm connected with the wife to create a human being! JESUS! After I felt he was done rambling about the highs and lows of fatherhood, I checked back in.

  “Oh...Okay. Um, how old is your daughter?” I asked, pretending to care.

  “She’s 6, going on 26,” he laughed, shaking his head.

  The geeky laugh didn’t sound as sexy as before. Mainly because he was talking about a child. HIS child, with his WIFE!

  “I can only imagine. I’d never been much of a kid person. Until my sister had her son. He’s 5 now. Smartest little kid I know.”

  “Auntie Jenn.” He snickered, pounding ice with his straw. “Cute.”

  Does he mean I’m cute or the fact that I’m an aunt is cute? I pondered.

  Although he probably needed someone to talk to, why me? Why lunch? Wasn’t he and Michael friends? They could have gone out to lunch, relieving me of sinful lust and confusion.

  “Does the accounting department work closely with the web team?” I asked, hoping to get more info as to why I was there, eating lunch with the Director of Accounting.

  “Not all the time.” He shook his head with an innocent stare. “Michael used to work with me until he moved to your department.”

  “Yea...Michael.” I rolled my eyes at the thought of the bland-toned manager.

  “I know you’re probably not too fond of him, but he’s said some good things about you.”

  Michael and Darren have conversations about me! I thought. Why? And does Darren ask about me or does Michael bring me up?

  He couldn’t have brought me to lunch to tell me how Michael actually likes having me on the team. THAT could have been summed up in an instant message.

  “Soooo are you on the company’s welcome committee or something?” I inquired further.

  Darren almost spat out his drink. He wasn’t prepared for that one. But, he wasn’t giving me the answers I needed through small talk.

  “Huh?” he asked in a “WTF” tone.

  The reaction made me feel bad about the sarcastic question. I had to think quickly to clean it up a little without sounding like a complete ass.

  “Lunch.” I shrugged, widely pointing to our surroundings.

  That was the only word I could spit out. Usually, I’m quick on my feet, but nothing else came to mind. Could have been the eyes from across the table that blocked the thought process.

  “Well, maybe I am now that you’ve mentioned it,” he raised the drinking glass, “Welcome to the company, Jenn.”

  I toasted with the lemonade and sipped. Relieved and still confused.

  We spent the rest of our lunch having intriguing conversations about art, college life, and dream vacations. I enjoyed talking to him. There was more to Darren than being an articulate “stuff shirt” kind of guy. Like he had a wild side waiting to get out. If he were single, I could have helped him in that area. Unfortunately, that was for his wife to figure out.

  “Thanks for lunch,” I said as we walked back to the office.

  “You’re welcome, Jenn. I honestly think you should go back to school. You’re almost done. Don’t lose your drive now,” Darren said, opening the door for me.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  He paused and gave me a serious-sexy expression. “Please do.”

  I wanted to kiss that face...

  I spent the remainder of the day handling issues, thinking of Darren, trying to stop thinking of Darren, then rationalizing why I should get to know him better. It had been a while since I made a new friend. With that in mind, I concluded that having a guy friend like him would be mentally stimulating. Although on paper I wasn’t on his level, we had a fair amount in common. And I felt he could be a good influence in my journey of starting anew. A rational voice to keep me on the straight and narrow with a side of eye candy.

  That night, I focused on making a final decision about grad school. Darren’s strict and seductive demeanor encouraged me to stop procrastinating. Filled with “Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes” courage, I emailed an advisor about registering for the upcoming quarter. I only needed four classes to graduate. The next obstacle was making sure tuition was affordable.

  Ecstatic about getting back in school, I couldn’t wait to tell Darren the good news. I sent him an instant message as soon as I got to work the next day.

  Jennifer Steele: Hey, I took your advice and emailed my advisor to enroll back in school. Thanks for the encouragement and advice!

  Soon after, I received an email from my advisor giving me an outline of the costs for tuition, fees, and books. The amount was a little higher than what I paid in the previous year. The good thing was that she attached applications for financial aid and loans to see if I qualified. The plan wasn’t to add on to the student loan debt accrued from undergrad, but my education w
as important. I spent the entire lunch hour filling out applications and praying for a miracle.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t receive a response from Darren over the next few days. I even walked around the break room and lobby to “bump” into him. He wasn’t around. I could have kicked myself for thinking there was a friendship on the horizon. At least I was getting back in school so my crushed hopes weren’t a total loss.

  On Friday as I returned from a midday burger run, a flyer sat on my desk. It was for a local artist showcase at a gallery not too far from where I lived. The beautiful paintings on the flyer spoke to me. On the back, there was a sticky note from Darren.

  Jenn, I saw this and it made me think of you. You should check it out. May find something you like. And congrats on going back to school. Proud of you! – Darren

  His handwriting was sexy. I loved the way he wrote my name, “Jenn”. I was surprised to get a note, plus he remembered I liked art. Gushing over the note, an interruption from Miss Alice ensued.

  “What has you smiling so hard?” she asked, straining her neck to read the note.

  I flipped the flyer over so she wouldn’t see that it was from Darren.

  “I was checking out this flyer for an art show,” I discreetly peeled the note off the back.

  “Nice! Who left if for you?” she moved closer, hoping that I’d hand it to her.

  I folded the note and stuffed it into my pocket. “Someone I met from another department.”

  “Cool. When is it?” She leaned against my desk with folded arms, “Are you going?”

  “Tomorrow and I don’t know yet. Excuse me.”

  I walked to the bathroom, retrieving the note, to get away from the questioning. I couldn’t possibly tell her that Darren left it for me. Miss Alice was too much of a busy body and rumors would fly if she knew.

  I locked myself into a stall and opened the note. While reading and smiling, I wondered when he had time to come by my desk. Leaning my shoulder against the wall, I daydreamed for a while. It was hard to only consider him as another coworker. Which was crazy because we never spoke outside of work. Other than the car ride home and lunch we didn’t speak much at all. The automatic toilet flushing broke the daydream spell.

  I wanted to send him another message to let him know I got the flyer and the note but I had to play it cool. I stuffed them into my backpack and went on about my day. Just as I left the office for the day, rain started to fall. Part of me hoped for my knight and shining armor to roll up in his Porsche to offer another ride home. He didn’t show. Luckily for me, I brought a sturdier umbrella, so I flipped it up and began the foot journey home.

  Friday night with no plans. I poured a glass of wine and ordered Chinese food to at least have someone knock on my door. A romantic comedy on a movie subscription service entertained me for the night. However, it didn’t help that I imagined the characters as me and Darren. Love scenes took my mind away to falsified flashes of us getting intimate in bed. Then, more wanders of what his “manhood” looked and felt like.

  I fantasized us lying in bed, him on top of me, stroking my face. Staring into each other’s eyes, his dimples flared with a smile and I pulled him close for a kiss. Our lips meshed together like marshmallows melting into a s’more.

  I had to talk to someone to cease the lust fest. However, the dead battery on my phone put a halt to that plan. As I searched for the charger in my backpack, I found the art show flyer and note from Darren.

  Reading it for the 20th time, I decided to go to the event. It was either that or spend another night with Chinese food, lust-filled fantasies, and a movie.

  The next day my sister and nephew came over to help unpack the leftover boxes. If it weren’t for them, boxes would have stayed in the corner with junk piling on top of them over time.

  “How’s the new job?” Marie asked, while hard at work.

  “It’s cool,” I said stacking books on the shelf.

  “That’s good,” she smiled. “You thinking about getting a car soon?”

  “No.” I walked over and sat across from her on the floor. “Why did you ask that?”

  “I don’t like you walking downtown,” she made a horrified face. “Too many crazies.”

  “A lot of people walk around here. And I don’t get out much anyway.”

  “You were always the boring sister,” Marie teased.

  I tossed a pillow in her direction in response to her comment. She dodged it and continued to unpack.

  “For your information, I’m going to an art show tonight,” I said in a snooty voice.

  “Art show. That’s right up your alley. Going with a friend?” she pried, raising her eyebrows.

  I moved an empty box to the side and started on another one. “Nope.”

  “I saw Kevin at the grocery store the other day,” Marie paused to catch my reaction.

  I gave her nothing. Darren took the ex-boyfriend off my mind. There was no need to pine over an old lover who hurt me the way he did.

  “And, he asked about you,” she continued. “Maybe you can invite him to the show.”

  “No thanks, it’s over between us,” I replied, bothered by the suggestion. “Why would I want to spend time with him?”

  My sister knew how he broke up with me. She was my ride when Kevin left me alone at his apartment to go party while I wallowed in embarrassment and tears. It didn’t sit well that she would even say that.

  “Because he’s still thinking of you,” she said, then paused again.

  I stopped unpacking to give her a death stare. Her expression showed that she was seriously thinking that I would be overjoyed. Instead, I became disgusted by her inconsiderate point of view.

  “I always liked you two together,” Marie added. “So, you’re never going to forgive him?”

  “Are you ever going to forgive your ex-husband?” I snapped at her.

  I knew bringing up Beaux Sr. was below the belt, but I was pissed at the fact that she talked about Kevin as if he moved away or something. That dude disrespected me and our entire relationship. My sister saw firsthand how broken he left me. She was out of her damn mind.

  “That’s different!” She slammed a book onto the floor, “Making an immature mistake with a girlfriend is one thing, but risking your family, unforgivable.”

  That declaration sent a bad feeling to the pit of my stomach. Deep down, I secretly wanted Darren to do the same thing. That brought on a small level of guilt for thinking like that. I wasn’t concerned that I insulted my sister. To hell with her emotions. She brought that on herself by mentioning Kevin in the first place.

  “I can’t believe you would say that, Jenn!” she fussed, getting my attention.

  “Well, I can’t believe you thought I would be waiting around for Kevin,” I spitefully replied.

  “A relationship and marriage are two different things,” she yelled.

  “A heartbreak is a heartbreak!” I shouted, matching her volume. “No matter how much you try to downplay it.”

  I was done with the conversation and left her on the floor with a box of books.

  “Jenn, if you’re not looking to get back with Kevin, at least put yourself out there to find someone new,” she yelled while I went to check on Beaux. “Find you a little crush. Someone to give you those butterflies again.”

  In reality, I had found someone new. But I wouldn’t dare tell Marie that I was crushing on a married man. Especially after what she went through in her marriage.

  Needless to say, her and Beaux left shortly after the quarrel. Along with leaving the pile of old textbooks on the floor. I packed them back up and drug the big box downstairs to the trash.

  That evening, I ran late for the art show. Taking my sister’s advice, I spent more time in the mirror painting my face to hopefully catch the eye of a new crush. Although I hated the delivery and the mention of Kevin, she was right about one thing. I needed an available man to give me those butterflies again.

  By 8:25 pm, I pulled up to the ga
llery in an Uber. I strutted inside in heels and a tight, dark purple jumpsuit with high hopes that I’d meet a fellow art lover and get his number. Unfortunately, the event space was filled with mostly couples and men that obviously weren’t interested in the opposite sex.

  The exhibition consisted of two artists, a sculpture who frequent the Atlanta area, and a painter from DC. One piece grabbed me at first glance. It was of a woman looking out into the ocean. The piece was called “A Dreamer’s Day”. I was in awe, staring at how the artist blended blue, orange, purple, and gray to show the ocean complementing the evening sky. The painting put my mind at ease, causing a beautiful hypnosis.

  “I knew you’d come.” A deep, sexy voice said from behind.

  Once the smell of captivating cologne hit me, I figured out who the voice belonged to. I turned around slowly to prepare my face, ridding the delirious smile and found Darren behind me. He had the stance of a smooth talker, ready to charm the panties off any woman who locked eyes with him. He was dressed in a nice suit. Not the usual office wear, but an ensemble suitable for a date or a night at the art gallery. His hair was freshly cut, teddy bear eyes gleamed with leisure, and a grin that breathed vibrancy into his dimples. I tried so hard not to stare into those gripping eyes.

  “Hey! Didn’t think I’d find you here. Thanks for the flyer by the way,” I shifted my eyes around the gallery. “I’m really enjoying myself.”

  “My wife and kid are staying at her mother’s for the weekend and my boys are busy with their wives, so I thought it would be a good way to spend a Saturday evening.” He broke the stance, altering his weight to form another pose with his hands in the pockets of his fitted dress pants.

  Another mention of the wife and the daughter. I got it, GOD! I screamed in my head.

  “Last night I watched old movies and ate pizza,” he concluded shaking his head at himself.

  “Old movies and pizza huh?” I nodded, continuing the eye shift. “Chinese food and a romantic comedy for me.”

  Darren laughed at my boring evening. I HAD to look at his smile again. The force was back and taking over. My eyes were then glued on him. No shifting. I couldn’t move them if I wanted to.