Secondhand Heart

by Amity Lassiter

  "Oh, no, I just figured since I was here…"

  "You 'figured' wrong." If it was possible for his voice to get harder then, it did, and just as Lily started to try to retrace her steps and figure out where she'd gone wrong, Emma slid in between the pair of them, linking her arm in Lily's.

  "Hey, Noah just got back from town and he brought lunch. You wanna head back to our place? Encore's fine. We can come up later on and check on him; I have a couple horses to ride. And Finn'll be up here working anyways."

  Breathing a sigh of relief, Lily nodded. Emma had been an anchor for her since she'd first moved Encore to Renegade Racing's state of the art facility. It was primarily a training business, but they had one of the only hyperbaric chambers for horses in the area, and a pool for rehabilitative swims. While she wasn't formally schooled, Emma had an impressive eye for lameness and body soreness in horses, and knew which professionals to call in when she couldn't do the work necessary.

  Lily had been in a wheelchair when she first showed up at Renegade to watch Encore's sessions; told she'd be lucky to walk again; but watching the way her horse progressed was motivating and now, a year after the accident, she only limped when she slept wrong or the weather was nasty. The drive here, while only two hours, had been exhausting, but she'd been so relieved to see Emma's face at the truck window, she'd all but forgotten about it.

  She glanced at Finn for affirmation of Emma's promise, and he nodded.

  "I'll be right here."

  —TWO—

  "You got a bee in your bonnet?"

  Feeling like he'd fallen for the old bait and switch, Finn retreated to the barn, hoping to brood alone. Nate followed, close on his heels.

  He picked up the discarded saddle and bridle he'd stripped off Thor in his haste to see the new arrival and hung them up on the only available pegs in the disorganized tack room. He kept meaning to look after the tangle of leather goods and thick layer of dust in the room, but with as many horses as he had in right now, and another new one to boot, he hardly had time to get everyone rode, never mind spend half a day organizing the room. Fall was his busiest time with training horses. The weather wasn't too hot, and most of the ranch work, like all but the last cut of hay, and calving season was over—but everyone else was busy, too. He picked up a woven Navajo patterned saddle pad and shook it out, coughing when the cloud of dust erupted from it. It only further fueled his irritation.

  "I know she's your girl, Nate, but you know I don't like an audience." While his methods were humane and gentle, sometimes an emotionally invested owner would misinterpret a bit of tough love as something worse, and he preferred to steer clear of those sorts of interruptions. That was his line, anyways. The truth of his agitation today went a bit deeper than he cared to admit, even to himself.

  "Wait, my girl?" Nate laughed out loud.

  "She's not your girl?" Finn emerged from the tack room with a frown. His friend was leaning against a stall door with his arms crossed, wearing a smirk.

  "Oh hell, no. That girl has turned me down a half a dozen times. My ego finally demanded I quit while I was still standing." Shifting, Nate tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

  Interesting, Finn thought. He pulled a square bale of hay off a nearby stack and a folding knife from a sheath on his belt. Snapping it open, he sliced through the strings on the bale, separating flakes to put in each stall. The horses were out most of the day, barring a couple of tough catches that needed to be ridden, and any in hard work were brought in for feed at night and in the morning.

  "Really?" He regretted asking almost as soon as he did. He had been out of the game for a long damn time, and even a flicker of interest exposed to any of his family or friends would instigate questions he didn't want to answer. More than once, they'd tried to talk him into town, into Danny's bar, into a passing fling. Cutter Anderson was the worst; working the bar, he always knew who was single and looking to mingle. Finn most definitely wasn't. He'd tried. He'd taken a couple of girls out for dinner, but there wasn't a single place in the tiny town that didn't make him think of Sunny, so he'd given up on that endeavor at least a year ago. His mother pressed on hopefully, but he just wasn't ready, and wasn't sure if he'd ever be. "I can't imagine a girl like that turning you down."

  And if she turned you down, I wouldn't stand a chance. The errant thought took him completely by surprise. There hadn't been a time in the last year when he'd truly considered his chances with a woman, never mind worried about competition.

  "She's a different kind of girl than you expect, Finn. Tough as hell. Stubborn streak a mile wide. I told Emma it wasn't a good idea to bring her, but… well, you know Emma."

  His sister-in-law's stubbornness would have been funny if it was directed at anyone else. Nonetheless, Finn chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, I know Emma."

  She'd practically grown up a Baylor, so it had only been right when his younger brother, Noah, had made it official this summer in a small civil ceremony. But she rarely gave him an ounce of slack when it came to much of anything. And if she'd told him this new horse's owner would be staying to observe the process, he would have drawn the line. Sparks would have flown. She'd played this one smart; giving him only the information he needed, until they showed up and he didn't have a choice but to go along with it or be an asshole. Asshole for the win.

  "And Lily's not a lot different. See what I was up against?" Nate held his hands out, palms up, innocent.

  "Fair enough," Finn asked, taking up a spot and an identical pose next to his friend. "So what's the deal on this horse, Nate?"

  "He's got some major amped-up flight instinct. You know they were in a wreck…"

  "No, Emma just said the horse got hit."

  "They called me to figure out what to do with the horse. She wouldn't get in the ambulance until I got there." Nate shook his head, his eyes fixed ahead as he remembered. Judging by the scars Finn had noticed on the gelding's hindquarters, it wouldn't have been pretty. "But they were both just as hurt, one as the other—"

  Nate zipped up, then, his face telling. He'd said too much. Somebody—probably Emma or Lily—had told him to keep his trap shut, but the ease of their long friendship made it too simple to say more than he was supposed to.

  One thing was for certain—this woman's tenacity was impressive as hell. Not just refusing to head to the hospital until her horse was taken care of, but coming through the hell of the aftermath of a wreck and still being determined to see it through with her horse. She was either admirable or absolutely nuts.

  And she wasn't going to give him a break, either.

  Deciding not to press his friend any further, Finn picked up one last stray lead rope, and then straightened. "How long you staying?"

  "I'll stay the weekend, I guess. Visit Nan and Banks while I've got the chance, and leave Monday or Tuesday. The fall circuit is starting soon and then I'll be busier than a two-peckered billy goat."

  Finn nodded. Despite high tailing it for Denver the minute he could, Nate was still close to what family he had. His brother, Banks, had been voted into the Sheriff's office as one of the youngest the county had seen, five years before, and his grandmother, Aida—called Nan by everyone and their uncle—kept three quarters of the volunteer organizations in the town afloat. The family was well liked and respected, and he couldn't think of a single person who wasn't happy to see Nate roll into town, almost like a celebrity.

  "Besides, I wanna make sure Lily has a ride home if she changes her mind about working with an asshole like you." When Finn looked up, Nate had a great, toothy grin on his face. If he'd been anybody else, he might have gotten a poke in the face for it, but Finn was well accustomed to his friend's teasing. And besides, he had kind of been an asshole to Lily.

  "Well, before you get out there schmoozing, why don't you come in for a beer?"

  —THREE—

  "'Evening." Finn's voice sounded close at Lily's back, startling her spine just a little straighter. She was halfway up the
steps of the big house, and she took hold of the rail before turning to offer a smile to him. She didn't know where he'd come from, but it clearly wasn't the barn, because his dark hair was damp and clinging to his forehead and he wore a pair of dark-wash denim jeans, marginally less dusty cowboy boots than before and a blue plaid long sleeved button down shirt, untucked. She could smell the faint freshness of soap when he got closer. And she cursed herself for thinking about how damn good he looked when he'd been so prickly with her earlier.

  "Hey. Did you end up getting Kit rode this afternoon?" Noah asked as Finn joined them on the porch.

  "I did. Couple more rides and I'd like to expand her horizon a little. Maybe you and 'Jack can come ride fences with us this weekend."

  "Sure." Noah nodded, then pushed the door open. "Honey, we're home!"

  The spicy scent of something delicious wafted through the house, greeting them at the door, and they followed a feminine voice welcoming them in around a corner and into a huge eat-in kitchen with a butcher block table big enough for everyone and then some.

  A curvy woman with long auburn hair swept into a messy bun worked in front of the stove alongside a shorter, teenage version of herself. Though she'd never met them, Lily knew from Emma and Noah's stories this would be the oldest Baylor brother, Dane's wife and her sister. A man, presumably the oldest brother himself, sat at the table with a red haired toddler on his lap, scribbling with wax crayons on a big piece of butcher paper with a little boy. Wordlessly, Finn shuffled around the edge of the group and slipped into a chair next to the little boy, taking up his own crayon. He curled his other arm around the back of the boy's chair, and the youngster started to point out the things he'd already drawn.

  "Right, so… introductions." Emma strode into the kitchen and when the little girl lifted her arms, she swept her up and onto her hip like a natural, much to the child's delight. "This is Gracie, that's Gage," she pointed to the little boy at the table. "Dane, the big brother." Nodding to the women at the stove, now, "Ren and her sister, Kerri. Everybody, this is our friend from Denver, Lily Jacobs."

  When Ren turned from the stove, Lily could see the telltale bump of pregnancy at her midsection. A warm smile crossed the other woman's face and she crossed the floor, ushering them in. "Come in, welcome, Lily. Emma's told us so much about you."

  Lily found herself swept up in the family's easy rhythm over the next thirty minutes while everybody but Ren and the kids cracked open a beer and worked at setting the table. It became evident quickly, from the way Noah and Ren teased each other, Dane's gentle touch on his wife's arm as he moved past her, and the way Gracie and Gage changed laps a half a dozen times, that the glue holding this family together was their love for one another, and it was easy for Lily to feel included, even if she'd only just arrived. Even if Finn remained silent, not affording her so much as a passing glance.

  It was Kerri who started the conversation about riding; Emma had warned her the teenager, though she had just started her junior year, was still horse crazy. Boys barely hit her radar. Soon enough, they'd be a distraction, and Lily envied Kerri the ability to focus on the horses. When her boyfriend, Jon, had dumped her two months after the accident because she 'cared more about Encore than this relationship', when she still had trouble getting out of bed unassisted, she'd regretted getting distracted by men in the first place. Then again, she couldn't deny the weak fluttering in her stomach every time Finn's dark slate gaze crossed the table, even though it looked a bit more like a glower every time it passed over her.

  "So that big black draft cross is yours, then?" Kerri asked, sliding forks and knives onto the table with an ease that told Lily she'd done it a million times.

  "That's Encore, he's my main squeeze."

  "He's beautiful. Emma said you guys go fifty miles in a day?"

  "We used to. Not every time," Lily smiled, thinking of the first short competitive ride she'd gone on. It had taken five hours and her behind had been so sore after the fact she could hardly walk, but she'd been hooked ever since.

  "So it's like a race?"

  An enormous pan of lasagna was placed on the table, along with garlic bread and Caesar salad, and everybody found a chair. Lily sat between Emma and Dane, across from Kerri, who was flanked by Noah and Finn, with Gage on one end of the table and Ren at the other end with Grace.

  "Yeah, but just finishing is a win in itself. Being the first across the line is incredible, but it's just as rewarding to finish, you know? There are vet checks to pass, and your horse has to be in decent condition beforehand, so crossing the line at all is like a reward for your hard work outside of the race."

  Kerri seemed to consider her words and then nodded.

  "It sounds like a lot of work." Lily lifted her head when she heard Finn's words, surprised he was interested at all. He hadn't moved his focus from his plate of food.

  "Yeah… it's a big time investment to get a horse fit for that kind of distance." She hardly knew what to do with herself now that she wasn't riding three times a week to prepare for the competitive season. These days, she would have been happy to ride for five minutes, never mind five hours. "I really miss it. But if all I can ever do with Encore again is take him for a leisurely stroll down a smooth forest path, that'll be good enough."

  "You'll totally do that." From where she sat beside her, Emma squeezed her arm. "I know you will."

  The vote of confidence meant more to her than Emma could realize. For so long, it had just been Lily inside her own head telling herself she would make her body, and her brain, and Encore all cooperate again one day so she could ride. Her mother, while she was just trying to be helpful, was actively discouraging when it came to Lily's hopes to ride again, and had strained their relationship.

  "We'll see what we can do about the horse." Again, Finn spoke without lifting his head, or bothering to make eye contact. Lily gave him a long look, and he must have felt it, because he finally looked up, his eyes flickering to hers for just a second, like he could barely afford her the time of day. What the hell was his deal? Was he really just that bad at interpersonal relationships? So far, everyone else on the Baylor ranch had been welcoming and warm and interested, but Finn had given her the cold shoulder, and this was just day one. As first impressions went, they weren't off to a good start, and she hoped his dislike for her wouldn't rub off on his work with her horse.

  The truth was, she needed some time away from Denver, and she was lucky her line of work allowed it. Emma had been the one to suggest it in the first place, insisting they needed some time to catch up, and she'd been happy to oblige. Of course, it meant twice weekly calls to her mother instead of the visits, but it was an acceptable sacrifice for the potential to get out of the place she associated with not only the accident, but the painful recovery, and all of the doubt, too.

  "So what are you planning to do while you're here, Lily?" Ren leaned ahead around her husband and offered a warm smile.

  "Well, I'm a photographer by trade, so I can keep working and do my own thing, even if I'm not in my hometown. I'm under contract for the National Western Stock Show in January, but until then, I can take a little bit of a break. I don't often get to take photos just for the fun of taking photos, but the ranch is really inspiring…" She shrugged, pushing a crouton around her plate. Everyone at the table was focusing on her and her words, except Finn, of course, who was particularly interested in his piece of lasagna, and she was suddenly self-conscious.

  "Oh yeah?" That was Dane, now, his tone kind.

  "Yeah. I've spent a lot of time in the last few years taking photos of livestock and action shots of cowboys." She resisted the urge to lament about how long it had been since she'd had a chance to take photos for art's sake, rather than for a contract, but the truth was it had been a long time. She didn't regret a second of the work she'd been doing in Denver for the last few years; it had given her the opportunity to meet some incredible people, and animals, but there was something about finding the lines and shapes
and shadows in a scene that spoke to her. Capturing that image for others to appreciate thrilled her more than the adrenaline rush of bull riders and barrel racers. "I think it would be interesting to work on a project about ranch life. I mean, I'm pretty well versed in rodeo stuff, but I don't actually know a lot about how it works on this end of things. And I think it'd be interesting."

  "A project, like an exhibit in an art gallery?" Kerri asked, her voice keen and her attention rapt.

  "Well, maybe. If I can find somewhere for it to go. If not, I think it'd still be fun, and then I'd have the photos to share with you guys, of course." She shifted back in her seat, cutting off a piece of the lasagna. "Enough about me, though. This is silly. What about you, Kerri? Emma tells me you were her first barrel racing client."

  The teenager puffed with pride, and launched into her history. Happy to have the focus off herself, Lily dug into her food and listened to the whole family discuss Kerri's initial lack of experience when she and her sister had first come to the ranch, right down to this summer's high point win with Emma's horse, Alamo.

  Later, Lily tried to help with the cleanup while Ren put Grace and Gage to bed, but Dane, Noah, and Emma wouldn't allow it. Finn had disappeared into the house shortly after Ren and the kids had, and Lily sat at the table while Emma and her brother-in-law worked around one another, teasing and familiar. Finally, she rose.

  "Washroom?"

  Dane craned his neck and pointed to a door off the kitchen. "Down that little hall and to your right."

  When she emerged from the bathroom, she noticed the hall she'd come through was lined with hanging photos. Ever the photographer, she couldn't resist the urge to stop and take a look.

  There were a few older ones of the four Baylor brothers. Though they all looked different, those slate eyes were similar in all of them. She knew from Emma that the youngest, Gavin, had died in an accident with his wife, June, leaving Gage under the care of Dane. As she moved along the line, the boys got older. There were pictures of the boys on ponies, chasing calves, scrambling to fill their mother's lap. A picture of Noah and Emma as high schoolers. Twenty-something Dane with Rex, the elderly resident farm dog, as a puppy, on the tailgate of his truck. She stopped at a picture of Finn, maybe a decade younger than he was now. He had his arm wrapped around a willowy blonde who wore a pair of jeans, a white blouse and a white cowboy hat with a veil tucked into the hatband, and they were standing in front of a little log cabin. In the background, she could see the backside of the big house's porch.