by JoAnn Durgin
“What a terrible position to have been in,” Serenity said.
“I prayed for him to die plenty of times. I always thought I’d wake up one morning and he’d have passed in his sleep. The more I think about it, the more I realized—as difficult as it was—God had everything in His control the entire time. Just as He always has, and always will. I cried out to Him, and He answered my prayer. In His perfect time.” Elise placed her scooper on the ground and sat beside her. “May I?”
Not sure what she meant, Serenity nodded. When Elise moved her arm around her shoulders, she rested her head on her shoulder. “I’ve missed you, Mama. More than you know. There were times when I didn’t want to feel that way, though.”
“I know, honey. You must have hated me.”
“No,” Serenity said, determined not to cry although she sniffled. Then she took a deep breath before continuing. “I couldn’t hate you. I hated what I thought you’d done. More than anything, I hated what you’d done to Dad.”
“I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to him.”
“I don’t think Dad expects that. Did you visit him in the hospital?”
She lowered her gaze. “I didn’t go to his room, but I brought flowers and left them at the front desk.”
“Didn’t anyone recognize you?”
A slight smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “Surely you’ve noticed I’ve changed my appearance somewhat. Besides that, most people in this town either believe I’m dead or thought I’d never return to Croisette Shores. There will be speculation, but I’ll never say a word. We’ll be known around town as the Mysterious McClarens. Kind of has a ring to it, don’t you think?”
Serenity’s gaze collided with her mother’s. “Why not? I’ve heard the whole French royal family speculation my entire life.” She smoothed her hand over Elise’s head. “I miss your blonde hair. Are you going to let it grow again, dye it?”
“Yes. Your father hates the red hair. Well, it’s more that it’s short, not so much the color. And he’s trying to fatten me up. Don’t worry,” she said, with a sidelong glance. “He’s doing it the healthy way. You’ve been good for him since you’ve come home again. In so many ways. Thank you for that.”
Wrapping her arms around her mother’s slender frame, Serenity held on tight, clinging to her. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. Not only did you give me life, but you gave me my life back. Thank you, Mama.” Leaning back, she placed her hands on either side of her mother’s cheeks, looking into the face she’d always remembered. Lovely. A few lines were more deeply etched, but she was beautiful for a woman who’d been through so much. More than she even knew, most likely. Pulling away, she murmured, “Thank you. You suffered so much for my sake, and for Justin.”
Elise’s blue eyes, so like hers, softened. “That’s what you do for those you love more than life itself, Serenity. You sacrifice. It’s part of life. Although, in our case, we all gave more than our share, I’d say. I understand it works both ways. You and your Dad sacrificed a lot, too. My actions impacted you as much, if not more, than me. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
Serenity kissed her forehead. “You don’t need to ask.”
Another tear slipped down Elise’s face. “I do, but thank you.”
“I don’t understand everything about what it means to be a Christian—a good one—anyway,” Serenity said. “But I know He forgave me for all the things I’ve done wrong in my life.” Pulling out of the hug, she shaped the tower as she cupped more sand in her hands. “I just wish there was some way you could have let Dad know somehow, but what’s done is done. We can’t change the past, but we’re together again…this side of Heaven.”
“Justin knows the Lord, too. He understands about sacrifice and what Jesus did for us on the cross. I think, in time as he grows and matures, we’ll explain more to him about what happened. But let’s wait until he’s older and able to grasp the enormity of it all.”
Serenity nodded and brushed away a tear from her mother’s cheek. “How’d you explain to Justin about…me and Dad?”
Elise’s shoulders sagged and she sat back on her heels. “That was the toughest challenge and I had to twist the truth a little. It’s difficult to be honest with a child as smart as Justin and yet shield him from the harshest realities. Justin has only known about you and your father for the past year. I waited until he came to me, asking questions. All his book reading clued him in that families were often more than just a grandmother. I simply told him that we had to leave our home. I asked him to believe me when I said we’d go back one day.”
“And he didn’t press for more details? He accepted it at face value?”
“Yes, he did,” Elise said. “Because I’d never lied to him before.”
“It’s all about trust, isn’t it? Trust in the ones you love, and trust in God to work it all out in His perfect timing. I mean, what’s five years to the Almighty?” Her lips curved. “Probably a tiny blip on the radar that barely registers.” Her smile sobered. “Justin knows Jackson, too, doesn’t he? I don’t mean in a ‘just met’ way, either. They’re familiar with one another.”
“You’re getting it. Keep thinking along those lines,” Elise said, digging in the sand.
“Justin called him Doc Jack.” Putting her hand on her mother’s forearm, she stilled her actions. “You’ve taken him to see Jackson? In a professional capacity?”
Elise met her gaze and held it steady, but she neither confirmed nor denied the truth.
Serenity tossed the sand scooper to the ground. “He knew?” Struggling to gain control of her emotions, she felt as though her head might explode. “How long, Mama?”
“I don’t know. I think he began to suspect the truth early on when we moved here. You have to understand I needed to ease Justin into coming here and meeting you and your dad. I needed advice from someone better equipped than me to deal with the fragile emotions of a child. Justin’s so bright that sometimes I forget he’s only a little boy.”
Serenity sat back on the sand, cross-legged, shaking her head. “He knew. All the times we were together, he never hinted. Never said a word.” She could tell something bothered him on occasion and weighed on his mind, but she assumed it was patient-related. Little did she know.
“Oh, honey, that man was hurting inside. Jackson loves you and I’m sure he wanted to tell you the truth from the moment he first suspected. He put everything on the line in loving you, but he wanted you to see for yourself or he risked you thinking he’d betrayed you.”
Confusion reigned once more in her mind. “Isn’t that what he did by not telling me?”
“If you believe nothing else, you must listen to me on this one,” Elise said, her voice firmer.
“What’s that?”
“Jackson never betrayed you. He loved you by helping your son come to grips with meeting you and your father. He stayed by your side, helped you talk through everything. He was your friend. From what I hear, he even got you to eat a hot dog, something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime.”
Serenity opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. Carmen must have reported back to her about the hot dog.
“He knows you need time to absorb everything. More than that, you need time with Justin. Time to get to know your son. Jackson’s willing to give you that time. That, in itself, speaks volumes about his character and values. He’s a good man. He can’t take Danny’s place in your heart, but he wants the best for you in life and can give you so much. Don’t you see? He put everything on the line and risked your love because he couldn’t tell you what he suspected. A man like that isn’t going to walk away from you now. Unless you push him away. I’d hate to see that happen. The Lord brought him to our little town for several reasons, and I’m looking at one right now.” Her gaze moved to Justin. He and Clinton had made measurable progress in building their sand castle. No doubt, her father would tease them about lagging behind. Based on his glances in their direction, he appeared th
ankful they were talking things out between them.
“I wonder if Jackson ever felt like he was in a tower?” Serenity whispered.
“I’m sure he did,” Elise said, patting her hand. “We’d better get back to our assignments or the little prince over there will think we’re not worthy subjects. As far as Jackson, my advice—take it or leave it—is to pray about it. We all understand it’s a process and it can’t happen overnight. But it’s my prayer you’ll eventually open the gate guarding your heart, Serenity. And then go to Jackson. For in doing so, you’ll set him free.”
~CHAPTER 46~
“Ladies and gentleman, on this glorious Fourth of July, we celebrate the birth of our great nation. Today we’d like to pay special honor to our heroes who have served our country well—both here and abroad, in several wars and conflicts, and representing all branches of the military.”
The mayor’s deep, resonant voice rang out loud and clear across the hush of the crowded Queen Victoria’s Square. “Their selfless service and bravery in the face of adversity, and their willingness to sacrifice their lives to uphold the ideals of our Founding Fathers demonstrates the best of the American spirit. It’s with great pride, humble admiration and the greatest respect that I read the names of these men and women.”
He paused, canvassing the crowd. “They can be the man or woman sitting beside you. Quiet heroes, willing to give the ultimate sacrifice to secure your freedom. Some on the list are here with us today, and I’d ask that they come forward as I read their names. Please save your applause until all the names have been called. Others of our heroes have passed on, but their legacy will always remain.”
Serenity dabbed beneath her eyes with the tissue she’d tucked into the pocket of her cotton skirt. Poignant ceremonies like this always made her emotional, and a swell of patriotism mixed with admiration and humility almost overwhelmed her. Although her dad was never called to serve in a war, several of her classmates had served, and two had fallen. War left no family untouched, even in their small community. As the names were read, the crowd was reverent with only a baby’s whimper or a cough here and there to punctuate the quiet.
“Jackson Ross, First Lieutenant, United States Army, awarded the Purple Heart for service above and beyond the call of duty.”
A clarinet hit a soaring, gloriously wrong note that blasted like a bullhorn in the middle of a funeral. Cheeks on fire, Deidre slumped in her seat, ignoring the snickers and curious looks from her fellow band members. Whoops. She hadn’t filled Deidre in on that little tidbit from Jackson’s history. Based on the hum of conversation across the park, a number of the town’s citizens were equally surprised to learn of Jackson’s military achievement. He was indeed a hero, in so many ways. Ways to reach and hold her heart forever.
“Look, Mommy, it’s Dr. Ross!” Clambering to his feet on top of his chair, Justin’s voice carried across the crowd. “Hey, Doc Jack! It’s me, Justin. Over here!” He gave his all to waving his arms and Serenity feared he’d topple over.
As she helped him settle in his seat again, Serenity caught Jackson’s smile. Like always, her heart spun nearly out-of-control. With his broad shoulders straight—tall, handsome and swoon-worthy—he approached the podium in his full, dark blue dress uniform, complete with hat and gloves. After saluting the crowd, he took his place in the line of other military members to one side of the podium. When he turned to them, Serenity glimpsed the medallion around his neck. A swell of emotion bubbled up inside, and she clamped a hand over her mouth. Jackson the military man made her heart riot.
How I’ve missed him, Lord.
She glimpsed her father lean forward from his seat directly behind Deidre. He whispered a few words and then squeezed her shoulder before settling in his seat beside Art Masmer.
Thanks, Dad.
Standing at the podium as he finished calling the names, Mayor Anderson raised a hand and waved it in the direction of the men and women on the podium. “Our brave, strong heroes, we salute you, and we, the citizens of this great community of Croisette Shores, are indeed blessed to call you our own. Thank you for your service.”
Serenity searched the crowd as the ceremony ended a short time later. Jackson was easy to find from where he stood talking with a group of veterans. He stood head-and-shoulders above the rest. As if sensing her eyes on him, Jackson turned toward her, nodded and tipped his cap. A slow flush crawled up Serenity’s neck, and her heart fluttered.
Her dad chatted with some of the band members, and it was great to see him socializing again. Even self-proclaimed hermits can change well-ingrained habits.
A few minutes later, Jackson crossed Queen Victoria’s Square to where she’d finished her conversation with a former classmate. Removing his cap, he bowed low, “First Lieutenant Jackson Ross, at your service, Miss McClaren.” When he clicked the heels of his shiny shoes and saluted her, Serenity almost lost it. Biting her bottom lip hard, she turned away, not trusting her emotions.
“Whoa! I didn’t expect that reaction.” With his white-gloved fingers on her arm, Jackson guided her to a quiet area. The lights in the square twinkled overhead against the backdrop of a glorious sunset. Combined with the moderate temperature and slight ocean breeze, it was the perfect evening for the fireworks display over the waterfront.
She could tell she surprised him when she fell against his broad, solid chest and threw her arms around him. Through his uniform, she felt his chuckle as his arms encircled her. Dragging air into her lungs and making a concerted effort to compose herself, Serenity stood back and gave him a shaky smile. Removing his gloves, he draped them over the inside of his hat and lowered them to the ground. He tipped her chin, his expression full of concern. “Okay?”
“There’s something so completely noble and attractive about a man in uniform,” she said, sniffling. “You look unbelievable, but I’m crying because I’m so incredibly proud of you even though I know I have no right to be, and you’re so handsome, strong”—she patted his chest, thinking how warm he must be in the uniform—“brave, kind and...”
His smile devastated her. In the best way possible. “If I’d known wearing this getup would get this kind of reaction, I’d have worn it a long time ago. Your dad invited me to watch the fireworks with your family. Hope that’s okay. Are you ready to spend some time with me again?”
She smiled and ran her finger over the colorful pins and patches on the front and sleeves of his uniform. Such a brave man. Raising the Purple Heart by its ribbon, she looked up at the man she loved. “I think that’s a good idea. A very wise idea for my heart. For all of me, actually.”
“I couldn’t tell you, Serenity.” Jackson’s eyes were so beautiful, incredibly earnest as they bore into hers. “I prayed you’d understand and not hate me.”
She shook her head and dropped her hand. “I could never hate you. You took an oath, the same as you took an oath to serve in the Army. That’s a sacred trust. I had to figure it all out in my head, Jackson, but if you had broken my mom’s trust by telling me Justin was your patient, that would have been worse.” She glanced up at him again. “You are a man of honor. That means more than anything.”
“Does that mean you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you?” he whispered. “These last few weeks, I’ve been miserable. A sad sack. Mean. Listless. Grumpy, you name it. Even Freud doesn’t want me around anymore.” They’d run into each other in town a few times and he’d sent her a few emails and texts, just to say hello and encourage her to call on him if she needed anything. Although not much was said, she understood her mother continued to take Justin to see Jackson.
“I’ve missed you something fierce. You somehow managed to work your way into my heart. When you weren’t around, it wasn’t the same. Like part of me was missing. I needed time with Justin, and I thank you for giving me that time with my son. So,” she said, breathing out a long sigh and smiling into his eyes, “in answer to your question, yes, I’m ready to spend time with you again. Should I salute yo
u…or something?” Her silly giggle escaped, and Jackson moved closer, seemingly charmed by her lapse into girlishness.
“Oh, I’m sure we can think of something infinitely better, Miss McClaren.”
“Okay, but please keep the public displays of affection brief. My impressionable son is nearby, and he’s probably watching his real-life hero. Don’t want to give him any ideas.”
“He’ll have those ideas all on his own in a few years, you know.”
She gave him a playful swat. “It might be against protocol or whatever to hit a military hero, but don’t remind me. I want to enjoy every moment with Justin for now. He’ll grow up all too soon.”
“In that case, let’s give Justin and everyone else a real good show.” Sweeping her into his arms, leaning her back, Jackson lowered his lips to hers.
I’m actually swooning. When he finally pulled her upright and released her, Serenity was so dizzy she could barely stand. Jackson put a steadying hand on her. “Thanks for catching me when I was about to fall. Again,” she said. “I’ve never been kissed by a man in uniform before.” What a silly thing to say, but her mind was mush. The taste of his lips was still on hers. Each kiss from Jackson was impassioned and conveyed the depth of his admiration and love for her.
“And I trust you never will again, by anyone other than me.”
“Keep that up and you won’t have anything to worry about.” Embarrassed and flushed, she ignored the knowing smiles of her parents and everyone else in the vicinity who’d witnessed that display. Had a few people even clapped?