If You Hold Me (A Sugar Maple Novel Book 4)

by Ciara Knight

  Stella pushed up her sleeves. “Tell me who to take care of, and it’s done.”

  Mary-Beth laughed. It broke her fog of hatred and let her realize she wasn’t the only one harmed in all of this.

  The girls surrounded her, hugging her tightly in the middle, but there was no comfort in it. Still, it was better than what Tanner had, which was nothing, no one to comfort him in this town.

  “Nothing. There isn’t anything any of you can do.” She broke free and headed to find Tanner, the only person in the world who understood the way she felt at this moment.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tanner fumed. He knew the best place for him to be was expending his energy in a productive way. The way his father had taught him. At that thought, he picked up the pitchfork and impaled the hay. Luckily, the work crew on the roof had knocked off already, so he found the silent refuge he’d hoped for.

  The sound of footsteps crunching hay warned Tanner that someone had entered the barn, but he didn’t look up. He needed space before facing his mom again.

  “In a strange way, I get your mom.” Mary-Beth’s voice was soothing, but her words were jagged and rough. “She wanted to save you from a hard life. It was wrong how she did it, but I understand. Your mom loves you.”

  He shoved the tines into the hay once more. “How can you say that?”

  “Because she looked guilty and remorseful. I know she wished things were different. Trust me, my mother was the instigator. Don’t you remember how she tried to control me yet was never around to enforce her demands?”

  He rummaged through memories and snagged an incident from their past. “You mean when she thought you should wear the blue dress to prom, but you wanted to wear the red?”

  “Yep, she took the red dress and hid it so that I couldn’t wear it.”

  A picture of Mary-Beth standing at the bottom of her steps on prom night stuttered in his head. “You showed her, though. You cut that blue dress to barely permissible in public.” He laughed, tossed the pitchfork into the hay, and faced the only woman he’d ever loved. The way he saw her was different, the resentment gone, and he could see the girl he once thought broke every rule with finesse but managed to always avoid trouble. “I thought your mother was going to have a stroke when she saw you.”

  “But the red dress reappeared.” She winked, a sexy, grown-up wink that made his heart double tap. The woman who stood in front of him was no longer the girl from his past. Who was she? Had she changed? Of course. Hadn’t they all?

  “We need to talk, uninterrupted,” Mary-Beth announced in a way that told him she had changed. She had grown into an independent person who didn’t need him to take care of her.

  He quirked his head toward the ladder. “Remember the hay loft?”

  She blushed but shot past him and up the rungs to a more private area of the farm. A place where he could see and hear others while they were cloaked in wood and hay. His body awakened the way it would with any private moment with a woman, but this wasn’t a woman he’d met in a bar or some football groupie… This was Mary-Beth Richards. A woman who would bring any man to his knees for a chance at one kiss. And she could kiss. The kind that ruined all other kisses in life.

  He took his time climbing the rungs to focus on the importance of how he handled the situation. The knowledge that she hadn’t abandoned him had opened a door he thought was locked forever.

  The light filtered through the spaces between the wood planks that hadn’t been repaired yet. The golden hues cascaded over them as if angels highlighted their time together as a gift. Yet, despite his desire and knowledge, something still warned him to pause a moment and take things slow. To get to know Mary-Beth as she was now, not how she was then.

  And then a poisonous thought shot through him. What if she had someone else in her life? What if she didn’t want the same thing? He settled by her side in a pile of hay like they were in high school.

  “I know you’re upset, so if you need time to think, we can sit for a while. It’s just that I needed to be with someone who understood how I felt, and for once, that wasn’t my friends. It’s you,” she said in a haunting tone.

  He picked up a piece of hay and ran it through his fingers. “I know what you mean. This is so messed up. Where do we even start?” He knew where he wanted to start, yet part of him didn’t want to know. For one day, he wanted to believe Mary-Beth was his again.

  “Why don’t we start with our fight? It was the trigger to the massacre of our relationship.” She sounded wounded and lonely, which made him want to scoop her up into his lap and show her how much he’d missed her all these years.

  “It was so long ago.” He shot her a sideways glance and knew he wanted to connect with her and, if this was what made her feel closer to him, then he would open that door. “To be honest, I’ve spent so long trying to forget that day.”

  She reached out toward him but then dropped her hand to her lap. “I know what you mean.”

  What was she thinking? He wanted to know every thought in her head.

  He returned to studying the hay in his hand. “When my father first told me about the full ride to Notre Dame, I snorted at him. I mean, literally. It was insane. First of all, there was no way it could be true. Small-town high school player getting a full ride to a top school?”

  “I never had a doubt you were good enough,” she said in a shallow voice, as if that fact tormented her.

  “But I wanted to go to UT, despite the opportunity. It was our plan. We had it all set.”

  “You couldn’t pass up Notre Dame. I know that now. I wasn’t fair that night. It’s just that you shocked me. And then my mother told me you would always choose football over me.”

  “No, I wouldn’t have, but my father convinced me that if you really loved me, you’d support me and we’d figure out how to get you to Notre Dame with me or make a long-distance relationship work until we got through college.”

  “I couldn’t afford that, and I went on partial scholarship to UT, so I only had to take out loans for fees, room and board, and a few extra classes that weren’t covered. There’s no way it would’ve worked out with me following you to Notre Dame. And I knew I had to let you go. You’d resent me if I held you back.”

  “I never would’ve resented you.”

  “You say that, but you don’t know. We never had the chance to find out. I don’t want to add fuel to this bonfire of lies, but did your parents ever tell you that I came back to find you after I returned from my dorm? I told them that I wanted to speak to you, and I gave them my new cell number, and I waited for your call.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? You had my number.”

  “I did.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  She sighed. “It was a couple of weeks after you’d left for school. You’d come back to pick up some stuff for your dorm. Felicia told me you were here, so I called. Your father answered your phone.”

  “He didn’t tell me.” His chest burned with animosity toward the man he’d once worshiped as a boy.

  She looked at him with misty eyes. “I realize that now, but at the time, he told me you’d moved on with a new girl and I would only torture myself if I tried to hang on to you. That you were meant for a big life, and I was a small-town girl.”

  Tanner tossed the hay down and grabbed her hand, willing her to listen. “Never. I wanted you by my side, but I was told I was being unfair. That you’d moved on.” He groaned and closed his eyes for a moment. “Lies. So many lies.”

  She rested her head back against the wall and looked up at the roof, as if searching for answers. “Tell me, have you had a good life? Have you achieved what you wanted in your career? You’re an assistant coach at a major university. That’s a big deal.”

  “Not head coach, which is what I thought I’d be by now, but there are so many politics, and you have to put in your time to achieve that position. I’m still younger than the youngest head coach ever. Still, yes, I’ve had a good life. Just
not the one I would’ve chosen.”

  Mary-Beth’s phone rang, and she stood, slid it from her pocket, and checked the screen. “I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t answer this, but it’s the shop.”

  “Go ahead. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  She offered a sad smile, and he longed to see that shine and spunk she’d once possessed.

  “Hello? Everything okay?” She gasped. “Oh no. I forgot about the date. I’ll call him.” She glanced at Tanner with wide eyes and stepped away, lowering her voice. “He’s there already? Okay, tell him I’m on my way.” She hung up and held the phone tight when she faced him. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  “I heard. Date, huh?” He shoved from the ground, wanting to tell her she wasn’t going, but he’d never be his father. Not the man who bullied his mother into keeping secrets.

  “I—”

  “Don’t. It’s fine. I understand. We can speak more later.” He stood there, longing to pull her into his arms and refuse her the opportunity to ever see another man again, but that wouldn’t be the answer. She had to choose. He only hoped this time, she would choose him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mary-Beth raced to the coffee shop, but she left her heart back at the farm. How could she go out with Seth when she’d discovered the man she loved hadn’t abandoned her like she’d thought? She dialed Felicia before she even reached the bridge, knowing Ms. Negotiator would be the best at this kind of advice.

  “You all right?” Felicia asked without even a greeting.

  “Yes, but I need some advice. You remember Seth, the guy I had a date with the other night that I canceled?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s at Maple Grounds, waiting for me for our date tonight. I’ve already canceled on him twice. It wouldn’t be right to ditch him. Not again. Right? I mean, the poor guy is so nice and understanding. He deserves better than how I’ve treated him. But is it right to string him along when I know he isn’t the right guy for me?”

  “Take a breath,” Felicia ordered. “How do you know Seth isn’t the right guy for you? You found out your ex-boyfriend’s back, but what do you really know about the grown-up Tanner? Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend? Will he ever return to Sugar Maple for good? Did he tell you that he still loves you?”

  Her words weren’t easy to digest and more direct than a normal Felicia speech. “I’m not sure. No.”

  “Then why not go on the date? You have nothing to lose. If you go out and you decide that Seth isn’t right for you, then fine, but you’ve only been out twice, and you said you liked him before Tanner waltzed back into town. If you cancel on Seth this time, I have it on good authority that he won’t ask again.”

  She pulled to the corner and spotted Seth with flowers in hand, standing near the register. Geesh, she felt like a shmuck.

  “All I’m saying is you should only treat Seth the way you would want to be treated. And that you shouldn’t jump to conclusions without knowing all the information. Besides, do you really want Jackie to win the bet?”

  Mary-Beth pulled into a parking space in back and knew she didn’t have a choice. Not with Seth already here. Besides, Felicia had a point. Mary-Beth would never want to admit Jackie was right and have to wear those darn shoes in public. “I’ve got to go. Thanks.”

  “You know we love you. Good luck.”

  Mary-Beth ended the call and raced upstairs to change into a dress and boots then flew down with no more than a hair fluff and lipstick. Serena eyed her with a disapproving glower. “Sorry. And thanks for covering for me.”

  Serena didn’t respond. Something told Mary-Beth this girl was upset about more than covering for her, but that was a problem she’d have to handle later.

  She offered Seth a friendly smile at the entrance to the customer area. “Hi. I’m so sorry I’m late. The wedding plans for Ms. Horton are all-consuming these days.”

  He kissed her cheek and handed her the flowers.

  “You didn’t have to.” She acted like she sniffed them but was careful not to breathe in, since she was allergic to chrysanthemums. “Thank you. They’re beautiful. Let me go put these in water, and then we can go.”

  She held them at arm’s length and took them to her office but knew they couldn’t stay there or her eyes would swell shut by morning. “Hey, Serena,” she called out in a whispered tone.

  “Yes?” Serena eyed the flowers down the end of her nose.

  “I hate to ask this, but would you take these home with you? I’m allergic, and I don’t want to hurt Seth’s feelings.”

  She half smiled. “Yeah, sure. Those are my favorite.”

  “Thanks so much. You sure you’re good with closing tonight? I know it’s our late night with the two book clubs coming.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “Thanks. I owe you big-time.”

  Mary-Beth returned to Seth and followed him out to his expensive car, where he opened her door and tucked her inside. He was a gentleman for sure. Maybe Felicia was right and she needed to give the man a chance. Once he settled into the driver’s seat, she asked him, “So how was your day at work?”

  “Fair. Still plugging through the paperwork for the Taiwan deal; I’ll be flying out for meetings next week.”

  “Right, you’ll be gone again.” Why did that make her happy more than upset?

  “Yes, but once the deal is done, I’ll be back,” he offered, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. It felt foreign, wrong…despite that being his go-to move on all their dates. Maybe that was the problem. It felt rehearsed, planned.

  He released her so he could navigate through the parking lot to find a spot, and she held tight to her handbag like a date-advancement shield.

  “I thought we could have dinner and then maybe have a drink at my place.”

  His words were like tiny insects shot under her skin—itchy and frightening. They’d never been alone before. “That sounds good, but I’m afraid I’ll need to get back to the shop to help close up tonight. It’s Serena’s first time by herself, so she might need some help.” There, that was a viable excuse. She needed more time to figure things out. Seth was handsome, hardworking—even if she found his job boring—and a gentleman. A catch for any woman. That’s why she was going on a third date with him.

  He opened the door and offered his arm to escort her inside. “I hope you like steak, since this is the only place in Sugar Maple I could find that might provide us a little time away from everyone you know deciding to chat while we eat.”

  “Right. I forgot you’re not used to small-town living.” She took his arm and followed him inside to the dimly lit romantic steakhouse that all men took their girls to for a real date in town. No doubt Tanner would hear of it by morning.

  “I don’t think small-town life is for me. I mean, of course, I lived here for part of high school, and I can live here part-time since I travel so much, so don’t worry, I won’t run off on you.” He pulled out her chair and then settled into his own seat.

  Run off on me? Tanner hadn’t run off on her. He’d been sent away. She shook off the thought.

  “Are you cold? You can have my coat.”

  “No, I’m good. But thanks.” She watched him align the fork with the knife. “So, you’re not meant for small-town life.”

  He grinned. “No, not really. But as I said, I understand you have a business here for now, so I have no problem residing here.”

  “For how long?” she asked, realizing this wasn’t just about Tanner being in town. This was about if Seth was right for her.

  “I don’t know. However long it takes.” He placed the napkin on his lap and summoned the waiter over to order a bottle of wine. Which he did with perfect pronunciation and authority. And she had no clue what he’d ordered.

  When the waiter left, she returned to their discussion, eager to learn more. “How long what takes?”

  He shifted in his seat. “All I mean is, once you get some more help at your shop, you’ll probabl
y want to go on trips with me. See the world, right? I mean, who wouldn’t? And then, maybe we’ll spend extra time in certain areas of the world. You’ll love London and Paris.”

  “I love Sugar Maple,” she said flatly.

  The waiter returned and poured a smidgen of wine in the bottom of the glass. Seth swirled it, smelled it, swirled it again, and then took a sip, swished, swallowed. Then he finally held his glass up with a slight nod of approval. “I like it here, too. That’s why I’m here.”

  She shook her head, realizing this man hoped to sweep her off her feet and show her the world. This guy was meant for Jackie, not her. “Seth, I need to tell you something.”

  He waited for the server to pour their glasses and walk away. “Sounds serious.” He eyed her glass, as if waiting for her approval, so she drank a gulp and set it down to appease him. The lingering taste of black cherry remained.

  “You’re a nice guy, but we’re not right for each other.”

  His face morphed from friendly to agitated. “How would you know that? It’s only our third date.”

  “I usually know by date three. Trust me.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “Because I’m a Sugar Maple girl. I’m not meant for Paris and London or anywhere else. Sure, I might travel to those places someday, but I’ll never move away from here. I’m a small-town girl with small-town dreams. I’m sure that sounds boring to you, but that’s me.”

  He looked at her as if she were Russian trying to speak French. “That’s only because you haven’t been away from here before. Once you do, you’ll see what I have to offer.”

  The server returned, but Seth waved him away.

  She swirled the glass, trying to appear sophisticated, but some sloshed out, splattering burgundy across the white linen. “I know what you have to offer, but it isn’t what I want.”

  “This is about that boy Tanner, the one from high school, the star football player who washed out in college.”

  His words caused her muscles to tighten. “He was injured.”