Secondhand Heart

by Amity Lassiter

  "I forgot what your face looked like, I'm so used to seeing it with a camera in front of it." Was that…was that teasing? Lily laughed a bit and shook her head. Her camera hung around her neck, that much rarely changed. Even in the height of her racing days, she always had a high tech compact point-and-shoot in her saddlebags, just in case.

  "You are definitely not the first person who's said that to me."

  He looked at her for a long moment, and since he'd already been surprising this morning, she held her breath.

  "Look, Lily…I haven't been particularly nice to you, and I'm sorry." Well that was another surprise. "You did nothing to deserve it; you're a friend of Emma's, which makes you a friend of mine, and I'm gonna start treating you that way."

  Lily rocked back on her heels and raised a brow at him, pressing her lips together. He might have been a lot of things, but she didn't think insincere was one of them; he wouldn't have been a good horseman if he was, and he'd clearly been getting along well with Encore. He'd told her that much the last time they'd seen each other.

  Finally, she shrugged, smiling. "Water under the bridge." She nodded to the filly, who had taken up a spot gazing out over the fence at a pen of cattle. "So who's this?"

  "This is Kerri's new horse, Kit. We're just getting her started."

  "She's cute."

  "Smart as a whip, too. Little mare-ish but nothing she can't handle."

  Lily appraised the horse—she was leggy and had a ground covering trot, a body like a tank, and a delicate, feminine head with bright, calculating eyes. Kit would make a fine barrel horse, but then, she was the type that would be athletic and excel at anything, distance included.

  "Mare-ish is a term some man made up that means 'smarter than me'." She chuckled.

  Finn rolled his eyes. "Good Lord. Women."

  "Hey, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Why do you think I ride a gelding? I don't have the energy to ride fifty miles and stay ahead of a mare."

  The look on his face told her he wanted to say more, but he didn't, though she saw his eyes drift down her body. And not in a sexy way either, to her dismay. She could get used to this softer, more humorous, human side of Finn.

  "Of course, I can't ride fifty miles anymore. I can't ride five." She didn't need to explain herself to him, but she felt compelled to. She didn't know how much Emma might have told him about the accident—talking about it wasn't high on her list of priorities. She could talk about the injuries all day long, but the actual accident, the moment that had robbed her and Encore of their normalcy, and nearly robbed them of their lives…no, talking about that didn't come easy.

  "I noticed a little hitch in your getalong." He nodded to her midsection and she cringed. She knew she was moving slow today but she'd hoped it hadn't been noticeable—always hoped it wasn't noticeable. The last thing she wanted or needed was pity.

  "Yeah. Some days are better than others," she admitted.

  "Anything in particular help or harm?" he asked. His conversational tone and personal interest shocked the hell out of her. It might have been the first time he'd asked her a sincere question.

  Kit crossed the ring, having lost interest in the cattle, now much more interested in the two of them and their conversation. Lily was grateful for the distraction, and when the gray hung her head over the fence, she stroked her nose, focusing on the multiple swirls in the hair on her face. Old wives tales said the whorls meant something about a horse's demeanor but she'd been around the block enough times to know it was a lot like mares being mare-ish.

  "The weather, the way I sleep, which direction the wind is blowing." She chuckled; people felt most comfortable if she could make a joke about it. "Sometimes it doesn't bother me for days and then all of a sudden I can barely move, everything's so locked up."

  "If you don't mind my asking…"

  "I do, but people ask anyways." She looked up and was surprised by the soft, interested expression in response to her prickly words. She didn't have to tell him, but she would, because maybe then he'd understand why she couldn't leave. Why she couldn't just find someone else to help her. "I'm held together with plates and screws. The car pushed Encore out from under me and I landed on the bumper. A couple inches higher and the prognosis would have been 'won't walk', not 'probably won't walk'."

  If she talked about the prognosis, the hospital stay, the physical therapy; if she kept it all in a neat box of recovery, it helped her not to think about the blood, the screaming, the panic. It helped her not to remember the feelings of desperation as she'd watched them sedate her thrashing horse to coax her into an ambulance, not knowing if he would live or die. Not knowing if she would live or die. But it was always there, all of it, at the back of her mind. She was lucky to walk; painful or not.

  "Shit."

  "Shit," she agreed.

  "Well, if there is anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable in that respect, let me know."

  "Recommend a bed and breakfast?" She offered a smile. She hadn't yet been brave enough to broach the subject with Emma; they had offered up their couch and it was great, but the inability to easily shift to more comfortable positions during the night was taking its toll, and was almost certainly the cause of the 'hitch' this morning.

  Finn raised a brow, took off his gloves and tucked them into his back pocket. "Tiny cabin's not doing it for you?"

  "You know 'how I sleep'? I don't want to offend Emma and Noah, but couches cause problems."

  Finn winced.

  "Ah. Well...there's nothing formal this time of year, but Nate's Nan has a basement apartment she rents out from time to time that might be available. I'm sure they won't be offended if you explain it to them the way you just did to me."

  "Great. I'll see if Noah can get me in touch with her today." She rocked back on her heels, sensing something unsaid in the air between them.

  *

  "Great," Finn swallowed. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't bring himself to say them. He had a spare room in the cabin, with a bed, and a desk, and everything she'd need to be comfortable. And it had housed its fair share of guests since Sunny had been gone. But this felt dangerous. He cleared his throat to keep the words at bay. No bother. She would ask about Nan's place.

  For days now, she had been watching him through the viewfinder of her camera, and even though she was creating images that would last forever, it somehow seemed less intrusive. This was direct, and he felt vulnerable, the same way he did when they'd been standing in the hall at Dane's and she had put two and two together about Sunny.

  He couldn't figure out how this girl was getting under his skin so easily, like he'd opened it up and let her right in. Except he hadn't. She was best at an arm's length, but it was hard to keep her at an arm's length when she was in his head. She'd been there right from that first night. He had never thought about another woman this much since Sunny, and he hadn't missed Sunny this much in a long time, either. It was a double-edged blade.

  He'd done everything he could to deflect her since she'd arrived but she kept coming back for more, barging right into his day the same way she'd barged right into his life—without permission or apology. Unexpectedly sweet; soft where he'd been hard. Still generous with her smiles and her gentle words when he didn't deserve them. In truth, she hadn't done a thing wrong except show up here with her horse. It wasn't her fault he couldn't work his head and his heart out enough to be civil. Distraction was dangerous, and he couldn't afford it. Especially not in his house.

  "I actually didn't come up here to make you feel bad about my couch-sleeping arrangement," she said. "I actually thought since I'm going to be here for a while…" she made direct eye contact with him then, which told him the way he'd treated her yesterday hadn't made a difference in her decision to continue with Encore's training. "I'd like to make myself useful."

  "And how's that?" he asked, intrigued.

  "Well, the shooting and editing I'm doing only takes a few hours a day. I thought I c
ould earn my keep helping out."

  Raising a brow, Finn looked at her, remembering the obviously pained way she'd approached. Though she might have wished differently, her body wouldn't hold up to the kind of rigorous day-to-day stuff the rest of them did. Even if she was sleeping in a bed instead of on a couch.

  "Like what?"

  "Stalls, clean tack, whatever little stuff you guys are too busy to get to. I'm your girl."

  He rubbed the back of his neck, considering. She'd be underfoot, basically. At least the way things were now, she could be tucked away at Emma and Noah's all day, and the odds of running into her, except when she headed out to shoot, were low. He was sorry for the way he'd treated her, but not sorry enough to want to rub up against all that temptation all day long. But the fact that she obstinately showed up every morning, swinging by the round pen to snap a couple photos even though he'd all but chased her off with bared teeth early on, meant she wasn't going to give up until he gave her something to do.

  "Come on, I saw that dusty tack room, Finn."

  She sounded like she'd taken a page right out of Emma's book and he couldn't resist the little laugh that came out of him.

  "Alright, alright. You got me there." He dropped his hand, defeated, and shrugged. "The only person that bothers is Emma, but she's too busy to clean it."

  "Then it's a good thing I came along."

  A genuine smile quirked one corner of his lips. "Jury's still out on that one."

  —TWELVE—

  The next morning, Lily woke with a new found purpose before Tucker even found her eyes open, and snuck out of the house. The fresh morning air was chilly, but welcome, filling her lungs as she walked up the driveway toward the big house, slowly loosening up sore muscles and joints. When she'd asked Emma about Nan's place the night before, her friend had promised to look into it but Lily recognized the doubt in her expression. She'd have to figure something else out sooner rather than later, but she'd be damned if she'd leave Three Rivers before her horse. Especially now she and Finn had found some kind of ease in the friction between them.

  She'd brought her camera, just in case. She liked to think she was documenting the work Finn was doing with Encore but she knew it was more than that. He made a pretty damn compelling study of a cowboy. But it was more than that, too. He was a good man—anyone in his family would attest to that—and she could see it in the photos. She'd seen a little bit of it yesterday, and she wondered how long it would take for him to open that side to her.

  "Good morning."

  The soft voice took Lily by surprise as she passed by the big house, but when she looked up and saw Ren sitting peacefully on the porch in a sunbeam, all fiery halo of messy sleep hair and a steaming mug clasped between her hands, she wondered how she'd missed her. The urge to pull out her camera tugged at her. This wasn't the rough and tumble cowboy of Colorado, but it said something about the women who stood behind those men.

  "Good morning." She slipped her camera bag around her body, unzipping. "I know this is silly, but would you mind if I take your photo?"

  Ren shook her head and smiled, straightening from her hunched over position. Lily stopped her.

  "As you were, please." Ren resumed her position, and Lily snapped a few shots, getting closer, before she put her camera away. The other woman gestured for Lily to join her. Crossing the lawn, Lily pulled her camera bag off her shoulder, and then settled in next to Ren.

  "It's quiet this morning."

  Smiling, Ren checked her watch, then tugged her open coat around her belly. "For a few more minutes. All hell will break loose in about ten." She winked. "I like to take this time to prepare myself for the day. How's the shooting going?"

  "Well, your husband was right. There's no shortage of places to take photos on the ranch." She chuckled, unzipping her bag to pull the camera back out. She flicked it to the 'play' setting to show Ren some of the photos she'd taken. "This tiny screen doesn't really do them justice before editing, but…" Shrugging, she handed the camera to Ren.

  "Wow…" The other woman sucked in a breath as she slowly scrolled through the selection of photos Lily had taken. Some of them featured the Baylor men doing their day-to-day ranch work, some of them showcased the livestock on the ranch, and there were a few landscape shots scattered amongst photos of Ren's own children. "You truly have a talent for this, Lily."

  Ren looked up, smiling, and handed the camera back. "I'd love to see the finished product. When it's ready, of course."

  "Of course. You've all been so kind opening the ranch up to me. It'd be the least I can do." She was sure she'd need to source canvas prints from Denver, but she'd already decided she'd set everything up in advance for them to see the Baylor ranch through her eyes. "Your family is great, Ren, really. I mean, I knew Emma and Noah were good people, but you guys are better than my own."

  The other woman's smile warmed the chill out of the fall air around them. "I can't take the credit. I was once somebody who needed a place to go, and the Baylors opened up their home to me, too."

  Lily smiled and shook her head, folding over her lap to rest her elbows on her knees. "Funny how they always seem to know what it is you need. I called up Emma and she had a plan cooked up within a couple of days."

  "Emma and her plans." Ren shook her head with a smile, then took a sip of her tea. The smell of the strong peppermint hung between them.

  Lily nodded toward the mug.

  "Morning sickness?"

  "God, yes." Ren grinned. "Caught me. That's what wakes me up before everyone else. Speaking of…" The woman checked her watch again and stretched back, her belly protruding. "Gage takes forever to roll out of bed. I've got to go get him up."

  Lily slipped her cell out of the front pocket on her camera bag, surprised at how much time she'd spent with the other woman. Noah and Emma were great support, but she felt her spirit quiet in Ren's presence.

  "Yeah, I should get to the barn. Finn's agreed to let me help out a little."

  Ren raised a brow as she struggled to her feet. "Well, good." She paused, pressing her lips together, hesitating as Lily got up. "I know he can be a little gruff, but he's a good man. Don't let him let you think otherwise."

  Word of their little run-in must have spread. Lily offered Ren a gentle smile and went down the stairs, stopping at the bottom. "Don't worry, it takes more than a little growl to scare me off."

  Ren's words resonated in her mind as she crossed the yard. There was nobody around, but Finn's truck was parked in front of his cabin. Her footsteps stuttered as she scanned the yard for him, but he was nowhere in sight. She moved on to the barn, slipping into the tack room.

  With her hands on her hips, she frowned at the jumble of dusty leather. It was a bigger job than her body was up to—she'd have to take her time. Do a little today, do some more tomorrow. It might even take a third day, she decided.

  Rummaging through a cupboard of liniments and wound treatments for the horses, she found some leather soap and conditioner, gathered a rag and a bucket, and started working.

  With her head buried in dusty leather and her back to the door, she didn't hear Finn until he spoke. "Boy, you've got 'er torn apart good."

  Twisting to look over her shoulder, she saw him standing in the doorway of the room, his arms crossed over his chest.

  "Good morning."

  "How long have you been in here?" he asked.

  "Oh…" She looked around as if for a clock but didn't find one. Her camera bag and phone were across the room. She shrugged. "Since before the kids got up for school. Twenty minutes? Half an hour? What time is it?"

  He chuckled. "Eleven."

  "That would explain why my stomach is grumbling." She got to her feet carefully, shifting her weight from one foot to the other to stretch out her hips. "Did you work Encore yet?"

  He nodded. "I figured you slept in."

  She laughed tersely. If only her body would have let her.

  "I'm about to quit for lunch. You want to come? A b
it early, but I've got something else planned for you this afternoon."

  She raised a brow, appraising the work still left to be done in the tack room.

  "I still have a lot of work left in here."

  "It can wait." He nodded to the working saddles that had the least amount of dust on them. "I can still find my colt saddle, that's the important part."

  She shook her head. It was the sort of job that needed a good gutting in order to put things right. It had been her first instinct to offer to help with the room, but she hadn't realized what a big job it would be until she got started at it.

  "This…" she rested her fists on her hips as she looked around the room and blew out a breath. "…is going to take a while."

  "Why do you think it went this long without getting done?" He laughed, and it was a good sound. It made her want to draw a bit closer. And she did, but he stepped out of the doorway to let her through, keeping a good buffer of space between them.

  Together, they walked up to the big house, where Ren had a big pot of beef chili on the stove, with fresh rolls. Gage and Kerri were at school but Noah, Emma, Dane and Ren were all present, as well as Ella Baylor, who turned to greet them after depositing Gracie into her seat at the table.

  The matriarch of the family held her arms out to Lily and wrapped her in a warm hug, as if they hadn't just seen one another a couple days before. The woman's embrace was comforting, a reassurance about Lily's decision to stay.

  Finn pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Hey mama, I didn't expect you."

  "I wasn't aware I needed to wait for an invitation." Ella raised a sharp brow at her son, her tone teasing, before she took her seat at the head of the table. Noah slid into the chair next to Emma, the one Lily had been eyeballing. There was a chair missing, and another with a booster seat and toddler strapped onto it, and as everyone fell into their typical places, she realized the only remaining seat was next to Finn. She paused for just a minute, and he glanced up, winking so quickly she thought she might have imagined it. It was an action that, in light of the newfound ease between them, made her heart skip a couple beats. She sat down.