White Dawn

by Susan Edwards

  John lifted his head and stared down into her eyes. “Yes, Sunshine. Now. Let me feel you explode around me.” His finger circled harder, faster. His throbbing manhood shifted as he moved up to claim her mouth with his.

  His words and his touch and his kiss sent her over the edge. Her fingers clutched his shoulders as she burst into flames that erupted through the heavens in millions of glowing sparks.

  Chapter Twelve

  John gritted his teeth against the spasms of Emily’s sex convulsing around him, urging him to begin the hard and furious strokes that would take him over the edge. But he held back. Held himself rigid until he felt Emily go limp.

  Reaching down, he slid his hands beneath her buttocks and lifted, bringing her hard against him. He withdrew, then slid back into her, burying himself to the hilt, stretching her, feeling himself fill her completely.

  She gasped. Lifting her legs, she planted the soles of her feet against his shoulders as he pulled out, then pushed in with slow, even strokes. She arched her back off the ground. Faster and faster he thrust, and louder and more frantic came her cries. Her hips jerked, her feet pushing against him in her frantic need. With each thrust, he clenched his fingers over the cheeks of her buttocks to grind her quivering body tightly against him. His control slipped, the pinnacle loomed, and he pounded against her. Each breath he released was a harsh moan.

  “Now, my sweet Lady Dawn. Now.”

  “Yes, yes,” she cried, throwing her arms over her head, her head rolling back and forth with each of his wild thrusts. She gasped his name then. He felt her stiffen, felt her body tighten around him, squeezing and squeezing until John himself went rigid. His cry of release mingled with hers.

  The sensation of flying overtook him. John tried to hang on to it, wanted it to last forever, but his body collapsed atop Emily’s. Her legs relaxed and fell from his sides, and his and Emily’s chests rose and fell with shallow breaths.

  Lifting his head John stared down at Emily, enchanted by her full, parted lips, the wild disarray of her hair spread out around her head like a halo, and the sound of her breathing. Her eyes, heavy with passion, opened. She flushed, stains of embarrassment creeping up her neck.

  “You’re beautiful, Emily. That was beautiful. A gift I’ll treasure always.”

  Her fingers slid through his hair, long, dark strands of which fell to frame his face like a dark curtain, secreting the two of them from the world. “I never… I mean, not like that—”

  John silenced her with a gentle kiss and whispered, “I understand. I’ve never felt this way with any other woman. Never wanted to watch, needed to make it last as long for her as I could.” He lifted his head. “This is different. You are different, and you make me feel different—as if this were the first time.” And it was, in a sense, because it was the first time he’d ever been in love. He rolled to one side, taking Emily with him, refusing to part them. His hand lifted to brush the hair from her face.

  She traced the tip of her finger over his lips. “I was so afraid you’d be disappointed.”

  Startled, he lifted his head. “Why would I be disappointed?”

  She ran her finger over his chest, refusing to look at him. “I’m used.”

  John forced her to look at him. “Would you be disappointed if I told you that you aren’t my first? Or second? Or third?”

  Emily wrinkled her nose. “No one expects a man to wait.”

  “I don’t hold to double standards. I love you, and that’s all that matters. The past is past. For you. And me.”

  Emily smiled up at him, relieved that he didn’t hold her past against her. For it was the past. Now there was only John and the incredible way he made her feel. Right now, she was very much afraid it was love she felt—a deeper and truer love than she’d known before. “You’re wonderful, John. Sometimes I’m afraid to believe that you are real. I don’t deserve someone like you.”

  He brushed her lips with his. “That’s where you’re wrong, Sunshine. You’ve lived your hell; you deserve a bit of heaven. Maybe I won’t be the one to give it to you for eternity, but I want that for you. And I’d try to give it to you if you let me.”

  And he would. She knew he’d try to move the earth and the heavens if she asked. “You do make me happy, John.”

  Pulling her on top of him, he gave her a wicked grin. “We have the rest of today and all of tomorrow before my family returns. I’d like to make you a lot happier.” He moved inside her, showing her what he intended—and that he was capable.

  Settling herself over him, Emily smiled, satisfied at the feel of him hard and throbbing inside her. Taking a deep breath, she lifted up, then lowered herself all the way down his newly swollen length. He filled her and, to her delight, her body responded as if they had not even paused. “Well, are you going to talk or finish what you started?” She squeezed the inner walls of her body and felt his hips jerk in response.

  John reached up and grabbed her. “Damn, woman, you’ll finish me off before I’m ready.” He groaned.

  Emily fell forward, her palms cushioned by the soft mat of hair on his chest. “But I’m ready, John,” she said, panting. And with that she gave in to the renewed passion flooding through her.

  John and Emily spent the rest of that day and the next walking, talking and kissing. They spent the night together alone in the cabin, simply making love.

  Emily woke before the sun and sat up. She ran her fingers through her hopelessly tangled hair. John’s grandfather and cousin were due back today. She hated to see her time alone with John come to an end.

  He pulled her back to him. “We’ll find a way to be alone again.” He kissed her long and hard.

  “Not while your cousin is here. I don’t want to cause trouble.” Emily rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers absently trailing a path through the thick mat of hair on his chest.

  “My cousin will have to accept what is.” John’s voice was hard.

  Emily lifted her head. “I hope so. But out of respect for your grandfather, we can’t flaunt it.” She sighed. “I’ll miss our walks, though.”

  John’s fingers slid down to cup one breast. “Just our walks?”

  “Well…”

  At his shocked glare, she laughed. “I might miss kissing you.”

  John growled and rolled her onto her back. “Just kissing?” He was hard, already aroused. His swollen manhood pressed into her, probing the entrance to her rapidly moistening sex.

  Biting her lip to keep from begging him to make love to her, Emily tried to keep the laughter from her voice. “What else is—” Her voice caught when he slid into her. He penetrated her fully.

  “This. Will you miss this?” His mouth latched on to the engorged tip of her breast. “And this?” He moaned then, as he nipped her. Withdrawing, he left just the tip of himself pulsing within her throbbing heat. “Tell me, Emily. What will you miss?”

  “This.” Her fingers slid down his chest and found his flat male nipples. She lightly pinched them, felt the rumble in his chest as he caught his breath. He thrust back inside of her. “And that.” She gasped. Then her fingers trailed lower, to where they were joined. She looked down to where her pale curls nestled against his midnight-black ones.

  Lifting her arms, she pressed her nails into his buttocks—then she whimpered, bringing his mouth to hers. “And this. All of it. You. You’re right. We’ll just have to find a way to be alone.”

  The sun had fully risen before Emily woke again. This time she dressed. John woke and dressed as well. Before they left the cabin, they placed their bedding back in the usual spots, and opened the shutters and door to air the scent of lovemaking from the tiny shack.

  Outside in the warm fall day, John pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. “Marry me, Emily.”

  She closed her eyes tight. She wanted to marry him. Thought what she felt was love. But she had to be sure. And as long as she lived here, where she was dependent on him, she’d never know for sure. “John—”
<
br />   Holding her from him, he smiled sadly. “I know. Just know that I’ve asked you. I’ll take you back to the mission, then to Kentucky to find your father. I won’t rush you. And I won’t pressure you. You don’t have to give me an answer right away. But I want you to know that my intentions are honorable. I don’t want you for just a few days or a few months. I want you at my side forever. I want to laugh with you. Cry with you. Even fight with you so we can make up. I want to spend my life with you and grow old with you. I want to share the dawns and sunsets of every day with you. I love you.”

  “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Tears spilled from Emily’s eyes, and a funny feeling in her stomach made her rub at the spot. Hand in hand, they left the shack.

  Emily started the morning meal. It was odd, cooking alone, but since Mary and Ben had taken off after Gascon and Willy had left, she’d gotten used to it. She grinned. Mary had understood all too well Emily’s desires. And Emily appreciated her friend’s disappearance. This time alone with John had been heavenly. But now other things were intruding on her happiness. Though they still had the day ahead of them, Emily dreaded the return of Willy.

  As it had for the past few mornings, her stomach seemed to knot up, making her nauseated. Figuring it was the combination of being tired and fearing Willy, she ate a biscuit and drank some tea that Mary had left behind. As she was sipping the tea, she saw Ben and Mary returning.

  Sitting very still, Emily was shocked to find the sick feeling didn’t go away. This morning, the aroma of frying fat made her stomach turn. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she crashed past the incoming Ben and Mary and ran down to the stream, fighting overpowering waves of nausea. She lost.

  A few minutes later, she knelt at the water’s edge and splashed the cold liquid on her face.

  “Are you all right, Emily?” she heard.

  She glanced over her shoulder to find Mary. She didn’t want the older woman to worry. “I’m fine. Haven’t felt well for the last few days. It’ll pass.”

  Mary frowned. “What’s wrong? Besides being sick to your stomach.”

  Shrugging, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, Emily started to stand. When another wave of sickness hit, she sat back down. “Mostly I’m just tired,” she explained. But, in truth, she was starting to get a bit worried. There were no doctors out here if she was gravely ill.

  Mary sat down. “Emily, did you and John sleep together?”

  Emily stared at her friend. There was no censure, no hint of condemnation in her voice or eyes. Just curiosity. “Yes,” she admitted.

  “Well, I’ve got three older sisters. When they each got with child, they were all sick. And tired. Could you be with child?”

  “John and I only made love for the first time a couple of days ago,” Emily said, feeling her face heat with embarrassment at such frank talk.

  Mary looked relieved. “Oh. Then it’s way too early.”

  A sudden chill went through Emily. For John, yes. But not if she was with child from her Indian lover. Frantically she tried to recall her last monthly. Surely she’d had one since John found her. With horror she realized her last flow had been during her time with her Indian warrior—right before he’d abandoned her.

  “Oh, Mary,” she cried, panicking. “I’ve missed two flows.”

  Puzzled, Mary stared at her. “I thought you said you hadn’t slept with John until recently.”

  Tears welled in Emily’s eyes. “That’s true. But—”

  “But what? Tell me what’s wrong, Emily.”

  Needing the advice of her friend, Emily told her the full truth of what had happened to her. When she finished, Mary’s mouth was open. For once, the outspoken woman was speechless.

  “Well?” Emily demanded. Had her confession cost Mary’s friendship?

  “Oh, my! That’s a fine pickle,” the woman said. Her eyes were wide. She leaned forward and hugged Emily. “I hate to say this, but it’s my guess you’re with child.” Her face, when she sat back, was full of sympathy and understanding.

  “What am I going to do?” Emily felt as though the world had crashed at her feet. Strangely, it had taken until this moment, but she had finally realized that she loved John. Loved him so deeply and naturally that she hadn’t even felt the change. But she did. For days she’d felt giddy with happiness just believing they were going to marry. She wanted it. She wanted him. She wanted all that they had together. But now…

  “You’re going to tell John,” Mary said firmly. “Trust him, Emily. He’ll understand.”

  Emily stared out across the stream, unseeing. Yes, she’d tell John. Because now she couldn’t marry him. Like her mother, she’d gotten in the family way with someone other than a husband. But unlike her mother, she would never marry. The consequences of that—the possibility of love turning to hate—were too great.

  Mary tapped her shoulder. “The food is still on the fire. Are you coming?”

  Emily shook her head. “Not yet. I think I need to be alone.”

  Mary stood. “All right.” Then, before she left, she bent down and gave Emily a hug.

  Emily waited until she was alone before she let herself cry. Her heart felt like it had just broken in two. That she could never marry the man she finally realized she loved was almost more than she could bear. But she couldn’t now. And she had to tell him the truth.

  Willy wasn’t happy. In fact, he was downright furious. Across the way, John sat on a log with Emily in front of him. His cousin’s arms were draped over her shoulders as he helped her tie a complicated knot. Emily leaned back in his arms, John’s head dropping so his mouth grazed her temple. And this hadn’t been the first time he’d seen them sitting so close. Or looking like they shared something special.

  He and his grandfather had been back for more than a week, and it was clear that something had happened between Emily and John while they were gone. The two often went off alone now, returning with freshly gathered berries or greens. They acted like nothing serious had happened between them, but Emily’s flushed cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes gave her away.

  Also, Willy’s cousin had changed. He had grown more possessive of Emily. He would touch her now, sometimes just a brush of his shoulder or hand, or sometimes a lingering look. Other times he’d sit close to her—as he did right now.

  Suddenly Ben yelled out for John’s help. As his cousin got up and left Emily to practice tying the knot, Willy grinned. Hurrying over, he took John’s seat. “How ’bout I teach you another knot. I know lots,” he boasted, moving behind her.

  Emily got to her feet, dropping her rope. “No. I’ve had enough for today.”

  Willy stood and stepped in front of her. He reached out and grabbed her arm. “Then we’ll go gather some of those plants ye’re always lookin’ fer.” He wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time. She never refused John.

  Emily tipped her chin at him. “No—”

  Willy interrupted her. “You go off with John all the time. You have to be fair. You have to give me a chance. Women like me. Let me prove it to you.” He winked. “And don’t go telling me you ain’t kissin’ John when you two are alone. I got eyes. I see what’s goin’ on.” He forced his smile to remain in place and his tone to be joking, but he was serious. No one took what belonged to him. If his cousin hadn’t been around and just happened to have saved his angel, Emily would have chosen him. Willy knew it. Felt it in his heart. How could she belong to anyone else but him when her smile sent his heart soaring, and her beauty eased the bitterness in his soul? She was the angel his ma had promised! The woman he’d spent his adult life searching for. They were meant to be together. He just had to convince her.

  Emily yanked her arm from his grasp and stared at him, her blue eyes sparkling with fury. “Then pay attention to what you are seeing.” Anger burned in her voice.

  “I’ve tried to be patient with you, Willy. I don’t want to hurt you, but you won’t listen—so that leaves me no choice but
to make myself perfectly clear.” She jabbed him with her finger. “Leave. Me. Alone. Period. I am not interested in you. I don’t want you to court me. I don’t want you to teach me to tie knots or anything else. I don’t want to go off with you. I want nothing to do with you. I want you to leave me alone. Is that clear enough for you?” And with that, Emily stormed away.

  Stunned at the vehemence in her voice, Willy stared after her, his jaw hanging open. No! She couldn’t be serious. How could she not feel what he felt? Hurt welled from his heart to his throat, leaving him unable to speak. She never talked to John that way. Or anyone else. The old bitterness and resentment built. When she slipped into the shack, he glanced around. No one had witnessed their exchange. John and Ben were busy carrying a large fallen log to the chopping area. Off among the trees, Mary was hanging the wash, and Willy’s grandfather was out traipsing around somewhere.

  Moving fast, he followed Emily inside the shack. She jumped when he did.

  “Willy,” she warned, glancing out the window. She tried to edge past him, back out the door. He blocked her way. He was tired of coming in second to his cousin, getting the leftovers. He’d had women, sure, but no good ones. Those apparently all liked John more than him. From his childhood came snatches of rebukes.

  Why can’t you sit still? Be good, like John.

  Why can’t you study harder? Be smarter, like John.

  Willy was tired of everyone comparing him to John and finding him lacking. He stepped forward, forcing Emily back farther inside the building. Grabbing her by the arms, he yanked her close and kissed her. He’d show her he was as good as his boring cousin! His hand closed over her breast and his mouth forced hers to open.

  She struggled, but he held her tight. As soon as her lips parted to scream, he thrust his tongue inside. She would be his. No one would take this prize from him. She just needed convincing.

  But the sharp bite of her teeth on his lip made him pull back with a howl. Her elbow slammed into his stomach, and her knee kicked up, smashing into his groin. He yelled, then bent over, the air gushing from his lungs as pain replaced all desire. He fell to his knees.