Was this what love felt like? Being around the one person you wanted to be with more than anyone else in the world, who made you feel like you were lying in the warm sun on a soft bed, surrounded by warmth, love, and protection until you were bursting with it. Because that’s what I was feeling right now with Jed, and while it scared the dickens out of me, part of me basked in it.
But while all of that was happening on the surface, underneath it all, I was like a molten vat of boiling lava about to erupt. I wanted Jed like I’d never wanted another man. As scared as I was to bare everything to him—body and soul—part of me knew he’d not only accept my scars, but appreciate me more because of them.
I finally pulled back, more than a little pleased to see Jed had been as affected as I was. “We need to find Beasley.”
“And then we’ll escape somewhere. Where’s the one place you’ve always wanted to go?”
I cringed. “You’re going to think it’s silly.”
“I doubt it.”
“I know you mentioned Florida, but I’ve always wanted to go to the mountains in Colorado and see the chipmunks. Did you know they come right up to you and eat out of your hand?” Jed was grinning like a fool, so I gave him a mock scowl. “I told you it was silly.”
“It’s not silly.”
“Then why are you smilin’ like that?”
“Because you’ve lived through some horrible things, yet you’re still so . . .”
“Stupid.”
“No. So full of life and joy, and you still see the good in people—”
“Not all people.”
He tilted his head in acknowledgment. “Okay, not all people, but most people. There’s something about you that makes me think maybe I’m not so bad. That maybe I can have love and a family too.”
My smile immediately fell.
“What?” he asked with a worried look. “What did I say?”
“I can’t have babies, Jed.”
He blinked. “What?”
“I can’t have any more babies. I’m too scarred inside from all those infections . . . I was lucky to have gotten pregnant with my babies last winter, but one of them got stuck in my fallopian tube and . . . I can’t have babies, Jed. And you deserve babies.”
He shook his head. “There are other ways to have a family besides having babies. Look at you and Rose. You’re like sisters, and you only met a year ago.”
“I know, but . . .”
“I’d love to have kids someday, Neely Kate, but knowin’ you can’t have them doesn’t change my mind about being with you. If we reach the point where we want kids, then we’ll deal with it, okay?”
“But—”
He shook his head. “No buts. Now let’s go.”
We were halfway to the car when he asked, “What part of Colorado?”
“I don’t know, the part that has chipmunks.”
He laughed, that belly laugh that filled me with happiness. “You don’t know?”
“No, but surely it can’t be too hard to find out.”
He opened my car door, grinning from ear to ear. “I need you in my life, Neely Kate. I meant what I said, no one makes me feel like you do.”
“But a lot of it’s bad,” I said.
“The bad makes you appreciate the good so much more, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I do.”
While we drove to Beasley’s aunt’s house, Jed had me look up chipmunks in Colorado on my phone. We settled on a town called Estes Park, and by the time he pulled up in front of the small bungalow house I recognized, we’d even picked a place to stay. We only needed to make the reservations. Only then did I realize what he’d done for me—he’d purposefully kept me distracted so I wouldn’t worry about Beasley.
I took a deep breath. “Give me a minute.”
Jed left the engine running. “Whenever you’re ready, Neely Kate. We’ll sit here all night if you need to.”
I forced a smile. “That won’t look suspicious.”
“Then I’ll keep circling the block. You’re setting the pace.”
I turned to look at the house. It had never been in good shape, and that hadn’t changed. “I think maybe I need to do this alone.”
“Not a fucking chance in hell,” he grunted.
I couldn’t help my small chuckle. “I guess you made that clear.”
“You’re damn right.”
“Then play it like you did with Stella. Let me do the talking. I’m worried you’re going to scare him off.”
“How do you know he’s here?”
I pointed to the driveway that ran down the side of the house. “That’s his truck back there.”
Jed didn’t answer. I wondered if I should tell Jed the rest. He was bound to be confused when he heard about Beasley’s conviction, but I was already opening the car door and getting out. He’d have to figure it out like he’d figured out everything else.
He met me on the sidewalk and gave me a reassuring look, not exactly a smile, but there was something in his eyes that told me I could do this.
I knocked on the door, and an older woman opened it. “Can I help you?”
“Hi,” I said, sweet as you please. “I’m looking for Beasley.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Who’s asking?”
“An old friend.” When she didn’t budge, I added, “Neely Kate.”
She stared at me for a moment, looking like she was going to tell me to go away, but I heard a man’s voice behind her say, “Let her in.”
I glanced back at Jed, giving him a warning look before I stepped inside.
Beasley was sitting on the sofa with a beer can in his hand, watching a game show on the TV. He looked a lot like he did the last time I saw him, only he was wearing jeans and a Harley-Davidson T-shirt instead of prison orange. His dishwater-blond hair had grown out enough to graze his ears, and he was trying to grow a mustache over his lip. He stood when we entered the room—rising to his full 5’8” stature—and he looked nervous when he noticed Jed.
“Neely Kate,” he said, his gazed shifting back and forth between us. “I’m surprised to see you.”
“I was back in town and thought maybe we could chat.”
His aunt stood in the doorway of the living room and kitchen, watching me with interest. “You used to be Branson’s girlfriend.”
Hearing people call me that was like fingernails on a chalkboard, but this wasn’t the time or place to make a fuss. “That’s right.”
“I ain’t seen hide nor hair of that boy since Beasley crashed Branson’s car in his drunken stupor. You heard from him?”
“No, ma’am.”
She shook her head and tsked. “Must have gotten up to no good.”
I figured it would be best if I didn’t say anything.
Beasley gestured toward the back of the house with his thumb. “Why don’t we go into the backyard and talk?”
“Good idea,” I said, following him past his aunt. We walked through a kitchen straight out of the 1950s and into a backyard that looked like a garden park. Beasley was already halfway across the yard to a small fire pit area.
Jed was practically on my heels as I followed. I sat in a chair directly across from Beasley, and Jed sat beside me.
Beasley nervously eyed Jed, but I was staring right back. Now that I had a better look at him, I realized Beasley did look different. Harder. More confident. After all the berating he’d tolerated from his brother, that was a good thing, so why did it make me nervous?
“Who’s your friend, Neely Kate?”
“This is my boyfriend, Jed.”
“Boyfriend. You always did go for the mean ones.”
I supposed I could see why he’d think that about Jed, who was looking downright intimidating. I wondered if there was any truth to what Beasley said about the men in my past, but Ronnie wasn’t mean. In fact, he reminded me a lot of Beasley . . . a little quiet, shy, and hated violence. Or so he’d said. Maybe that had something to do with why I’d picked
Ronnie. Maybe I’d been trying to choose Beasley the second time around.
He turned to look at Jed. “Are you here to beat me up?”
None of Beasley’s usual fear was present, and that set me on edge. Maybe I wasn’t as safe with him as I had once thought.
“That’s Neely Kate’s call,” Jed said in a no-nonsense tone.
“No,” I said. “No one’s beating anyone up.”
Beasley didn’t seem convinced, and the expression on Jed’s face didn’t look any friendlier. Maybe bringing Jed was a mistake. Only, something still felt . . . off about Beasley.
“You got out,” I said, stating the obvious.
“Yep,” he said, finishing off his beer. He crushed the can with his hand and tossed it to the ground. That wasn’t a Beasley move. He’d definitely changed, but what had I expected? He’d been in prison nearly five years. Because of me.
“How long have you been out?”
“A few months.” He leaned back in his chair, trying to look nonchalant, but the beads of perspiration lining his top lip and his forehead gave him away. Granted, it was hot, but that didn’t explain why his hands were shaking on the metal arms of his chair.
“You stopped taking my calls,” I said. “Why?”
“What good did they do?” he asked. “It wasn’t like you were gonna pick me when I got out.”
“We could still be friends. What you did for me . . . That made us friends.”
“He said you’d try to play it like that.”
My blood ran cold. “Who said that?”
He ignored me and stood. “I need another beer.” Then he headed toward the house.
“Neely Kate,” Jed grunted in a low tone. “Are you in danger?”
Confused, I watched Beasley disappear inside the back door. This was not the scared, bullied man who had watched his brother abuse me for months before finally stepping up to help me escape. This man was still scared, but he’d turned defiant and belligerent. I was pretty dang sure if faced with the same choice, he would have made a different one now. And I was pretty sure he had a major case of buyer’s remorse.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
“I think we should go. Now.”
But Beasley was already out the back door with two cans of beer in his hands. As he approached, he tossed one to Jed, who reached out and caught it without any effort. A look of mock appreciation filled Beasley’s eyes as he sat down and popped the top of his drink. He looked at me with a sneer. “I would have gotten you one, Neely Kate, but I remembered how much you hate to drink.”
I gasped at his obvious reference to Branson’s parties.
“When did Branson start visiting you in prison?” I asked. It was a leap, but not a hard one to make. Beasley had always been desperate for his brother’s approval, and he seemed like a mini-Branson in the making. It stood to reason that Branson had started poisoning his brother against me.
“A couple of years ago. You hadn’t been calling as often, and I was lonely for visitors. I was pretty surprised to see him sitting at that table, but he said he hadn’t forgotten about me. He just had to stay low so you couldn’t have him arrested.”
“I wasn’t planning on having him arrested. All I cared about was breaking free, Beasley. You knew that.”
“He said you’d say that.”
My mouth went dry. “When did he say that?”
“Last time I saw him. Last November. He said someone was poking around into the past, and he was pretty sure you’d hired some woman to start covering your tracks. He told me that we Desoto boys had to stick together or else I’d end up doing more years. Only for murder this time.”
I shook my head, fear coursing through my blood. “No, Beasley. I want the past buried. I want no part of it. That wasn’t me.”
“She claimed to be related to you. She visited me in prison, asking all kinds of questions about when you’d lived in Ardmore as a kid, but she was also interested in the more current stuff. Including how I ended up in prison.”
“Did you tell her?” I asked, feeling lightheaded.
He watched me for several seconds; then a cruel look spread across his face. “I always wondered why Branson liked it so much.”
Oh, God. “What?”
“Controlling you. Making you do things you claimed you hated.”
“Claimed?”
He took a sip of his beer and turned a watchful eye on Jed. Satisfied Jed wasn’t about to jump him, he gave me a leer. “Branson said you liked it that way. That you liked to be dominated. He told me that you’d tricked me into helping you.”
I slowly shook my head, words escaping me.
Jed’s hands gripped the sides of his chair.
I needed to get myself together, get my answers and then leave. “Did you tell Branson what we did?”
“You mean what you did?” he asked bitterly. “What you dragged me into.”
“I never asked for your help,” I said, my voice sounding far away. “I never asked you to take the blame.”
“You didn’t have to. Branson said you were like a siren, making men do what they didn’t want to do. He says he didn’t want to keep you like that, but you were sick and perverted and made him do it.”
I shook my head. “You saw me, Beasley. How many times did you see me crying? You kept telling me you were sorry for not helping me escape.”
“He said it was an act.”
“Then I must be a really great actress,” I said in disgust. Beasley had always been weak and easily manipulated by his brother, but this took the cake.
“Stella agreed with him.”
I froze. “When did you speak to Stella?”
I’d gone to see Beasley once after he’d been convicted; then I’d called and written him multiple times until a little over a year ago, and he’d never once mentioned Stella. But maybe that explained why he’d suddenly changed.
“She came to see me. She told me that Branson wanted to come home, but he was scared I’d turn against him. She told me that I’d gotten everything all wrong, that you’d manipulated me.”
“And you believed her?” He had always hated Stella. She’d treated him like shit, and because of his low self-confidence, he’d just taken it. It had provoked her to treat him even worse.
“He came to see me after that and told me that Stella was havin’ his baby and they wanted to be together, but you were stoppin’ them.”
Crystal was Branson’s daughter? I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. “I was livin’ my life in Arkansas, trying to forget about the both of them.”
“Like you were forgetting about me.” His mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. “You never uttered one word about your fiancé.”
“No . . .” Maybe. I’d met Ronnie by then, and transferred all those feelings of gratitude and obligation to him. Only, I hadn’t realized it.
“Branson said I had to make sure he was protected.”
And that meant giving him evidence to keep me in line. The edges of my vision began to black out, but I refused to lose consciousness. I was facing this head-on. I already knew the answer, but I had to ask anyway. I needed confirmation. “What did you do, Beasley?”
He gave me a defiant look. “I told him about the azaleas.”
Chapter 20
“Neely Kate, are you finished?” Jed asked in a voice so cold it scared me.
Was I done? I was so shocked I wasn’t even sure what to ask. “Yeah.”
Jed was out of his seat in a flash. He grabbed a fistful of Beasley’s shirt with his left hand and jerked him out of his chair and to his feet. “You thought you were safe, huh? That Neely Kate had me on a leash? Or are you just plain stupid?” He gave Beasley a shake. “I’m going with stupid, because that’s the only explanation I can come up with to justify all the shit I heard pour out of your mouth.”
Beasley grabbed Jed’s hand and tried to break his hold. “Leave me alone.”
“You stupid asshole, I haven’t even begun.”
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Pure terror washed over Beasley’s face.
“Where’s your piece of shit brother?”
“I don’t know.”
Jed punched him in the face. Beasley’s knees buckled, but Jed’s hold on his shirt kept him upright. “Let’s try that again. Where’s your brother?”
“I don’t know!”
Jed gave him another punch, and Beasley sagged even more. Jed released his hold, and Beasley dropped to the ground in a heap.
“Let me make this perfectly clear, Beasley,” Jed said in a cool, matter-of-fact voice. “I will find out where your brother is, so this can go as easy or as hard as you like. It’s entirely up to you.”
“He’ll kill me if I tell you.”
“I’ll kill you if you don’t, so I guess it’s a matter of which one of us you would prefer to end your life.”
Beasley started to cry.
“That’s right,” Jed growled. “Cry, but we both know it’s an act. You really like it. You were just beggin’ for this. You’re using me to get what you want. Is this the point where I let someone screw you?”
I could only watch in horror. I knew I should stop Jed. I needed to stop him, but watching him turn the tables on Beasley was empowering, even if it was wrong.
Beasley continued to sob. “Don’t hurt me.”
“How many times did you hear Neely Kate cry, begging for help, but you ignored her?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, glancing up at me. “I’m sorry.”
“Too fucking little, too late,” Jed grunted right before he kicked Beasley in the stomach.
Beasley grunted and curled into a ball.
I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Where’s your brother?” When there was no response, Jed kicked him again.
Beasley cried out in pain, then said, “Kansas City! He’s in Kansas City.”
Jed took a step back. “What’s he doin’ there?”
“He has a job. He’s an electrician now.”
“Then why is Stella still livin’ here with the baby he was so desperate to be with?” Jed asked.
Beasley sat up and hunched over, protecting his stomach. “I don’t know. He said the timing wasn’t right.”
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