by Lynn Howard
“Hold on. Here,” he said, opening the tool case he had attached to the bed. He lifted the lighter bags in and closed the lid, then turned to Shawnee and pulled her against his chest, hugging her tight. “That was so fucking awesome.” His smile fell when he heard a sniffle. “Hey,” he said, pulling back to look into her face. “What’s wrong?”
“They’re going to tell my parents everything,” she said. No tears had trailed down her face, but she was blinking rapidly to control them. She sniffled again. “I can’t believe I just did that.” Her eyes were wide as she stared up at him, gripping his wrists as he cupped her face.
“You were a little badass,” he said, bending at the waist and pressing his lips to hers. “Don’t feel bad about that shit. They deserved it.”
He hoisted her into the front seat and smiled all the way around the hood to the driver’s door. Shawnee was turned and looking through the back window at the two from her home Pride, who held a phone to their ear and were gesturing to her as they spoke to someone – more than likely, Shawnee’s parents – tattling about her unladylike behavior.
They could be pissed all they wanted. That had turned him on like he didn’t know was possible.
“They’re talking to my mother. I know they are.”
“You want to call her yourself and tell her what happened?” He waited to pull out until he knew Shawnee wasn’t going to jump from her seat and rip the phone from Tonya’s hand. Because she seriously looked panicked and ready to do just that.
“What? No way! You think that was bad, you should hear what my mother will say when she finds out how I was dressed and how I acted.” She wagged her head side to side with eyes too wide.
“You don’t think any of what you just said is fucked up?” He turned his upper half and rested his left wrist on the steering wheel.
“Which part?” She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed on it, drawing his attention to that mouth he couldn’t get enough of.
“You’re dressed perfectly fine and you behaved just fine.”
“Uh, did you not hear what I said to them?”
“Uh, did you not hear what they said to you? Fuck ‘em. They’re lucky that’s all you said.”
“I feel sick,” she said, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Can we go home?”
Adrenaline. It had to be the adrenaline making her sick. Or maybe it was fear and regret.
As Colton passed the couple still standing on the sidewalk with the phone pressed to Tonya’s ear, it took everything in his power, and every ounce of maturity he had, not to flip them the bird. Shawnee didn’t even look at them, just kept her head turned toward the passenger window.
Reaching across the seat, he laid his hand on Shawnee’s. But she slowly pulled it out from beneath his and folded it in her lap. Fuck. And once again, two steps forward…how many fucking steps did she just take back?
Silence filled the cab the whole ride home. Shawnee didn’t turn to watch the trees pass, didn’t look down into the cars when they were beside the truck. It was like she was scared to see who was in each vehicle. Or maybe she was scared of them seeing her.
Shawnee didn’t wait for him to climb from his seat and help her down. She just pushed the door open, hopped down, then hurried up the steps. She didn’t grab any bags. Didn’t carry anything with her.
Colton grabbed as many bags that would fit over his arms and trudged across the gravel driveway and up onto the deck where Shawnee waited with her back to him. Was that another sniffle?
The second the door was open, Shawnee bolted for the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Yep. That time he’d definitely heard a sniffle. Why was his mate crying? Had those fuckers upset her so badly she was no longer excited about all the new stuff she’d gotten today?
Setting all the bags just inside the door, Colton walked down the hall, put a hand on either side of the door, and listened. She was definitely crying. She’d had so much fun today. He’d seen her blossom like a freaking butterfly out of the oppressive cocoon that she’d been shoved into her whole life.
And all it took to drag her back to hell was members of her family Pride. There had to be a way to make her understand her life wasn’t dictated by those assholes. There had to be a way he could make her understand the only person she had to impress was herself. She’d said the words; told those people they could go to hell…in her own way. Yet here she was, locked in the bathroom, crying.
“Shawnee?” he said softly. When she didn’t answer, he tried the knob. Yep. Locked. “Shawnee, let me in.”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” she said, her voice back to that formal tone she’d had when she’d first arrived.
Dropping his head, he continued to stand there and listen to his mate’s gentle sobs and his heart broke a little for her.
Ten minutes passed and she still didn’t exit the bathroom. He couldn’t stand there all day. She was more than likely waiting for him to go away before she slipped from the room and hurried into the bedroom to lock that door.
“Hey Shawnee?” Shit…was it too soon to say what was on his mind? Fuck it. “I’m in love with you. Hard. And I’m out here whenever you’re ready to talk. You did nothing wrong. You stood up for yourself against the same kind of people my Clan and Big River fought. You have a new family, mate. And we all love you no matter what you wear.” He leaned his forehead against the door. “Oh. And you were right. I do love your ass.”
He heard a sob filled chuckle. That was a step in the right direction.
Pushing from the door, Colton pulled all her new stuff from the bags. He tossed the throw pillows onto the couch, dragged all the new bedding into the bedroom, and replaced his bedspread. He threw the sheets into the wash and put away her clothes. And then he carried the picture frames into the living room and arranged them on the fireplace mantel, the way he’d want them when they were full of pictures of the people he cared about most. The one she’d chosen for the two of them went front and center, and he imagined when the time would come when they’d add a frame for their cub.
****
Shawnee grabbed a handful of toilet tissue and blew her nose. Tossing the wad of paper into the trash can, she did a double take at her reflection. Well crap. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were damp and tear-stained, her nose red from how many times she’d blown it. She was a mess.
Since none of the lions are interested, at least you found someone willing to take you in. That might’ve been her main objective in the beginning. Just like Colton, she just needed a mate, someone who would protect her and impregnate her. But she’d grown to care strongly for Colton. No. That wasn’t even close to how she felt about him. Her heart swelled at just the thought of him standing on the other side of the door while she sat on the toilet seat and sobbed like a child.
“Hey Shawnee? I’m in love with you. Hard. And I’m out here whenever you’re ready to talk. You did nothing wrong. You stood up for yourself against the same kind of people my Clan and Big River fought. You have a new family, mate. And we all love you no matter what you wear.”
Her breath caught in her lungs as she turned to stare at the door. Those were the words she’d craved as a child. Who was she fooling? Those were the words she’d craved her whole life. And Colton had confirmed what she’d already assumed; he was as head over heels for her as she was for him.
How had she even gotten here? Two weeks ago, she’d agreed to mate and live with a virtual stranger. She knew of him, had seen and met him briefly when Eli and Emory were still with Tammen. She’d always found him attractive, but to her, he was off limits. Not only was he a bear, but he was part of the group who had killed her then mate. Not that she’d shed a single tear over Rhett’s death.
She’d seen Colton as out of her league. Yet, he’d treated her like the most precious jewel he’d ever seen since the moment she’d climbed into his truck. One week and not only had her animal claimed him, but so had her heart.
Leaning against the van
ity, she wiped the moisture from her cheeks. She couldn’t go out there looking like this. Even if he thought she was pretty enough without makeup, she didn’t want him to see her looking like a damn ogre. Makeup. And lots of it.
Shawnee pulled the bag from below the sink and started to pull things out. At first, she’d planned on following the routine her mother had shown her when she was barely twelve. Yep. Her mother had her wearing a full face of makeup to cover her freckles and to entice future mates at the young age of twelve.
But why did she have to look the way her mother wanted? Colton probably thought she’d been crying over the episode at Target. While that was part of it, it was more the realization that she’d just permanently separated herself from her parents and her family Pride. She truly hoped her children would all be bears. She didn’t want to be a portal for more sickness. She would never allow anyone to treat her children, her daughters the way she and the rest of the females had been treated.
Honestly, when she’d been told she couldn’t return to Horine because she was without a mate, a part of her had been relieved. Eli, the new Alpha of Hope Pride, treated the women as equals. They all helped to build the homes they lived in. They weren’t expected to run out and find new mates. They weren’t expected to remain pregnant for as long as their bodies could tolerate it.
Shoving the foundation back in the bag, she let her freckles show. She focused her attention on her eyes and lips. The girl from that sweet movie Colton had played for her, The Notebook, came to mind. She’d loved the way that woman had done her hair and makeup. She was pretty sure she couldn’t do her hair that way, not with her frizzy curls, but she sure as hell could do the winged liner and red lips.
After blotting her lips, she checked herself out to make sure she no longer looked like a chick from a horror movie and left the bathroom in search of Colton.
He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. But everything he’d bought for her was. He’d redecorated using the items she’d chosen. The place looked…different. It felt like a little part of her was represented with the colorful pillows, knick-knacks, even the empty picture frames he’d lined on the fireplace mantel. Suddenly, she couldn’t wait for fall when they could start a fire and cuddle up in front of it with their family looking down at them.
Shawnee headed down the hall. Colton wasn’t in the bedroom, either. But just like the living room, he’d put the new bedspread on the bed. The only thing he hadn’t done was unpack the new bathroom decorations. And probably only because she’d locked herself in there while she tried to find the strength Colton was convinced was inside of her.
And in just the week she’d been in Blackwater territory, in Colton’s home, she believed him. She was strong. She just had to keep reminding herself that. Even if they ran into another member of Horine, or even her parents.
Leaving the bedroom, she continued her search for Colton. Turning her head as she stepped into the living room, she found him sitting on the stairs of the porch, that black hat of his clenched in his hands.
He turned his head and glanced at her over his shoulder when she stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind her.
“Hey,” she said.
His brows raised as his eyes roamed her face. “Okay. I know I said you don’t need makeup. But that…” he said, pointing to her lips, “is hot as hell.”
“I used that movie as inspiration.” She didn’t want to tell him she was covering her earlier breakdown or that she was trying to avoid everything her mother had ever taught her about feminine beauty.
“It suits you,” he said with a nod. He didn’t look uncomfortable that she’d been in the bathroom crying. There was no lingering anger from the incident at the store. He just stared at her the same way he did every day, as if she were the most important thing in his world. And she truly felt she was.
“You put everything out,” she said, sitting beside him and immediately leaning into his side when he lifted his arm for her.
Colton leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Wanted to make you smile.” He set his hat on the porch and wrapped his other arm around her until he was hugging her tight. “What made you cry? Should I kick someone’s ass?”
Shawnee snorted out a laugh and shook her head. “It was a release of years of pent up emotions. Jeremy and Tonya just managed to turn the steam valve.”
“Listen to you getting all mechanic sounding.”
“I lived with Eli for the last year. It rubbed off.” She loved how easy it was to talk to Colton, how nothing she said made him look at her as if she was broken, even if she was. She might’ve been broken, but Colton had become her super glue, filling in all those little cracks as she slid the pieces back together.
“I thought maybe…”
“You thought what?” Shawnee asked when he didn’t say anything else.
He pulled back and looked down into her face. “I thought you’d let them get to you. And you were beating yourself up again.”
Shawnee chewed on her bottom lip as she let her eyes drift over his face from those pretty brown eyes to his dark brows, his straight nose, his kissable lips, to the scruff on his chin and cheeks.
“In a way, I was. I don’t know if I’ve ever fit into the mold my parents tried to force me into. I looked the part, but always felt so hollow. I wasn’t even supposed to feel. Did you notice how…I don’t know, dead Tonya’s eyes looked?” He nodded but didn’t say anything. “I know that’s how I looked. And that’s how I felt. Dead inside. But I always wished for more. I always thought that maybe, just maybe if I dressed just right or if I lost a few pounds, my mother would tell me how proud she was of me, or that I deserved better than a life as a breeder.”
Colton kissed her forehead but stayed silent. His quiet support meant more than any words he could’ve uttered.
“Look.” She took a deep breath and pulled from his arms. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You believed in me from the very beginning, even though I still don’t know why. And it’s going to be a long road, but I promise, if you keep…well, looking at me the way you are now, I’ll keep trying to get better.” If only she could evict her mother’s voice from her head.
His face softened and he smiled. “How am I looking at you?” he finally asked after a few seconds.
“Like you love me,” she whispered.
Colton’s smile widened a half second before he dipped his head and claimed her lips. She didn’t need him to say the words. He’d told her enough when she’d hid in the bathroom and cried. She knew he wouldn’t have treated her any differently had she cried in front of him. Okay. He might’ve held her and tried to make her laugh to avoid the blubbering mess she’d been behind closed doors. But she hadn’t wanted him to see her fall apart. He knew she was broken. She’d said as much from the beginning. But he preferred when he looked at her like she was freaking Wonder Woman. And, even if it took years, she’d find a way to become that strong. For both of them.
They sat on the porch until the sun began to set and the frogs and crickets began to play their summer night music. Still, she leaned against Colton’s side and just looked out into the trees.
“Want to watch some more movies?” Colton asked, his deep voice rumbling through his chest.
“How many movies do you own?” she asked, pulling back to look up into his face.
“Not half as many as Reed. You ever see his collection?” Colton asked. She shook her head. “Next time we’re over there, you’ve got to ask to see his movies. He’s almost as proud of them as he is of Lola and Grace.”
“Did he really name his baby after the actress Grace Kelly?”
“Yep. He’d wanted Sandy or Sandra Dee from Grease. There were a few others from other musicals, but I can’t remember what they were.”
“He’s kind of silly,” Shawnee said, taking Colton’s hand when he stood and let him pull her to her feet.
“He’s a goof,” Colton said, pushing open the door and moving aside so sh
e could go in ahead of him.
“You hungry?” she asked. She was going to cook whether he was hungry or not. All those tears drained her energy. Crying was supposed to be cathartic. It just left her exhausted and irritated with burning eyes. She needed some comfort food and calories.
“Get your hot little butt situated on the couch and I’ll make us something to eat.”
Shawnee opened her mouth to argue. It was her job. No. It’s not. You could enjoy taking care of each other. It’s not my job to slave away for any man.
“Actually, I think I want to try on some of my new pajamas.” But she’d leave the makeup on until bedtime. Honestly, she liked the way she felt with the red lips. It was silly since she couldn’t exactly see herself, but whatever.
Colton winked at her and headed into the kitchen. As Shawnee stripped and pulled on a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top, she smiled at the homey sound of Colton working in the kitchen.
Hot little butt. There was nothing little about her butt. And that was fine with her. And apparently, more than fine with Colton. Shawnee was damn near floating when she made her way back into the attached kitchen where Colton was plating sandwiches piled to the ceiling with lunch meat, sliced tomatoes, lettuce, and cheese. He set the tub of mayo and a bottle of mustard in the center of the table, then, like he’d done the last few days, took the chair directly beside her instead of at the head of the table.
And once again, they ate in comfortable silence. He’d refill her glass of water if the level fell. He’d grab the bag of chips and pour them onto her plate if hers dwindled. Everything felt like they’d done it for years. Everything with Colton just felt right.
“I can’t believe I told them off,” she blurted out when she was finished with her meal.
Colton turned in his seat, tossing his arm over the back, and smirked. “It was hot.”
“You think everything I do is hot,” she said with a shake of her head. She rose and gathered the plates before Colton had a chance. If he was going to prepare the food for her, she’d do the cleaning. It was only fair.