The Lunatic at Large

by J. Storer Clouston

  CHAPTER III.

  The Lady Alicia a Fyre, though of the outer everyday world herself, had,in common with most families of any pretensions to ancient dignity, acreditable sprinkling of uncles and cousins domiciled in Clankwood, and soshe frequently attended these dances.

  To-night her eye had been caught by a tall, graceful figure executing a_pas seul_ in the middle of the room with its hands in its pockets. Theface of this gentleman was so composed and handsome, and he seemed sooblivious to the presence of everybody else, that her interest wasimmediately excited. During the set of lancers in which he was her_vis-a-vis_ she watched him furtively with a growing feeling ofadmiration. She had never heard him say a word, and it was with asensation of the liveliest interest that she listened to his brief passagewith her partner. At his final retort her tender heart was overcome withpity. He was poor, then, or at least he was allowed the use of no money.And all of him that was outside his pockets seemed so sane and sogentlemanly; it seemed a pity to let him lack a little sympathy.

  The Lady Alicia might be described as a becoming frock stuffed withsentiment. Through a pair of large blue eyes she drank in romance, andwith the reddest and most undecided of lips she felt a vague desire tokiss something. At the end of the dance she managed by a series of littlemanoeuvres to find herself standing close to his elbow. She sighed twice,but he still seemed absorbed in his thoughts. Then with a heroic effortshe summed up her courage, and said in a low and rather shaky voice,"You--you--you are unha--appy."

  Mr Beveridge turned and looked down on her with great interest. Her eyesmet his for a moment and straightway sought the floor. Thus she sawnothing of a smile that came and went like the shadow of a puff of smoke.He took his hands out of his pockets, folded his arms, and, with an air ofthe deepest dejection, sighed heavily. She took courage and looked upagain, and then, as he only gazed into space in the most romanticallymelancholy fashion and made no answer, she asked again very timidly,"Wh--what is the matter?"

  Without saying a word Mr Beveridge bent courteously and offered her hisright arm. She took it with the most delicious trepidation, glancing roundhurriedly to see whether the Countess noticed her. Another dance was justbeginning, and in the general movement her mysterious acquaintance led herwithout observation to a seat in the window of a corridor. There hepressed her hand gently, stroked his long moustaches for a minute, andthen said, with an air of reflection: "There are three ways of making awoman like one. I am slightly out of practice. Would you be kind enough tosuggest a method of procedure?"

  Such a beginning was so wholly unexpected that Lady Alicia could only givea little gasp of consternation. Her companion, after pausing an instantfor a reply, went on in the same tone, "I am aware that I have begun well.I attracted your attention, I elicited your sympathy, and I pressed yourhand; but for the life of me I can't remember what I generally do next."

  Poor Lady Alicia, who had come with a bucketful of sympathy ready to begulped down by this unfortunate gentleman, was only able to stammer, "I--Ireally don't know, Mr----"

  "Hamilton," said Mr Beveridge, unblushingly. "At least that name belongsto me as much as anything can be said to in a world where my creditorsclaim my money and Dr Congleton my person."

  "You are confined and poor, you mean?" asked Lady Alicia, beginning to seeher way again.

  "Poor and confined, to put them in their proper order, for if I had thewherewithal to purchase a balloon I should certainly cease to beconfined."

  His admirer found it hard to reply adequately to this, and Mr Beveridgecontinued, "To return to the delicate subject from which we strayed, whatwould you like me to do,--put my arm round your waist, relate my troubles,or turn my back on you?"

  "Are--are those the three ways you spoke of--to make women like you, Imean?" Lady Alicia ventured to ask, though she was beginning to wish thesofa was larger.

  "They are examples of the three classical methods: cuddling, humbugging,and piquing. Which do you prefer?"

  "Tell me about your--your troubles," she answered, gaining courage alittle.

  "You belong to the sex which makes no mention of figs and spades," herejoined; "but I understand you to mean that you prefer humbugging."

  He drew a long face, sighed twice, and looking tenderly into Lady Alicia'sblue eyes, began in a gentle, reminiscent voice, "My boyhood was troubledand unhappy: no kind words, no caresses. I was beaten by a cruelstepfather, ignored and insulted for my physical deformities by aheartless stepmother."

  He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia, with a boldness that surprisedherself, and a perspicacity that would have surprised her friends, asked,"How could they--I mean, were they _both_ step?"

  "Several steps," he replied; "in fact, quite a long journey."

  With this explanation Lady Alicia was forced to remain satisfied; but ashe had paused a second time, and seemed to be immersed in the study of hisshoes, she inquired again, "You spoke of physical infirmities; do youmean----?"

  "Deformities," he corrected; "up to the age of fourteen years I could onlywalk sideways, and my hair parted in the middle."

  He spoke so seriously that these unusual maladies seemed to her the mosttouching misfortunes she had ever heard of. She murmured gently, "Yes?"

  "As the years advanced," Mr Beveridge continued, "and I became more nearlythe same weight as my stepfather, my life grew happier. It was decided tosend me to college, so I was provided with an insufficient cheque, acomplete set of plated forks, and three bath-towels, and despatched to theUniversity of Oxford. At least I think that was the name of thecorporation which took my money and endeavoured to restrict my habits,though, to confess the truth, my memory is not what it used to be. There Ilearned wisdom by the practice of folly--the most amusing and effectivemethod. My tutor used to tell me I had some originality. I apologised forits presence in such a respectable institution, and undertook to pass anexamination instead. I believe I succeeded: I certainly remember giving adinner to celebrate something. Thereupon at my own expense the Universityinflicted a degree upon me, but I was shortly afterwards compensated bythe death of my uncle and my accession to his estates. Having enjoyed auniversity education, and accordingly possessing a corrected and regulatedsentiment, I was naturally inconsolable at the decease of this venerablerelative, who for so long had shown a kindly interest in the poor orphanlad."

  He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia asked with great interest, "Butyour step-parents, you always had them, hadn't you?"

  "Never!" he replied, sadly.

  "Never?" she exclaimed in some bewilderment.

  "Certainly not often," he answered, "and oftener than not, never. If youhad told me beforehand you wished to hear my history, I should have prunedmy family tree into a more presentable shape. But if you will kindly tellme as I go along which of my relatives you disapprove of, and who youwould like to be introduced, I shall arrange the plot to suit you."

  "I only wish to hear the true story, Mr Hamilton."

  "Fortescue," he corrected. "I certainly prefer to be called by one name ata time, but never by the same twice running."

  He smiled so agreeably as he said this that Lady Alicia, though puzzledand a little hurt, could not refrain from smiling back.

  "Let me hear the rest," she said.

  "It is no truer than the first part, but quite as entertaining. So, if youlike, I shall endeavour to recall the series of painful episodes thatbrought me to Clankwood," he answered, very seriously.

  Lady Alicia settled herself comfortably into one corner of the sofa andprepared to feel affected. But at that moment the portly form of DrCongleton appeared from the direction of the ballroom with a still moreportly dowager on his arm.

  "My mother!" exclaimed Lady Alicia, rising quickly to her feet.

  "Indeed?" said Mr Beveridge, who still kept his seat. "She certainly lookshandsome enough."

  This speech made Lady Alicia blush very becomingly, and the Countesslooked at her sharply.

  "Where hav
e you been, Alicia?"

  "The room was rather warm, mamma, and----"

  "In short, madam," interrupted Mr Beveridge, rising and bowing, "yourcharming daughter wished to study a lunatic at close quarters. I am mad,and I obligingly raved. Thus----" He ran one hand through his hair so as tomake it fall over his eyes, blew out his cheeks, and uttering a yell,sprang high into the air, and descended in a sitting posture on the floor.

  "That, madam, is a very common symptom," he explained, with a smile,smoothing down his hair again, "as our friend Dr Congleton will tell you."

  Both the doctor and the Countess were too astonished to make any reply, sohe turned again to Lady Alicia, and offering his arm, said, "Let me leadyou back to our fellow-fools."

  "Is he safe?" whispered the Countess.

  "I--I believe so," replied Dr Congleton in some confusion; "but I shallhave him watched more carefully."

  As they entered the room Mr Beveridge whispered, "Will you meet a poorlunatic again?" And the Lady Alicia pressed his arm.