The Lunatic at Large

by J. Storer Clouston

  CHAPTER V.

  As one may suppose, everybody in the room started in great astonishment atthis extraordinary outburst. With a sharp "Hollo!" Twiddel turned in hisseat, to see the clergyman standing over him with a look of the keenestinquiry in his well-favoured face.

  "May I ask, Dr Twiddel, what you know of the gentleman you just named?" hesaid, with perfect politeness.

  The conscience-smitten doctor gazed at him blankly, and the coloursuddenly left his face. But Welsh's nerves were stronger; and, as helooked hard at the stranger, a jubilant light leaped to his eyes.

  "It's our man!" he cried, before his friend could gather his wits. "It'sBeveridge, or Bunker, or whatever he calls himself! Waiter!"

  Instantly three waiters, all agog, hurried at his summons.

  Mr Bunker regarded him with considerable surprise. He had quite expectedthat the pair would be thrown into confusion, but not that it would takethis form.

  "Excuse me, sir," he began, but Welsh interrupted him by crying to theleading waiter--

  "Fetch a four-wheeled cab and a policeman, quick!" As the man hesitated,he added, "This man here is an escaped lunatic."

  The waiter was starting for the door, when Mr Bunker stepped out quicklyand interrupted him.

  "Stop one minute, waiter," he said, with a quiet, unruffled air that wentfar to establish his sanity. "Do I look like a lunatic? Kindly call theproprietor first."

  The stout proprietor was already on his way to their table, and the one ortwo other diners were beginning to gather round. Mr Bunker's manner hadimpressed even Welsh, and after his nature he took refuge in bluster.

  "I say, my man," he cried, "this won't pass. Somebody fetch a cab."

  "Vat is dees about?" asked the proprietor, coming up.

  "Your wine, I'm afraid, has been rather too powerful for this gentleman,"Mr Bunker explained, with a smile.

  "Look here," blustered Welsh, "do you know you've got a lunatic in theroom?"

  "You can perhaps guess it," smiled Mr Bunker, indicating Welsh with hiseyes.

  The waiters began to twitter, and Welsh, with an effort, pulled himselftogether.

  "My friend here," he said, "is Dr Twiddel, a well-known practitioner inLondon. He can tell you that he certified this man as a lunatic, and thathe afterwards escaped from his asylum. That is so, Twiddel?"

  "Yes," assented Twiddel, whose colour was beginning to come back a little.

  "Who are you, sare?" asked the proprietor.

  "Show him your card, Twiddel," said Welsh, producing his own and handingit over.

  The proprietor looked at both cards, and then turned to Mr Bunker.

  "And who are you, sare?"

  "My name is Mandell-Essington."

  "His name----" began Welsh.

  "Have you a card?" interposed the proprietor.

  "I am sorry I have not," replied Mr Bunker (to still call him by the nameof his choice).

  "His name is Francis Beveridge," said Welsh.

  "I beg your pardon; it is Mandell-Essington."

  "Any other description?" Welsh asked, with a sneer.

  "A gentleman, I believe."

  "No other occupation?"

  "Not unless you can call a justice of the peace such," replied Mr Bunker,with a smile.

  "And yet he disguises himself as a clergyman!" exclaimed Welsh,triumphantly, turning to the proprietor.

  Mr Bunker saw that he was caught, but he merely laughed, and observed, "Myfriend here disguises himself in liquor, a much less respectable cloak."

  Unfortunately the humour of this remark was somewhat thrown away on hispresent audience; indeed, coming from a professed clergyman, it producedan unfavourable impression.

  "You are not a clergyman?" said the proprietor, suspiciously.

  "I am glad to say I am not," replied Mr Bunker, frankly.

  "Den vat do you do in dis dress?"

  "I put it on as a compliment to the cloth; I retain it at present fordecency," said Mr Bunker, whose tongue had now got a fair start of him.

  "Mad," remarked Welsh, confidentially, shrugging his shoulders with reallyexcellent dramatic effect.

  By this time the audience were disposed to agree with him.

  "You can give no better account of yourself dan dis?" asked theproprietor.

  "I am anxious to," replied Mr Bunker, "but a public restaurant is not theplace in which I choose to give it."

  "Fetch the cab and the policeman," said Welsh to a waiter.

  At this moment another gentleman entered the room, and at the sight of himMr Bunker's face brightened, and he stopped the waiter by a cry of, "Waitone moment; here comes a gentleman who knows me."

  Everybody turned, and beheld a burly, very fashionably dressed young man,with a fair moustache and a cheerful countenance.

  "Ach, Bonker!" he cried.

  This confirmation of Mr Bunker's _aliases_ ought, one would expect, tohave delighted the two conspirators, but, instead, it produced the mostremarkable effect. Twiddel utterly collapsed, while even Welsh's impudenceat last deserted him. Neither said a word as the Baron von Blitzenberggreeted his friend with affectionate heartiness.

  "My friend, zis is good for ze heart! Bot, how? vat makes it here?"

  "My dear Baron, the most unfortunate mistake has occurred. Two men here----"But at this moment he stopped in great surprise, for the Baron was staringhard first at Welsh and then at Twiddel.

  "Ah!" he exclaimed, "Mr Mandell-Essington, I zink?"

  Welsh hesitated for an instant, and his hesitation was evident to all.Then he replied, "No, you are mistaken."

  "Surely I cannot be; you did stay in Fogelschloss?" said the Baron. "Isnot zis Dr Twiddel?"

  "No--er--ah--yes," stammered Twiddel, looking feebly at Welsh.

  The Baron looked from the one to the other in great perplexity, when MrBunker, who had been much puzzled by this conversation, broke in, "Did youcall that person Mandell-Essington?"

  "I cairtainly zought it vas."

  "Where did you meet him?"

  "In Bavaria, at my own castle."

  "You are mistaken, sir," said Welsh.

  "One moment, Mr Welsh," said Mr Bunker. "How long ago was this, Baron?"

  "Jost before I gom to London. He travelled viz zis ozzer gentleman, DrTwiddel."

  "You are wrong, sir," persisted Welsh.

  "For his health," added the Baron.

  A light began to dawn on Mr Bunker.

  "His health?" he cried, and then smiled politely at Welsh.

  "We will talk this over, Mr Welsh."

  "I am sorry I happen to be going," said Welsh, taking his hat and coat.

  "What, without your lunatic?" asked Mr Bunker.

  "That is Dr Twiddel's affair, not mine. Kindly let me pass, sir."

  "No, Mr Welsh; if you go now, it will be in the company of that policemanyou were so anxious to send for." There was such an unmistakable threat inMr Bunker's voice and eye that Welsh hesitated. "We will talk it over, MrWelsh," Mr Bunker repeated distinctly. "Kindly sit down. I have severalthings to ask you and your friend Dr Twiddel."

  Muttering something under his breath, Welsh hung up his coat and hat, satdown, and then assuming an air of great impudence, remarked, "Fire away,Mr Mandell-Essington--Beveridge--Bunker, or whatever you call yourself."

  Without paying the slightest attention to this piece of humour, Mr Bunkerturned to the bewildered proprietor, and, to the intense disappointment ofthe audience, said, "You can leave us now, thank you; our talk is likelyto be of a somewhat private nature." As their gallery withdrew, he drew upa chair for the Baron, and all four sat round the small table.

  "Now," said Mr Bunker to Welsh, "you will perhaps be kind enough to giveme a precise account of your doings since the middle of November."

  "I'm d----d if I do," replied Welsh.

  "Sare," interposed the Baron in his stateliest manner, "I know not now whoyou may be, but I see you are no gentleman. Ven you are viz gentlemen--andnoblemen--you
vill please to speak respectfully."

  The stare that Welsh attempted in reply was somewhat ineffective.

  "Perhaps, Dr Twiddel, you can give the account I want?" said Mr Bunker.

  The poor doctor looked at his friend, hesitated, and finally stammeredout, "I--I don't see why."

  Mr Bunker pulled a paper out of his pocket and showed it to him.

  "Perhaps this may suggest a why."

  When the doctor saw the bill for Mr Beveridge's linen, the last of hiscourage ebbed away. He glanced helplessly at Welsh, but his ally was nowleaning back in his chair with such an irritating assumption ofindifference, and the prospective fee had so obviously vanished, that hewas suddenly seized with the most virtuous resolutions.

  "What do you want to know, sir?" he asked.

  "In the first place, how did you come to have anything to do with me?"

  Welsh, whose sharp wits instantly divined the weak point in the attack,cut in quickly, "Don't tell him if he doesn't know already!"

  But Twiddel's relapse to virtue was complete. "I was asked to take chargeof you while----" He hesitated.

  "While I was unwell," smiled Mr Bunker. "Yes?"

  "I was to travel with you."

  "Ah!"

  "But I--I didn't like the idea, you see; and so--in fact--Welsh suggestedthat I should take him instead."

  "While you locked me up in Clankwood?"

  "Yes."

  "Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Mr Bunker, "I must say it was a devilish humorousidea."

  At this Twiddel began to take heart again.

  "I am very sorry, sir, for----" he began, when the Baron interruptedexcitedly.

  "Zen vat is your name, Bonker?"

  "_I_ am Mr Mandell-Essington, Baron."

  The Baron looked at the other two in turn with wide-open eyes.

  Then he turned indignantly upon Welsh.

  "You were impostor zen, sare? You gom to my house and call yourself agentleman, and impose upon me, and tell of your family and your estates.You, a low--er--er--vat you say?--a low _cad!_ Bonker, I cannot sit at ze sametable viz zese persons!"

  He rose as he spoke.

  "One moment, Baron! Before we send these gentlemen back to their reallypromising career of fraud, I want to ask one or two more questions." Heturned to Twiddel. "What were you to be paid for this?"

  "L500."

  Mr Bunker opened his eyes. "That's the way my money goes? From youranxiety to recapture me, I presume you have not yet been paid?"

  "No, I assure you, Mr Essington," said Twiddel, eagerly; "I give you myword."

  "I shall judge by the circumstances rather than your word, sir. It isperhaps unnecessary to inform you that you have had your trouble fornothing." He looked at them both as though they were curious animals, andthen continued: "You, Mr Welsh, are a really wonderfully typical rascal. Iam glad to have met you. You can now put on your coat and go." As Welshstill sat defiantly, he added, "_At once_, sir! or you may possibly findpolicemen and four-wheeled cabs outside. I have something else to say toDr Twiddel."

  With the best air he could muster, Welsh silently cocked his hat on theside of his head, threw his coat over his arm, and was walking out, when awatchful waiter intercepted him.

  "Your bill, sare."

  "My friend is paying."

  "No, Mr Welsh," cried the real Essington; "I think you had better pay forthis dinner yourself."

  Welsh saw the vigilant proprietor already coming towards him, and with alook that augured ill for Twiddel when they were alone, he put his hand inhis pocket.

  "Ha, ha!" laughed Essington, "the inevitable bill!"

  "And now," he continued, turning to Twiddel, "you, doctor, seem to me amost unfortunately constructed biped; your nose is just long enough toenable you to be led into a singularly original adventure, and your brainsjust too few to carry it through creditably. Hang me if I wouldn't havemade a better job of the business! But before you disappear from thecompany of gentlemen I must ask you to do one favour for me. First thingto-morrow morning you will go down to Clankwood, tell what lie you please,and obtain my legal discharge, or whatever it's called. After that you maygo to the devil--or, what comes much to the same thing, to Mr Welsh--for allI care. You will do this without fail?"

  "Ye--es," stammered Twiddel, "certainly, sir."

  "You may now retire--and the faster the better."

  As the crestfallen doctor followed his ally out of the restaurant, theBaron exclaimed in disgust, "Ze cads! You are too merciful. You shouldpunish."

  "My dear Baron, after all I am obliged to these rascals for the mostamusing time I have ever had in my life, and one of the best friends I'veever made."

  "Ach, Bonker! Bot vat do I say? You are not Bonker no more, and yet may Icall you so, jost for ze sake of pleasant times? It vill be too hard tochange."

  "I'd rather you would, Baron. It will be a perpetual in memoriam record ofmy departed virtues."

  "Departed, Bonker?"

  "Departed, Baron," his friend repeated with a sigh; "for how can I everhope to have so spacious a field for them again? Believe me, they willwither in an atmosphere of orthodoxy. And now let us order dinner."

  "But first," said the Baron, blushing, "I haf a piece of news."

  "Baron, I guess it!"

  "Ze Lady Alicia is now mine! Congratulate!"

  "With all my heart, Baron! What could be a fitter finish than thedetection of villainy, the marriage of all the sane people, and theapotheosis of the lunatic?"

  THE END.

  ERRATA.

  PART I. CHAPTER IV. Changed: he whistled, *The* sounds outside To: he whistled, *the* sounds outside

  PART I. CHAPTER VI. Changed: Ye*-*es. To: Ye*--*es.

  PART I. CHAPTER VII. Changed: which that *disapponted* official only To: which that *disappointed* official only

  PART III. CHAPTER V. Changed: something out*.*" he said To: something out*,*" he said

  PART IV. CHAPTER I. Changed: to me, *$*200 to you To: to me, *L*200 to you

  PART IV. CHAPTER I. Changed: _I_ let him loose?*'* To: _I_ let him loose?*"*

  PART IV. CHAPTER II. Changed: * *Indeed? Why not?" To: *"*Indeed? Why not?"

  PART IV. CHAPTER III. Changed: on his *wideawake* hat and To: on his *wide-awake* hat and

  PART IV. CHAPTER III. Changed: "What *nime*, sir?" To: "What *name*, sir?"