Left Behind (Lost & Found #1)

by C. L. Stacey

  Once I successfully get them off, I chuck them to the side, taking a moment to enjoy my view of her naked beneath me. “You’re beautiful,” I say as I trace the small scar on her skin, located just under her right breast. It was minimal, but enough to remind me of our tangled past.

  When I feel the guilt begin to take root, Lexi removes my hand and turns her lips into my palm. “Stop,” she whispers, peering up at me through her lashes. “Come here.” She spreads herself open to me, and I drop forward, caging her between my arms.

  This intimate moment we share, both of us lying here exposed and vulnerable, together, is so very surreal. I can’t believe that I’ve been running away from this, from the freedom to simply be happy. Now that I finally have it… I’m never letting go.

  Lexi smiles up at me, and I feel every little thing it does to my heart. With that one smile, I feel it skip before it takes off racing. With the love and adoration in her eyes, I feel it slow down until it ceases. With a single touch, her hand to my cheek, I feel that familiar warmth wash over me, like nothing else in the world can touch me.

  “Where’d you go?” she asks knowingly.

  “I’m so happy you’re here…” I whisper. “You wanted to know why I used to look at you the way that I did?” She nods. “I used to think about what would have happened to me if you had also died with them that night, and I just…” I trail off. “My guilt is what kept me alive all these years. Looking after you gave me purpose. I don’t know what would have happened to me if I didn’t have you to keep me going.” I turn my lips into her hand, pressing a soft kiss against her palm. “I never expected to fall in love with you, but I did, and then I continued to fight for different reasons. You saved me, Lexi.”

  Her eyes immediately glaze over, tears now sparkling in them as they stare up into mine, unwavering. “I used to be so guilty of life…” she starts. “I never understood why I was given this second chance.” Then she shakes her head. “I get it now. I finally have the answers I’ve been searching for all these years. I understand why I’m still here…” she whispers, “and it has everything to do with you. You make me grateful to be alive, Jackson.”

  Our lips meet, soft and slow at first, then hard and hungry. She moans into my mouth when I tease my hips forward, her hands yanking at my briefs and toeing them the rest of the way down. I groan when her hand wraps around my cock, stroking me slowly from base to tip.

  I slip my hand between us, and Lexi presses her head deeper into her pillow, back arching off the mattress when I push a finger inside. She cries out in relief when I add another. Then I play, I tease, and I watch her writhe under me, rolling her hips against my hand.

  “Jackson,” she breathes, throwing her arms around me to pull me back in for a rough kiss. My mouth is met with another one of her moans when my thumb hovers over her clit, circling, moving in rhythm with my fingers.

  I leave her lips to explore the rest of her, taking my time when trailing kisses down her body, my fingers continuing their work to push her closer to the edge. Then I move my thumb to replace it with my tongue, circling it over and over. She gasps loudly as her hips leave the bed again, and I growl my approval when her hands sink aggressively into my hair.

  “Please,” she whispers.

  Her hands leave my hair to grip the sheets when I lick further down, and I move my fingers out of the way to taste her with my tongue. She moves again, her hands blindly reaching above her head when I’ve got her exactly where I want her, teetering on the edge of her release.

  A soft shudder passes through her body just before she lets herself go, her inner muscles clenching around my fingers as she sighs my name over and again.

  I look up and see that her arms have fallen flat against the mattress, chest heaving in and out between each tired pant.

  “Jesus Christ, Jackson…” she breathes.

  With a kiss I press softly against the inside of her thigh, I walk back up the mattress on my knees until I’m settled between her legs. Before I do anything else, I lean in to kiss her lips, and I smile when they tremble slightly against mine. “I want another one,” I say greedily, gripping her by the thighs to hold her legs back.

  She welcomes the idea of another with a smile, but she moves my hands from her legs so she can wrap them around my waist instead, and then she takes my hands into hers, tangling our fingers together before pulling me back down for another kiss.

  “I love you,” she whispers against my mouth.

  My grip tightens around her fingers, pinning her hands deeper into the mattress as I press myself up against her entrance. “God, baby, I love you, too,” I say before driving into her with one hard push.

  Swallowing her cries with my kiss, I hold steady as I allow us both time to adjust, then I slowly pull back and watch as her face twists in pain when I rock back into her. “Are you okay?” I’m not. She feels just as amazing as she tastes, and I can already tell that it will be a struggle for me to hold on if I don’t pace myself right now.

  “Yes,” she pants. “God, yes, keep going.” Her thighs wrap tighter around my waist, forcing me deeper, and she gasps loudly when taking me all the way in.

  “Fuck,” I groan into her neck, taking a moment to pray that I don’t blow my load too early, because… fuck. My body is begging me to catch up, but I know that I need to take it slow.

  I need more.

  I promised her another one.

  I want another one.

  I need another one.

  My hands leave hers, using one to prop myself up, and the other to grip the flesh on her thigh. She brings a hand to my cheek, wincing softly when I pull back again.

  When I feel her relax a bit, my movements become more fluid, more rhythmic, keeping a steady pace until I know for certain that she can take more.

  Her soft whimpers soon turn into moans, whispers turn into demands, and she trades gentle touches to my cheek for raking her nails down my back. “Faster, Jackson,” she begs. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, I don’t want you to hold back.”

  I push against the mattress to get back on my knees. “You sure?” I ask, sliding my hands slowly down her chest. She nods. I stop to cup her breasts before I continue further down, clamping my fingers securely over her hips. Then I gladly give into her request and pick up my pace, my gentle drives turning into more demanding thrusts.

  For each time I come to fill her, I think back to all the moments I wished she were mine, then to the moments I thought that it could never be possible.

  It all makes this moment that much sweeter.

  The way her loving gaze holds mine as she sighs my name, and with each cry out of ecstasy, moan out of pure passion, and between all the oh-my-god’s and I love you’s, it becomes more impossible for me to keep prolonging the inevitable. She is close. And as much as I’d love to keep this going, so am I.

  Her hand lifts to cover my chest, the spot over my heart. “Jackson,” she whispers up to me.

  “Yea, baby?”

  A stray tear drops down the side of her face when she brings her other hand over the other side of my chest. “I’ve never felt anything like—”

  “Neither have I.”

  It’s the truth. I haven’t felt anything like this before. It’s never been this intense. Not with anyone.

  I release her hips and drop to my hands, prompting her to tilt her head back enough to meet my eyes, and I fall in love with her all over again; with those eyes she uses to scowl at me, that nose that crinkles up with every laugh, and that smart mouth she uses to tease and taunt me with.

  Mine.

  My thrusts grow increasingly quicker, hungrier as I drive with more force. Her chest shoves upward when her back bows off the bed, breasts bouncing gloriously every time the top of my thighs meet the bottom of her ass.

  Too tempted not to, I lower my mouth over a nipple, sucking it roughly into my mouth, and she lets out a surprised cry when my tongue swirls over the peak.

  It starts with the flush in her chee
ks, her eyes squeezing shut as her mouth slightly parts, then her muscles tighten around me, bringing me closer to the edge.

  “Eyes, Lexi. Look at me,” I grate, and they fly back open, locking gazes with mine as I plunge deeper.

  “Jackson,” she moans, the sweet sound of it running chills down my back. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the intoxicating combination of her perfume and sweat, and then… words that completely undo me. “Come with me,” she whispers into my ear, thighs quivering softly by my waist.

  I’m done. I can’t.

  Her body trembles in my arms, and I still in hers, both shouting together in climax, and her arms drop dead onto the mattress when they lose their strength to stay around me any longer.

  “Holy shit…” I drop my sweaty face into her neck, panting as I struggle to breathe, and I feel her try to do the same, her breaths coming in short, rapid patterns against my shoulder.

  Lexi winces softly when I pull out, then she turns into me when I drop onto my back. “You’re a liar,” she says, still breathless.

  I frown at the ceiling. “Excuse me?”

  “For someone who hasn’t had sex in years, you lasted longer than I thought you would,” she teases.

  Enough air fills my lungs for me to laugh. Then I bring the hand she wasn’t laying on up and wiggle my fingers. “These helped me through some hard times.”

  She giggles, propping her chin up against my chest, and I watch as her smile fades from her lips. “Why didn’t you at least try being with someone? Life could have been a lot less lonely for you…”

  “You’d think, right?” I ask. She nods. “I would never have been able to stomach it.” I shake my head. “The mere thought of being with someone else used to make my skin crawl.”

  “Why’s that?” She frowns.

  “Sex isn’t always the answer. It’s not some cure for loneliness, or some thing you do to pass the time. I learned that after my first time with Ellie. It’s way different when your heart’s actually in it.” I feel guilty for mentioning sex with Ellie to Lexi, but she doesn’t appear jealous in any way. She actually looks touched by my admission. “Sex is a way of sharing a part of your heart with someone, and when Ellie died, that piece of me went with her. I didn’t think I had anything left to give. Until I met you.”

  My heart swells when she grins. “Yea? What did you like about me?”

  The familiar question catches me off guard, and I pause to look at her, realizing that this is another one of life’s ways of gifting me a second chance to do things right. This time, I won’t repeat the same mistake twice by holding back. I was a stupid kid back then, to believe that being honest and open about my feelings would somehow make me less of a man. That was the old me. The Jackson before he met Lexi.

  “Well…” I reach out to tuck her hair behind her ear and run my thumb down along the length of her jaw, pinching her cute little chin when I get to the bottom. “You drove me crazy the first few months into getting to know you off paper. I’ve never met anyone so difficult, someone who disliked me so openly. I’m not going to lie… at first, I didn’t think I liked you too much, either,” I admit. She giggles again. “But you just give off this incredible… warmth, with something as simple as your smile. Though it did take me a while to get one from you.” I chuckle when she makes a silly face. “You’re brutally honest with those you don’t care for, but you’re also mindful and thoughtful of the ones you do. You show compassion, even to those who are unworthy. I soon found myself constantly wanting and needing to be around your goodness, hoping it would somehow rub off on the horribly flawed person I was.”

  “What else?” she urges me to go on, fighting her grin by tucking her bottom lip under her teeth.

  “I started noticing things about you, things I didn’t want to. Things like the way your brows furrow cutely together when you’re thinking about something, the way your hands rest over your hips every time you yell at me, the way your outfits shape your body, your tight ass—”

  Lexi smacks her hand against my chest, making me cough in surprise.

  “In my defense, you turned your back on me more often than not. Your ass was pretty much the only view you continued to provide me with during those months.” I catch her hand before it hits me again. “Don’t worry. My mind’s eye didn’t do the real thing justice. You’ve got a beautiful ass.” She tries jerking her hand out of mine, but I hold on tight, laughing with her.

  “You’re a pig.”

  “I’m a pig?” I pick my head up from the bed, grinning at her playfully scowling face. “Don’t pretend to be the innocent one here. I noticed the way you’d stare at me.”

  She giggles again, giving me that one before snuggling into me. “When exactly did you come to realize your feelings for me?”

  “When you punched me in the face.”

  A loud laugh bursts from her lips. “What?”

  The memory of said incident fills my head, the details so vivid I feel the punch again. I smile, turning my lips into her hair. “You brushed your thumb across my lip when I started bleeding. Do you remember?”

  “Ugh, my God, don’t remind me…” She covers her face with her hands. “You looked so angry. It scared me a little.”

  I turn toward her, tracing shapes across her back with my fingertips. “That was the exact moment my heart had betrayed Ellie. Your touch left me feeling things I shouldn’t have. You and I are a lot alike when it comes to coping with our losses. I held onto my pain as a reminder of all the things I’d screwed up so badly. Then you touched me, and in that moment, everything hurt a lot less. I didn’t deserve to be let off the hook so easily. That’s why I was so angry.”

  “Then why’d you come back?” she asks the familiar question again.

  “What happened upstairs with Stephanie was not the way I planned for that conversation to go down, it surprised even me. My head and my heart were acting separately at the time.” I sigh, and her head rises and falls with my chest. “In my head, I’d decided to tell Stephanie to stick to the original plan, for her to keep my appointments from then on. In my heart, I was selfish. I wanted you to save me.”

  I hear her sniffling, but I can’t actually see anything with her head turned away from me. “I thought you were going to say the night we had Chinese.”

  “I came to you that night because I was worried about you.”

  Lexi blows out a disappointed sigh. “I was a total bitch to you that day, I’m sorry.”

  I don’t accept her apology, because there’s no need to give one. “It was the anniversary of their death. You had every reason to be upset. I know I was.”

  Lexi tilts her head up to look at me. “Oh, my God, that’s right… we share that day, don’t we?”

  “Yes, we do.” I nod. “Being alone on that day every year was always very tough on me. This was the first year you and I were in the same city, since you were away at school in New York for the rest, and I just wanted to be there for you.”

  Tears slowly begin to fill her eyes, and I bring my hand up to stroke her cheek. “You were always there,” she whispers.

  “I was.”

  “Thank you.” Her tear rolls down the side of her face, wetting my skin.

  “I didn’t want to be alone. You shouldn’t have had to be alone. Don’t thank me for stalking you.”

  She laughs, sending more tears down her face. “You were wonderful. Don’t make it creepy by calling yourself that.”

  A few minutes roll by as we talk about nothing in particular. I watch as she smiles down at our hands, loving the way her fingers play with mine.

  “Lexi.”

  “Yea?” She looks up at me.

  “Make me another promise.”

  Lexi flips onto her front, giving me her undivided attention. “Okay.”

  “I’m far from perfect…”

  “So am I.”

  “We’ll fight…”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Don’t walk away from me
when we do.” I bring my hand up to her cheek, and she turns her lips into my touch. “Stay and fight with me until we figure things out.”

  Her eyes close softly, and I feel her breath in my hand when she sighs into it. “I promise, Jackson. I swear it,” she whispers into my palm.

  “Come here.” I pull on her hand, and she gets up on her knees, walking over to straddle my lap. “I know that the way we met is far from ideal, and some may call us crazy…”

  With a soft chuckle and a small lift of her shoulders, she says, “I like a little crazy.”

  That perfect answer alleviates some of the pressure still weighing in my chest, and I smile when she winks down at me.

  “I love you, Lexi.”

  Every feature on her face softens following the sound of the three words I declare to her. Then she leans in, touching her lips to mine. “I love you more.”

  My eyes fly open, and my heart slams hard against my chest. The familiarity in those four words shakes me so hard that it brings tears to my eyes.

  I round my hand to the back of her neck, pressing her lips more firmly against mine. “I love you most,” I say against her smile.

  Her hands are pulling at me to sit up, so I do, and her arms wrap snugly around me, eliminating any space between us.

  The way she rakes her fingers up the back of my head spreads a tingling sensation all over, rushing all the blood back down to my dick for round two.

  Greedy son of a bitch, I know. But no one could ever come to understand what this woman makes me feel. No one will ever again come to understand what it feels like to be inside of her, how the growing need and desperation will overcome you when you’re not.

  I want her to feel every bit of the pleasure her body and heart bring to me. I want her to take until she physically can’t anymore. I want her to feel me there between her legs, even when I’m not. I want her to think back to tonight and remember why she decided to stay.

  My hand slips away from her neck, and I lay my palm flat against her chest as I slowly skate my way down. She drops her head back and arches into my touch, following its every move with her body, rolling her hips into me the lower I get.