“And Stella . . . ?”
“She told me I was lucky to have a man to take care of me.” I swallowed my tears. “Branson left my car at Zelda’s and told me that he would be driving me to and from work from then on, and when I was home without him, he’d lock me in our room, dead-bolting it shut.”
“And his brother still lived there?”
“Yeah.”
“And he still sold your services, I presume?”
“He didn’t drug me after that, but I wasn’t so sure being conscious was any better. Some men just wanted to screw. Others wanted me to role play. Some wanted to rape me, and every single time someone screwed me, Branson was there filming it all. All the while, Branson kept getting richer and I felt more and more like dyin’.” My mouth lifted into a soft smile. “And then I met Carla.”
“At the club?”
“Yeah. She saw something was off . . . She told me I had dead eyes, and then she met Branson and guessed he was the cause. When she saw how controlling he was, she offered to help me leave him.”
I snuck a glance at Jed, who seemed like a solid statue.
“She knew Branson liked to watch me dance, and Stan gave him the schedule so he would know when to expect me on stage. That gave me a window of about five to ten minutes from when I left my hostessing duties to get changed in the back to when I went up on stage. Carla came up with a plan that she would give me the keys to her car as soon as I went into the back. That would hopefully buy me a good ten minutes to get away before Branson figured it out. She said she’d loan me a hundred dollars for gas money, and the plan was for me to take off for my granny’s house in Arkansas. She’d stay behind and cover for me. We agreed that I’d figure out how to get the car back to her later.”
“It didn’t work?”
“I found out I was pregnant a week before we planned for me to leave.” I shook my head. “Or rather Stella figured out I was pregnant. I was viciously ill, just like with my last pregnancy. Branson was pissed because I was too sick to entertain, and I couldn’t dance on the pole without losing my lunch. So Stella got a pregnancy test because I couldn’t shop on my own. Sure enough, there were two pink lines.
“The last thing I needed was a baby tying me to Branson—or one of those horrible men—but I wasn’t so sure Carla’s plan would work. I suspected Branson would track me down to Henryetta, and if he found out I had a baby, there’d be no escaping him. So when Stella suggested the abortion, I decided it was my only chance to save my baby from the hell I’d lived through, as sick as that sounds. One day, when Branson was going fishing with his friends, she got me out and drove me to a doctor in Oklahoma City. There’s a waiting period, and Stella knew this was a one-shot deal, so she found someone to do it off the books.”
“How’d you pay for it?” Jed asked.
A single tear slid down my cheek. “Stella paid for it.”
“What’d she get out of it?”
“Her shot at Branson? She was sure he treated me like he did because I was weak. She believed she would be different. I just wanted out. But a few days later, I was still bleeding from my procedure and Branson told me he had some big deal in the works and that he needed me to do something special. He said if I went along, he’d give me part of the money. I knew right away that this had to be big. He’d never offered me anything before other than the promise not to beat me. It was a ridiculous offer. I never went anywhere to use money, and he kept every penny I made at the club, but I asked him what he wanted me to do.”
“Neely Kate. You don’t have to tell me.” Jed’s voice shook. “I already heard enough from Stella.”
“No. You need to know it all. We’re close to the end now.”
He gave a small nod.
“He said he had a rich customer from Dallas who’d heard about me. Branson said he wanted to buy me for one night, but I had to sign a waiver promising not to press charges. Well, that perked my fear right up. No one else had ever been worried about such a thing. Branson saw my hesitation. He played down the agreement, saying it was no big deal. The guy had a reputation to maintain, and if word got out that he was into something kinky, it could ruin him. I said I’d think about it, then told Carla I needed to leave sooner. The guy was coming the next night. He was going to watch me dance; then I was supposed to leave with him. Branson would come pick me up after six hours. That was when the guy would pay him. But I had to sign the agreement. If I didn’t, the guy would leave and neither of us would get anything.”
“So what happened?”
“I didn’t give Branson an answer, but he took my silence as agreement to go through with the deal. In the meantime, Carla had scraped together gas money for me. We had a plan worked out, only Stella was working that night and knew something was up.
“When it came time for me to escape, I got in Carla’s car, but Branson was waiting for me. He told me that I was still going with the guy, but I wasn’t gettin’ a dime. When I told him I refused to do it, he threatened to hurt Zelda.”
“You agreed.”
I couldn’t tell what he thought of that. “I had to. I could handle his fists, but she was frail . . . I couldn’t risk it.”
A car pulled up next to Jed’s side, and a woman got out. She looked to be in her forties, and the expression on her face suggested she didn’t take shit from anyone.
“Family Services?” I asked.
“I suspect so.” He put the car in reverse but didn’t back out.
Sure enough, the woman marched up to Stella’s door and knocked. As soon as Stella answered, Jed backed out.
I hadn’t finished my story, but now that Jed knew someone was going to make sure the baby was okay, his whole demeanor had changed.
“Where are you going?” I asked, worried about where I stood with him.
“We’re going to find Beasley.” The look in his eyes suggested Beasley should be very afraid.
Chapter 18
“Jed, hold up,” I said, reaching for his arm. “You don’t even know where to find him, and you don’t know why I’m lookin’ for him.”
“Neely Kate, I know I said I was lettin’ you handle this, but I’m taking over with Beasley.”
“Jed.”
“No,” he snapped. “That man has a lot to answer for . . . and I’ll be the one makin’ him atone for what he did.”
“He’s already atoned for it, Jed. He went to prison for something I did.”
“What was the charge?”
“Jed.”
“What was the fucking charge? Because unless it’s for murdering his brother, he’s not even begun to pay.”
“Jed! Stop!”
He pulled over into a gas station parking lot and got out of the car, leaving the engine running, and began to pace the length of the car.
I got out and walked over to him, half-scared to confront him, but I had to fix this.
“Jed.”
He continued to pace, his fists clenching and unclenching.
“Jed. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, looking incredulous. “Why the hell are you sorry?”
“You told me not to tell you, and I did anyway. I’m sorry.”
“No! Don’t you ever be sorry for telling me the truth. How many people have you told that story to?”
“No one. Just you.”
He stopped pacing and lunged for me, pulling me against his chest. “God. Neely Kate.” He sounded so anguished. Because of me. I couldn’t take it.
I jerked away. “Stop. Just stop. I don’t want your pity, and I don’t want your condemnation. I only told you so you’d know what I’ve been running from, and I haven’t even finished.”
He shook his head. “No condemnation, Neely Kate. Not one little bit.”
“I could have run and I didn’t,” I said.
“When?” he asked in disbelief. “When could you have run?”
“When Stella took me to Oklahoma City.”
“Did she ever let you out of her sight?”
>
“Only once I was prepped and ready for the procedure.”
“And then she came right back, didn’t she?”
I didn’t answer. We both knew that she had.
“You were beaten down, Neely Kate. You were . . . fuck!” he shouted, then spun away and began to pace again. After a couple of lengths, he leaned his hands on the top of the car, then cursed and shook his hands when he realized how hot it was.
He spun and turned to face me, rage twisting his familiar features into something unrecognizable. “You realize he knew, don’t you?”
My blood ran straight to my toes. “Knew what?”
“He knew you were pregnant. He paid for the abortion.”
“What? No . . .”
“Yes. He knew. Trust me. If he was using you like that, he knew your cycle. He had to schedule his . . .” His voice trailed off, and if possible, he looked even angrier than before.
“But why would Stella . . . ?”
“What would you have done if he took you to get an abortion? Probably fought him on it, right? But damn, he knew you’d trust your friend to have your best interest in mind. How else would she be able to get you out of that room?”
I stumbled backward, my butt hitting the back of the car. “I’m so stupid.” It all came rushing back, viewed through a different lens, and now I could see that he was right.
Branson had known all along.
Horror washed through me. “Oh, my God. I killed my baby. And that’s exactly what he wanted. I’m so stupid.”
“No!” he shouted, drawing the attention of the few people brave enough to face the heat to pump their gas. “Don’t you dare accept any guilt in this.” Then his expression morphed into horror. “You blame yourself. You think you deserved it.”
I took several steps to the side, clearing the back of the car.
“Oh, my God. He made you think you deserved it.”
I started to cry.
He was close to me in an instant, pulling me into his embrace. “I’m sorry,” he said into my hair. “I’m making it worse. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “I can’t see Beasley right now. I can’t handle it.”
“I know. It’s okay. Let’s go back to our room.”
I nodded and he helped me into the car again. As soon as we were settled, he took off, ignoring the curious stares.
He drove straight to the motel while I sat in silence. I didn’t dare cry or I’d cry away every last part of me until there was nothing left but an empty shell. When he parked in the lot, he came around to help me out, but I was already halfway to the stairs. He wrapped his arm around my back, but I shook it off, feeling dirty and claustrophobic. I was waging an inner battle over what I wanted. Part of me was desperate for him to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but another more vocal part of me was on edge and ready to fight. That part couldn’t stand anyone’s touch, not even Jed’s.
“I’m sorry,” I said after I recoiled. “I just feel . . . so . . .”
“Don’t apologize.” But he stayed close until we reached the room, as though he worried he’d need to be there to pick up the pieces if I fell apart.
It was a legitimate concern.
As soon as we entered the air-conditioned room, I climbed onto the bed and curled into a ball. I couldn’t handle the world anymore. I couldn’t handle my shame and embarrassment. I couldn’t handle the pain I’d been through and the pain that had lingered with me for so long. All I wanted was to sleep for a million years and wake up feeling nothing.
I woke with a start, bolting off the bed, fresh from a nightmare I was already forgetting, except I could see the man’s looming face, turning first red and then pale.
It was still daytime, which made me feel a little better. Jed was slouched in the chair next to the bed. He sat up when he saw me stir.
“Jed?”
“I’m here,” he said, leaning forward. “What do you need?”
“Will you hold me?”
He was beside me in an instant, helping me lie on my side. Then he curled up behind me without hesitation, wrapping his arm over my stomach. “Is this okay?” he asked. “Is this too tight?”
“No.” A moment later, I whispered, “I need you. And I hate that I do.”
“Did you ever think that I need you too?”
I turned to glance back at him.
“It’s true,” he said, leaning over and kissing my bare shoulder. “Skeeter . . . I’ve been loyal to him for so long I’ve forgotten there are other choices. Other lives. I’m confused and pissed, but you help me put it all in perspective. No one else has ever made me feel like this . . .” He closed his eyes and groaned. “I suck at this, Neely Kate.”
I rolled over so that my stomach pressed against his. “No. Jed. You don’t.” I lifted my hand to his temple, stroking it with my fingertip. “But I’m messed up. I’m broken. You deserve someone who isn’t so complicated.”
He gave me a sardonic smile. “And my career choice isn’t complicated?”
“It’s more than that, and you know it. I haven’t even finished my story.” I searched his eyes. “I killed someone, Jed.”
His hand brushed a strand of hair from my face. “I know.” I started to sit up, but he pulled me back down. “Shh . . . Lie still. It’s okay.”
“It’s okay that I killed someone?”
“We’ve talked about this. I’ve killed someone too. Multiple someones. You should kick me out of this room right now and take my car to go back home.”
“I’m not goin’ to do that, Jed.”
“Why?”
“Because I know your heart. You must have had a reason.”
“Some of those deaths were self-defense, but in some cases I played judge and jury. I offered to kill someone for Rose, and she begged me not to. I gave Rose what she wanted, but the bitch turned around and tried to kill Rose right after I left. Looking back on the whole thing, I wish I’d gone ahead and killed her. What do you think of me now?”
I only saw a man who was protecting my friend. “I’m not kickin’ you out, Jed.”
He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, then leaned back to look at me. “So why in the hell would I leave you? You killed in self-defense,” he said. “I haven’t figured out who you killed yet—although I have my suspicions—but I’m not running, Neely Kate. I’m still here. I’ll help you with whatever you need to do.”
I closed my eyes and buried my head underneath his chin. “Thank you.”
“What do you say we take the night off and start back on this tomorrow?”
“No. I want to finish it and go home. What time is it?”
“Six.”
“So we have a few hours before we can go see Carla,” I said, then sat up. “We need to find Beasley.”
Jed’s jaw clenched.
“Jed, I need to find out if he talked to Kate. He’s the only one who knows about the azaleas, and my life could be on the line. Especially if a guy came looking for me a few months ago.”
He sat up and picked up my hand, linking our fingers. “Then we talk to Beasley. And I promise not to beat the ever-lovin’ shit out of him until after you get everything you need to know out of him.”
“Jed.”
“No, Neely Kate. Don’t you dare make me promise to play nice to a man who sat back and watched that asshole abuse you.” His face reddened. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead into his shoulder. “It’s complicated.”
“The hell it is.”
I sat back and studied his face. “He went to jail for me, Jed. That isn’t something that can be taken lightly. He forfeited years of his life to protect me. You’re not beatin’ him up.”
His face softened. Slightly. “Fine. I won’t beat the shit out of him unless he does something that warrants it. That’s the best I can do.”
I narrowed my eyes, but he stared at me unapologetically. “Okay.”
“Then let’s go find Beasley.
”
Chapter 19
It was all well and good to know that Beasley might have worked in a hardware store, but there were nine possible locations. It was disconcerting, especially since it was already after six thirty.
Jed frowned. “You said Beasley has an aunt. Do you know where she lives?”
I searched my memory. “I was only there a couple of times. I don’t know an address, and I’m not sure I could find it.”
“How about her name?”
“Beverly Desoto.”
Jed searched his phone, then gave me a grim smile. “Jackpot.” His smile fell. “Maybe I should do this without you.”
“He’ll never talk to you, or at least I hope to God he wouldn’t talk to you.” When Jed looked taken aback, I said, “I’m counting on the fact he’s never told anyone. If he blabs it to you without me around, then who else has he told?”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m only trying to protect you, Neely Kate.”
“And while I appreciate it, I still need to face it. Maybe it’s the only way I’ll ever truly be free.”
He took me by surprise and kissed me, his lips soft on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held tight. Jed was my lifeline in this turbulent sea of my past.
“When we finish here,” he said, pulling back to stare into my eyes, “let’s not go back to Henryetta, at least not at first. Let’s you and me go somewhere, just the two of us, and just be. No danger. No painful past. Only you and me.”
“For how long?” I asked, feeling anxious. “I know you might never want to go back, but I’ve got Rose and Joe . . .”
“A week? Two? As long as we want until we decide to go back, but Neely Kate—” He turned serious. “Joe will never approve of you being with me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. We’re legally at odds.”
“But you won’t be working for Skeeter anymore.”
“But I have. For years. Something’s bound to turn up and bite me in the ass. Carter Hale will help me get out of it, but Joe will not approve.”
I frowned. Jed was right, but I wouldn’t let them be at odds with each other. “We’ll deal with that when it comes.” I kissed him again, because I could, and it felt so right.
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