by Ada Marie
“Baby, I’d be nothing without my snarky comments. Don’t act like you don’t love it,” Travis commented as he kissed the top of her head.
“I can’t believe they’re leaving already, and I’ve barely spent any time with them,” Annabella said regretfully as Travis entwined their fingers together.
“Hey, they’ll be back in eight months’ time. And then you can spend all the time you want with them,” Travis reminded her.
“What happens now?” she asked him as the sun beat down on her skin.
“What do you mean?” Travis asked her in complete confusion.
“Well I mean, with us. Where do we go now?” she questioned.
He answered her question with an unexpected kiss. She closed her eyes to absorb the kiss. Travis had a way with his kisses, it was always something different. He never went too far with her, never pushed her for more. That was what made him so special. He always put her first. There was a time not long ago when she thought all guys would end up like him.
“We go wherever we want, Bella. We make our own happiness. And as long as we stick by each other, we’ll be okay. I promise. Should we go join them out there?” Travis questioned her, his eyes in the direction of the water.
“I don’t know,” Annabella said, not wanting to get rid of the sweater that concealed her tan top.
“Come on; what is the point in coming to the beach if you don’t go in the water?”
“I don’t want to take my sweater off yet,” she informed him honestly.
“If you don’t get your butt up and get in that water, I’m going to throw you over my shoulder into that water,” Travis said, both playful and serious as he stood up and offered her his hand.
“Please don’t make me,” she begged, not wanting to feel so exposed and naked.
“Why won’t you come in the water?” Travis asked, confused.
“Because, I don’t want to,” she said.
“Okay, how about you just come over there with me and we can put our feet in the water. You won’t have to take that sweater off. I don’t even get why you won’t take that sweater off. I mean, you’re beautiful, but I’ll support the fact that you don’t want to take it off. I said that I’d never make you do something you didn’t want to do, but I’m not going to let you sit here and mope,” Travis told her as he forced her up and slid his hands around her waist.
“I can do that, I guess.” Annabella told him, not sure of what else to say. How could she tell him the real reason? How could she possibly tell him that her sweater was like her security blanket? That, without it, she felt naked and vulnerable. It was better to let him assume then to actually tell him the truth. She didn’t want to see the pity that would come with her secret.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand and led her to the water.
“It’s about time the two of you joined us,” Aubrey yelled at them as she adjusted the top to her bikini.
“Bella here doesn’t want to swim. She just wants to put her feet in the water,” Travis explained.
“Come on Bella,” Aubrey said. “You have to come swim.”
“I don’t want to,” she told her firmly.
“Why not? Take that thing off and come enjoy the water.” Aubrey told her as she stepped closer.
“I said I don’t want to,” Annabella said, raising her voice a little. She couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just drop it. She had her reasons for not wanting to take her sweater off. Maybe in time she could start to heal, but right now she was still being haunted by those dark memories.
“Come on, stop being so uptight and join us,” Aubrey said, reaching for the sweater Annabella wore.
“Stop!” She ran away.
Annabella didn’t care where she was going; she just knew she needed to get out of there. Everything was falling apart. Without her sweater she felt alone, empty, and dirty. She couldn’t bear to let anyone see everything she held so deep inside.
She ran until she found a bathroom. When she went inside, she made sure no one was in there. Standing in front of the mirror, she could see the tears that ran down her face. Every time she began to enjoy herself, something horrible would happen. It would always remind her how easily her past could come back to haunt her.
Slouching down to the floor, she began to sob with her head on her knees. She didn’t want everything to be so easily breakable, she hated that the slightest touch from someone would send her into shock.
“Bella,” she heard Travis’s voice call her. When she looked up, he was standing in the doorway.
“Don’t,” she said as she got to her feet and found a paper towel to wipe away her tears.
“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out like that. I’m not ready to take it off. I have my reasons for having it on, and none you may understand that, but you could support it,” she told him as they eyed each other in the mirror.
“Baby doll, I do support that. I don’t get it, but I’d never make you something you didn’t want to do. I’m really worried about you, Bell, and I feel like you’re waiting for this to end, waiting for us to end,” he said as she turned her around to face him.
“Maybe I am,” she said, not even bothering to deny it because if she was being honest, it was true. Nothing good in her life ever stuck, so why would that change? She could feel herself wanting to cry, wanting to let it all out, wanting to tell the truth of that awful night, but she knew she couldn’t do that. It was better this way, better for everyone.
“I wish you’d stop that. I wish you’d stop waiting for it to end. I can see right through you. You’re afraid to be happy because you don’t think you deserve it, but you do. You deserve all the happiness that life brings you. Don’t shut it out. Bella, don’t ruin us before we’ve had our chance to begin,” Travis begged.
“I’m scared that if I let myself be happy, it’s all going to come crashing down, Travis. I’m afraid it’s all going to be taken away from me,” she told him. “How could I recover from that if I gave everything and was left with nothing?”
Travis thought about what she said for moments. She was afraid to let herself be happy, but she deserved to be happy. Out of everyone he knew, she deserved it the most. She closed the world off, destroyed her own happiness, all because she didn’t think she deserved to be happy. He didn’t care how long it took, but if he had any say in it, he’d make her believe she deserved to feel this way, to let herself be happy. Travis would make sure of that.
“That won’t happen, Sunshine. Because I care about you, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make you see that you deserve this, all of it,” he told her as their noses touched and before she could say a word his lips gently brushed over hers in a bittersweet kiss.
“Promise you won’t leave me?” Annabella asked in a desperate, pleading voice.
“I’m not going anywhere. You mean everything to me, and I want you. I want your laughs, your cries, your dreams, your hopes, your life; I want to share it all with you.”
“Can you just hold me for now?” Annabella asked him with fearful eyes.
“I can do that. Come here,” he replied, holding out his arms.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” Annabella whispered, closing her eyes and tightening her arms around Travis. He was her safe place. In his arms she knew that nothing bad could happen. Not even he could hurt her in Travis’s arms.
“From now on, I’ll always take care of you Bella.”
“I think we should go back now, you’re not even supposed to be in the girls’ bathroom.”
“Well you ran away. I wasn’t just going to let you come in here alone crying.”
“I’m sorry I keep running away,” she whispered.
Annabella stared at
Travis, knowing that from now on she was going to try. She was going to try to be a better girlfriend for him, and she was going to try to not let her past interfere.
***
“You have to call me every single day.” Aubrey said to Annabella the next day. Her parents arrived back home the previous night and everyone was going back to Florida, with the exception of her brother who decided to stay with his family.
“Yeah, we’re going to miss you so much,” Chelsea commented as she stood in front of the limo that Aubrey’s dad hired to drive them home.
“I’m going to miss you guys too, and I promise it won’t be like last time. I’ll stay in touch,” Annabella vowed.
“Do you promise?” Maxie asked as she pulled Annabella into a firm, tight hug.
“I do, but we don’t have to be sad about you guys leaving, because you’re all coming back for spring break, remember?” Annabella said.
“I know, but it’s not the same. I feel the absence when you’re not there at school; it’s just not the same,” Aubrey told her in a soft tone.
“We’ll be okay, Aubrey, it’ll all be okay. When you come back it’ll feel like you never left,” Annabella said. No matter how many times she fought with her while she was there, Aubrey was still her best friend. She was still the girl she grew up with and knew her like the back of her hand. They had a lifetime of memories, good and bad.
“I know. You take care of my girl,” Aubrey said as she turned to Travis, who was standing right beside Annabella.
“I promise I’ll take care of her, I’d never let anything happen to her,” Travis said with pride.
“I was wrong,” Aubrey said as she continued to look at Travis.
“About what?” Annabella asked, not sure of exactly where this conversation was headed.
“Him.” She pointed at Travis. And she was being truthful; she had treated Travis so horribly because she felt like Annabella was choosing him over her. It was Aubrey who had been the selfish person all along. She was glad that Annabella finally found someone who she cared about just as much as he cared about her. “I treated you so horribly, Travis, and I just want to apologize. I just didn’t want to lose my best friend. You’re good for her though. You bring her something that I haven’t seen in such a long time. Her smile.”
“What can I say? I love her smile.” Travis said gazing into Annabella’s eyes. He could look into those baby blues for a lifetime, and it never would be enough.
“I love yours too, Mr. Hotshot.” Annabella smirked.
“Oh, get a room,” Ryan called from the doorway. “Actually, don’t.”
“Anyways, I’m glad you’re here for her. Truce?” Aubrey asked as she extended a hand to Travis.
“Truce,” he told her with a smile. To be honest, he still thought she was vindictive and mean, but she was Annabella’s friend and the last thing Annabella needed was for Travis and Aubrey to be at each other’s throats all the time.
“See, you two can get along after all.” Annabella cheered, happy that the two people that meant the most to her were able to look past their differences and get along for her. It put some peace to her mind. It was one less thing she had to worry about.
“Only for you, love,” Travis told her with a smile.
“Anyways we should get going,” Aubrey said. “But before we do, you should probably say goodbye to him.” Aubrey said, nodding towards Matt who put the last of the bags in the trunk.
Walking over to Matt, Annabella felt a sense of sadness. She knew that he was still in love with her, but she was grateful that he finally realized he needed to move on. Matt had been her best friend almost as long as Aubrey had. They shared so many amazing memories together, and the truth was she couldn’t imagine her life without him, only in a different sense than he did. She saw him as her best friend, a brother even; nothing more, nothing less.
“Hey,” Annabella said, tapping him on the shoulder.
“Hey, there,” Matt replied, turning around.
“Are we going to be alright?” Annabella asked, worried that once he left, their friendship would slowly start to drift away.
“Of course. Listen, I meant every word I said to you. I love you, no denying that, but maybe I can start to love you the way you love me, just as a best friend. He makes you happy, and I’m grateful to see that beautiful smile back on your face,” Matt assured her for what felt like the millionth time.
“I just don’t want to lose you,” she said again.
“And you won’t. Now I have a long ride ahead of me, and you have a boyfriend to attend to. Go,” Matt encouraged her.
Pulling him into a hug, Annabella held on for dear life. Aubrey was a great girlfriend, but Matt had something she didn’t, compassion. Annabella could sit and pour her heart out to Matt forever, and he’d never get bored or try to change the subject. It was something that Annabella loved about him very much. No matter what happened, she knew she always had a friend in him, a shoulder to cry on. Matt would always be there for her, just as much as she’d always be there for him.
Fourteen
“I think we should go on a date,” Travis said out of the blue a week after her friends left. They’d been dating for a couple weeks now, yet they still hadn’t gone out.
“That was random,” Annabella told him as she tossed her copy of “Safe Haven” By Nicholas sparks aside.
“I know, but it just dawned on me that I haven’t treated you like girlfriend very well. I should have taken you out weeks ago,” Travis admitted as he traced the outline of her face with his index finger, sending chills through her body.
“We don’t have to go out on a date, Trav. I know how I feel about you, and you know how you feel about me. That’s what matters.”
“My mother taught me to treat a girl like a princess, and that’s just what you are, so we’re going on a date,” Travis demanded, not taking no for an answer.
“Travis, I don’t need a date,” Annabella told him in a calm voice. She didn’t need a date to make her believe what he felt was real. She knew in her heart already. The way he touched her and kissed her told her everything she needed to know.
“It’s not about what you need or don’t, baby, it’s about what I want to give you and that’s the world. A date would be good for us. Don’t say no, please. Anyway, you should feel honored to be able to go on a date with your hot, irresistible, wonderful boyfriend,” Travis smirked.
“Now, aren’t we full of ourselves?” Annabella laughed “Why in the world should I feel honored?”
“Because I’ve never taken a girl out before.”
“I thought you said you dated a lot of girls.”
“I wouldn’t use the word date, honestly, Bella. I slept around. I didn’t care about those girls, and they didn’t care about me. They were easy; end of story. The only exception was Marissa,” Travis said, with no remorse.
“How was she an exception?” Annabella asked.
“I don’t mean that I ever had feelings for her. I didn’t. Things with her were complicated. She lied about a lot of things. I think I told you about the story when she claimed to be pregnant. She also claimed to love me, and I thought she was crazy. I almost wanted to laugh, because I didn’t believe in love. She doesn’t matter though. My point to all of this is that I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. It’s like you’ve changed the part in me that never wanted to feel.”
“How come you never wanted to feel Travis? Even with all my baggage, I hoped that one day I’d be able to feel. I didn’t believe I ever would, but I still hoped.”
“My dad left a long time ago, and that took a toll on my life. It was when he left that I started to act out. I was so hurt and confused. I just didn’t want to feel any kind of emotions.”
“Do you talk to him at all?” Annabella asked in
wonder. Sure, she had a secret that she kept buried deep inside her, but her parents – especially her dad – were always there for her. She couldn’t imagine a life without her dad being by her side.
“No, I don’t,” he said in a voice that appeared to be regretful.
“You should contact him,” Annabella said.
Travis felt his eyes widen and he took in her last statement. You should try to contact him? Did she not hear what he told her? Why the hell would he even think about trying to contact him? He left him and Travis didn’t need that lowlife of a man in his life. He didn’t need him at all. Travis was a child when he left, and he’d had to grow up fast.
“Not a chance in hell,” Travis said angrily, rising from the bed to put distance between them.
“Travis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought maybe you could get closure. I mean, the fact that he’s not around seems to bother you and I don’t want you to hurt,” Annabella explained, following him as he began to pace the room.
“It’s not you, Bella. I just don’t like to talk about it. So can we just drop it?” Travis asked.
“Of course.” She knew exactly how it felt to have something you didn’t want to talk about, and she wouldn’t push him.
“Now, about that date,” Travis reminded her, closing the distance between them as he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her close.
“I’ll make you a deal, as long as you don’t spend any money on me, you can take me on a date,” Annabella challenged.
“No deal. How about if I spent very little money? That’s my best offer,” Travis negotiated, putting his lips to her skin.
“Fine,” She whispered, feeling the weakness that overcame her every time Travis kissed her.
“I’ll pick you up at seven. I have to work in an hour, so I’ll call you when I’m finished, okay?” Travis asked, glancing at the digital clock that sat on her nightstand. It was going on noon.