The remainder of that week, Darren and I spent every lunch hour together. We talked about everything, from our parents, adjusting after college, and I even filled him in on my past relationship with Kevin. I felt him getting upset at the way my ex dumped me. I was over it, but Darren expressed that he felt I deserved better. His concern for me made me fall even deeper. The way he listened was nothing like I had ever experienced from a male friend.
Friday afternoon. To keep Darren in the “friend zone”, I made plans to meet up with some high school friends that night for a concert. I hoped that I’d at least find a truly single man to get to know and date. That way I can leave Darren in his place for good and put an end to the nonstop thoughts of him being all mine.
That afternoon, Kelly needed me to do some last-minute work which kept in the office longer than expected. I had to smile and pretend that I was okay with working late especially since she didn’t put up a fuss about staying home earlier that week. It was almost 5:45 pm and everyone else had gone home for the weekend.
The room was quiet. All I heard was my fingers on the keyboard and mouse clicks. Just when I thought I was completely alone; the sound of footsteps grew louder behind me. I felt a tall familiar figure behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders giving a slight massage. Usually, that would scare a woman. But I knew who it was, the cologne gave him away. I smiled and inhaled the aura of Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes.
“Why are you still here?” he asked, discontinuing the mini massage, “Aren’t you supposed to be home by now?
“Well, that was the original plan, but my boss had OTHER PLANS for me,” I replied, still typing.
Darren walked around to my side and leaned his backside against the desk. “I just finished up for the day and was headed home until Michael mentioned that you were still here. I don’t want you to be in this empty office by yourself.”
“I’ll be fine. The security guards are around.” I turned to look at him, “I’m almost done anyway, I have plans tonight.”
“Are you going on a date?” he asked with widened eyes.
“No. I’m going to a concert with some friends,” I flirted. “You going on a date?”
“I wanted to. But you’re going to a concert,” Darren flirted with a grin. “I’m about to grab my laptop. Finish up here and I’ll take you home.”
“Is that a demand Darren McCray?” I teased.
“Yes, Jennifer Steele,” he replied backing away. “You know the rest of that can wait until Monday.”
“What if it can’t?” I looked back innocently.
“Then I’ll wait for you,” he winked then headed towards the elevator.
I couldn’t describe what those words meant to me. They seemed to mean more than waiting after hours to take me home. They insinuated a deeper thought. Like he wouldn’t mind waiting as long as it took for us to be able to act on our attraction. Once again, the hard task of keeping him at a safe distance commenced.
I hurried through the remainder of my tasks to make sure I didn’t keep him waiting too long. Honestly, his presence and mini massage made me want to spend a little time with him before the concert. He returned right as I was saving my work.
“You didn’t have to rush for me. I said I would wait for you,” Darren said walking toward me with his laptop bag on his shoulder.
I gawked in awe as he came closer. He wore a fitted polo style shirt which showed a nice outline of a muscular chest. Amid the staring, an innocent but risky idea came to me.
“Are you sure you don’t need more time?” he asked with a sweet smile.
“Nope, I’m ready. Are you in a hurry to get home? Wanna get a drink?” I asked boldly.
“We can do that. My wife is taking my daughter to a play date this evening so I’m pretty much free.”
Wife reminder. Uggh! That “W” word changed my mind quickly.
“You know what, I can go straight home,” I said bleakly. “We don’t have to get a drink.”
I held my head down while grabbing my backpack.
“What’s wrong, Jenn?” Darren took the bag from my hand, “What made you change your mind like that?”
“It was a bad idea,” I breezed by him towards the elevator.
“Jenn, don’t do that,” he begged, following me. “I was just saying that I was free for the evening. It’s fine. We can go get a drink or two or three if you need it.”
I turned around to face him, catching those dreamy eyes, then swiftly moved mine to the floor. “I just don’t want to make things hard for us, you know?”
“We’re friends remember?” he convinced. “Things won’t be hard.”
“Alright,” I sighed. “Let’s go.”
Darren suggested we have drinks at a bar inside the W hotel downtown. When we arrived, he helped me sit at the high bar stool before he sat down. It took a lot for me to compose myself while his strong hands brushed against my waist.
“Are you in the mood for wine, or do you need the hard stuff?” he asked, setting in beside me.
I needed the hard stuff. But not liquor.
“A vodka and cranberry will do,” I grinned ear to ear with dirty thoughts running through my mind.
“You really need that drink huh?” Darren snickered with his taunting dimples. “Getting happy just thinking about it.”
“It’s not the drink.” I batted my eyes slowly, rubbing fingers through my curly styled hair.
Darren bit his bottom lip and studied my fingers gently moving from root to tip. His dimples made slight imprints along with his eye movements. I was pissed when the bartender appeared, breaking up the moment. I pushed my hair to the back, sitting silently while he talked to the bartender.
While he ordered, Cheryl’s name popped up on his cell phone. It was only a text message but seeing her name killed the vibe. Darren didn’t see the message, luckily the bartender’s questions about the liquor preference kept his attention.
I sat back, marveling at the décor around the bar. Abstract art in a luxury form with gold and deep purple colors were surrounded by modern-day light fixtures. By the decorum alone, I could tell our drinks were going to cost a “pretty penny”.
The thought of Cheryl’s message suddenly scared me as the phone buzzed again, giving a reminder of the message.
My mind raced with questions. What would she think of this? Was she texting to tell him that the playdate ended early and she expected him home soon? Does he come here with his wife? Would anybody see us and get the idea that we were spending quality time with each other?
Darren mildly touched my arm, easing the anxiety building from Cheryl’s text.
“Here you go,” he handed me the drink. “Strong drink for a strong lady.”
“Are you starting a tab?” the bartender asked him.
He looked towards me to make the decision. I nodded my head, beaming on the inside at how Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes put the ball in my court.
“Yea, we’re starting a tab,” he smirked.
The happy hour “date” was off to a nice start, I didn’t want Darren to check his phone. I feared that the message would bring it to an end. But I didn’t have the heart to be shady. It could have been an emergency with their daughter.
“Darren, your phone buzzed,” I alerted before turning my attention to the flat screen TV. An international soccer match was on. I watched as if I understood the game, preventing the impulse to look at the message.
“Oh, thanks.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw where he read the message, then put the phone away in his pants pocket. I wanted to ask about it. Ask if I needed to hurry so he could head home. I tried reading him to see what it meant. But he didn’t seem bothered. Whatever the message said, Darren wasn’t trying to leave. I watched him like a hawk for about two minutes. No emergency. Our time wasn’t disrupted.
“So, this black card you’re always flashing?” I asked, focusing on something else besides the wife’s text. “Not trying to get into your business but...”
I blushed at how his eyes studied me while answering my probing. “Just trying to see how I can be like you when I grow up.”
“You will. It takes time, but you will,” he smiled back holding up his drink. “What are we toasting to?”
“Toast to getting through a day of hell!”
A geeky laugh left his mouth as we clinked our glasses.
Another hour of flirting with two more rounds of drinks, and I was ready for the concert. I wanted to cancel on my friends and spend more time with Darren. The night probably would have ended with us getting a room at the hotel.
My “date” paid the tab and held on to me as we walked out of the hotel. In my mind, I was supposed to feel dirty, ashamed, wrong. Those feelings never came. Instead, I felt happy, secure, protected, in bliss knowing that I was with someone who wanted to be with me. As we walked, I looked up and smiled at him. He returned the smile that instantly snapped me into a daze.
Later that night, I met up with friends, as planned. The concert was for an indie artist popular for his dynamic shows. I was having a great time and didn’t care about finding a man. Darren killed that idea during happy hour.
During a slow song that I didn’t care for, I took a quick trip to the bar. My phone buzzed in my pocket from text messages. Mostly from Kassandra updating me on her blind date. But there was one that I wanted to take time to read and reply instantly.
Teddy Bear Eyes: Hey, didn’t want to bother you. Just wanted to check in to see if you were having a good time.
Jenn: Hi ☺ I’m having fun. Wish you were here!
I knew the message would trigger something forbidden between us, but I lived in the moment.
Teddy Bear Eyes: Wish I was there too. I have to take my daughter to her aunt’s house in the morning. Let’s meet up for breakfast.
Jenn: It’s a date!
Teddy Bear Eyes: I’ll call you in the morning. Have a good night and be safe! Call me if you need me.
“Call me if you need me” How sweet. That message amped me up to continue having a good night.
I didn’t get home until 3AM. The concert was great but my friends thought it would be a good idea to swing by an after party. BAD IDEA. I was way too tired and didn’t want to miss breakfast with Darren. I fell asleep on the sofa dressed in my concert/party clothes.
My phone vibrating off the table woke me up later that morning when the sun was almost at its peak. It was Darren!
“Hello? Hi!” I answered in a panic.
“Hey, I’ve been trying to call you for the past two hours,” he laughed, “Did you forget?”
“No. No, I didn’t. I-I just got in late last night, well...this morning.” I stumbled off the sofa and into the bathroom. “I’ll be ready in about twenty minutes.”
“I have to help my boy move some furniture to storage. That’s why I was trying to get you earlier,” he said disappointed.
“Oh, sorry,” I murmured, annoyed with myself for oversleeping.
“It shouldn’t take long. How about I pick up something after I’m done and bring it over?” Darren suggested.
“Sure, I’ll be here,” I happily agreed.
Relieved that I had more time, I dashed into the shower. My hair reeked of smoke from the after party. Meeting Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes, looking and smelling like the previous night, wasn’t very attractive. Waiting for him to arrive, I laid in bed, imagining how sexy he looked moving furniture. I’d pay to see that in action. It was as if my man was coming over for mid-morning loving. Although it wasn’t going to be like that, it soothed me to dream.
I almost feel asleep dreaming of Darren’s hand on me, barely hearing the door. I ran to catch the door before he left. I didn’t want him to think I was standing him up for the second time.
“Hey” I opened the door, panting. “Come in.”
“Are you okay? Sounds like you were working out.” He walked in, checking me out.
“No, just rushing that’s all.” I caught my breath checking him out as well.
“You don’t have to rush for me,” Darren said smoothly with a smile. “You know I’ll always wait for you.”
I tried to contain the arousing force in between us, attempting to draw us together.
“Let’s eat. I need to soak up some of this liquor.” I skipped towards the kitchen, “What did you bring me?”
“Some bacon, eggs, and pancakes,” he unpacked breakfast on the kitchen counter. “What had you out until this morning? The concert lasted all night?”
“There was an after party at this club downtown,” I sighed, admiring the delicious platter he brought over. “It was fun, but I was quickly reminded of why I hate clubs. Just the same ole promoters, same ole celebs, same ole groupies. Not my thing anymore.”
Darren exhaled the usual geeky and sexy laugh.
I tapped him on his exposed, muscular arm. “Don’t laugh at me! Where’s your food?”
He moved closer to me. So close. It made me a little nervous.
“Honestly, I already ate. I didn’t think you were going to answer your phone this morning.”
“That’s fine. More food for me,” I said then ate the soft scrambled eggs.
He watched me eat, slowly shifting his eyes from my mouth to my eyes. “Man, I just knew you had a boyfriend. Your ex was a fool for doing you wrong. But hey what can I say, I’m marr....”
I held up my hand to stop him from finishing the sentence while I chewed.
“Please don’t say it. Doesn’t make this better.”
Darren’s face saddened with the sound of my words. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make this uncomfortable.”
“I appreciate that. I want to be close to you but I know that this... whatever this type of friendship is, can only go so far,” I explained, “I don’t want to destroy your family.”
“I get it and I don’t want to do that either,” he grabbed a slice of bacon from my plate, trying to lighten the mood by teasing me with it.
“Are you sure you’re not unhappy with your wife?” I asked, getting him to concentrate on the subject matter at hand.
Darren’s face went from teasing to confusion then guilt. “It’s not anything like that. I just find myself wanting to be in your company. Cheryl’s a good wife. A good mother. I love her. She has her ways, but I love her. And then there’s you. My mind drifts to you and I can’t stop it. Your laugh, your smile. Even the way you second guess being around me, it...it turns me on.”
The honesty left me speechless and a little mad. What was I supposed to do with a man who was attracted to me but still in love with his wife? My head lowered to my plate.
Wait, he said I turned him on! I thought. Damn Jenn, you still got it!
I was done eating and Darren watched an old movie on TV. Something inside moved me closer to him. Feeling my energy, he put his arm around my shoulder. The two of us snuggling on my sofa was magnetic. He then reached for his phone and dialed a random number.
“Hey Morgan, can you do me a favor and take Dana home? I got caught up with something... Thanks. Talk to you soon... Bye.”
After the quick request to Morgan, he turned off his phone. Resting his head on the arm of the sofa, he pulled me on top of him. I laid in on his chest inhaling the masculine sensuality of his cologne. My head moved with his chest rising and falling. Based on that phone call, he was mine for the rest of the day.
“So, I take it that you’re not leaving anytime soon?” I asked, peeking at him.
“Do you want me to leave anytime soon?” He asked with a slight chuckle.
My head moved back to rest on his chest. “You know the answer to that question Darren.”
“Jenn, I want to spend time with you, like this more often. Is that possible?”
“Yes!” I quickly answered.
That “yes” crept through my lips as soon as the q
uestion filled the air. I wanted to see him more. Outside of work, lunches, and random outings. I wanted him in my space, lying next to him. That was all I needed from him at the time. A space where we could be in our own little world, with no worries of how our growing friendship would cause havoc in his home.
Darren stayed until the early sunset. Over the next few weeks, Tuesday, and Thursday nights belonged to us, in my living room. He came over, we snuggled, talked, and watched TV. He would even help me study, rewarding me with food and cuddle time.
I didn’t allow him in my bedroom. That would have been too much of a risk. Although I craved intimacy from him, we both knew that would have been too far. That was around the time I started to think less of the sin I committed and more of how satisfying it felt. I deserved it.
Chapter 8: Know Thy Position and Take Control
The summer heat debuted with a gruesome week of 90-degree weather. Everyone in the Metro Atlanta area celebrated the cool, rainy Sunday. Despite being stuck inside with homework, I enjoyed calming breezes flowing from the patio. Upon completing page one a three-page assignment, which was due that following Tuesday, a strange knock at the door broke my concentration. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and Marie always called before showing up.
“Darren!?!” I screeched, opening the door.
We didn’t talk earlier that day, so a pop-up was the last thing I predicted. The sight and smell of him immediately awakened a delighted feeling within. The water drops on his casual t-shirt showed he’d been caught outside without an umbrella.
Why is he here? I pondered, glaring at the soaked man in my hallway. What was his reasoning for coming over on a day usually spent with family?
“Well, can I come in?” He panted, broadening his dark eyes at me.
“Of course, come in.” I moved aside, continuing the inquiry in my head.
His scent stayed with me as I shared a secret moment basking in the signature smell of my “fantasy lover”. Then, it hit me. Darren had the nerve to show up at my door without calling or texting first. I wanted to be flattered, however, common sense advised otherwise.
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