Loved

by Rebekah Dodson

  “and I seem to find the happiness I seek...” Elaine mumbled. Too late, I realized I’d hummed the lyrics out loud, and so had she. She looked at me, and I didn’t waste a minute. I tipped my head down to hers and captured her mouth, kissing her softly and playing my tongue against her sweet lips.

  She kissed me back, but then the song wound down as the band finished their last piece of the night.

  As if the magic ended abruptly, Elaine pulled away from me suddenly, a look of horror flashing over face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and snatched her purse from her chair at our table. Without looking back, she rushed out of the room, the wide doors clanging shut behind her.

  I strode off the dance floor, glad most of my patrons had filtered outside by now, leaving us to our mostly private dance. Downing more water and wishing it was wine this time, I stared at those closed doors.

  My very own Cinderella had fled the ballroom at midnight and left me without even a slipper. What was I supposed to do to win her heart now?

  Chapter 5

  Ellie

  “HE KISSED YOU?” CAMDEN was sitting on the edge of the jacuzzi early the next morning, her feet playing in the water. We had both come back to the room after midnight and passed out, but unfortunately for us, we were both early risers and up before dawn. An early morning soak was just what we needed. The fall air was crisp and slightly chilly, and the hot water from the jacuzzi was perfect.

  Cam clearly wasn’t done with me when I attempted to ignore her. “Wait, wait, wait. Your hot as hell ex kissed you and ... you just let him? Girl, what the eff is going on with you?”

  I splashed some water at her. “I didn’t let him. Well, I did. But I mean, I didn’t want him to. He read the signs wrong.”

  “Are you sure? Because I saw how you looked at him when he was painting...”

  “Please, I’m divorced, not dead.”

  Cam laughed and reached for her coffee. “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

  “You’re asking me? This trip to the vineyard was your idea!” I protested.

  Cam sat her coffee aside and picked up the itinerary brochure Grant had given us yesterday. “Well there’s yoga in thirty minutes if you’re into that.” She made a face like she definitely wasn’t. “There’s also horseback riding, wine tasting, shopping trips into Portland, mudding, and oh, there’s apple picking. Your fave.”

  “Wait, backup. Did you say ‘mudding’? What is that?”

  Cam turned the brochure around so I could see it. “I’m not sure, but there’s a Jeep. Could be fun, right?”

  I thought about being splashed with mud and being thrown around in the front seat of an all-terrain vehicle. “Pass,” I told her. “But yoga, I might do that.”

  “Ugh, you go ahead. Liam promised me a tour of the grounds this morning, so I’m going to go do that.”

  I eyed her.

  “What?”

  “Nothing, “ I lied.

  “So I’ll meet up with you for lunch, and then we can do wine tasting and maybe horseback riding?”

  “I like horses from afar.” I glared at her. “You know I haven’t ridden one since dad...”

  “Fine,” she interrupted, but her tone was softer. “We’ll figure it out this afternoon.”

  “Isn’t there like a spa nearby?”

  She frowned and read through the pamphlet in her hand. “Yes! Hot Rocks Spa and Boutique. It’s about a thirty-minute drive, but there’s a shuttle. That’s cool, it’s like a bath house and a swimming pool and stuff. That sounds fun, right?”

  “Sure.” It actually did. “I’m down for that.”

  “Sweet.” Cam hopped out of the jacuzzi, splashing me as she did. I laughed at her. “I’ve got to meet Liam in twenty, so time to put my face on.”

  “Liam, huh?” I winked.

  This time she intentionally splashed me. “Knock it off, he’s just another chef...”

  “A pretty young one.”

  “A pretty cute one.” It was her turn to wink. She let herself in the sliding door before I could tease her any more.

  When she was gone, I arched my shoulders and sunk down into the hot, bubbly water. Maybe I would go to the spa later. Any way I could avoid Matt sounded like a good idea. Cam was right; I was crazy I was going to let something like a kiss rekindle ... something. Matt and I were over, and for a good reason.

  It’s too bad I couldn’t stop thinking about last night and how he made me feel. He always had that way with me, to make my toes curl and my skin tingle, and five years apart hadn’t changed anything.

  He’s clearly still a workaholic and an asshole, and that’s why you left him in the first place. Remember, Ellie?

  Ugh, shut up, brain. No one asked you.

  I could hear Cam shuffling about our room, and a few minutes later, she stuck her head out of the sliding patio door. “I’m off. I’ll see you at the dining hall for lunch?”

  I waved her away. “Enjoy your time with Liam.”

  She laughed and shut the door behind her.

  With Cam gone, I could finally – finally check my phone. Dripping wet with only a towel over my shoulders, I tip-toed into our room, even though I was the only one, I was scared Cam would sense my sneakiness and pop back through the door. My fingers itched as I pulled the drawer open.

  It was empty.

  “What the hell?” I murmured, scrounging past the vineyard letterhead notepad, pen, and small phone directory placard. Where was my phone?

  “Cam, I swear to God!” I slammed the drawer with more force than I should have, and the lamp on the desk tottered and tipped over. Thankfully, I caught it before it fell to the floor and righted it.

  Running a hand through my damp hair, I felt my anxiety burst through my chest. It had been twelve hours since I checked my phone. What if there was an emergency at the hospital? What if my cat was sick? What if Shelly needed—

  I gripped the sides of the desk as I felt my breath hitch in my chest. What was wrong with me? No matter what I tried I couldn’t catch my breath, and my head thudded in my chest. Since Matt I’d been a little high strung at times, but this was much, much worse. What was causing it? I was supposed to be on vacation, dammit!

  “Housekeeping!”

  A light, female voice echoed from the living room area. I snapped the towel off my neck and wrapped it around me, over my bikini top and inhaled as deep as I could, even though I still felt like I was mildly suffocating. I cursed to myself, thinking that anyone would see me in this old bikini. Why I had brought this old thing I didn’t know, but I was definitely too busy to buy a new one. After Matt I’d gained a few pounds and the suit barely fit. Nevertheless, I poked my head out of the bedroom door. A maid in white shirt and tan slacks smiled brightly at me. She was young, blonde, slim, and just over five feet. She couldn’t have been a day over eighteen.

  “Can I help you?” I asked her.

  “Hi! I’m Christina,” she announced, holding out the gold name tag attached to her shirt. “I’m with the housekeeping slash kitchen staff. Do you need anything? Towels, the bed made, the minibar stocked?”

  There was a minibar? Well, I’d have to figure out where that was later, then. “Just one second,” I called. “Let me get dressed and I’m headed out, you can remake or stock whatever you’d like.”

  “Okay!” She nodded her head cheerily.

  Ugh, I didn’t have time for a perky housekeeper at nearly seven in the morning. Why the hell was she here so early, anyway? I shut the bedroom door and little hard and yanked out a tank top and yoga pants, shoved my curvy body into them and pulled my hair up into a ponytail. The full-length mirror on the closet door showed me more curves that I’d like to admit. I turned sideways and patted my little protruding belly.

  When I get back, it’s time to go back to keto, I told myself. I hated that diet, but man, it was a good way to shed the thirty of so pounds I’d picked up over the last year. My yoga outfit – that I’d ever actually used for yoga in my life – fit me lik
e a glove much more than I wanted to admit.

  Pushing into my sneakers, I threw open the door and snagged my key off the desk. “All right, the bedroom’s all yours.” I threw her a smile, hoping it hid the fact I was still trying to catch my breath. I had to find Cam and demand she hand over my phone or tell me where she hid it at least. My work needed me, I was sure.

  Leaving our room behind, as I stalked to the stairs and took them down two at a time, I briefly felt my stomach begging for breakfast, but I ignored it. Finding Cam and her little boy toy of the day was all that was on my mind.

  Alas, my stomach won that argument when I passed the dining room and spotted the little continental breakfast laid out against one corner. It was small, but the fresh fruit, bread, and muffins, plus steaming oatmeal with more toppings that I could even imagine, and especially coffee, tore me away from my quest to find my best friend.

  Despite my nagging hunger, I only took half a muffin, a banana, and a small helping of oatmeal. The cranberries, coconut, and brown sugar were a nice touch, however, and I did help myself to a couple of spoonfuls each.

  Keto is going to be hard after this weekend, I thought as I sat in the empty dining room and nibbled away at my food. It was still too early for anyone to be up, I supposed, especially after the party last night.

  Speaking of which ... I marveled at how much the dining room had changed from the night before. The classy, elegant golden tones of the jazz dinner had been replaced with white tablecloths with sunflower accents. On each table sat a green vase with two vibrant, blooming sunflowers. A few tables had been removed, I saw, and the room was brightly lit with a gorgeous chandelier from the ceiling and a dozen open windows. The room wasn’t terribly big, but the window shutters had been closed last night, and it made all the difference this morning.

  Cam hadn’t been wrong; the view was really breathtaking. Since the inn was situated on a little bit of a hill, the open windows provided a glimpse into the vast array of grape fields stretched out before us. Even though most of the plants weren’t bearing fruit this time of year, and some of the leaves had turned from green to yellow to orange, the bright crimson tendril of sunlight from the fully risen sun highlighted the fields and made them shine in a golden hue. It was beautiful, serene, and a little spectacular. We didn’t have these views in Seattle; no, we had high rises and oceans and traffic, and we certainly didn’t have a gorgeous landscape to escape to that looked like this.

  I finished my breakfast, but without my phone I realized I didn’t have the itinerary that Cam had been scrolling through this morning. There was yoga somewhere on this property, and I bet it was already starting.

  Oh well. I needed to find Cam first.

  I disposed to my breakfast plates in the little brown tub next to the kitchen door marked “staff only” and made my way to the front of the Inn. As I passed the receptionist desk, the man from yesterday – Grant his nametag said – greeted me.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?”

  “Um, yes. You didn’t happen to see my friend from yesterday – you know, she’s black with braids to her waist, you can’t miss her – did you?”

  “Yes, about thirty minutes ago. She left with Mr. Sinclair.”

  I blinked at that. With Matt? Liam was his stepson; there was no way they had the last name. What was Cam doing with Matt? I sighed. “Okay, thanks. Any idea where they were headed?”

  “Mr. Sinclair said something about town. Oh, and your friend left this note. Here.” He slid a folded piece of paper at me. I took it and opened the sketchpad paper from our hotel room.

  Dear Ellie,

  I know that as soon as I left you looked for your phone, and don’t worry, I have it in a safe place. Vacation, remember? If you’re a good girl I might let you have it later. – Cam

  P.s. Enjoy yoga – it’s on the patio to the right of the front entrance of the Inn. Ciao, babe!

  Ugh! I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the little white garbage can by the door. She wanted me to do yoga and I didn’t even own a mat. What was I supposed to do?

  As if he read my mind, Grant stared at me expectantly and then said, “There’s yoga on the patio that starts in ten minutes. Would you like to check out a mat for it? I have them right here.” He held up a purple one.

  “Um, sure, I guess, “ I agreed, mostly to be polite. I signed out the mat and tucked it under my arm.

  I’d seen the patio when we have pulled up yesterday; it was smaller than the one Matt and I had danced on, in back of the dining hall. There were only three other people unrolling mats, and they all looked to be in their sixties. I recognized the woman who had yelled at us about the room mix up yesterday, and I decided that another soak in my private jacuzzi sounded better than yoga.

  “Oof!”

  I spun on my heel to flee back to my room and ran almost headlong into Matt. Without thinking my hand flew up and I stopped myself against his broad chest. A little gasp escaped my lips as I yanked my hang back.

  He chuckled. “And where are you going in such a hurry?”

  “I, uh, the instructor isn’t here, so I was going to grab another cup of coffee.”

  “The instructor just got here, and I saw you talking to Grant so I grabbed some coffee for you.” He thrust a steaming, white mug at me. “Hope you don’t mind. four cream, one sugar like always, right?”

  “I, um.” I fell over my words like a schoolgirl. I was distracted again by his clean-shaven face around that mustache and goatee. Dashing, like a swashbuckler. Like Errol Flynn. I shook my head and gently took the hot mug from him. “Thanks. You remembered.” I took a sip. This coffee was very different than the cup I’d thrown back with breakfast. Stronger with nutty after tones. Had he made a private pot just for me?

  I looked behind me, trying to distract myself from all this. “I don’t see the instructor, what are you talking about?”

  “That’s because it’s me.” He smiled widely and nodded, then stepped around me. He started introducing himself to the other women, just as the gay couple I’d seen yesterday joined us. There was barely room for the five of them, but they made it work. Matt motioned me forward, and with five different people staring at me, I caved. I finished my coffee and unrolled my mat.

  The last time I had done yoga was with Cam in college – ten years ago. It was recently after she’d gone vegetarian, after dating this poetry major that had her into all sorts of weird artsy-type stuff; yoga, krav maga, poetry readings, and drum circles. I thought it was a phase, and so did Matt, but Cam loved to cook, and vegetarian and vegan food became her passion, even if the guy didn’t last long. Even as a meat-eater myself, I had to admit her dishes were to die for. So full of creative spices and different lovely textures.

  Why was I thinking about food again? I just ate. Ugh, curse my stupid hungry self. In front of me, Matt reached for a Bluetooth speaker and scrolled through his phone for a few seconds. Soon, the sounds of soft piano music and ocean waves wrapped around the patio. He sat his phone and coffee mug next to the speaker and we got started.

  I tried to focus on Matt’s poses in front of me, but I was mostly uncoordinated and could barely get into the extended child pose. My stomach was too wide to do it comfortably, unlike all these other thin people on the patio. Plus, I bet these people didn’t have a bad back like I did or knees that ached.

  “Okay, let’s move in the tree pose,” Matt urged. I got to my feet slower than everyone else, I noticed.

  Oh, god. My balance was terrible. I was most certainly going to fall.

  Matt clasped his hands in front of him and closed his eyes. “First focus on a non-moving spot in front of you, to help with balance. Gently lift one leg – it’s okay, your body will sway as your correct.” He opened his eyes. “Good. Now, place your foot on your calf – not your knee, you’ll fall over,”

  And boy, was I swaying. I gave up with the foot on the calf thing, and just followed everyone else.

  “Now, lift those arms high in the air and
hold for thirty seconds.” He began to count slowly, starting at one. His voice was soft, soothing, and I found myself getting lost in the next position, which was lying flat on our backs with our knees up.

  “The key to yoga,” Matt was continuing, “is breathing. Inhale through your nose slowly, then exhale. Your belly should rise as you breathe out. Use your diaphragm for a victorious breath. Now, bring your knee up for a couple of seconds...”

  That pose didn’t work either, but I did feel my back pop. The pain relief from the stretch was so immediate, I sighed heavily and earned a few looks. We moved back to the child’s pose again, and then stretched into the downward facing dog.

  Of course I tottered and fell flat on my chest. My breasts pressed hard against the thin mat and I couldn’t help but yelp.

  “Ow!”

  At least I was the only one. The man on my left fell, too, and so did one of the older women. I gave up and when into child’s pose. Matt was circling through us, gently giving suggestions for improvement. When he got to me, I could feel him laughing at me, but didn’t hear anything. I peeked one eye at him and saw him staring down at me.

  “Turn your inner elbows forward,” he said gently. “That’s it. Now slowly lift your knees off the mat and bend your legs slightly, not all the way... Ellie, slow down!”

  I fell again. Everyone else was in downward facing dog flawlessly.

  I stood and dusted off my painful knees. “I can’t do this, obviously. I’m sorry I even tried. I just can’t do yoga, what was I thinking?”

  “You can.” Matt held out a hand toward me, then took it back. “Can I help you?”

  We shared a look for a moment. I realized he was asking permission to touch me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. But this was yoga, how bad could it be?

  I nodded and knelt back down into the child’s position.

  “Okay, now turn your elbows like this. You have to lift with the forearms, not the wrists.” He touched my wrist tenderly and turned my hands slightly.

  A shiver ran through me. Could he see that? The way his touch made me feel? The way my body betrayed me?