The Perfect Sin

by The Blakk Dahlia

  “Oh, you smart! I may need you on my team. I’m thinking about expanding my brand so I’ll definitely need a website,” he smiled. “How much do you charge?”

  “I don’t usually freelance. But it all depends on what you need.”

  “I need everything. We can rap about that later though.” Martin flashed a sneaky grin. “I’m trying to get close to you.”

  “Okay,” I replied with an eerie look.

  “I got a set starts at midnight tonight. You should come through,” he suggested as the food and drinks came to the table.

  “Sounds like fun. Let me know where and I’m there.” I smiled.

  The remainder of the dinner was nothing to write home about. Martin, excuse me, DJ Ready talked about his hustling days in Detroit, how he’s the best DJ in the nation, and there was a lot of name dropping. I even suffered through an hour-long scrolling session through his Instagram page so that he could prove he knew the “who’s who” in the entertainment business.

  Later that night, I was in a noisy club waiting for Martin. He entered with a thick entourage and quickly came over as soon as he saw me standing in the corner.

  “Come up here with me!” he said, taking me by my waist, pointing to the DJ booth.

  I got lost in the entourage on the way. Eventually making it to where he was, I took a seat behind the booth and watched DJ Ready in action. I was actually impressed with how the crowd responded to his set. Maybe there was something to him being the best DJ in the nation.

  The beginning of the night was fun, the drinks were free, and he even took time to come sit with me during a break.

  “Aye,” he scooted close to me, “Like I was saying earlier. I wanna get to know you. I need a woman like you. Damn, you look good tonight.”

  While talking, I noticed his hand rubbing my thigh. It made me feel uncomfortable. I enjoyed being in his company, but not like that.

  “Thanks,” I replied, removing his hand.

  “Oh sorry. Am I doing too much?” he asked, slightly backing away. “You just look so sexy. I can’t resist you.

  I nodded with a short smile. “Try harder.”

  “So, what do you wanna do after this?” he asked, returning his hand to my body.

  That time was on my stomach like he was petting a puppy or something.

  “I’m going home and going to bed. I have papers to write for school.” I moved his hand again.

  “I got a computer at home.”

  Then there was his hand again, stroking my neck. I was fed up that he wasn’t getting the message. The night was over. I went from being wined and dined with a respectable man in paradise to blocking gropes from a dude I barely knew. Oh, how the mighty had fallen. Why was I settling for that, just to get over Darren?

  “I need to go,” I stood quickly and pushed my way out of there. I didn’t even look back to give him a chance to respond.

  Needless to say, I never heard from Martin nor DJ Ready again. His constant advances were a complete turnoff. I didn’t want to have sex with him; I just wanted a new friend. It was obvious I wasn’t the type of woman he was looking for and I refused to fall prey to a man like him. At the time, I felt that Martin was my karma for dealing with Cheryl’s husband. Good. The sin paid was for and I could get on with my life.

  It had been a month without Darren. I’d hear him around the office and made myself scarce so we didn’t run into each other. It got easier to get through the night without crying, but I thought about him a lot.

  I craved Darren too much. Missed his body on top of mine. Yearned for his arms around me. I craved his kisses. I craved those deep dimples from his smile and that geeky laugh. The memories of Darren and I spending time together, talking, experiencing new adventures in Puerto Rico, and most of all, making love took over anything that I could have felt for a new guy. DJ Ready soured the goal of dating and I was back to square one in getting over Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes.

  Chapter 11: An Honest Woman

  Mid-August and the heat continued its wrath in Atlanta. I longed for a getaway. I accrued a few days of vacation time, so I took advantage as soon as I could. For the next five days, I’d be in a tranquil cabin north of the city. Along with a cheap rental car, I was ready for solitude. No phone, Wi-Fi to do school work, and PLENTY of comfort food. My mind needed a reset to focus solely on my life goals in keeping my job and completing school.

  When I reached the cabin and checked in, I struggled with the groceries and luggage. There wasn’t a fancy car service nor Darren’s strong arms to help. I was all alone. The cabin was beautiful. It had a nice kitchen, comfy bed, big living room, and a hot tub. Although the tub was a much smaller version than the one Darren and I made love in, it was big enough for me.

  It wasn’t going to be easy, but I had to shake the thoughts and feelings for him. Wine was the BEST answer to kick off the refocusing. I seasoned a pack of chicken and popped it into the oven, then changed into my swimsuit to relax in the hot tub. Luckily, there was a TV in the area, so I wouldn’t have to sit in silence with wandering thoughts.

  I soaked in the tub while flipping channels to find a movie or a good sitcom to watch. Nothing. I grew bored fast. Settling on a detective show, my phone rang displaying an unknown number.

  “He-Hello?” I answered hesitantly.

  “Hi, Jenn!”

  I automatically knew that voice. My girl Kassandra.

  “Why are you calling me from an unknown number?” I asked, relieved to have someone to talk to.

  “I lost my phone and I decided to change my number altogether. You know? A fresh start,” she laughed. “What are you doing?”

  “Well, I decided to take a vacation to the cabins for some alone time,” I replied in a dull tone.

  “What’s wrong girl? You sound sad.”

  “You know the guy, Darren, whom I was talking about when I came to visit,” I belted out sinking into the tub. “I let him go.”

  “Yea, I remember him,” she sighed. “I wondered what happened between you two. Wait, I thought you already let him go after you left Boston.”

  “I didn’t. We got deeper into our...thing,” I confessed.

  “Oooooh, no wonder you cut back on your bi-weekly calls,” Kassandra replied in a smug tone.

  “Yep, I didn’t want to tell anyone about it,” I mumbled, placing my hand on my shaking head. “He took me on a trip to San Juan, and our relationship got deeper. Then, it went down the drain once his wife showed up at the office the following week. Not even a full forty-eight hours after we made love before he showed her off. He had his reason for it, but...”

  “Wait, back up. You guys went to Puerto Rico? You made love to this man? You met his wife? What tha hell!?!” she replied, confused.

  I spent the next half-hour clearly explaining everything to Kassandra. She didn’t say much during my “monologue”, just listened as a friend. And I truly needed that.

  “Hey, I know the feeling, Jenn. You meet a man that lights a fire in you, and you’re not ready to put it out. But what do you REALLY want?” she asked.

  I thought for a minute before responding. “I want Darren. It’s selfish, but I want him. We have a real connection. I don’t feel like he’ll hurt me, but you never know with these things. I’ve never heard of a man leaving his wife, then he and the mistress live happily ever after.”

  “Me neither. But, if he’s going through the motions of getting separated, you two just may be the exception. Do you think it’s worth sticking around until he handles that?”

  “Yes!” I answered without a second thought.

  “Then, there you go. You’re young. If it’s a mistake you have time to fix it. I know this probably isn’t the best advice but, you gotta be happy in this life,” she said firmly.

  After getting off the phone with Kassandra, I left the hot tub to finish dinner. Dripping wet in the kitchen, I made a salad and pasta to go with my Italian baked chicken. Sitting at the dinner table, alone, in my swimsuit, the words of my fr
iend replayed. Darren and I were overdue for a talk, without the misplaced anger. It must have been a combination of wine and emotions kicking in. Suddenly, his number was unblocked and I called him. I didn’t care what he was doing at 7 pm on a Thursday, but I wanted to hear his voice.

  “Hey, Jenn,” Darren answered.

  “Hi, Darren. Do you have time to talk?” I replied in a hopeful voice.

  “Yea, I had dinner with my daughter. She’s upstairs playing now.”

  I didn’t know what to say next. There wasn’t a game plan, I winged it.

  Darren noticed my silence and continued. “I didn’t know what to do with the stuff you gave back to me, so it’s sitting in a storage closet in the garage. I wish you would have talked to me first before giving it back.”

  Bringing up the returned gifts was his way of getting some type of conversation going.

  “Okay,” that was all I could say. An apology wanted to come out, but it didn’t.

  “So, what do I owe to this phone call, Jenn?” he asked, growing impatient.

  “I-I don’t know. It’s just...that...I miss you.”

  “You do?” he asked surprised. “It’s been a month, Jenn. No calls, no messages at work, and now you miss me?”

  “Yes!” I exclaimed. “I’m here, alone at this cabin and all I can do is think about you. All I ever do is think about you, Darren. I miss us. What we got into wasn’t the right, but it started. It happened so fast and...”

  “Wait, what are you doing at a cabin all alone?” Darren asked in a panic. “Is it safe?”

  “I’m fine, I just needed some time to refocus,” I replied attempting to calm him down.

  “Where are you? Tell me where you are, and I’ll be there in the morning.” He demanded.

  Those words brought chills. The chills I’d been lacking since the last time I saw him.

  “I’ll text you the address.” I breathed, trying to contain the fire growing within me.

  “I’m coming to you in the morning after I drop my daughter off at her mother’s.” He said, It seemed like he was on his feet, walking around in a haste.

  “At her mother’s? What does that mean?”

  “It means, I moved out.” He stated boldly.

  “Wh-What?” I asked, with the fire turning into shivering nerves.

  “Baby, I told you I asked my wife for a separation. And it happened. Not legally yet, but it’s getting there.” He explained.

  Knots formed in my stomach. I pushed the dinner away because the sight of it made me sicker.

  “Darren, how did this come about?”

  “I told you I was figuring things out. I didn’t want to leave you. I love my wife but, she doesn’t make me feel the way you do. Never did. I guess that’s what drew me to you so much. Cheryl and I were good friends. We should have kept it that way. She settled because she was getting older and wanted a family. I wanted companionship. I tried, but I was never in love with her.”

  I was torn between feeling guilty for awakening those feelings in Darren towards his wife and happy that I was the one he wanted.

  “Darren...” I sighed, getting up from the table. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It needed to happen. Hey, I have to check on my daughter and put her to bed. Can I call you later tonight?”

  “Yes. I’d like that.”

  “Okay. Be careful. Bye.”

  “Bye Darren.”

  I felt numb.

  I broke up a family. I made a man realize that he was missing something in his marriage, and broke up a family. But, then maybe I did them a favor? They settled for each other and I, strangely, saved them. I tried to rationalize my actions with the new information Darren gave. Anything that would help me feel better about what actually happened.

  Later that night, Darren called back as promised. We laughed and talked like old times. The connection was present; we didn’t miss a beat. The separation of he and Cheryl never came up. It made me feel sick. Although relieved, I felt bad for Mrs. McCray and his daughter. If we ended up together, I would eventually have to face them both. What could I say to them? Hi, I’m your new stepmom...Yes, I’m that woman who wrecked your family. How humiliating!

  Instead, we talked about things we bonded over. He’d visited a few art galleries and told me about a few new artists to check out once I was back in the city. We also talked about our time in Puerto Rico and the lovemaking. That made me hot! I relived those moments of him inside of me in my mind as the conversation went deeper into the passion we shared.

  The next morning, I woke up to two missed calls from Darren. We were on the phone very late, so that resulted in me sleeping longer than I’d plan to.

  “Hey, babe!” He answered in a happy mood.

  “Hi, I just woke up.” I pranced around in a silk robe.

  “Good. I’m pulling into the cabin area. I can’t wait to see you.”

  Five minutes later, I opened the door to him standing in front of me in sexy casual wear. He didn’t say a word while holding up a piece of paper showing the procedures towards getting the legal separation. I rushed him. Kissing, holding, and hugging him tightly.

  Our next stop was to the bed and we made love. It was DeJa'Vu from Puerto Rico with him taking it slow, then releasing the animal within to explore deeper. Cheryl’s grief took the back seat yet again as I relished in the man I wanted. Afterward, we cuddled and I stared into his eyes. Kassandra was right, Darren lit an inferno within me. “Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes” was all mine.

  Morals, what morals? Darren C. McCray was moving on with his life, and I was to be a part of it. The ramifications from our relationship were so worth it at the time. I couldn’t picture being without him.

  “I’m glad you’re here with me. I missed this,” I stroked my lover’s face. He smiled, enjoying every touch I gave.

  “I’ve missed you too baby.” The half-dimpled smile then turned into great concern. “Don’t ever leave me again. Okay? Don’t leave me.”

  The look on his face broke my heart. That’s when I knew he was worried about me changing my mind. But I carried the weight of concern about him changing his mind the entire time. I didn’t want to end things in the first place, but being with him came with major hurdles. By taking the steps to end the marriage for us, showed that our relationship wasn’t a game in his eyes. Darren risked a lot for me. Leaving a loving wife and child to step into the unknown world of passion, wrapped in the name of Jennifer Steele. For the first time, I stepped into his shoes, understanding that it was just as hard for him as it was for me.

  “What are you thinking about?” He sat up in bed, reaching for a glass of water on the nightstand.

  “Us,” I replied, sitting up next to him, “Always about us.”

  He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. I grabbed the back of his head pulling him closer, then on top of me. Darren moaned as I nibbled on his ear lobe. I felt him throbbing in between my legs while the words “Don’t leave me again” dance in my head.

  There was no more “back and forth” with my feelings. The decision was concrete, I was going to be with Darren C. McCray at ANY cost. Time would heal things between him and his wife. I had to believe that to lead with my heart.

  Darren stopped kissing to stare into my eyes. “Jennifer, I love you.”

  Wait...what!?!? Did this man just tell me that he loved me?!! I thought. A smile took over my face as I bit my bottom lip.

  “Darren, I don’t know how this will pan out. But, I’m willing to stick by you through it all. And I love you too.” I replied, with watering eyes.

  A big dimpled smile towered over my face, as my reply made him speechless. It was official. No turning back.

  The words I Love You were heard throughout the room during the night of steamy lovemaking. Cheryl’s pain wasn’t a mere thought in my mind. Her time was up, and it was my turn to be the one for him.

  The next morning was spent in bed. Laughing, cuddling, and exchanging deep
thoughts.

  “Darren, how did we end up here?” I rolled over to face him. “One minute we’re strangers, then...this.”

  “You think I have all the answers?” He chuckled. “I wonder that sometimes myself. But like I told you before, I wanted you the first day I saw you. It was like a force that clicked all of a sudden. A lightbulb went off saying, ‘That’s your woman, not Cheryl.’ I offered you a ride home to break the ice. Then, invited you to the art gallery to get to know you. It was innocent at first, thinking we could be good friends. At least I’d still have you in my life. But the more time we spent together, the more I wanted you to be mine. That night when we were in your kitchen and I cooked for you, sealed the deal for me.”

  “Are you going to tell me what happened with the separation?” I asked, straightening the covers around me.

  He closed his eyes for a beat, then opened them. “Puerto Rico had my mind gone. In a good way. I realized I’d been missing something. Honestly, I’d been thinking about that way before we met, Jenn. I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t unhappy either. Just...existing and going through the motions of being a husband. So, after the trip, I took some time to think about what I wanted to do. To be honest, I did think about leaving you alone because we had gotten in too deep. After dropping you off, it sunk in that I was considering leaving my wife for another woman.”

  “Leaving me!?!?!” I interrupted, snatching my head towards his direction. “After the things you said to me in San Juan, you contemplated ending things with me!?!?”

  “Yes, Jenn. I felt that it was best to weigh out all the options. And it was only a thought. I couldn’t leave you alone, baby. Staying with Cheryl for the sake of our daughter, Dana, would only hurt her as she got older. My parents did that you know?”

  “Wow,” I replied, softening my tone. “How did it affect you?”

  “Caused me to have a weird view on marriage. Stepping into life-changing things for the wrong reasons.” He laughed to keep from getting angry. “Long story short, I decided to move forward with ending my marriage. Doing what we were doing, then going home to her wasn’t fair to either one of you.”