The Perfect Sin

by The Blakk Dahlia

  “Uh...No, I’m fine. I have to rush back to work. See you around,” I scurried through the lobby to the elevators.

  I didn’t look back to see if he was behind me. Seeing that ring turned my heroic spirits into a villain.

  Lunch was a huge mistake. I thought. A mistake that I will never make again.

  Over the next few days, the goal was to avoid Darren. The fantasy of mine HAD to leave for good, with no way of returning through the force of “teddy bear eyes”. It was time to buckle down on finding my own man. Meeting Mr. McCray was valuable. He showed me the qualities that I would want in the next guy. At least I had a silver lining to the unattainable lust.

  I relaxed at home, scrolling through Instagram when photos of Boston kept appearing on my timeline. My social media must have had a mind-reading feature because I strongly considered making the trip after Darren’s recommendation.

  While comparing plane ticket prices online, I phoned my friend, Samantha, to see if she was up for a visit.

  “Hey girl, how’s it going? I miss you, Jenn!” Sam answered.

  “Hi, I miss my Sam! I was thinking that I’d pay you and Kassandra a visit in a few weeks. Just a weekend thing before I start school.” I looked to the floor and saw Darren’s note from the art flyer and threw a pillow over it. “I need to get away!”

  “YES! I love that idea. Back to school, congrats Jenn! I know Kass will be up for it too, so come on.”

  “Good, I’m booking it now,” I replied, balancing my cell between my ear and shoulder. “So, how’s Boston?”

  “It’s great. Work is crappy but what job isn’t these days. I met this new guy!” she giggled like a schoolgirl. “His name is Jerry.”

  “Oooh, Jeeeerrrryyyy.” I teased. “Tell me about him.”

  “Well he’s 37, Boston-native but his family came from Ireland or something. He’s amazing and we’ve been going out for about two months now. Still fresh, but much potential. So how about you? I know there has to be a new man on the scene.”

  I closed my eyes tight, dreading the response I was about to give. “New job, new place, no new man. I’m trying to work on that. I guess I need to get out more.”

  “Yes! Please do. You deserve someone new,” she reassured me. “A nice gentleman to show you how a man is supposed to act.”

  In a way, I had one. Darren hadn’t done much, but his gestures made me feel good. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about him. Mainly because there wasn’t anything to be excited about. I couldn’t have him; nothing was going on between us. So, no need in bringing it up to create false hope among friends.

  Our conversation went on for another hour or so. Preparing for a trip to Boston provided a great distraction from thinking about Darren. Although the trip WAS his idea.

  The next morning Kassandra called being way too excited at eight in the morning.

  I stepped into a small corner of the lobby to finish the conversation. “Yes Kassandra, I’m coming to Boston.”

  “Good and it’s not too cold up here so I won’t have to hear you complain,” she said loudly.

  “Ha! You know how much I hate the cold.” I noticed I was talking loud as well. I peeked at the random stares, then lowered my voice. “Hey, I have to get to work. I’m running a little late this morning. I’ll text you my flight info.

  “Yes, do that. Talk to you soon.”

  “Alright. Bye.”

  The smile on my face said it all. I was visiting my besties and I couldn’t wait to get on that plane.

  “So once again, you’ve taken my advice.” A cologne-filled voice said, suddenly appearing from behind.

  I turned around and there was Darren. Standing tall and sexy in a navy-blue suit. It seemed as though he waited for me to get off the phone to speak.

  “Uh, yea. I guess you could say that.” My eyes danced around the lobby, searching for a reason to get away. “I’m going to Boston in two weeks to visit my friends.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’ll have a chance to get away before school starts,” he moved closer. “You’ve been there before, right?”

  “Twice.” I adjusted my backpack and swallowed hard, flushing down any words that may come up within the subjects of lunch, flirting, or something stupid. “Well um, I gotta head in. Too much on my plate this morning. Enjoy your day!”

  I gave a quick wave, then headed towards the elevators. I didn’t need to spend any more time in that man’s presence.

  I reached my desk, set my backpack down, and tried to get the day started. Miss Alice, of course, was waiting with questions burning on her lips.

  “Hey, I didn’t know you liked artwork!” She pointed to a large object lying flat, under my desk.

  My eyes followed her finger to a painting resting on the floor. I crouched down to pull it out, surprised at its beauty. The surprise elevated when I realized it was from the art show. The infamous $6,000 painting which moved my spirit into a trance.

  “What?!?!” I screeched sitting the canvas upright. “How did that get here?”

  “The messenger dropped it off about an hour ago. It was in the way so I had Darren move it under the desk since he was the only man around at the time,” she studied the area under my desk, “That’s funny, I thought there was a card or something with it. Did you mean to have it delivered here?”

  “Umm...Well...yes, I did. It’s so hard to get home in time to catch the delivery guy at my building,” I lied. “I thought it was coming next week. That’s why I’m surprised it’s here today.”

  I left her standing in front of the painting leaned against a file cabinet in my cubicle. My legs grew weak, pulling me into my seat.

  Where did it come from? I thought. Only one person knew I liked.....DARREN!

  Shocked was an understatement to describe the feeling rushing through me. Miss Alice gushed over how lovely it was, making small talk in which I ignored. I needed her to take a seat and mind her business while I figured out how to process everything.

  “What’s wrong, Jenn? Did they send the wrong one?” she asked with her bony hand on my shoulder.

  “No. It’s the right one. I’m just tired and I forgot to do some things that’s all.” I replied, hoping the excuse would be enough to be left alone.

  My computer finally booted up, and an instant message notification from Darren appeared. I waited until Miss Alice left before opening the chat box.

  Darren McCray: Hey Jenn, I thought you might like to hang it in your living room. I had a note with it, but you know how Miss Alice is. LOL!

  Why in the hell would he buy me expensive artwork? Kevin never spent that much money on me. How am I supposed to accept this? As I pondered, another message popped up.

  Darren McCray: I know the painting will be too heavy for you to carry home. Let me know what time you’re leaving for the day and I’ll give you a ride.

  “Huh!?!” I said aloud.

  “Is everything okay, Jenn?” Miss Alice asked from two cubicles over.

  “Yes,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Everything’s fine.”

  I temporarily closed the chat just in case she snuck up behind me like a ninja. Figuring the coast was clear, I reopened it and replied.

  Jennifer Steele: First off, thanks! This was so unexpected. No need to give me a ride. I’m not going straight home after work. Taking an Uber to my sister’s house. Thanks anyway.

  Another lie. I couldn’t allow him to take me home again. It was all wrong. Wrong on so many levels. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to accept a gift with so much value from a man who wore a wedding band every day. Deep inside I knew things were sketchy, however, I couldn’t help but to be flattered as well.

  All in all, it was too mind-boggling for me. Every time I tried to get rid of the lusts, the dreams of giving in to inner desires; he’d pop up outdoing himself.

  Is he courting me? I wandered, trying to focus on work.

  I HAD to talk to Darren to finally make sense of it. He didn’t respond to my refusal of his offer to t
ake me home, so I figured he understood the message within the message. But, on the other hand, I didn’t want to seem unappreciative. It would have been rude to not officially thank him.

  I waited until the afternoon to reach out again.

  Jennifer Steele: Hi Darren. With the craziness of this morning, I forgot to ask...

  Jennifer Steele: Was this the painting that you were trying to buy that night at the gallery?

  Darren McCray: No, I bought another one for my den. The artist gave me a good deal on the one you have and I thought you’d like it. Sort of a “congrats on starting school” gift.

  It couldn’t have been a gift to go back to school. While at the art gallery, I was still unsure about going back. There was something weird about the guy that I needed to investigate.

  Jennifer Steele: It’s lovely! But I don’t know if I need to accept this.

  Darren McCray: Just a gift, Jenn. Enjoy it.

  Darren McCray: ...And you’re very welcome. ☺

  Still no clarity within the message. An abrupt thought to leave it be, consumed me. He was the man of my dreams giving the attention I wanted since the day my eyes experience him. Part of me didn’t want to dig, finding out the full truth.

  An Uber ride took me home, and I struggled with getting the painting on and off the elevator. I hung it up on the living room wall, another battle. The effort in keeping him off my mind was not working. Especially since I had a constant reminder hanging over my sofa.

  Another week of radio silence between us then, I broke down and invited him to lunch. My curiosity just wouldn’t let it go. Plus, the lust inside craved seeing him up close.

  “So, what’s the plan for your Boston trip?” he asked, finishing his steak.

  “I don’t know yet.” I pushed my salad around with my fork, trying to think of how to ask about the gift. “But I’m sure my friends will have something planned for us.”

  He stopped eating and looked strangely at my fork sliding across my plate. “Something wrong with your salad?”

  I tapped the fork on the plate hard and nervously grinned. “I just uh, need more salad dressing.”

  “Oh okay,” Darren motioned for the waiter to come over to the table, then continued. “Are your friends from Boston?”

  “Samantha is originally from Florida and Kassandra is from North Carolina. We were all roommates in college.”

  With a slight head tilt, his mouth curved into a smirk. “What school did you go to again?”

  I condensed my eyelids throwing him a ‘You already know the answer’ look, “UGA.”

  “I think we always beat you guys in football back when I was in school.” He chuckled.

  He tended to bring that up every time we mentioned anything about our college days.

  “Georgia Tech beating UGA? I doubt it!”

  The waiter came over dragging her feet, annoyed that she’d actually have to work for the tip. “Yes?”

  “Hi, can she get more salad dressing? Thanks!” he turned to me and smiled, “I know we beat your school. I was on the team, Jenn.”

  The waiter nodded her head awkwardly at Darren’s sudden change of attention, then dragged her feet away.

  “I think your memory isn’t serving you well today,” I joked.

  He teased with a sexy serious face, then broke out into a geeky laugh. I swooned, then straightened my face to keep the setting strictly platonic.

  “Are you and your boyfriend looking to take things to the next level? You know, marriage? Kids?”

  Where in the hell did that question come from? I thought, with a cringed expression.

  “Darren,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “I’m single. And I have been for a long time. My last relationship didn’t end well so I’ve been focused on other things.”

  “Oh...I-I’m sorry I just assumed that you were spoken for,” he replied with wide eyes. Almost as if he was embarrassed by asking in the first place.

  I shrugged. “I don’t get out much to meet new people anyway so...”

  “It’ll happen soon,” he added suddenly, biting his bottom lip.

  “Funny, I was telling my friend a while back that I needed to go out more. The only place outside of work and fast food places near my apartment.’

  He blinked slowly and licked his lips, neatly placing used silverware on the empty plate. “Maybe it’s time for you to wait and allow a man to come to you.”

  “And there is another piece of your good advice that will come true.” I laughed trying the break the lust thoughts surging from his newly wet lips.

  “What day are you leaving?” He chuckled, retrieving his phone.

  “Next Friday. I’m working until 12, then heading straight to the airport.”

  “Do you need a ride? I can take you on my lunch break.” He typed in his calendar app, then quickly put it away in his pocket. “Hell, I may even take a half-day myself. They’re working me too hard.”

  “Uh...I think I’ll...”

  “Nope, I insist,” he chimed in, while I tried to come up with a solid excuse.

  “Well, if you insist. Okay!”

  I knew I shouldn’t have said that. But what else could I say?

  “Good,” he replied, interlocking his fingers with his forearms on the table.

  “Darren, why are you so nice to me?” I asked, dropping my fork on the plate.

  The question slipped out as my eyes went into a dreamy state, staring at him. The words felt cheesy and immature leaving my tongue. But there was no turning back and the question had to be answered.

  Darren squinted his amazing eyes then responded, “Because I like you.”

  That comeback stopped me in my tracks. The waiter bringing the check to the table helped me to focus on something else. A bill we didn’t ask for from the lazy waitress. I grabbed the check, as I promised him earlier, that lunch was going to be my treat. He tugged at the receipt, preventing me from looking at the total.

  “Look, Jenn, I know you said you wanted this to be your treat but, I’ll take care of it,” Darren said pulling out his black card then placing it into the check holder.

  “Darren!” I slapped my hand over the check.

  He softly placed his hand over mine, “Nope. I got it.”

  Our focus locked in on each other. That time I wasn’t swooning, I waited for him to move his hand. Darren quickly shook his head and shot a look over at the waiter.

  “No, I got it, Darren,” I raised my voice to get his attention. “And what do you mean by saying you like me?”

  “Wait...” he said with the look of swiftly redirecting his thoughts.

  At the time, I knew it was coming. He noticed my dreamy eyes and I thought he would do the “man thing” by backing away because I was getting too close.

  Here we go, the bombshell of him verbally rejecting me. I thought as he swiftly removed his hand. I hid my hand in between my knees and slid back into the chair.

  “Neither one of us asked for the check,” Darren scratched his head. “I asked for salad dressing.”

  “Ha!” I laughed loudly, getting the attention of the waiter and her friends gossiping at the hostess section. “I forgot all about that.”

  I didn’t want the salad dressing in the first place. My hand went over my heart, feeling it slow down with each second that passed. The relief that came over me was calming.

  “I don’t need it anymore,” I waved my hand. “We can head back.”

  For the rest of the day, I couldn’t stop wondering what Darren meant by saying that he liked me. He didn’t answer the question. I felt something brewing between us, something that he wasn’t ready to admit. Darren’s reluctance to explain could have been his guilt telling him to run away.

  I agonized the entire walk home, talking to myself. “He is married...with a kid. What kind of “like” does he mean? As a person, as a lover, as a side piece? This man is slowly working me and I don’t know why. Why me? Does he see me as some naïve girl who wouldn’t mind being a mistress? Of
course, he does. But no. No! Darren doesn’t want me in that way, he’s just being nice.”

  My personal conversation probably scared people passing by, but couldn’t worry about that. I fiddled with my hair as I talked it out with myself. And I had no resolution to the enjoyable confusion instilled by Darren. As much as I tried to lose that attraction, he made it harder and harder.

  I began to feel played. I remember paying close attention to the argument with Cheryl in the elevator. It wasn’t 100% clear whether or not she was the wife, but I had a strong feeling that her full name was Cheryl “Mrs. Teddy Bear Eyes” McCray. Cheryl “mother of his child” McCray. Cheryl “Jenn, you’ll never take my position” McCray.

  “I’m only here to make him feel better about himself when the wife makes him feel shitty,” I concluded.

  Chapter 6: Best-Friendly Reminders...

  I rushed to make it to work on time while dragging my luggage down the street. I had to get in early to be able to leave by noon for the trip to Boston. The bag slowed me down and for some reason, I ran into every homeless person begging for change. I had none to give them anyway but their long sob stories held up progress.

  I finally reached the front door where, of all people, Miss Alice was there holding it open for me.

  “Moving in?” she chuckled, waving her bony arm for me to come in.

  “No, I’m going to the airport after I leave work,” I said, walking in a huff.

  “Airport?!?!” she screeched, with hands to her cheeks, “Where are you going?”

  “Boston, to visit friends,” I answered, taking a minute to catch my breath.

  “Boston? Woooow,” she walked in front of me, gapping at my bag. “Do you have family there too?”

  “Nope.” I pulled the handle, heading for the elevators.

  Miss Alice wasn’t letting up that easily, she skipped ahead to keep up and continued to question me.

  “What do you have planned?” she asked, catching the elevator for us, “Have you known these friends for long?”

  “Nope. Just visiting and hanging out,” I replied, ignoring the last question.

  Traveling up, cramped inside with my bag, Miss Alice, and a few executives, she rambled on about places to eat, places to visit, and naming family members from a smaller area near the city. I WAS NOT INTERESTED!