“Oh,” was the only thing I could muster up to say. The thought of us being in the fight of our life just to be together was puzzling.
“Oh? I thought you would be happy with that,” Darren said, disappointed in my reaction.
“I am.... I-I mean, in a way I’m happy. I wasn’t trying to break up your family, Darren. It seems bad for me to even be happy about your divorce.”
My focus went back to the fireplace. The flames crackled flashing reflections of colors on my wine glass. With each flicker, I saw the remnants of his marriage burn to ashes.
“Does Cheryl know where you live?” I asked, switching my eyes from the flames to the floor.
“Of course she does. She drops Dana off sometimes,” he held me while repositioning himself. “I don’t want to go through a middle man to see my daughter.”
“Did she ask if you were seeing someone else?” I mumbled.
He hesitated to answer at first, however, my silence told him that he better talk fast.
“She did,” he groaned.
I swallowed hard, shifting my eyes back to the symbolism of my lover’s failing marriage. “And what did you say?”
“I don’t know how to tell her that I’ve moved on,” he confessed.
I should have been upset at his response, but the compassion for Cheryl flowed through me. I thought I was done with that part, strangely, the word divorce created a whole new level of guilt. As things fell into place for me, they fell apart for her and their family. But was it all my fault? Based on how he spoke of their relationship, he would have eventually left anyway.
Looking back to face him, I noticed worried wrinkles forming on his forehead.
“Are you okay, babe?” I asked, curious to know what was on his mind.
“Yes, I’m okay. And honestly, baby, even if we hadn’t met, eventually I'd be getting a divorce. I know you carry the brunt of the guilt. I see it on your face sometimes.”
He read me like a book. I appreciated him realizing what I was internally going through. However, it didn’t ease the liability on my shoulders.
“But what about your daughter?” I asked, taking his face into my hands.
“We’ll have to figure it out. I’m not going to abandon my child; I’m going to be in her life,” he replied, then kissing my shoulder.
The worry grew on his face. I didn’t want to make things harder for him, he was going through enough. It was time to end the talks of “What are you going to do...” and get back to being a supportive girlfriend.
“Darren, whatever you need, I’m here for you,” I muttered sincerely.
“Thank you, baby. That’s why I love you so much.”
We kissed innocently, then the passion arose within. It was my turn to please him as he’d done for me many times before. Sitting the wine glass on an end table, I removed a pillow from behind him.
“Lay back,” I requested with sex in my eyes.
I pulled back to undress him and myself. He looked at me with contentment, not saying a word. My kisses started at the deep dimples I loved, then I moved lower. Once the kisses reached his torso, his body quivered with each exhale. My tongue extended to greet his hard manhood, tasting the pulsations while he made noises of ecstasy. Darren’s hands gripped my hair into a makeshift ponytail as I orally worked his body into sensual mania.
“Oh shit, Jenn!” he belted, gripping my hair tighter.
Cheryl’s stubbornness and worries of his daughter caused too much stress on my man. It was my job to ease his pain. The shivers of his body said I was succeeding.
“Wait, Jenn, wait!” he begged, releasing my hair.
“What?” I arose, “You want me to stop?”
“Yea-uh...baby...” Darren exhaled deeply. “Give me a minute. I wasn’t prepared for that one.”
I giggled at his surrender.
Refusing to give his body a break, I straddled, inserting him inside of me. I made love to Darren in front of the fireplace. I could see the blurred reflection of flames on our glistening skin. I grinded on top, making each thrust harder than the last. His heavy breathing, grunts, smiles, and moans said it all. We craved our “forever”.
Afterward, we laid facing each other listening to the fireplace while gazing. Communicating without saying a word. That night, I fell deeper in love. My heart told me that he was feeling the same. With all the hopes we had for one another and the love expressed in his living room, something began to plague me. There was a possibility that I’d have Cheryl’s title one day.
Will we be able to be together forever? I pondered. Or is it a pipe dream Darren and I are having before dealing with reality?
“Baby, I want to ask you something,” I said, breaking the silent communication. “Now this is just a general question. I’m not rushing anything.”
Darren stroked my face with a look of satisfaction plastered on his. “What, baby?”
“Do you see yourself being married again?”
At first, he didn’t answer. His immediate silence almost killed the mood. I quickly regretted the thoughts and ruining our silent words of love at that moment by the fire.
“I don’t know, baby. I haven’t thought about marrying again. I’m trying to get this one over and done with. But on the other hand, if marrying you will get us like this...every night or almost every night, then I’m all in.” Deep dimples joined his satisfied face. “Do you see yourself marrying me? Do you see yourself marrying a man who left his first wife?”
Why did he have to ask that last question? I couldn’t take any more seeds of doubt planted in my head. The answer would have been a quick yes if he didn’t speak on the truth of how our relationship started. I was deeply in love with a man in the process of leaving his wife. How could I trust that I wouldn’t be in the same position in a few years?
My non-response spoke volumes. Darren dropped the subject, removing his hand from my thigh. The look of satisfaction turned to slight anguish.
“I’m going to get us more wine.” He tossed the blanket off his body and walked naked into the kitchen.
I propped myself up on the edge of the sofa and stared blankly into the fire. I didn’t know if I could be happily married to Darren. I loved him, no doubt about that, but I didn’t want to be in Cheryl’s shoes. She must have been going through hell at that point while I made love to the man she wanted to reconcile with. Leaving him wasn’t an option for me, however, there would always be a constant wonder.
Darren returned and sat next to me. After placing our wine glasses on the coffee table, his eyes accompanied mine in the blank staring session into the fireplace.
“Are you okay?” he asked in a monotone.
“Yes. Will we be okay?” I whispered.
He put his arm around me and pulled me close, kissing me on the forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too baby,” I replied, keeping my eyes on flames.
His “I love you” response to my questions showed that he was just as unsure as I was. We didn’t plan well at all. We rushed into something that shouldn’t have started in the first place, but neither one of us dared to stop. The fear of the unknown would always plague us with questions that had little to no resolution until shit hit the fan. And we would just have to deal with whatever came our way. I had no explanation for what I’d gotten myself into except this...Darren was my sin...my PERFECT sin.
“Tomorrow I’m coming to your apartment to fix the space heater.” He tried to start a conversation that didn’t consist of Cheryl.
“Great. Thanks,” I replied, carelessly.
“No need to thank me. I’m supposed to take care of you.” He laughed.
It wasn’t his usual geeky laugh. More like a forced one. Darren was trying to escape from our reality. Two people in love and afraid. Me afraid that he’d leave me like Cheryl and him afraid of the aftermath of leaving his family. Just as we both started to fall back into our silence, a knock came to the door.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I asked
swiftly shifting my head to the foyer.
“No. Not this time of night,” Darren said angrily getting up, “Hold on.”
I didn’t want to be bothered with unannounced guests, but I was relieved that something broke our sedated mood.
“Who is it?” he yelled, standing naked at the front door.
“Cheryl!” A faint voice yelled back from the other side.
I looked at him with angst. “Did she just say what I thought she said?”
“Hold on!” he yelled at the door, ignoring my question.
Darren dashed upstairs, then came back down with two robes.
“Here, put this on,” he handed me the oversized bathrobe.
I stood up and snatched the robe, waiting for him to confirm who was at the door.
“I’m not dealing with this on the regular, Darren. You’re with ME now!” I snapped.
He continued to get dressed ignoring my statement. He glanced at me to see if I was covered, then turned on the lights. Opening the door, he moved forward to block her from entering.
“Hey,” he mumbled. “This isn’t a good time. What are you doing here?”
“Hi, Darren. I was going to mail these, but I think I should give them to you in person,” Cheryl slapped a stack of papers to his chest. “Being that I’m not signing them. Can I come in?”
“What do you mean you’re not signing them? And NO! You can’t come in,” Darren said trying to catch the falling papers.
I stood in the living room out of sight with my arms folded. I wasn’t going to run away like I was the other woman. Jealousy snuck in and the thought of letting my position be known attacked my ego.
“Let her in, Darren,” I shouted from the background.
He looked over at me in surprise. I guess he thought that I was going to stay quiet throughout the exchange. Darren moved aside, allowing her to walk in. She strolled by him, looking around for the voice that granted access. I didn’t want to see her facial expression so I turned away in fear, gathering wine glasses. I could feel her stares as I walked into the kitchen.
“I-I guess I’ve interrupted something,” Cheryl stammered. “Maybe I should have called first.”
Darren slammed the front door. “Yea, you should have. Or just had your lawyer call mine.”
“Who is she?” she asked, fanning her hand in my direction. “Is this why our marriage is over?”
He shook his head, walking towards her. “We’re not doing this right now.”
I came out of the kitchen, heading straight for the stairs. Getting a good look at his wife scared me a little. I talked a big game on the other side of the door, but honestly, I wasn’t ready for a fight that night.
“This is Jennifer,” Darren pulled my arm to stop me from leaving the room.
I looked at his wife with a half-smile. Cheryl was gorgeous. She towered over my 5’5 height with her 5’9 stature. Curvy, in shape, light brown skin tone, with her hair in flowing curls that only celebrity hairstylists could achieve. She could have any man she wanted. Didn’t strike me as the pathetic wife who let herself go after marriage and a kid. I started to wonder why Darren left such a beautiful woman.
“Hello,” I said, anticipating harsh words from her.
“Where’s my daughter?” Darren asked, organizing the unsigned divorce papers. “Why are you here so late?”
“She’s with Morgan.” Cheryl looked me up and down in disappointment. I could tell her mind screamed that I was a downgrade from her. “Hello, Jennifer. I don’t even know what to say to you.”
The shady looks erased the compassion and guilt that sat with me for so long.
“You have a good night. Darren, I’m going to bed.” I moved as fast as I could to the stairs.
“I’ll be up in a minute,” he replied.
“No, stay Jennifer. You need to hear this too.” Cheryl affirmed, searching through her purse. After not finding whatever the hell she was looking for, she walked to the bottom of the stairs to make sure I heard her. I looked back and saw her posing in the foyer like a supermodel at the end of a runway to finish the declaration.
“I’m NOT signing those divorce papers. So, tell your little friend here goodbye. Not goodnight but goodbye.”
“Darren,” I said, stopping mid-way up the staircase.
“Jenn, please,” he begged.
“Please what?” I asked, getting aggravated. “Leave!?”
“No! Cheryl is leaving. Please let me handle this,” he begged again.
He met me half-way up the stairs, kissed my forehead, then turned to Cheryl’s startled eyes. Hearing her husband tell the new girlfriend not to leave, sucked the “strong bitch” tone out of her. The sight of him being affectionate with another woman broke her down. A transition into a weak woman happened right before my eyes. I could tell that she tried hard to hold back the tears but the more I stood there...the harder it became. The power that left her, jumped into me. My stance straightened, a resting bitch face formed, and I tugged the top of my robe to show a little cleavage to rub in the fact that she indeed interrupted something.
“Cheryl, you have to go,” Darren added, walking back down the stairs, “We’ll set up a meeting with our lawyers next week to talk about this.”
“I want our family back dammit!” Cheryl screamed in his face. “I don’t want this!”
“That can’t happen, Cheryl. It’s done.” He stepped back. “Please leave and let’s deal with this another day. It’s late and you need to get our daughter from Morgan’s.”
The scene was way too painful to watch, so I darted away. Once I reached the bedroom, I slammed the door so I couldn’t hear anymore. About twenty minutes later, the door creaked open with teddy bear eyes peeking at me.
He took off his robe and crawled into bed. “I’m sorry. I-I-I didn’t know she would pop up like that.”
“How did you get her to leave?” I asked, removing the robe and slipping into the covers.
“I threatened to call Morgan, her cousin,” he scooped me into his arms, “She’s too prideful to have her family know that she’s acting out.”
“How many times are we going to deal with this? Look, I’m not getting into this situation with her holding on to you. I don’t want to let you go but...”
Darren kissed me before I could finish the sentence. His kiss felt like the cure, but I couldn’t let that distract me from my concerns.
“Darren! I’m serious. Deal with it. Soon.” I said, pushing him off me.
“I am, baby. You’re here. She’s not. I’m not in love with her anymore. I’m in love with you,” he whined.
“She’s still in love with you. That’s apparent.”
“You know I want to spend forever with you,” he stroked my bare chest, attempting to butter me up.
“Slow down. Get out of this marriage first,” I responded with an attitude.
Darren pulled back and sighed.
“You sure you can deal with that?” he asked. “This isn’t going to be easy, Jenn.”
“Yea.” I lied. I wasn’t sure at all.
I fell asleep in his warm strong arms. That was the only thing that made me feel better about the unfortunate events of our romantic evening.
The next afternoon, I sat in Darren’s living room looking at the empty signature lines above Cheryl’s name on the divorce papers. He was out running errands all morning. I’d been sitting there for three hours wondering what I was going to do. Knowing that we weren’t out of the woods, brought on a sickness I couldn’t describe.
I left his home and stayed at my apartment for the rest of the weekend. I couldn’t take the chance of Cheryl showing up again.
Chapter 13: Bad Birthday
Monday morning back at the office; on my birthday of all days. I felt good for a newly 29-year old, but my life was far from being in order as I’d plan. The last year in my twenties was supposed to be full of progression and growth. Due to the situation with Darren, I was in more shit than I was when I started the “
get your life together” journey. Navigating out of that mess before age 30 seemed far-fetched at that point.
Miss Alice decorated my cubicle with all sorts of colorful streamers and balloons. I couldn’t enjoy it because my heart was consumed with confusion. Falling in love with my dream guy came with a wife named, Cheryl who had a strong stance against ending their union. I was furious with him. His job was to take care of the situation. Instead, the snowball of turmoil grew bigger.
I received an instant message from him as soon as I logged onto my computer. As if he didn’t phone me earlier that morning with a Birthday wake up call. He was more excited about my day than I was.
Darren McCray: Happy Birthday, Jenn!! Come to my office, I have something for you!
Still shaken by Mrs. McCray’s surprise visit, I didn’t jump to the invitation. Seeing him would have been a reminder of what happened. However, before I knew it, I was looking at teddy bear eyes peeking over my cubicle. Eyes that always cured my confusion and melted me right back into him. It almost worked at that time.
“Come to my office with me,” Darren whispered over the wall. “I forgot you haven’t been there before. I thought you’d get lost on the way.”
“Darren, no!” I looked around anxiously, “You know we have to keep things on the low here.”
“Please! I can’t talk about it here,” he looked around as well, confirming that no one was around listening. “...and I can’t wait until later. It’s a good surprise, you’ll love it.”
I reluctantly followed him to the elevator. The office I’d never visited was located three floors up. The ride was longer than usual since six other people kept getting on and off. Darren stood on one side while stood on the other. I felt his eyes on me the entire time. I couldn’t bring myself to look in his direction due to fear, and feeling salty about the fireplace romance fiasco involving his wife.
Reaching the floor, I hastily motioned him to get off first. We moved past a set of cubicles consisting of executive assistants, exchanging looks. At first, I didn’t think those expressions of knowing something I didn’t know were about us. No one at the company knew of our relationship. After walking in, Darren closed and locked the door to his mid-sized office at the end of the hall. He rushed behind the desk to make a quick call.
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