“Why are you here?” I asked, pulling away from the aromatic reverie.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you today,” he replied, catching his breath. “I wanted to see you.”
“Did you take the stairs?” I joked, handing him a towel to dry off.
Darren gave me his geeky laugh and dimples, then replied. “Thanks. And no, I forgot my umbrella. Had to run in the rain.”
Happy that I was on his mind, but I knew there was more to the story.
Fight with the wife maybe? The inquiry ensued with more assumptions. And needed a little time with his “relief”?
“You just happened to be in the neighborhood?” I raised my arms, then slapped them down at my sides. “Darren you live 45 minutes away.”
“I know, I should have called first but...”
“Look, it’s okay...this time.” I chimed. “I was finishing a paper for class. Do you want something to drink?”
His eyes arose like a sad puppy being scolded for peeing on the carpet. “Can I have a beer?”
Judging by the request for the liquid “man medicine”, I concluded that a fight with Cheryl sent him to my door.
“Yea.” I sighed, while I went to get the beer. Pulled one out for me as well.
Darren took his usual seat on the sofa. Instead of bringing it to him right away, I leaned on the counter getting lost in thought. The random visit didn’t sit well with me. Although we had scheduled time together, I didn’t need him coming over whenever his wife pissed him off. It wasn’t my goal to be his personal stress reliever. However, based on how we were getting closer, I was turning into that person.
I guess I took too long in the kitchen because before I knew it, he appeared next to me. I handed him the opened bottle and attempted to head back to finish my paper. His hand, firmly pressed on my waist, secured me in front of him. Silence. I stared, wondering what he was about to do. He stared back, possibly trying to read my mind. My eyes shifted to the beer I clenched against my chest.
“What’s wrong?” Darren asked, pulling my face to him.
I needed to say how I felt, but the second glance at him presented another idea.
“I want to kiss you. But...I can’t,” my subconscious words pushed their way through my lips.
Common sense returned, moving me out of his reach. His hand loosened its grip as I maneuvered around. The inner lust had to take a back seat. I once again needed more answers.
“Darren, are you the type who just wants to have his cake and eat it too?” I continued. “I’m just trying to figure you out.”
He hung his head down for a brief moment, then ascended to my glare. “Have you stopped to think about what this has been doing to me?”
“No, honestly I haven’t,” I shook my head carelessly. “How can I think about your feelings when every time you leave, I’m here alone? Seems like you have the best of both worlds right now.”
“I don’t want you to feel that way, Jenn,” he belted earnestly, shaking his head.
“It’s our reality, Darren,” I dismissed.
“Jenn, we can do whatever you want. I’ll follow your lead. Whatever you need from me, tell me and I’ll do it. If I’m hurting you, let me know and I’ll do my best to fix it. That’s how much I care about you. Just know that none of this is pre-calculated or a string of patterns,” he pleaded.
The “badass woman” in me emerged, feeling the guilt seeping through his words. If I played it right, I could have him on MY terms. As impossible it was for me to end things, it was vital for him to know that I wasn’t a cheap thrill. Darren Calvin McCray had to play by the rules. Thinking fast, I created them based on the back and forth emotions that played out.
“Look, I’m not trying to end whatever this is,” I began with meaningful character. “I think about you all the time, and I try to tell myself that I shouldn’t, but everything reminds me of you. With that being said, understand that I’m not stupid Darren. You came over because you and the wife had a disagreement. Right?”
“Yea,” he replied in a soft tone, dropping his head.
“I don’t even care to know what it was about. That’s your business,” I waved my hand. “We have to set some ground rules.”
Darren took me by the hand and led me back to the sofa. “Tell me what you need.”
He sat while I stood in a strong stance, preparing my mind to present my demands. Inside, I grew nervous, any moment he could have disagreed and run out of there. However, I desired respect on all levels.
“Darren, before anything, we need to be honest with ourselves about this friendship.”
His face became mystified, tilting his head. “What do you mean?”
“We’re more than friends. You’re not my man. You can’t be my man. But this is more than a platonic thing.” I explained. “Don’t you agree?”
Darren nodded as if it wasn’t news to him. “I know.”
“Good.” I smiled, thankful that we started on the same page. “First, stop bringing up your wife. I know it sounds insensitive, but it’s just a constant reminder of why I shouldn’t be attracted to you. Second, I don’t want to be in a position where your wife will show up and embarrass us. Don’t get sloppy. Third, you can’t just pop up over here whenever you want. I’m not your relief girl for whenever you’re stressed at home. Call or text first. And lastly, WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX.”
I kept my stance, waiting for a response. Darren’s expression changed to being impressed by my “take control” attitude. Like it turned him on or something.
“Jenn, as attracted as I am to you, our friendship is deeper than me just wanting to sleep with you. Or use you.” He confessed. “I care about you deeply.”
“That’s good to know,” I smirked. “Can you agree to everything else?”
He thought for a minute, then answered. “Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”
“And for the record, I care about you too.” I laughed, then sipped my beer, “Do you have any demands for me?”
“Yes,” he said sternly, sitting back in the chair. “Don’t question the things I do for you. I’m not luring you with gifts and lunch dates to be my mistress. You’re worth more than that in my eyes. I enjoy seeing you smile and not having to struggle to be treated like you deserve.”
I grabbed his face, gently scratching his growing goatee. “Okay. I can trust that. Anything else?”
He kissed my hand, sending dimples and teddy bear eyes my way. “Finish your homework.”
I laughed and sat down at my laptop to finish the paper. Darren refused to leave until my assignment was complete. He insisted on proofreading it after I was done. Never thought an accounting person knew so much about computer programing but I didn’t make a fuss. After that, I encouraged him to go home. Enforcing the rules meant having to tell myself “no” as well; resisting my own desires. It was the only way to protect myself from losing out on the situation.
That following Tuesday, just like clockwork, he was back. I put him to work fixing things around the apartment that I didn’t have the man-strength to do. Since I didn’t have groceries, we went out to eat at a small, low-key diner not too far from where I lived.
“Next time, I’m cooking for you,” Darren said, displeased with his food. “You may not believe this, but I know my way around the kitchen.”
“You? In the kitchen? Ha! What’s on the menu?”
“Some grilled seafood, I guess. Haven’t thought about it yet.” He crumpled napkins and threw them on the plate. “This shit is nasty.”
A guy like him was used to eating top-notch cuisines. Not knock-off burgers at truck stop diners. I laughed at his disgusted faces. Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes couldn’t look ugly even if he tried.
“Why don’t you send it back?” I suggested.
“It’s fine. I wasn’t that hungry anyway. As long as you’re eating, I’m good.”
I gave him a soft smile, then finished my food.
Back at the apartment, we indulged in wine and TV. Spendin
g time with him that night, caused me to feel a bit greedy. It was getting late, but I wasn’t going to remind him to head out. The responsibility was on him to get home in time to tuck his daughter in bed. Not mine.
“Do you want more wine?” I stood, leaning to the side to stretch my body.
As I was about to walk away, he grabbed my thighs and pulled me in front of him. The intense look in his eyes spoke volumes about what he was in the mood for.
“Yes, but first I want to hold you,” Darren said.
We hugged as my fingertips danced on the top of his head. My gentle touches over his waves made him faintly moan. He then lifted my tank and kissed my stomach.
“No! Darren. Stop!” I reluctantly freed myself from his grasp. “I’ll get you some wine.”
I didn’t want him to stop, but allowing him to continue would push us into breaking a demand.
“I’m sorry.” He grinned, following me to the kitchen. “You started it by rubbing my head.”
“Whatever, McCray. We don’t need to get on a rollercoaster ride of feelings that we aren’t able to control. I mean look at us now, this has already gone too far.” I scolded him.
“Too far huh?” he said with a sneaky look. “So, I guess me asking if you wanted to go to Puerto Rico with me next weekend would be too far as well.”
Puerto Rico? Didn’t I just tell him we are going too far! I screamed in my head, giving him a blank look. Damn, that trip sounds nice. Laying out on the beach soaking up the sun and watching Darren...
“Hey! Jenn.” He nudged me out of my thoughts. “What do you think?”
“Look, Darren I...”
“No Jenn, don’t do that.” He turned me around to face him. “I follow your demands, now follow mine. You have to let me take care of you. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”
His face was sincere and serious peering back into mine. I didn’t understand why out of all times, he’d propose a trip... just the two of us.
“Do you understand how crazy this sounds?” I asked.
“Can we just enjoy something together?” He laughed. “Look, one of your rules is that my... Well, I can’t mention it because that’s another one of your rules. You don’t want her showing up and, in your words, ‘embarrassing us’.”
“Correct.” I nodded.
“There’s only so many places in Atlanta where we can go without the risk of running into her or one of our friends, or coworkers. We don’t know anybody in Puerto Rico.” He explained.
“So now you’re using my rules against me.” I squinted my eyes, knowing he was putting on to convince me to go. “Darren cut the crap. What’s the REAL reason for this?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Darren chuckled nervously. “I have this instinct of taking you away. Something about it feels right. Come with me?”
How could I say no to that? Yet, I wondered if he was trying to get me to lighten up on my “rules”.
“Puerto Rico...” I sighed. “Guess I gotta buy cute beach clothes.”
“We can go shopping when we get there.” He suggested.
We laid on the sofa, watching a horror movie, falling asleep before it ended. As I awoke, I found myself laying on top of him with his hand pressed against my back. I laid there for a while, inhaling his sexy essence. Sporadically he’d rub his hand up and down my spine while letting out deep breaths. It made me smile. My arms wrapped around him tighter, acting out one of my many fantasies. I HAD to take advantage of the moment.
I looked at the clock on the wall and it was midnight! I jumped up, looking at him. Although startled by my jolt, his eyes opened slowly. Our eyes locked and spoke for us. “Kiss Me”, they whispered. Soon after, our lips were pressed together making sweet smooching sounds like the ones in romantic movies.
Darren’s lips were softer than I had imagined. He soothingly stroked his finger around my back. My mind wondered whether or not his dimples showed as we kissed. I don’t know if it was the wine or the pent-up desires, but neither one of us could pull away. I should have stopped, but it only got deeper. Our tongues touched as we pressed into one another. I felt like I BELONGED in his arms. At that moment, his wife didn’t matter, his daughter didn’t matter. Darren Calvin McCray was ALL MINE.
His hands then moved under my shirt, attempting to unhook my bra. Our kiss was leading us to break my most important demand. That snapped me back into what I was getting myself into. I paused. Even though it seemed as if he was mine, he wasn’t. Cheryl was at home, probably rocking baby girl to sleep; waiting for him to come through the front door.
“You gotta get home Darren.” I removed his hand, climbing off of him. “It’s late.”
“I know. Breaking the rules.” He sighed, raising his body to sit upright.
I nodded, straightening my clothes.
There was a sign of slight embarrassment on his face, knowing that we’d crossed a new line of no return.
“So...um....” He cleared his throat. “Does grilled tilapia, fresh green beans, and brown rice sound good to you?”
“Sounds great.” I blew out in a nervous breath.
That first kiss was amorous. Wistful emotions surged through my mind and body. That was one of the few times I wished common sense had left me alone.
I took Darren’s hand, leading him to the door. Before I opened it, I turned to face him with my eyes dancing up and down his body. I threw my arms around his neck while he picked me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, he pressed my back against the front door. Another kiss.
What in the hell are we doing? I thought as our heads smoothly leaned with the motion of our mouths connecting.
“You make it so hard to obey these demands, Ms. Steele,” he said, placing me back to the floor. “I don’t just crave your body, Jenn. I want all of you.”
I shook my head. “Stop that.”
“Stop what?” he asked, softly grabbing my face. “Telling you the truth about how I feel?”
“You can’t feel that way about me, Darren!” I complained. “Can’t you understand that?”
I stepped to the side for him to open the door. Before he walked into the hallway, he gave one last peck on the lips, then another on the forehead.
“Goodnight Ms. Steele,” he said in a low tone. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight babe.” I bit my lower lip and smiled like a schoolgirl.
Babe!?! Why did I just call him that?! I screamed in my head.
Hearing me call him “babe” made his mouth curl into a huge smile. I wanted to snatch him back into my apartment and take him straight to the bedroom. I resisted the urge, allowing him to leave.
At work, it was business as usual. I was more focused. Knowing where Darren and I stood, didn’t bring on unnecessary distractions that I had before. Around the office, we spoke as normal and no one suspected a thing. We both knew of each other’s inner desires, but our poker faces were masterful. When we were alone, we’d laugh about how well our special friendship was hidden in plain sight.
We just went with it. Both knowing the risks, of heading down a road to the destruction of his family and possibly my reputation. But, none of that mattered. The feeling was too alluring. Strangely...we fit. Things were easy, although I had second guesses, we flawlessly fit.
“Lunch today?” Miss Alice asked, popping up at my desk with a big smile and an imaginary circle of old lady perfume.
“Sure. Why not?” I happily agreed.
I knew I had to cave one day. The way Darren made me feel, took away the anti-social feelings I had towards my coworkers. It also gave me a break from him. We saw each other two to three times a week. Spending EVERY moment together would have been overkill. Also, it was time to slow down on our frequent work lunches.
“Great! Michael and D are joining us,” she added.
“D as in Darren?” I mumbled, feeling my chest getting heavy.
I followed Miss Alice, along with two others from our department, Angel and Jose’, to the lobby. Mi
chael and “D as in Darren” were waiting at the front door.
“I’m so glad you’re able to join us, Jenn.” Miss Alice gushed.
“Me too,” I replied, hiding the hesitancy.
“Oh my gosh! D’s coming too?!” Angel blushed.
Miss Alice turned to me and whispered, “Angel has a little crush on D.”
I laughed aloud. Between me, his daughter, and his wife, “D as in Darren” didn’t have time for a bitch named Angel.
Darren turned around, completely spooked by my arrival for lunch.
“Hey, Jenn!” he said, pulling out his phone. “You coming too?”
“Yep,” I smirked, passing to head outside.
We tried a new Asian-fusion spot a few blocks from the office. Standing in line waiting to order, Darren covertly made his way to stand behind me.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” He whispered into the back of my neck.
I spun around with a jokingly grim look. “Didn’t know YOU were coming, McCray.”
“Let them go ahead of you, I’m paying for your food.” He demanded, trying to cut in front of me.
I stopped him with my purse before he could move any further. “Why?”
“I always pay,” he snickered.
“Well, today you’re not,” I said, throwing a look of annoyance, “I got this.”
“Whyyyy do you have to be sooo difficult?” he dragged his voice in an erotic hiss.
“I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t a little difficult,” I replied in a cocky tone. “Rules, remember?”
“Those damn rules,” he sighed.
“D, have you eaten here before?” Angel crept into our private time, attempting to start a convo with him.
As she and Darren made small talk, I walked up to place my order. Miss Alice slid close to me with her back to the counter.
“She has some nerve! Look at her Jenn, just shameless!” she scowled.
“Who Angel? Ha! It’s hilarious to me.”
“D is a happily married man. He wouldn’t think of looking in her direction,” Miss Alice folded her arms, crinkling her face into a raisin, “Or anyone else’s for that matter.”
The Perfect Sin Page 12