by Gary Hawkes
Let’s Get Weird: Poems, Songs and other…From a 33 Year Old Boy Navigating the American Jungle
By Gary Hawkes
Copyright Gary Hawkes 2013
Part I
33 Year Old Boy
Miss time of old
When deep discussion was about that basketball card you sold
Enjoying life was the main concern
No worry about the clothes my mom made for me, or how much money to earn
There seems to be other outcast and goofballs like me out there
I am still focused on making it, not just living without care
I won’t need a castle to define my success
Helping people who’ve helped me is the first test
If we can give some power back to the people, that would be best
ADDICTION
Have an affliction, not quite sure of the cure
Hopefully love, for sure
Feel drained and out of tune
Don’t think I can carry on till the next noon
All the connections now seem negative
Don’t have anything left to give
If I don’t move
I’ll be very much out of the groove
What am I doing anymore, I think openly
Losing faith in whatever this is, what value do you have if you don’t have money
I can’t go back to her, can’t as in I’d be ill, Not sure any more of up, down, left or right
Don’t want any more shit jobs, have had plenty
I can feel myself slowly suffocate
For some reason I keep waking up
Going to keep heading south
Nothing else to talk about
American Dream
Meandering through the mind field that is the American Dream
Contemplating this life and what it means
How long lost in the swarming fields of pacification and intolerance
Which there seems no deliverance
Living in such a small bubble, that is hard to escape
Enjoy the ride as best one can, although when stuck here, the nerves start to agitate
Follow the white horse as far as he will go
Maintain the interest and let happiness flow
Leave this place behind soon enough
Try a new journey, friendship to be sought
Hopeful musing on this cool summer night
Even though things are barely moving along, the future is still bright
Get back to the deal you were meant to
Silly distractions askew the view
It is yours for the taking, if wanted
Be a man and step up, you’ve spent too much time stalling
SAIL INTO TOMMOROW
Heavenly believer
In the passion, consumed by her
Soul lifter
But now no longer
No regrets
Of what’s left
Nothings in jest
Tomorrow’s the new best
Sail into tomorrow
No more sorrow
Be one again
Righteous feeling
Everything gained
Nothing lost
Unknown cost
Silent cot
Empty lot
Happiness sought
Freedom bought
Impossible, not
Sail into tomorrow
No more sorrow
Be one again
Righteous feeling
ANGEL
Sun sets on the warmth that was left
Eternally grateful for what was saved, but the wondering eye has become a pest
She was a glorious angel who saw light in him
Giving him the confidence to continue, letting this life be
That was long ago, the attachment no longer stable
We will both move on, he preached, more than able
The words wouldn’t be written, without their meeting
But that chance encounter no longer decides the remainder of their evenings
Now what to do with what was created
Not able to share, the times will always be debated
Will never again be allowed to go at true full steam
Those two that from them are more than a dream
The angel will care for them as long as able
Until then the dark one waits, continues to encourage
Preparing for the time to bring them to the table
It is then that there will be full steam again
Lost without them, because of his apparent sin
BALANCE
Always striving for balance
Having already served my penance
But, I am going to strive
To keep hope alive
It has gone on long enough
A small group controlling so many
So many have so little, even though we live in the land of plenty
What will it take to reverse this inequality?
Using our minds, working together logically
Although, I do also listen to the right clan
The one’s with the master plan
Yes, educated by the Wu Tang Clan
Our way of life is out of balance
Some are born with so much; others aren’t even given any REAL chance
We all know it’s wrong, but we hide behind our distractions
Stupid computer screens, our main interactions
Can’t be naïve to the situation
There is hell on this plantation
But in love there is salvation
I refuse to be sent to condemnation
Not sure who else in on my wave
Or am I someone who needs to save
Righteousness shoved down our throats
I’m just now in mid-age beginning to sort
I feel about the same as I did at twenty
Just now I’m older, more beat up, heartache and fuck ups, I’ve had plenty
But the future is still somewhat bright
As it always it, especially when the alternative is a coffin tonight
Our way of life is out of balance
Some are born with so much; others aren’t even given any REAL chance
We all know it’s wrong, but we hide behind our distractions
Stupid computer screens, our main interactions
Can’t be naïve to the situation
There is hell on this plantation
But in love there is salvation
I refuse to be sent to condemnation
Avoid the violence as best you can
But when The Man corners you like a dog, Fighting is the only plan
My soul is mush and rock all at once
The next fight with the devil, I look forward to the chance to pounce
On this damn negative shit that hasn’t gone away
Enlightenment is not an easy game to play
Despite all the injustices, war, prejudices, and general fucked up shit that divides our nation,
I’m still eternally hopeful for the new dawn, striving for light in my own way with little hesitation
HAPPINESS CAN’T BE BOUGHT
Going for a bike ride to put my mind at ease
In this cool Oregon Breeze
Forget about the troubles over the last few months
Happiness doesn’t have to be bought
Blood so concerned with my behavior they want me to go to an E.R.
T
hey don’t know me too well, see ‘em a couple times a year, we are who we are
Sure I’ll get check out at some point
But on my time and by my choice
No need for constant worry about who I am
I’ve been living this way most my life, so I know I can
Keep surviving as long as there’s potential
My thoughts and actions are rarely sequential
Rode ten miles today just to get a girl’s number
Without a woman in my life, it’s a difficult slumber
Not even that upset about losing most the stuff I bought recently
Not that I like it, I despise thieves
It’s just that I’m still alive Rockin’ and Rollin’
Forget about the things that were stolen
Including the boys taken from me
From the wife that used to be
Have given me pause about what it means to be free
Happiness can’t be bought
Relationships should be sought
A grain of salt with the lessons that are taught
Happiness can’t be bought
BLOOD TIES
I’m no longer going to get stressed out about what my family thinks of me
The wrath of their negativity is what’s forcing me to flee
If religion is what give your life meaning
I’m happy for you, but I don’t have the same feeling
My blood ties are giving me a ride
Right into the typhoon tide
Don’t really want that kind of light
I’m sailing away in my own Delorean
Out of sync with this modern time
I’m much more open to all different kinds of groups
And as long as your cool, we’ve marched in the same troops
Some causes mean more to me
We all shoulder our own individuality
My blood ties are giving me a ride
Right into the typhoon tide
Don’t really want that kind of light
I’m sailing away in my own Delorean
Out of sync with this modern time
Will make it at this no matter how negative the family can get,
There is still some fight and life in me yet
Very difficult alone, the Ex even took my cat, the pet
Why would you go and do a thing like that
My blood ties are giving me a ride
Right into the typhoon tide
Don’t really want that kind of light
I’m sailing away in my own Delorean
Out of sync with this modern time
CHOICES
The Legend grows as the old dream fades
Lighting the spark that will return him to the Everglades
Fascinating endeavor that is before us
No longer worrying about traveling by bus
Otherwise too difficult to finish the race
Take off soon while you still see the light
The Others’ oppression can be a painful sight
But in this renewed energy the distant star rejoices
Putting our steaks in new ground,
Heaven opened up to all who made positive choices
COACH
Coach Lindberg made it clear,
It’s wrong to be a quitter
Life is absolutely something, I’ll be a finisher
Today will be rough Day,
May have to reach down and grab some curlies; test the manhood today
I may not always be the best, in fact most of my life I haven’t,
But how you handle failure is the ultimate test
I was never a natural but I was willing to endure pain
That motto we’ve all heard before is absolutely how you get the most gain
Life wasn’t meant to be easy, in fact it was meant to be hard,
Survival of the fittest isn’t something you only practice in the yard.
Rest when you deserve it, after a job well done,
Otherwise you’re just fooling yourself, not helping anyone.
CONFIRMATION
Finished the confirmation process,
Long ago, now I feel it was all nonsense
More rules to keep me and the others nervous
As if the fear of death isn’t already obvious
Spending this whole life worrying about what happens when we die
Seems like a complete waste of time
Are not these institutions created by man?
Is man really always on his best behavior in the golden plan?
I’ve observed quite a bit in my short stay
And it seems we still in all our time, not figured out a way
To live together, sister and brother
Isn’t that GOD’s plan?
Each faith wants to prove their right
Beat down the other with all its might
No regard to the whole picture
It’s only about the individual victor
So here we are several thousands of years later
Still fighting and warring, evil still the master
I thought we were warned about letting evil in
We’ve become too proud of ourselves to encourage thoughtful thinking
There are some good ones who follow the various faiths
It’s the people who bet bogged down in the minutia of it, memorizing everything, believing 100% of every single detail, that makes me worry for the Human Race
Some of the worst humans on the planet claim to be religious
And I mean all of the faiths, No religion is immune to it
Believing so confidently in something we literally know nothing
Forced to prove something,
Just because hundreds or even thousands of years ago,
A guy wrote a book, and told us so
I still believe in GOD, talk to him, her and it all the time
Don’t need a book for this relationship
It’s all in our mind
Just like it was for our ancestors 1000s of years ago, it isn’t always kind
We want to be validated, feel like we’re right
We should just agree, there’s more than one path to the light
CURTAIN
Challenges emerging
Oh, what a glorious urging
To see behind the curtain
The manifestation has already begun, years before
Although others weren’t quite so sure
They’ll deny whatever to the end
Not even saying evil again
Just misunderstood this whole life
But now alright, if others enjoy the ride
What my life is to you
It means quite a bit to me
Hide behind the modern day witch hunt
Tell the world I’m a nut
Need to be locked up
He’s too different to truly succeed
Must need a prescription for that indeed
There’s no possible way in this day and time
For anyone to truly live his own rhyme
Unless you’re born into the highest
With no double standards creating a bias
Time to sing for real but I hate having to ask
Can’t it be like the legend of old, where the myth grows with the stories that are told?
Hate all the digital shit
The Real World is better, no not the stupid TV show
The outside, real people, interacting, watching love grow and grow
This is the place that’s best for me
Don’t know if I’d take a cell phone, even if it was free
Staying off the grid is good for the soul
Able to really see life and let the good time roll
Be cool to have cool people over and just hang out
Make good music, record it, and let it all hang out
Good food and vibes while it’s still cool; no need to pout
; I want a simpler life
Don’t think it’s an oppressive tide
There have been others before like me
This world has changed too fast for me
My tech knowledge peaked around the late nine-teen nineties
But I will stay on the pulse of the human race
It’s still important not to lose face
So, open up the curtain to see the bright orange sun
It’s okay to have fun, as long as we don’t hurt anyone
DIRT PATH
Where is it, why are they here, has anything been detected?
It’s a simple assertion that’s been laid on a dirt path
Awful reminders of what went bad
In case of corruption, join a band
The leaders had been sent before
To search and destroy
Only to be used in most dire circumstances
A white Knight, newly born in the age of happenstance
Engage in injustice, he’s sure to be aware
Takes more than a little to scare
Follow the path that has been laid out
Soon the great exploration will discover the golden trout
Savor the meal, it may be the last
They don’t learn much from their past
DONE
Nothing to see here, the boy is all done
In this modern age of distraction, there is no chosen one
We like it this way, the people yell
The bystanders lose hope, looking on in dismay
The Army of Forgottens marches towards their death
Not really sure who they bargained with
I don’t know about THAT one,
He seems too different, not the one to make a bargain
Well, we know we’re right, our book tells us so
But that book was written two thousand years ago
No, my book is newer, but still pretty old I guess
Written before the time King Henry’s wife lost her head
I don’t know what you’re talking about
My point exactly
No one ever studies histories
The idiots are in charge again
You will be locked away if you say anything
It is indeed true
This deviant little shit though he could grow the devil’s brew
A potent plant that’s been around too long
Everyone should be locked up for singing its song
What about the ones with the curse the plant can alleviate
Fuck them, they think too much anyway
I’ll gladly lock ‘em away forever, and not even hesitate
Make him take that shit my company makes
Who cares if it doesn’t work as well, it’s about the money we take
What a fine world indeed
They elect us, and we tell them what they need
If the people get out of line
Lock ‘em up for and indeterminate time
But, I didn’t think that plant was dangerous
Well of course it is,
If the cursed ones were allowed to think, the effects would be outrageous
Can you imagine a world where the people realized they had the real power?
We would no longer be able to look down at them, from atop our tower
Many of our possessions that aren’t being used,
We’d be forced to sell, just awful abuse
We can’t break this warped truce
DOUBLE TALK
Paralleling the adventures of a famous son
Although miracles and great deeds, I’ve done none
In the current age of high tech everything
Feel just out of place with all the bling
Useless shit to try and feel better
About dying too young, or getting fatter
Put on a proud face, no matter what you feel
Don’t want family’s reputation revealed
Taking my steps one at a time
No more worry of the dime
We the workers will have our time again
No more political double talk to complain
Aching alarm about hazardous connection ahead
It can be difficult to be positive with the barrage of dread
Taking my steps one at a time
No more worry of the dime
We the workers will have our time again
No more political double talk to complain
DREAMS OF DISILLUSION
Disillusion with each passing moment
The past love that has been stolen
Try, try, try
To make it happen again
The one faded, but a new one can sprout again
Hopeful opportunity in the early morning
An anxious wait to see the new yearning
Foreclose on the questions that have been debilitating
Answer them now, keen to amending
Possible that doubt will still consume the others
At the point of resistance don’t bother
Being true to one’s self has a happy ending
The bold sickness has sprouted a new flower, treason they say
Why won’t you do it our way?
It is in this that the chances are redeemed
To live the life that had only been in dreams
KING’S TABLE
The particulars are getting sorted out
For what the new wave’s plan is about
Glide the lightening back to the cave
Even if it’s a sunny day
Hellish ambivalence to what has become
The purpose for this boy and what he has done
He broke the rules too many times to be allowed to speak
Across the King’s table about the company the boy keeps
If you want a spot at the table
Demonstrate you are able
To use common sense and be reliable
This is not one with a crucible
My religion isn’t one pronounced in a book
More a catchy tune with a great hook
Can’t always be consumed with getting through to people
Not all good people prey in a steeple
If you want a spot at the table
Demonstrate you are able
To use common sense and be reliable
This is not one with a crucible
PRESS ON
Pressing on without regard
For the boy’s own goofy struggles, others considered hard
Well if he ain’t going to take charge
The wolves will be out again selling at the bars
Few suspicions left to get in order
No, I do not come from the land of Mordor
The caged beast has become restless with the particulars
About who, what and the onlookers
In this chance game that used to be hers
It’s time to reckon with the deal,
That was made, in the glade
Long ago
It has been told, that the future is unsold
At least the bargain said so
For with the surprise ending at the beginning of that sweet carol
The boy realized he was able,
To have some control of his own story
But other member aren’t quite sure
What the plan is,
‘Cause there isn’t one
Being free, feeling love, friend of a spirit pure
Is really the boy’s only cure
EGGS
When you only have a few eggs
Might as well put ‘em all in one basket
Otherwise, what chance do you have to make it
Money isn’t everything, but it sure would be nice to have more
I don’t need to feel like a king,
Just to be able go out once in a while, show a girl a good time
Let my boys live in style
Right now I’m squeaking b
y,
It’ll get better soon won’t it? I don’t have a great alibi as far as why
It’s not like I haven’t given it a try
Do I have any friends, I think so
Would they say that about me, I don’t know
Haven’t been around much for others to really know
Allowing a friendship to actually grow
I feel isolated due to my own actions
But I hope I can get a woman soon and bring some satisfaction
ELITES
Fortunate hope is coming soon
Will it wash the recent gloom?
Hard to handle being worth nothing
Must have income for life to be worth anything
Hate that it’s this way
But there’s not much for me to say
Have to bust your butt to make those companies grow
The elites live off the growth, they’re in on the know
Their wealth is reliant on the value of companies
Ones that millions of Americans work, for just pennies
But the elites are never satisfied, they always need more
Even when their fifth vacation house is near the ocean shore
Fighting to keep every single penny in their pocket, when they already have too much
While many Americans don’t have enough food to touch
They arrogantly point fingers, saying it’s the poor’s fault
Then the elites use their power and money to cut education, so the poor can’t be taught
Without the skills and knowledge, the poor have no chance
So, then the elites can sing and prance
But the educated working class, we KNOW better
We can reverse the tide, by sticking together
The elites have no ability to operate sewers, build roads or work the power plants
Some don’t even know how to pump their own gas
They’ve become useless, only consumed with greed
When they take over profitable companies, to keep our job, we still have to beg and plead
It’s only about the bottom line, profit
No concern for others’ Happiness indeed
We’ll have to be the ones to reverse the imbalance it seems
THE ELITES: