Catching Serenity

by JoAnn Durgin

  Ah, flirting with Jackson again. She’d missed that, too. More than she’d known. “I didn’t realize the Army dress uniform was blue. I’d have thought it’d be that olive green color.”

  “It’s the Army Service Uniform and replaces the Army Greens and the Olive Drab uniforms. This is called ‘Army Blue’ and goes back to the ‘Virginia Blues’ of George Washington’s first command in Colonial Virginia. This color was phased in a few years ago. Listen, I brought a small bag with a change of clothes. I’m going to find the nearest place to do the switcheroo, run the uniform to my car, and then I’ll meet you back here in a few minutes. Do you want to stay here for the fireworks or try and get closer to the waterfront?”

  She shot him a sheepish grin. “Do you really need to change?”

  He laughed. “The uniform’s hot”—he caught her look—“as in the fabric is hot. I’ve got my shorts and T-shirt. Tell you what. I’ll lay out the uniform on the blanket next to us if that floats your boat.”

  That comment made her laugh. “Why don’t we stay in Queen Victoria’s Square for the fireworks,” she said once she’d recovered her senses. “You can see the fireworks just as well from here, but it’s quieter since most of the spectators gather close by the waterfront. I brought a blanket, and I’m willing to share a corner.” She gave him a coy grin.

  Jackson laughed. He tugged his hat down over her head and angled it. “You look a lot better in it than I do. Wanna wear it tonight, beautiful pretty?”

  When she nodded, he saluted and clicked his heels together again. “I’ll be back in a few.”

  “My, my.” Deidre came to stand beside her, shaking her head. “A man like that is why the word dashing was invented. Seems Dr. Ross is full of secrets. A Purple Heart, no less. A true hero, and that might also explain the limp. Seems you’ve been holding out on me.” She slanted a grin at Serenity. “Nice hat.”

  “Where’s the rest of your gang?” Serenity said. “Want to join us for the fireworks?”

  “They’re around somewhere. With their friends. We were over at Wes’s brother’s for a family picnic most of the day. Wes stayed to help break down the grill while I played taxi mom for the kids. I’m meeting him back at the house. We can see the fireworks from the deck and thought we’d enjoy some private time.” She blew out a breath. “Part of me will be happy when the kids can drive themselves, but another part never wants them to give up needing me.”

  Serenity reached an arm around Deidre’s shoulders and pulled her close. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll always need you. And even when they’re grown, your kids will always need their mom.”

  Deidre leaned her head against Serenity’s. “It does my heart good to see you with your mom and Justin, sweetie. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have thought that would be possible. Now, just look at you.” Her eyes were bright in the moonlight. “God does work miracles. Your family is a living, breathing, walking example of that.” A tear slid down Deidre’s cheek. “Even that ornery father of yours,” she said, laughing as another tear escaped.

  “No more tears,” Serenity said. “I’ve shed enough for the both of us to last a lifetime.”

  “Okay, then, I suppose I’d better not ask about—”

  “He’s giving me time, Deidre. Which is exactly what I need.”

  She tilted her head. “Are you sure about that? Sure, you need time with Justin, but you need ‘me’ time, too. Serenity time. He’s a good man and he loves you.”

  “I know.” She lowered her gaze and swallowed. “I love him, too.”

  “I’ll pop in and see you one day this week and we’ll have lunch, okay?”

  Giving Deidre a quick, fierce hug, Serenity whispered. “Count on it.”

  Watching her walk away, she thought of everything that had transpired in the last few weeks. From what Deidre told her, the current thread of gossip leaned toward her mother needing a break from her marriage for whatever reason. Clinton had bristled at that gossip, but he’d kept his mouth closed. No one had figured out the mystery of Justin yet. Anyone who’d known Danny might suspect Justin was his child since he was the spitting image of his father. Deidre pointed out the physical similarities between Justin and Jackson. Some believed Jackson had been her “friend” in Atlanta and was the father of this child. Or some suspected that Elise had mothered another child, or else she’d adopted Justin. Conveniently, no one seemed to recall Liam’s middle name was Justin. They’d barely had enough time to tell anyone his full name since her son supposedly lived such a short life. Even if they asked, Justin was a common enough name not to raise eyebrows.

  “Of course, Old Persimmonhead is the lone voice in the wilderness who believes your mother’s disappearance has everything to do with Danny’s death,” Deidre also said. “She’s trying to ply me with bribes to get me to talk, but you know I’m loyal to the death.”

  “Hope it won’t go that far, but thanks for your loyalty, kind subject,” Serenity said. “Persimmonhead is also well-known for watching crime dramas on TV. Little does she know she’s closer to the truth than most of the others in town.”

  As far as Serenity was concerned, no one else would ever know the entire truth. What was done was done. It was their business to reconcile with God, and theirs alone. She’d never subscribed to the “inherent right to know” theory, anyway.

  In an interesting development, the crime “family” in Long Island had collapsed with the arrest, imprisonment and impending trial of the son of Elise’s patient. It’d been all over the news, both in the newspaper and on the television. “God’s cleaning house,” was her father’s observation of the situation.

  That knowledge also seemed to free her mother. Overnight, she appeared much younger, much more like she’d been before her sudden disappearance. She’d returned to her natural blonde and was starting to grow out her hair. “Maybe we can eventually release little tidbits about what really happened,” her mother said. “If anyone’s still interested. But not until Justin knows.” Her mother was adamant on that point, and she was right.

  Someday, when he was old enough, Serenity would tell her son the truth. One day he’d come to her, like he had to her mother, and ask about his early years. And she’d tell him the truth because Justin, more than anyone else, had the inherent right to know. She’d tell him how his grandmother had protected him like Miriam did for her little brother, Moses. How she’d protected him with her own life and how she’d sacrificed out of love for him. Then brought him back safely home.

  “What about that gravestone out in the cemetery with Liam’s name on it?” Clinton asked at dinner one night when Charlie had Justin over for a play date with Maya. “What do we do about that?”

  “Can’t they fill in or smooth over the date of his supposed death?” Elise asked.

  “I don’t want to keep it.” Serenity had shuddered, a violent force shaking her entire body. “It’s morbid. What if Justin sees it or someone tells him about it?”

  “I’ll make a call and have it removed,” Clinton said. “I’ll figure out something. There’s a new caretaker. I’ll pay him well, take a truck out there and tell him we’ve decided to move it somewhere else.” Her mother had run from the kitchen, crying. Clinton had followed her. What a tangled web indeed. Sometimes life held no easy answers. The Lord had become her best friend, and prayer her constant companion.

  Serenity had tracked down Danny’s parents in Raleigh, and arranged a visit with them in August. A week before the planned trip, she’d call John and Paula Kincaid and tell them the entire story. The element of surprise wouldn’t be good, either for them or her five-year-old son. She’d need to first pave the way, lay the groundwork. First, she’d tell Justin about his father and what a good man he was. Danny had been good or she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. But, somewhere along the way, he’d lost himself. In her heart, she’d always known Danny was only trying to make a better life for them but got himself killed by making some bad decisions.

  The Kinca
ids would certainly be shocked, but she had full confidence they’d also be overjoyed to meet their grandson. She prayed their happiness would trump any ill will directed toward her mother for her actions. Without a doubt, they’d love Justin and dote on him. Danny had been their only child, and getting to know his son—one they’d thought had been lost to them forever—would be a precious gift. They had every right to know Justin and spend time with them, and she couldn’t deny them the privilege. How marvelous to see the ways in which the Lord closed holes in their hearts and souls, drawing them close and giving them comfort in only the way He could.

  Waiting for the fireworks to begin, Serenity sat back on the blanket and relaxed, enjoying the camaraderie between Jackson and her dad. They sparred back and forth like old pals, and she hummed along to the canned music, one ear tuned into their light banter. Justin’s attempts to imitate Jackson’s every move amused her. When the light show began, Justin scooted closer and leaned against her.

  “Come sit closer to Mommy,” Justin said, beckoning with one hand to Jackson.

  “Only if it’s okay with Mommy.”

  Serenity patted the spot on the blanket next to her and he complied.

  Her mother had invited Mrs. Marciano to sit with them. The two ladies sat and talked quietly in lawn chairs. From the frequent glances directed their way, she knew she and Jackson must be the primary topic of discussion.

  Charlie and Maya sat nearby on another blanket. He waved. “Love you,” Charlie mouthed to her and she moved her curled fist over her heart and returned his smile.

  “Wow, look at that one!” Justin said, clapping at an especially bright display high in the sky. Long streams slowly trailed a sparkling path down toward the earth.

  “Those are my favorite.” Serenity smoothed Justin’s hair away from his eyes. He needed a haircut soon. Those small, mundane things of life—haircuts, preparing sandwiches, making plans for school and play dates with other kids—those were the most important aspects of her life now. Things she never imagined she might be doing with her son. “Which one’s your favorite?”

  “The red ones that look like a big starfish with lots of legs,” Justin said, smiling as blue and green fireworks spontaneously burst into full, brilliant color.

  “I’ve never looked at it that way,” Jackson said. “Interesting perspective.”

  “Does God make the fireworks?” Justin shifted to look up at her.

  Serenity glanced at Jackson, but he nodded for her to answer. “I think God makes His own fireworks,” she said. “And they’re even more spectacular than what we’re watching in the sky now. We might not be able to actually see them, but they’re every bit as bright and colorful.”

  Justin’s eyes were bright and curious. Such beautiful eyes, such a handsome face. “If they’re not in the sky, then where are they?”

  Again, Serenity shot Jackson a glance.

  “You’re doing fine,” he whispered, his voice low, encouraging her to continue. He covered her hand planted on the ground between them, squeezing it.

  “I like to think they’re in the everyday miracles of life,” she said.

  “What’s a miracle?” Oh, he asked the hard questions sometimes. But she wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Having you right here with me, for one,” she said, smoothing his hair aside again when the light breeze blew it into his eyes. “Being able to do things like take you to get this way-too-long hair of yours cut.” When she tugged on a lock of hair, Justin giggled then exclaimed over another bright display of fireworks. As he settled down again, Serenity nestled him closer, moving both arms around him and rocking him.

  They watched the fireworks, clapping, laughing and talking quietly together. Like the family she hoped they’d be one day. Raising her face to the sky, Serenity wished upon a star.

  ~CHAPTER 47~

  Serenity marked an “x” in the sand. She sat next to Jackson a few weeks later on the beach. They’d taken to meeting there almost every night, often with Justin playing nearby. Since he would be starting school soon, she’d started a new going-to-bed earlier campaign. Not that it always worked, but tonight Mrs. Marciano was at her house, keeping watch over Justin and helping him climb into bed. He’d probably regale her with his stories of the tower or of Princess Serenity. Or Prince Jackson, his most recent favorite story.

  Justin had started asking if Jackson could come live with them and be a “real” family. Cherishing his questions, she’d hidden them in the secret places of her heart, treasuring them. “All in due time,” she’d said in answer to his questions. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder if Justin asked Jackson similar questions. They’d spent a lot of time together—outside of his office—and that thrilled her as much as anything could. Justin loved it when Jackson taught the Sunday School class, even more when she helped, too. They’d spent time together, the three of them, and with her mother and father, doing all those things that formed tight bonds—talking, being silly, enjoying quiet time, playing games, walking along the beach, playing with Freud, throwing starfish back into the ocean, imprinting the other on their hearts. The times spent in the church, worshipping, were precious. Clinton was slowly coming around and Serenity felt it was only a matter of time. Yes, sometimes these things took time.

  “‘The Lord is my strength and my shield,’” Serenity said. “‘My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore, my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him.’” Catching Jackson’s grin, she smiled. “I’ve been reading my Bible. It’s quite a fascinating book.”

  Jackson marked an “o” and raised a brow. “God also blessed you with someone who made you strong, equipped you with the tools you needed to get through the last few years.”

  Serenity looked over at him, confused, and raised a brow. “Mama.” She crossed another “x” in their pattern in the sand.

  “Yes. Elise taught you the value of living, the joy in laughing, and the way to forge ahead in the face of adversity. Have you forgiven her, Serenity?” He glanced her way. “I mean completely forgiven her?”

  “I know Mama only did what she did out of love.” She looked over at him. “Like Miriam with Moses, right?” The corners of his mouth tipped upward, but he remained silent as he drew another “o” in the sand.

  She drew in a deep breath. “Dad understands that, too. After the initial shock of it all, and thinking through everything and getting my head on straight again, I came to the realization I would have done the exact same thing if I were in her shoes. She didn’t have a choice, and Justin has only known love. Knowing I have both my parents nearby is a comfort. The Lord knew all these things, and even though I could never have guessed the way in which the events of the last few years have played out, it’s all good.”

  “And you’ve forgiven yourself?”

  Oh yes, this man knew her so well. Now, she embraced the idea and even welcomed it.

  “I’m learning to, yes. A certain smart psychologist keeps telling me I have no reason to blame myself for anything that happened.” Leaning her chin on her knees, she smiled. “I’m finally beginning to see the truth in that. Now, I’m looking to the future, not to the past.” Marking a final “x” in the sand, she drew the line through it.

  “Is Justin registered for school?”

  Not what she meant, but she loved talking about her son with Jackson. Loved talking about anything with him. “Sure is. He’s so excited. We went shopping the other day and bought his backpack and supplies.” She shot him a grin. “He told me all about your fishing trip. Justin loves spending time with you. So do I.”

  “Speaking of which, we have the gala fundraiser coming up in September, thanks to all the hard work from you, Deidre, Charlie and all the others on the committee. We’re going to have an orchestra serenading us at a catered dinner followed by dancing to a jazz quartet. See,” he said, nudging her arm, “I knew you’d be a huge help.”

  “Thank you, kind sir. It’s been a lot of fun.” Why was it she was the one
asking leading questions and he kept changing the subject? She’d thought he’d be thrilled, but he uncharacteristically seemed to be avoiding them. Knowing Jackson as well as she did now, she knew he must have his reasons.

  “Jackson,” she said, stretching out her legs and reclining on the sand, wiggling her toes, “did you ever find out who the mysterious benefactor is for the playground?”

  When he didn’t immediately answer, Serenity glanced at his strong, almost aristocratic profile. He could be descended from French royalty with his oh-so-handsome features. The fantasy was nice, anyway, even if his last name wasn’t French. Some of his dark hair whipped over his forehead and she pushed it aside with gentle fingers when he stretched out beside her. “It was Charlie, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes. How’d you know?” He reached for her hand. What a sight they must be, flat on their backs, on the sand, side-by-side.

  She shrugged. “A hunch, I guess. For one thing, Charlie wants to make sure Justin has a lasting reminder of his father. He’ll think of him every time he goes down the slide or on the swings at the playground.”

  “But Charlie didn’t know Justin was alive when we first made plans for the playground,” Jackson said.

  Turning her head, she smiled. “I’m beginning to wonder about that now, too. Only God knows for sure. I’m not asking questions.”

  “I love you, Serenity.” Jackson’s head rushed with emotion. He’d waited so long to say the words. Desperately hoped she’d say them back.

  “I love you, too.”

  Tears stung his eyes. What a romantic fool he was, but he didn’t care. “We’d better get up,” he said, his voice husky as he pulled her to her feet.

  “You might think you love me,” she said, surprising him. “But maybe it’s pity you feel. I’m a case study in grief, and you’re only fascinated with the inner workings of my brain in processing grief.” She gestured with her hands and the look in her eyes was a little wild. “Or something like that.”