Loved

by Rebekah Dodson

  “How long ago was that after we...”

  “You’re awfully nosey today, Ellie.”

  “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer.”

  He waved his hand and tugged the rein to the left. We crossed the deserted road and started down a side trail clearly meant for horses. Up ahead I could see it wound through the forest.

  Just when I thought he wasn’t going to answer me, he blurted, “I met Shuri at Alcoholics Anonymous six months after our divorce.”

  “AA?” I blinked at him. “You go to meetings?”

  “Every Thursday.”

  I thought he was boasting, but when I stared at him, he was just looking straight ahead. “And just like that you gave up the firm and moved out here?”

  He laughed to himself. “Shuri wasn’t there for herself; she was with her dad, actually. He owned this place, raised her out here. He was in late stage liver cancer, but he still went to meetings like clockwork, and Shuri always went with him. He passed a few weeks after we met. We got married rather quickly because we realized life was too short not to jump in with both feet.” He chuckled. “I think there’s a Taylor Swift quote in there somewhere.”

  His humor was lost on me. “So much grief,” I muttered, and Matt pulled his horse to a stop suddenly.

  “’You are the only one who gets to decide what you’re remembered for,’” he quoted.

  I smiled. “More Beyoncé?”

  “Nope. Taylor Swift. But Liam told you Shuri loved her in the barn earlier, didn’t he?” He smirked.

  “Oh shit!” I clamped my hand over my mouth. “You heard that?” I felt my cheeks heat. And Cam had made fun of our wedding song. I was so embarrassed.

  “Yeah,” he chuckled again. “And it’s okay. Shuri loved Taylor Swift and one of the things she always taught me was about legacy. I realized, do I want people to remember me as an angry drunk or as someone who wanted to make other people happy? Once I could answer that, it changed my life.”

  I thought about that. I wasn’t sure how to respond, or if I even wanted to. “Matt, look, I’m so sorry about Cam earlier ...”

  As if I had summoned her just be speaking her name, the bushes next to us rustled and Cam popped her head out.

  “Oh my god! I’m so glad I found someone. You guys have to come – quick! Liam’s gelding threw him, and I think he broke his ankle!”

  Chapter 8

  Matt

  ELLIE’S QUESTIONING didn’t bother me; in fact, I had told Shuri’s story a hundred times at meetings. Her and her father’s legacy was something I was tried hard to protect and most of all share with anyone who asked. Shuri had been well known in the winery and vineyard community, and when she took my name it was a huge step for her. It was hard to believe we only had just over a year together before I lost her, and I’d been celibate for the last four years. But that wasn’t something I was going to tell Ellie by any means.

  In the end, running Moscato Vineyard meant I had two responsibilities: make people happy and give them a chance to get away from it all. As long as I accomplished that, I’d be remembered for it.

  The former was why I had decided to go for a ride with my obstinate ex-wife. Hearing the news of her dad devastated me, too. I knew from losing Shuri that the world plain sucked for taking people away from us so young, and Ellie’s dad hadn’t been much older than Shuri. Plus, I had noticed at the wine tasting something different about Ellie: it had been twenty-four hours since I’d seen her on her phone. That was very unlike her to put work completely away, especially on vacation. The few times we’d managed to get away when we were married, she had always been on the damn thing – nonstop. If it wasn’t work it was her social media, or her neighbor, or Cam. Either she quit her job – unlikely – or she had new priorities. Either way, going against Paul’s advice seemed like a good idea to test my theory. Had Ellie really changed as much as I had?

  So when Cam crashed my ride with Ellie, I was a little annoyed she interrupted our conversation. Ellie seemed different, though she was just as inquisitive as ever. We had the longest conversation I’d ever had with her for probably most of our marriage. Shuri had told me once that “giving up doesn’t mean you’re weak, it just means you’re strong enough to let go.” More words of wisdom from Tay, I was sure. I never fought for Ellie because I was tired of being ignored and not being important in her life.

  “If you ever see her again you need to tell her that,” Shuri had said once, just a few weeks before her death. He had become obsessed with me forgiving Ellie, though at the time I didn’t understand why. “Just tell her you forgive her for ignoring you. Promise me, Matt?”

  I had half-heartedly promised. But just before Cam so rudely interrupted us, it had been on the tip of my tongue. Life was too short to be bitter, and I wanted, no, needed, Ellie to know that.

  As soon as Cam mentioned Liam’s name, I was on full alert, however. I dismounted Midnight and tossed the reins to Ellie. She caught them deftly and looked at me with wide eyes.

  “Just up this path there’s a fork, the left takes you back to the stables.” I told her. “Call 911 when you get there and tell them there’s been a riding accident. I’ll meet you there.” She nodded and took off with the horses at a fast pace. I turned to Cam. “Take me to him.”

  Cam led me through the woods to a secluded area off the path. The wet, Washington underbrush was so thick here, I wondered what the hell they were thinking. Liam certainly knew better than to take the horses off the path. I’d give him a thing or two about —

  “Anger is a useless emotion, sweetheart,” Shuri’s voice was in my head then. It was one of the things she said often to quell my emotions. It worked every time. I let Cam go ahead as I took a couple of deep breaths and struggled to find my Namaste. I reworked the situation: Liam’s horse had an accident and it wasn’t his fault.

  Calmer now, I hurried to catch up as we broke through the underbrush into a clearly. A couple of fallen logs made up a natural circle, and just behind them Sally and Jessi, my two brown mares they must have taken out before Ellie and I left. Why the hell was Liam out here with Cam when he was supposed to be supervising dinner service?

  Namaste. I internally searched for my center, so my blood pressure didn’t skyrocket. God, I needed a drink. Where did that come from? I had to call Paul when I got back to the cabin.

  Liam was sitting on one of the logs, massaging his ankle when I approached.

  “Hey, Dad,” was all he said. “What are you doing out here?” Cam hung back behind him, her hand on his shoulder.

  I didn’t answer him. Instead, I kneeled in front of him and rolled up his pant leg. His ankle was indeed bruised and swollen and developing the signs of purple bruising. It was sprained for sure, but definitely not broken. At least, I didn’t think.

  “What happened, son?” I rolled his pants back down.

  “Cam and I were riding, and we decided to go into the woods a little, you know, away from people...” he trailed off, but I didn’t really understand why at first. Then I saw the way Cam hugged his neck and it slowly dawned on me his meaning.

  “You two were out here to ...” I ran a hand through my hair. “Never mind, I definitely don’t want to know.” I waved my hand at him. “Continue.”

  “Anyways, I don’t know what’s wrong with Jessi. She’s usually so good. But she baulked, and then bucked me off. I wasn’t holding the reins right I guess...”

  “Well, I don’t think it’s broken, but I sent Ellie ahead to call an ambulance.”

  “I’m so sorry, Dad.” He hung his head. “Do you think that’s necessary?”

  “I don’t, but it’s too late. Better get you checked out anyway. Can you ride?”

  “I think so.”

  Between Cam and I, we helped him back on the horse. Cam started to mount her own horse, but I interrupted her with a hand on the mare’s rump. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  She glanced around everywhere but at me. “Um, riding back to the r
esort?”

  “Nope, you’re going to lead Liam’s horse. He can’t spur her with that ankle in that condition. You get to walk.”

  “Can’t I ride with Liam?”

  “The mare can’t support both of you.”

  Her hands went to her hips. “Is that a fat joke, dude?”

  “Nope, just facts.” I held the reins and pulled myself into the saddle. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you out here, you can follow me.” I urged the horse forward and turned to look at her. “And the next time you two decide to find a place to screw, stay at the resort, will you? Liam has his own place after all.”

  Liam’s ears turned bright red and Cam’s eyes popped open wide. She looked at Liam. “You didn’t tell me that!”

  “You didn’t ask...”

  She gritted her teeth and glared at me and I was sure she wanted to yell at me. She’d yelled at me a bunch of times, most of them unwarranted, I was pretty sure. This was one of those times.

  I didn’t really care.

  It took about forty minutes to get back to the resort. It was slow going back to the path and a few times I had to dismount and lead Sally, who was exhausted. By the time we got to the stables, I searched for the ambulance, but I didn’t see any lights.

  Ellie was in the stable just closing the door to Midnight’s stall when we came in. She jumped as I led Sally into her stall and started her rub down. Cam was busy helping Liam down from the horse. Red was already unsaddled in her stall and munching on a couple of apples from the bucket in the corner.

  “I was just about to go find a phone...” she muttered. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back. I had to put the horses away, I tried to hurry...”

  “It’s fine,” I cut her off, pulling off Sally’s saddle. “It’s probably not broken, but he’ll be laid up for a few days. Where’s your phone?” I tried to keep my voice level. I wasn’t angry, just mainly curious. How could something she was so attached to be absent now, especially when we needed it the most?

  “I, uh... don’t have it.”

  “Really?” I tried not to sound excited. Had he brought it at all?

  “That’s my fault,” Cam spoke up. Liam was much bigger than Cam, and though he bravely tried to put weight on his leg, I knew he’d need my help getting back up to the Inn.

  “Huh?” I looked at her.

  “Yeah, I took her phone away. Yesterday. She wouldn’t stop ... you know. She’s always on it!” she blurted. She turned to Ellie and mouthed, I’m sorry.

  I turned my face as I shut the stall and reached for Jessi’s saddle. “Well, why don’t you just give it back to her?” I called. Any minute I waited for Ellie to stomp off or argue, but as far as I knew, she was still just standing by Midnight’s stall.

  “Because we’re on vacation!” Cam insisted.

  “Did you tell her that before you abandoned her to go have sex with my son?”

  Cam sputtered something I couldn’t understand. I took hurried with Jessi, because as much as this torture was entertaining, it meant dinner – and now the entire wedding reception, crap! – was all on me now. Liam had some timing to satisfy his urges. I chuckled – Shuri would have found this entertaining. She’d always insisted on full transparency when it came to things of a sexual nature and encouraged her son to be safe and open about it. Bless her for it, she’d saved me so much trouble with Liam’s little boy hormones.

  Saddle in hand and bit hung up, I went to exit the stall, only to find Ellie had crossed the distance between her and Cam. They were talking in harsh, hushed tones, while Liam leaned against the empty stall at the end of the stable. I stood next to him.

  “Did you tell her you’re experienced with women, by any chance?”

  Liam gulped and glanced at me sideways. “Um, no. I didn’t.”

  “Ah, gotcha. And the reasoning behind that was...?”

  “She wouldn’t do me if I told her she wasn’t the first.”

  “You’re a snake, son.” I ruffled his hair and he slapped me away. I winked at him and hung the saddle on the wall. “Still, you know your mother would have said...”

  “’Don’t ever regret being honest, period.’” He quoted. “She never shut up about Taylor Swift, did she?”

  “Nope.”

  Suddenly, Ellie reached up and slapped Cam with all her might. Cam took the slap like a champ, but she threw her fists up, and so Liam and I both moved to stop them. I got their first, wrapped my arms around Cam, and pulled her backward.

  “Ladies, there’s no need to fight over me,” Liam joked.

  Ellie and I both glared at him.

  “You said you were a virgin!” Cam yelled at Liam

  Liam shrugged. “Technically it wasn’t a lie, weren’t we all a virgin at some point?”

  “So that’s how you knew about—”

  “Ahh la-la-la-la!” I cried and stuck my fingers in my ears. When Cam’s mouth stopped moving, I removed my fingers. “Come on, Ellie, would you please help me in the kitchen? Without Liam, I’ll need another set of hands. We are already short a waitress.”

  She gaped at me for a second. “Are you suggesting that I ... serve people while on my vacation?”

  I winked at her. “Well, you don’t have to, but ... it would get me out of a bind.”

  She glared at me but nodded slowly. “Fine. Whatever you need.”

  “Hey!” Liam called after us. “What about me?”

  “There are two ways you can do with pain: you can let it destroy you or you can use it as fuel to drive you.’” I threw back at him.

  “What does that even mean? Dad!”

  I touched Elaine in the middle of her back to point her toward the Inn. She smiled and wrapped her arm around mine.

  “Good one,” she whispered.

  “I know.”

  Chapter 9

  Ellie

  “DOES HE REALLY EXPECT us to wear this?”

  Savannah stared at me and hid a giggle behind her hand. “Believe it or not, you look fantastic.”

  During a thirty-minute crash course in loading and holding platters for dinner service, I had learned Savannah was a twenty-year-old college student majoring in business at Portland State. She worked here over the summers and sometimes on spring break as both a waitress, maid, and cook. She was one of five staff members that lived in staff houses at the vineyard, which included Grant, Christina, and two cooks whose names I didn’t get. Usually there were seven or eight staff members, but one had quit and the other had a family emergency. So they truly did need me, uncomfortable uniform or not.

  I smoothed a hand over the white shirt with puffy, short sleeves and the pleated black slacks. Both the shirt and pants were a size too small, and the buttons on the shirt were strained over my breasts. To cover it up, Savannah had found a white apron to wear over my shirt. That worked, but what about the fact my rounded read end protruded a little too much from these pants? I was uncomfortable and cursing to myself over and over why I had agreed to help Matt with serving dinner. At least I was only here for the appetizer hour. After that I’d run upstairs, change into Cam’s dress I borrow last night, and come down to entertain with Matt.

  Now I was fully prepared, or so Savannah claimed, to circle the room of patrons with a shiny tray loaded with appetizers, which now included the entire wedding party and most of their friends and family, who had booked rooms tonight and filled the inn to capacity. Not only the wedding party, but many of their guests were here for an early wedding reception of sorts. As a result, the dining room was packed with over two hundred people, and as I glanced through the small round kitchen window, I realized I’d have a tough time navigating this sea of people.

  I gulped. I’d waitressed in college a bit, but that was over ten years ago. At least this was just offering food to people and not taking orders. After appetizer hour, Matt had planned a light buffet dinner which included lasagna – meat and vegetarian dishes – salad, and rolls. If the din from the dining room was any indication, t
he party was already in full swing. There was a different band tonight, a more trendy, modern one with guitars and drums, even though the band members were in tuxes. Matt told me they would be playing the wedding tomorrow as well. In fact, based on the little black dresses and well-groomed tuxes in the room, this was an even more formal event that last night. Not a private party, as it would be tomorrow, but close enough to be a tasteful black-tie affair.

  “You ready?” Savannah asked again.

  I nodded. “It’s just us tonight for all these people?”

  “Christina will be here any minute.”

  While Savannah checked with the kitchen staff, I stayed close to the kitchen door. I wondered how Cam and Liam were faring upstairs. I had seen them come in and head for the elevator about twenty minutes ago. Matt had disappeared to his cabin to get ready for the party, and I hadn’t seen him yet.

  As I waited for Savannah to return, however, Matt made a silent entrance into the dining room. No one noticed him; of course the inn owner liked to hang out in the background, much like our fancy dinner last night.

  No one, that is, except me.

  When I spotted him, I had to force myself to breathe. He’d been dashing last night in suit jacket and slacks, but as a lawyer he dressed that way often. I was used to it.

  Tonight he wore a full-on tux.

  I swallowed hard. His hair was slicked back and with a fresh shave his goatee stood out even more. As a lawyer he’d always been thin and gangly; now he filled out this tux completely. His eyes glinted in the bright chandelier as he glanced toward the kitchen and spotted me, giving me a little wave.

  With a little gasp, I moved away from the window. He caught me staring. Wait, why was I suddenly so apprehensive about this? We were both single, and despite our complicated past, Matt was a different person now. He wasn’t the man I fell in love with back in college; no way. This was reinvented Matt, and he was setting my skin on fire just being in the same room, even if a door separated us.

  “Elaine?”