Her voice rose with hysteria. It might be too late. Every day she tried to talk to Gil, make him see that what he was doing was wrong. Part of her wished she’d just let him kill her. At least then she wouldn’t be so tormented.
“‘Breed gets what’s comin’ to him.”
Brenna heard her mother’s voice in his words. Heard her mother’s tone, her hatred. A sob rose in her throat. “God, Gil.” How had she never seen just how much like their mother he was?
She couldn’t believe that he’d been following them since they’d left Pheasant Gully. For two weeks he’d been somewhere near, watching, his hatred growing.
The first week, Matthew had set a slow pace, spending many of the days just walking. She hadn’t minded. It had made her so tired at night, she’d slept soundly.
He hadn’t talked, or told her why he wasn’t making use of the horses. Or why he stopped in certain spots sometimes for a day or longer, or where he went when he ordered her to stay in camp while he was gone an entire day at a time.
She didn’t really care whether they rode fast and furious or just picked their way across the land. It was time she had with Matthew, for she knew once they reached his people she’d not see much of him.
She rubbed her eyes with her palms. “None of this is his fault—”
Gil jumped up with a roar of rage. He landed a sharp blow to the side of her face. Brenna cried out.
“No. It’s your fault. Yours and Ma’s. Ruined everything, killed everyone I loved.”
“That’s not true!” Brenna bit her lower lip. Her face was caked with dried tears and the dust of travel. Her throat ached, and her eyes felt raw from crying.
“Shut up,” Gil shouted. “It’s Ma’s fault that Pa left.”
Brenna shook her head, knowing he was talking about their real father.
“Pa was killed going west. He got sick. The letter Ma got said so. He would have sent for us had he made it.”
“Liar!” Gil’s hand shot out and grabbed her by the hair. He pulled hard, his hand going to her throat. “She drove him away. Told him to leave. I heard her. Then she got with that O’Leary bastard. She was probably having an affair.”
Brenna tried not to whimper. She had no idea that Gil had always hated her mother for marrying Patrick O’Leary after their real father had died.
“You cannot blame me for what Ma did.”
“You killed Collin,” he said, breathing heavily in her face. “Could have stopped him. Or her.”
“Tried,” she sobbed. She’d never forget the horror of watching her mother attack Mattie with a shovel, and set the barn on fire, leaving Mattie to burn to death. She’d yelled for help. Everyone had come running at her frantic cries. Collin hadn’t hesitated. He’d rushed in.
Things had seemed to happen in slow motion that day. Brenna had been in shock over all of it and unable to even comprehend all that had happened except that Mattie had survived, Collin had not, and her mother had truly lost her mind that day.
“Liar.” Gil threw Brenna away from him. “They’re gone. All of them and it’s your fault. Yours and Ma’s.” He kicked her as he stalked away.
Brenna curled into a ball on the ground, hiding her face. With dried blood staining her shirt, skirt and soul, she prayed to whomever would listen.
Save Matthew. Keep him safe. Let him be found. Let him live.
* * *
Pain burned through Matthew, clawed at him from the inside out. Heat engulfed his body, and a coldness seeped into his heart and soul.
He was dying. Deep in his mind, he heard drums. His spirit song. The rhythmic chanting had no beginning, no end. It soothed his mind, allowed him to float high above the pain.
Shadows moved across the back of his eyes. Wanagi. Ghosts, spirits. The darkness of the world split in two. He stood among the dark, a spectator among the specters, those whose spirits were still tied to the earth.
Fear of death, of a joyless existence, made him force his eyes open. He blinked, could barely open them but managed to focus on the endless blue heavens high above him. The spirit world was there, high above him.
His body ached, his mind drifted, but he kept his eyes open, afraid to close them, afraid that darkness might claim him.
As he stared, colorful yet transparent tipis seemed to appear in the blue prairie sky. Off to his right, he spotted a glow of light. It moved across the sky, over him. He drew in a startled breath when he recognized that they were warriors riding proudly above him.
Off in the distance, he saw herds of buffalo. The spirit world was all that he’d been told it would be and he yearned for release from the pain racking his human body. The spirit world beckoned, faint wisps of clouds floated over him. Faces appeared.
He knew he was passing from one world to the next and though it hurt to look upon a world of light and beauty, of great mystery and sacredness, he fought to keep his eyes open.
I am ready.
Accept me.
He drifted off, no longer afraid of the darkness.
* * *
The next morning dawned crisp and clear. Renny rose rested and eager to be on the move. After a light meal, everyone was packed and ready to leave. Days of riding hard were paying off. It was time to slow down or they might risk riding past Matthew and Brenna.
Renny figured with the hard riding, they were only a few days from wherever Matthew and Brenna were, depending on how many stops Matthew had made. With Brenna along, she hoped he’d gone slower than normal.
“Mattie, which way?” There were two choices. The river split. One fork went west and led to another river. The second fork ran north. It would connect with the same river that led to the Missouri.
Matthew used both routes. Which one this time? Renny tried hard to keep panic and fear from her voice. In her mind, she had envisioned her brother and Brenna making the trip. She knew his route, his traveling habits, and how long it would have taken him to reach every landmark.
The thought of failing her brother nearly paralyzed her, kept her from thinking and acting and leading the others. She paced. The sun had risen, they’d eaten. It was time to ride. She just wasn’t sure which river to follow.
She took Mattie’s hands into her own. “Mattie?” It was up to Mattie now. There were hundreds of spots where Matthew could be lying hurt, dying or—
No, she refused to believe him dead. She would not lose another member of her family. They wouldn’t proceed without some clear idea of which direction Matt had gone.
“You have to help me, sister. You said you’ve had visions since.”
“Yes, but nothing more of Matthew.”
“Then seek a vision. Look for landmarks. A stream, the bent-man rock, the great hollow tree. Anything. Give me something so I know where to go.”
“Renny.” Mattie’s voice was close to tears. “I don’t know. I can’t see him. I’ve tried to call the vision to me but there is nothing.”
Hands on her shoulders made Renny stiffen. She shook her head, warning Tyler to keep silent. But she softened her voice, calmed her own fear of failing. “Okay, Mattie. It’s okay.”
Mattie shook her head. “No. He’s hurt. I know he’s hurt. I feel his pain, see the darkness around him.”
“But alive,” Renny said, grasping on to that fact. Had he been dead, Mattie would have known. She’d have felt it even more violently than the first vision.
“Yes. But his spirit is weak.”
“We won’t let him die, Mattie. We’ll find him, but you have to help me.”
Sighing, Mattie turned and held out a hand. Reed came forward at once. “I will tell you all that I’ve seen but I fear none of it is enough. I can make no sense of it.”
Renny held her breath and blocked out everything but Mattie. “Then tell me. Let me try to make sense of i
t.”
Mattie nodded. “There is a man. A big man. He has white hair. I cannot see his face. Just the shape of him. When I try to see, he fades.”
“He shot Matthew?”
Mattie shook her head. “No. Can’t tell you why or how I know, but he’s not evil. I feel safe when I see him.”
“Okay. What about Brenna?” Though still angry at the girl she’d called her friend, Renny would never wish her harm. She understood better than anyone the pull of family, the need to protect, at all costs, those you loved.
“I’m not sure. There is something—feels like anger or hate.” Her voice trailed off uncertainly.
“Then we go, but we go slow, and spread out.” She turned away, ready to shout out the orders to mount up, but Tyler grabbed her by the shoulder and put a finger to his lips. He nodded toward Mattie and Reed.
Renny turned. Mattie had gone still, her eyes open but blank. Renny held her breath.
“A horse.” Mattie whispered the words. “No, two horses. One is like a shimmering cloud. She follows you but you do not see…” Her voice trailed off.
“The other—” She shook her head then opened her eyes.
Renny sagged with disappointment. “That’s it? Me and two horses?”
Mattie reached out to run her hands up her sister’s arms until her palms cupped Renny’s face.
“Renny, all my visions but that first one concern you. I didn’t understand. I was fighting my gift, trying to force it to tell me what I wanted.”
Renny frowned. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Mattie. What good is a gift like yours if you cannot use it?”
Mattie paused. She looked worried. “By trying to force what will not come, I am not paying attention to what the spirits are trying to tell me.”
Renny was anxious and not in the mood for riddles. “Just tell me, Mattie.”
Mattie sighed. “This is about you.”
Renny frowned. Her hands covered Mattie’s. “That makes no sense, Mattie. I don’t have visions. I can’t see what is around Matthew to guide us to him. I can’t feel him. I can only help him if you help me.”
Mattie leaned forward and rested her forehead against Renny’s. “I understand now. Finally. Every day I see you leading us. Being strong. My visions say it is you who will lead us to Matthew.”
“You’re crazy,” Renny whispered.
Her heart pounded. She’d never been so scared in all her life. The burdens she carried seemed heavier, harder to bear.
Mattie stepped back. “Listen to your heart, sister of my heart. It will guide you, and you will guide us.”
Renny backed up against Tyler. His strong hands on her shoulders didn’t warm the chill seeping through her.
“Mattie, please. Tell me which way to go. We are ready to go. Tell me which way.”
Renny refused to be the one to decide. She didn’t have Mattie’s gifts. She had no idea how to find their brother.
Mattie sighed sadly. “Renny, I cannot tell you what I do not know. I have told you what I have seen. You must find him for us.” With that, Mattie turned and let Reed lead her away.
Renny started to follow. To argue. To beg and plead even. Tyler stopped her, grabbed her arm.
“Renny, hounding her won’t accomplish anything.”
Rounding on him, their truce of the night before forgotten, Renny slashed out.
“And that nonsense she’s spouting will? Stay out of this, Tyler. This is family. My family.” She tried to tug her arm free but his grip tightened.
“Riling me up won’t help, Renny.” He let go of her arm.
Renny backed away. “No, nothing will help. He’ll die. Because of me.” Grief would once again tear her family apart. Renny felt sick to her stomach. She pressed her fist to her stomach, then turned and ran.
* * *
Tyler felt torn between comforting Renny and figuring out what to do next. He strode over to Mattie and Reed but didn’t know what to say. How could he say anything when he didn’t really understand?
Mattie gave him a half smile. Tyler knew Reed would have told her he approached.
“Sheriff Tyler, this is Renny’s journey.”
Tyler rubbed the back of his neck. “You willing to sacrifice your brother for this journey you speak of?”
“I have no choice, Sheriff. I cannot tell what I do not know. All I know is that somehow this is something Renny has to do. Without me.”
Taking his own advice, Tyler knew he couldn’t push Mattie. He turned. Renny would not be alone. She had him and he’d make sure she knew that.
He gave everyone brief orders to stay in camp and headed to where he’d found her the night before. A muffled sob stopped him short. Renny sat on the small rise with her head on her knees, her arms wrapped around her legs.
In the year that he’d known her, he’d never seen her cry. He hurried over, knelt behind her and pulled her against him. “God, don’t cry, Renny.”
She shrugged him off. “Not crying. Crying does a person no good,” she said, her voice heating.
Preferring anger to tears, Tyler moved to her side, gripped her chin and forced her to face him. His heart cried for her. So much had happened during the last year and he felt ashamed for causing her pain and grief, even though his intentions had been honest and pure.
“Renny. We’ll find him. I’ll help you.” Tyler would do everything in his power to help her. “Maybe you and I can ride out, see if we find any sign of him.”
Renny stood and paced, her arms wrapped around herself, her steps slow, hesitant. “No. That will take too much time. And if Mattie has a vision, one that tells us which way, I want to be here.”
“But she said—”
“She’s wrong! She has to be.” Her voice was low and fierce.
“Has she ever been wrong?”
“No,” she whispered softly, her voice trembling.
Tyler sighed. “Then we wait.” He tried to smile. “She said there were two horses. Maybe his and Brenna’s horses will come and lead us to them.” His eyes widened. “That could happen, right?”
Renny spun around. “What did you say?”
“Their horses—” He broke off when she waved him silent. He watched as she paced, each step deliberate, her hands on her hips, her brows drawn in deep concentration. She jerked her body around and stared down toward the stand of trees.
“What is it, Renny?”
“A horse. A pale yellow horse.”
“Where?” He didn’t see a horse.
“It was there. Last night. A real beauty. I was going to go after it, then you came.” Her voice turned sulky.
“No one was to leave camp. Rules, Renny, that you made.”
“Don’t start splitting hairs on me now, Troll.” There was no heat in her voice. She drew in a deep breath, closed her eyes and let her head fall back. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and turned in a slow circle, her eyes scanning.
“What are you looking for?” His gaze traveled over the landscape, seeking danger.
“Signs.”
“Like what?” Did she expect some arrow to magically appear?
“Come on, Renny. We need to talk to Reed and come up with a plan.” He eyed a circling eagle. “Otherwise, we’re just going to go in circles.”
Renny was staring up at the sky. The eagle suddenly shot off to the north.
Renny jumped over to Tyler and hugged him.
“North,” she said, her voice sharp, alert and confident.
“What?” The sweet scent of Renny had Tyler’s mind suddenly blank.
“North. We follow the eagle.”
Putting Renny from him, Tyler frowned. “Now that is just crazy, Renny O’Brien.”
Renny shot him a haughty glare. “That i
s the way we head out. You can come or you can wait.” She took off, shouting for everyone to saddle up.
Tyler shook his head. What had just happened? Renny had gone from despondent to confident, all because some bird decided to fly north? He followed, and listened to her giving orders like a general in an army.
No one argued, or questioned. Watching, he had to admit that perhaps Mattie was right after all. Perhaps this was a journey that Renny had to make.
He just hoped that they found Matthew and Brenna alive. He wasn’t sure what another death would do to her, or any of them.
Chapter Eleven
Late that afternoon, Renny wasn’t feeling nearly as confident as she had that morning. In fact, she had to wonder what had come over her to even think that she could make such a decision based on so little.
She stared at the earth’s endless expanse of greens and browns and fought the waves of panic rising inside her. Her body trembled with nerves. When they’d set out that morning, she’d been so sure that they’d find Matthew by the end of the day.
The eagle had been a sign; following it had felt right. Hadn’t she followed Mattie’s advice and let herself be guided? But after another long, weary day of riding, searching and finding not even a trace of her brother or Brenna, doubts were creeping into her mind like fog slipping beneath the crack in a door.
What if she’d been wrong? With miles of open land and hidden valleys, they could have ridden right by Matthew if he left the river for any reason. Or worse, she could have led them in the wrong direction. He might have taken the other fork in the river. Her stomach burned.
Pressing a hand to her midriff, she let out a shaky breath. So many paths, so many choices, and if she made the wrong choice, Matthew would die. That was very clear. Somewhere out here, Matt lay injured. She didn’t need the gift of sight to know that he’d been shot. She had Mattie. She knew her sister maybe better than she knew herself. Mattie said Matt had been shot. Renny accepted this.
What she could not accept was that it was up to her to find her brother. She turned her head slightly. Mattie rode beside her with Caitie cradled in her lap, sleeping.
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