“Mattie, what if I’m wrong?”
Renny had no wish to add to her sister’s burden. But the weight of her brother’s life seemed to be riding on her shoulders. It wasn’t fair that the burden be hers alone.
Mattie didn’t speak right away. Finally, she turned her head toward Renny and kept her voice low so she didn’t wake Caitie.
“This morning you did not have doubts. You believed.”
Renny’s lips twisted in frustration. “Then where is he? Why have we had no sign since? We could be going the wrong way, or even have passed him.” She swallowed the bitter taste of failure.
“Mattie, you’ve got to help. You can see him. Find him. Tell me where he is, then I can guide you to him. Please, Mattie,” Renny begged. She was desperately worried. She needed Mattie more than ever.
Mattie shook her head. “I can’t, Renny. There is nothing for me to see. What I have seen, and heard, I’ve already told you. You must find him. I am here with you, and I will help all I can.”
“I can’t do this.” Renny’s shoulders sagged.
“Of course you can,” Mattie said, her tone sounding very much like their mother’s.
“How?” Renny asked. She shifted in her saddle, then stood in her stirrups to stretch. “Tell me how. Give me a clue.” She was tired, in body and spirit.
Mattie’s voice softened. “You know the ways of our people as well as I. The answers lie within you. Trust your instincts, Renny. Stop doubting yourself.”
Mattie drew a shaky breath. “Matthew needs you strong, sister of my heart. You must do this. For him. For all of us.”
Renny plopped herself back down. The conversation was starting to make her mad and more than a bit afraid. “I can’t, Mattie. Don’t ask this of me!” Fear made her voice sharp.
Mattie’s voice broke. In her arms, Caitie stirred. She calmed herself, her eyes filled with wisdom but her face lined with worry. “I’m sorry, sister. You must do this. As much for yourself as for us.”
Mattie’s voice was firm. Renny felt even more discouraged. Anger usually served her well, got her through whatever problems arose in her life, but she knew it would not help her this time.
Frustrated, Renny scowled. “Why, Mattie? Why must I do this?” She didn’t want this responsibility. She couldn’t do what Mattie asked of her, what they all seemed to expect. She needed help. Mattie’s help.
Mattie closed her eyes. “Each of us must make a journey through life. Our paths are sometimes narrow and straight, but often they are wide and winding, with many forks and twists and turns. We are never alone. You have your animal totems, your spirit helpers. Call upon them to guide you.”
Renny made a rude sound. The spirits had abandoned her family and she had renounced them the day she’d buried her parents. Why would they come to her now? Why would she waste time begging them to show themselves?
Mattie sent her a stern look. “Listen to your heart,” she ordered. She sounded impatient. “Trust in yourself, Renny.”
Renny’s hands tightened on her reins. Her horse gave an impatient jerk until she relaxed her grip.
Mattie came to a halt. “I will tell you this,” she began. “You are Weshawee, of the Miniconjou Sioux. You are the adopted daughter of my mother. Remember her teachings. Call upon them. Become Weshawee once more.”
Mattie reached out, waited until Renny took her hand. “Believe as we did when we were children and roamed this land with a carefree heart. This is your journey. Take from it all that is offered and reap the rewards.”
Renny held her sister’s hand tightly. “And what of Matt?” she asked, her voice rising. “Is it right to condemn him to death if I fail?” Her voice turned husky as she thought of what another loss would do to their family.
If Renny couldn’t find Matthew, it would be like letting her stepmother down. Star Dreamer had taught Renny about The People. She had shown her the wonders of a strange and alien world. Star Dreamer had been the only mother she’d ever known and she’d taken Renny into her heart as though she’d given birth to her.
Renny’s heart ached for her mother. She missed her so much. The pain was unbearable. When would it go away? “Mattie, what of Matthew?” Renny had to convince Mattie that she was wrong. For all their sakes.
Mattie shook her head. “I have not seen him in my visions since that first one. But he is alive, Renny. If my brother were dead, I’d know.”
Renny believed Mattie and drew that tiny bit of comfort into her mind and heart. But she was not ready to accept her quest.
“He is your brother,” Renny said. “Who better to save his life?”
Mattie smiled softly. “Is he not yours as well, my sister? You have it within you to do this. You must believe.”
“And if I fail? What then?” She voiced her fear and found herself more afraid of Mattie’s answer.
Mattie sighed. “I don’t know, Renny. I don’t know.”
* * *
With Reed riding at his side, Tyler watched Renny ride off by herself. He shook his head. “You get the feeling that this is going to be an impossible mission?”
Reed frowned. “I feel sorry for both Renny and my wife. They are afraid and there is little I can do for either one of them.”
Tyler felt the same way. He wanted to share Renny’s burden but she refused to let him. He clenched his jaw. How could he help with something he didn’t understand?
He kept his gaze on Renny as she left them all behind. She rode as though chased by demons. Taking off his hat, he ran his hands through his hair. Behind him, the rest of their party had fallen silent. He knew that they were all watching Renny.
Tyler glanced over at Reed. Reed was Tyler’s trusted deputy and friend, whom Fate and past tragedies had brought back into his life. Like a tiny splash in a pond, the ripples of the past had flooded into the present.
One decision made by Reed’s father so long ago was still causing ripples of pain. So much tragedy, so much loss. Tyler had never before really understood how one seemingly unimportant decision could have such grave consequences. One event triggering another, then another, then coming together in a sometimes not so nice and tidy package.
“What do you make of all this, Reed?”
Reed tipped his hat up with a finger. “I figure we are just along for the ride.”
“Can’t buy that.” Tyler absently ran the reins through his fingers. He kept his eyes on Renny. Her fear and loneliness called to him. He wanted to ride out and join her. He would not sit back and watch Renny torture herself like this.
Reed sighed. “Mattie speaks the truth. She has the gift of Sight and you know it. What she sees or feels is real. You saw proof of that. Hell, I even had a vision myself.”
“I remember,” Tyler said. He’d never before believed in the supernatural, wasn’t sure he believed now. All he could say was that things had happened that could not be easily explained. He had a feeling that before this rescue mission was over, he’d become a believer.
As though he could read his mind, Reed added, “Never would have believed it if I hadn’t had a vision. Made a believer out of me, and I don’t mind telling you, it is one experience that I could happily live without.”
“Whether it’s real or not doesn’t help right now.” Tamping down on the helpless frustration, Tyler narrowed his eyes, keeping Renny in sight.
“Must be something we can do to help. Can’t just stand by and watch her suffer like this. It’s too much for her. She’s going to break.”
Reed kept pace with Tyler as he urged his horse to move faster. Renny was getting too far ahead of them.
He offered his friend what he could. “Keep her strong, Tyler. Either we’ll find Matthew or we won’t. He’ll either be alive or he won’t. It’s out of our hands.” Reed’s voice was grim.
Tyler was
n’t sure which he dreaded most—not finding Matthew and living with the unknown, or finding him and being too late. Every mile, every hour counted. And so did resting and eating.
Were it up to Renny and her siblings, they’d keep going long after dark. So far he’d been both surprised and impressed with the lot of them.
As young as Caitie and Kealan were, they’d not once complained or asked to stop. Like their older siblings, they endured.
Noting the position of the sun, Tyler made his decision. “Stop here for the night and set up camp.”
Reed lifted a brow. “Renny won’t want to stop yet. Couple hours of light left.” Reed’s eyes were scanning the area, always returning to rest on his wife.
Tyler drew in a deep breath. “Miss O’Brien can haul our butts out of bed a couple hours early. I’ll deal with her.”
Nodding, Reed tipped his head. “Fine. I’ll take charge here. You go after her.”
Tyler nodded. Nudging his horse, he galloped after Renny. Tyler knew more than most that often a person’s own thoughts and fears were the hardest kind of fate to face. He kicked his horse into a gallop. No matter what anyone said about this being Renny’s journey, Tyler refused to let her go through this alone.
* * *
Renny rode, the land blurring as tears of frustration burned the back of her eyes. She felt lost and alone in a world that was hostile and unforgiving. Normally she loved it out here: the wide-open space broken by rolling hills, ribbons of blue water that sliced the land into more manageable pieces.
Now she searched for any sign of her brother. There were many places where Matthew could be concealed: the tall grass, boulders, scrub brush. The task of finding him seemed impossible.
She was very much afraid that she was going to fail Matthew. And the others. She didn’t care about herself. It was her brothers and sisters who mattered.
She tried to do as Mattie said. She kept her eyes trained on the land, searching for signs. But there was nothing. Just wild, intimidating wilderness.
For so many years she’d claimed this land as her own, not by birthright but by the love in her heart. This was the land of her mother’s people; the life her mother had given up for love.
Her parents had been good people. They’d loved their children and each other and had given freely to those in need. They hadn’t deserved to be shot and left for dead.
Where were the spirits her mother had believed in? They’d failed to protect her parents. They’d failed Mattie as well. Mattie, who was now blind because of hate and prejudice.
It’s not so simple, Weshawee.
Startled, Renny glanced around. There was no one around but her. The others had fallen way behind. No, she admitted, fear had driven her into running far from them.
Listen.
With your heart.
Renny was too tired to deny that she was hearing the voice of a spirit. It was either that or she was truly so tired, or so discouraged, that she was losing her mind.
Either way, it didn’t matter. She could not do this. Not alone. Nor could she be solely responsible for the outcome. If the spirits of her mother’s world wanted her to find Matthew, then they were going to have to stop playing games and help her out.
“Show me the way,” she demanded, challenging the voice in her head.
You are the way.
You must become Weshawee.
Startled by an answer when she expected none, Renny came to an abrupt halt.
“How?” She whispered the question, very afraid of the answer.
Reclaim the world you once loved. Discover those who you’ve forgotten.
Renny’s eyes misted for a moment as memories of talking to animals came to mind. She’d once found the study of her world fascinating and soothing. She’d felt alive, a part of a greater world.
She’d even imagined spirits where there were none. Her lips twisted. The childish dreams of a foolish girl who had once set great store by such beliefs.
But no longer. Blood shed in hate had dissolved that world.
“No,” she shouted. “I am alone. There is nothing to speak of. No one to see or to believe in.” Once more she turned her back on the voices that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere.
Bending low over her horse, she rode hard and fast. Tears burned the back of her eyes but she refused to let them fall.
The thunder of hooves rumbled through her mind, reverberating through her body but not drowning out the argument in her head. Her fear and resentment blinded her to all.
A horse rode up alongside her. She glanced at the rider. Tyler. She saw his mouth moving. He was yelling at her but she couldn’t hear him over the angry buzzing in her ears.
Renny ignored him and urged her horse to ride faster, as though she could outrun the voices in her head and the man at her side.
Once more, the voices slammed into her mind.
Trust us.
Hear us.
See us.
A gust of wind slapped at her face, blinding her as dust was blown into her eyes. She brushed a hand over her eyes and blinked rapidly as the air in front of her seemed to shimmer into a ghostly white shape.
Crying out in alarm, Renny yanked hard on the reins to stop. Her horse, caught unprepared, reared in protest.
Renny swore and flung her arms tightly around the horse’s neck. The horse came down with a bone-jarring slam that had Renny sliding off sideways, landing hard on the ground. Winded, she lay there, stunned, her eyes searching for…?
She shook her head in denial. She’d seen a ghost, one as large as a horse. Maybe a ghost horse.
Or a spirit horse.
She shivered and when Tyler’s long shadow fell over her, she stared up at him wide-eyed with shock. “Did you see that?”
Her voice was a low, hoarse whisper as she pointed to the left of where she now sat. The shimmering image had appeared but there was nothing there now. Her heart pounded and questions raced through her mind.
“See what?” Tyler bent down and ran his hands over her. His voice was low with fury.
When she opened her mouth to tell him, he cut her off with a furious glare.
“I’ll tell you what I saw.” His gaze latched hard on to hers. “I saw a foolish, stubborn woman risking her foolish and stubborn life. That’s what I saw.”
“No—”
“Yes,” Tyler bit out. “You have no regard for your family. That was a stupid stunt you pulled. You know better than to ride off like that.”
Renny stared up at Tyler, too shocked to speak as his tirade continued.
“…horse could’ve fallen into a hole. You rode him hard. What if we’d been attacked? You wouldn’t get far on an exhausted horse. Figured you’d have more consideration for your horse, even if you don’t for your family.”
He paused to take a deep breath. “Riding like that, you could have ridden into danger, gotten us all killed. And what of your family? What would happen to them if you’d broken your lovely neck in that fall? Or a leg? While we’re out here, your actions affect everyone.”
Renny forgot about what she’d seen or not seen. Tyler was right. Guilt made her squirm. She’d been upset and so driven by fear that she hadn’t given her family or even her horse a thought. She’d let her own need to be alone wipe out her responsibilities.
She struggled to sit, pushing away Tyler’s helping hand as she got to her feet. “I know—”
“No arguing, Renny.” Tyler’s hand shot out. He grabbed hold of her, interrupting her apology.
“You need to stop acting like a rash, spoiled child.” His eyes were dark with fury. He held up a hand when she tried to interrupt.
“You just listen. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking of others.”
Renny froze
mid-struggle. Everything she did was for her family. She always put their needs before her own, though she’d admit that messing with Tyler was for her own satisfaction. But then again, he so often deserved whatever she dished out.
“Let go,” she said coldly.
“You’re not going anywhere until we come to an understanding. Figured you were smarter than this, Renny.”
“Go to hell, Troll.” Renny was furious.
Forget explaining her actions to him, or admitting to him that he was right. She’d apologize to her sisters and brothers for acting rashly. And Maze and Reed as well. But not to Tyler.
“Dammit, Renny. You’re a stubborn, willful thorn in my side.”
“And you’re a snake in the grass. Oh, wait. I forgot. You’re a troll. A big, ugly, mean troll. Go back to your cave and hide your ugly face so you don’t scare the children.” So much for a truce, she thought sourly.
“Not until—”
Renny brought her foot down hard on his. He released her with a yelp of pain and hopped on one foot. Her grin turned to fear when he turned a furious gaze on her.
She backed away, for once very afraid that she had indeed pushed him too far. “Your own fault for not letting me go,” she said, her voice wavering slightly.
“Warned you, Renny, that one day you were going to push me too far.”
Deciding that self-preservation was far better than presenting a brave front, Renny turned and ran for her horse.
Chapter Twelve
Tyler’s foot throbbed with pain as he hobbled after Renny. Damn woman knew right where to land a good stomp. He cursed heatedly beneath his breath. There was no doubt in his mind that Renny had perfected that little stunt on him over the last year.
He followed Renny as she ran toward her horse. The animal lifted its head, shook it and went back to eating. Tyler’s horse munched grass nearby.
Neither animal seemed to care about the two humans, one seeking to save herself. “Renny, you get back here. We’re not finished!” He wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he caught up with her.
White Vengeance Page 11