“Do you think you rushed into marrying Cheryl to break a cycle?” I intrigued, snuggling into his arm.
“Probably so,” he replied.
Wrinkles of confusion assembled on his forehead. As if he was trying to work out the “whys” of his ways right there in bed. “I don’t know. It’s like I was in a trance or something. Cheryl and I had a good relationship while we were dating. She’s a good wife; GREAT mother. But I just couldn’t be me while being with her. I fell into this routine of doing what I was supposed to do instead of doing what made me happy.”
I nodded, understanding that anyone can be pushed into making a life decision based on the thoughts of others.
Darren shook his head at himself, then continued. “I like exotic vacations, romantic evenings at home, and even lying in bed like this. That’s where I connect with my partner. She, on the other hand, is all about the image of a power couple. I’m successful in what I do, she’s successful in running her office, and we have the cutest daughter.” The dimples showed when he mentioned his daughter, I guess that was the only bright side of him getting married. “Business networking event this, and gala event that...”
He stopped himself before entering into an angry rant. I’m glad he did. It was beginning to be too much, and I almost regretted asking the question in the first place.
“Sorry, I’m getting off track,” he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “We went out to dinner, and I told her that I think we need to separate.”
“Wait, Darren!” I hopped up, looking at him in disgust, “You just sprung it on her like that?!?!”
“How else was I supposed to say it?” he asked, raising his forearm.
“With compassion,” I slightly nudged his torso. “Ugh...men!”
“Yes, it was insensitive. I can agree with that.” Darren slapped his arm down on his leg.
“What did she say?”
“Nothing. Cheryl didn’t ask one question at dinner. She said okay, sipped her wine, and resumed eating. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said later. Didn’t know that ‘later’ involved popping up at my job.”
My first thought to her reaction was, Oh, this woman is crazy. Never trust a silent woman after getting news like that. But I didn’t want to scare Darren. “Maybe she needed time to process it.”
“I guess so. After that day, I moved into a townhome I was renting out. The timing was perfect because the old tenants moved to another state, a month prior. Took some time off work to get my mind right and get settled.”
Without me noticing, a feeling of relief came over. That two-week vacation Michael mentioned was Darren taking steps to move on with his life. Not taking a family vacation as I’d presumed.
I slid back into the covers next to him. “How is Dana handling this?”
He shrugged, scratching his shoulder. “I don’t know. She’s young so it’s a tossup.”
Darren got out of bed and went to the window. “Let’s go for a walk, Jenn. I need some air.”
I watched him move his head slowly to peer out the window. Something pulled at Darren like there was more brewing in the household than he explained. I had to inquire to know just what I was preparing for.
“Are you okay?” I asked, sliding to the edge of the bed. “Is there anything else I need to know?”
He looked back with tears welled in his eyes. “I just don’t want my daughter to think I abandoned her.”
I rushed by his side to console him. His anxiety weakened his legs, causing him to stumble into the computer chair next to us. I pulled him into my embrace, rubbing his head as I stood over the strong man I admired and loved. Never would I imagine him being so vulnerable, but I was happy he felt comfortable enough to express those feelings to me.
I grabbed his face, raising it towards me. “She won’t Darren. You’re an amazing father.”
He only stayed two days at the cabin with me because of work and to have time with Dana. The remainder of my vacation was spent face-timing Darren anytime he was available, finishing schoolwork, and pampering myself. I came home refreshed and happy as ever. I also had a package from my lover greeting me at the door containing all of the gifts I gave to him.
~~~~~~~
A month and a half later, Darren and Cheryl’s legal separation was signed and official. It was time to begin our relationship as a legitimate couple. Although there were more steps to take in the divorce proceedings, I saw it as a brand-new start in me becoming an “honest woman”. I could finally share with my sister, Marie, about the man that changed my heart.
I popped in for a visit one day after work. It had been a while since I’d seen her and my nephew.
“What’s new?” I asked, barging through the front door.
“Hey, sis! This is a nice surprise!” she replied, carrying flowers to the dining room.
“Those are nice.” I pointed to the beautiful arrangement of dahlias, roses, and daisies. “Wanna tell me where they came from?”
“The florist shop.” Marie flashed a sneaky grin. “That’s all you need to know.”
“Well, I was coming over to spill a little bit about my personal life. But, since you’re being quiet...”
I knew my nosy sis couldn’t resist a chance to dive into my business. “Okay! Okay!” She interrupted. “I’ll get the wine. All I have is red. Beaux is with his grandparents.”
“That’s fine.” I set my backpack on the floor and got comfortable at the dining room table.
She strutted in with two full glasses of wine. “So, tell me what’s going on missy.”
“Oh no.” I nodded my head towards the bouquet, lighting up the room with its colors. “What’s with the flowers? And what has you being all secretive and stuff?”
Marie sighed and rolled her eyes. “Sean.”
I moved my eyes around the room, waiting for her to say more than a name. “Sean...”
“Yea, Sean gave me the flowers.” She grinned.
“Anything else you want to share with the class?”
“We met at the park. I took Beaux on a playdate with a few of his friends from school. Sean was one of the parents.” A big smile entered as she spoke. “Single father.”
“Nice! So how long have you been ‘dealing’ with Sean?” I inquired, giving air quotes.
“We haven’t done anything steamy yet. Just a few dates.”
“Yet...” I teased.
Marie slapped her hand on her face. “Oh my God, Jennifer! Enough! We are getting to know each other. Beaux likes him, and he’s very sweet. That’s all I’m going to share right now. Don’t want to jinx it.”
“Fine. I’ll let you off the hook. For now.”
“And you?” She pointed at me with interrogating eyes. “Who has your attention these days? Haven’t seen you in a long time, and your nephew misses you.”
“I know, I need to get back over here more often. But I’ve been in a situation and before you judge, hear me out.”
I gulped most of the wine to channel liquid courage so I could divulge into all things Darren.
“What did you do Jenn?” She demanded with a serious look.
“Nothing too crazy,” I braced myself, “His name is Darren. And we’ve been seeing each other...off and on. Now it’s back on for good. He had something to take care of first, now that’s out of the way so we can be together.”
Marie knew immediately what I was talking about, my sister knows me like the back of her hand. But she asked anyway.
“What is this thing he had to take care of?”
“Drink,” I commanded.
“Jenn...”
“Drink!”
She blew out a short breath and drank some wine. “Okay, spill it.”
“He is married...legally. But he’s separated from his wife,” I attempted to convince that things weren’t as bad as they seemed.
Marie shook her head in judgment. “Little sis, what in the hell have you gotten yourself into?”
“Love.” I smiled wi
th wide eyes.
“Love? How can he love you when he’s married!?”
“Separated.”
“For now. Have you heard of something called reconciliation? Jenn, they may be going to counseling or something. How do you know this separation thing is even real?”
“He showed me the paperwork, Marie!” I stood up and walked to the corner of the room in aggravation. “It’s real. The feelings we have for each other are real.”
“This is a mess,” she mumbled.
“That’s why I never said anything. Just be happy for me.”
Marie got up from the table with sharp eyes coming towards me. “Happy for you? You want me to be happy for you? The same thing happened to me, remember?”
“I know the story, Marie. I lived through it just like you.” I dismissed, leaning towards the table to grab my wine.
“No, you didn’t! Beaux Sr. cheating on me was the most painful thing...”
“THE most painful thing!” I snapped back. “We lost our parents back to back, remember them?”
“You know what I meant.”
“Darren has shown me so many things. And vice versa. We’re great for each other. Yes, there’s a price to pay. But I know he’ll do right by me.”
“I hope so. Just be careful sis.” She walked back to her seat and sat down with her elbows on the table. “You remember when daddy used to take us to some country town called Cordele?”
“Yea,” I shrugged. “Where is this coming from?”
Her head and mind drifted off to memory lane. “I was 10 and you were almost 8. I didn’t know what the hell he was doing there or why we had to tag along. Remember Miss Yolanda?”
“The big lady who smelled like White Diamonds perfume?” I joined her at the table.
“Yep. That was daddy’s girlfriend. It wasn’t until his funeral when she showed up and people started talking, when I found out. Word on the street he loved her for years. Promised that he’d leave mama and move in with her. She waited until daddy’s dying day to fulfill that promise. See where I’m going here?”
My mouth dropped. First, I find out my dad had an affair for years, then Marie correlates our dad’s broken promise to Yolanda with my relationship with Darren. I always had a feeling about my dad, which is probably why I miss my mom more than him, but I still love him. He just doesn’t hold the same place in my heart as my mother.
“He’s not like that,” I defended. “You’ll see, things will work out and I’ll have Darren all to myself.”
The Diary
Dear Diary,
I KNOW it’s another woman. What else could be the reason? I want to know who she is. What did she do to him? Why is she so much better than me?
I never saw this coming. Okay, I was blind to some things that make perfect sense now, but at the time...I was blindly in love. I allowed him to come home late without questioning his whereabouts, leave the room to talk on the phone, discovered receipts for things I never saw and ignored them. Money from our joint bank account became stagnant then, and the bank advised he’d opened his own. Darren was always good with money so I trusted him to make the decisions for our family. I gave him everything I had. Birthed his child because he said he wanted a baby. Several sacrifices were made just to have his last name. And NOW he wants to leave me!?!
I know I wasn’t perfect, but I did my best to mold him into the man he needed to be. Ungrateful bastard! I was a good wife overall. I encouraged him while he worked his way up the corporate ladder. Now, the thanks I get is our daughter in two different homes. How dare he embarrass me like this! I didn’t get married to end up separated.
I can’t even go out with our friends anymore. They’re all married. I’m not answering the constant questions of “where is your husband?” They don’t even know that we aren’t together anymore. I’m not telling them; I won’t face the shame of being a separated couple because he wants to go through a midlife crisis. Hell no, not on my watch.
I tried to work things out when he said that he wanted to be separated. He came back from his vacation with friends, and I sent our daughter to a sitter for the night. The home was clean, dinner was...okay, dinner wasn’t prepared but I made reservations at his favorite restaurant. In the middle of eating, he hits me with the “I think we need to separate. I’m not happy”. Not happy?!?! When did he become unhappy? Yes, we argued for months, mainly initiated by me because he forgot to do some household things here and there, but why? Why does he want to leave me? He should be lucky to have a boss like me on his arms. I thought we had love. Love was supposed to conquer ALL! That’s what I said in my vows to him.
No, he wasn’t my first choice and if my true love was still alive, Darren wouldn’t be my husband but I can’t control the past. It happened. Things panned out the way they were supposed to. Or so I thought.
What do I do now that I’m alone? I don’t know how to be anything other than a mother and a wife. I have my career, but it’s not enough. I HAVE to have my family. It paints the picture. It’s my image. It’s who I am. Who I’ve always wanted to be. Things were so picture perfect. Every woman in my book club, non-profit organizations, at my job, and any event we walked through was jealous of me. Jealous of what I had. That envy set me apart from those single spinsters flaunting their bodies for attention.
Our daughter is so confused. Wondering why daddy isn’t home. She can see the change. The stress I’m under transfers to her. The pain I feel, she feels. Him picking her up every other day and on weekends isn’t enough. HE NEEDS TO COME HOME! We have to fix this.
I’m going to find this other woman. Look her in the face and let that bitch know she’s in for a fight! I hope she doesn’t think that whatever she has with Darren is forever. Not if I have anything to do with it. And the first step is sending back these divorce papers, unsigned. I’m fighting for my family.
With hope,
Cheryl
Chapter 12: Disruptive Flames
Getting accustomed to Darren’s new freedom, we settled in as a normal functioning couple. However, certain precautions were in place to ensure a smooth transition, for the sake of his daughter, as well as my reputation at work. We never fraternized in the office. When I stayed over on a work night, the next morning he dropped me off at home so we wouldn’t be seen coming in together. But when we were off the clock, it was just us. When his daughter came over, I stayed home. We decided to gradually introduce me as “daddy’s girlfriend” a few months after the divorce was final. Plus, our relationship required time to grow as we rushed into being together. All in all, we were happy to be slowly but surely falling out of sin.
His townhouse was my second home, and we were able to relive our mornings in bed as we had in Puerto Rico and at the cabin. Some mornings, I’d stare at him in disbelief. The Law of Attraction had proven itself to be true. The conversation with Marie stung a bit, but she had to see for herself when the time was right.
On a Friday evening, I came over to help spruce up his place, giving the hint of a woman’s touch. He’d returned from a two-day work trip, and I was aching for him to hold me.
I arranged a few art pieces in his bedroom while he watched TV.
“You think you know what you’re doing huh?” Darren teased, lying in bed playing with the remote. “Starting to finally feel like home around here.”
“That’s because I DO know what I’m doing!” I turned to give him a sweet yet grimace look, “I’ve missed you.”
“I was only gone for two days, baby,” he laid the remote down, patting his leg at me, “Come here.”
“I’m not finished Mr. McCray, and you’re paying for quality service.” I laughed.
Darren didn’t answer, he spread his arms open and motioned for me to come closer. I propped the unhung paintings against the dresser, then climbed into his arms. We exchanged neck kisses, which led to slow pecks on the lips.
“It feels so good to be next to you.” He stared into my eyes with a squint in his. “And for the reco
rd, I missed you too.”
“It feels good being with you too, babe. I like being over here.” I rubbed the peach fuzz growing around his face. “Better than that small ass apartment.”
“I don’t mind being over there. As long as I’m next to you,” he kissed me, moaning against my lips. “Let’s go downstairs and lay in front of the fireplace.”
I pointed to my unfinished project on the wall. “I’m not done up here babe.”
“You can finish that tomorrow,” he urged. “I have to make up for the lost time.”
“Okay, I’ll grab a blanket.” I climbed off him to head to the hall closet.
“I’ll get the wine baby,” he yawned, stretching his body, “Are you hungry?”
“Sure, I can go for a snack.”
“I’m your snack,” Darren smirked, joining me at the closet. His strong hands danced on my hips and thighs.
“You’re so bad,” I said through my girlish giggles.
Summer days left us but it wasn’t very cold outside. However, cuddling next to him by the fire with wine created the perfect romantic evening. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Friday night. We loved spending quality time like that, it made our relationship special. I could tell he’d never done that with Cheryl, by the way he delighted in the simplicities of our intimate occasions.
Darren sat on pillows I stacked by the sofa and I sat on his lap, leaning against his chest. He clutched my body while kissing my cheek. I watched the fire dance, and held the wine glass close, taking it all in. Sitting in front of the fire with the man of my dreams was all I could ever ask for.
“I want to be like this every night with you...forever,” Darren said in between his kisses.
“Are you serious?” I looked back at him. That man kept me amazed. “Do you really mean that, babe?”
“Of course, I really mean it, Jenn.” His next kiss sealed it for me.
“My lawyers think I should try to reconcile with my wife but...I’m going through with the divorce. Cheryl’s dragging her feet while sending the divorce papers back. I’m not changing my mind.” He bellowed.
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