"Karen, you can't think like that." I tell her, "This isn't your fault." I hate to think that she's been blaming herself for this, guilt eating away at her for months. The truth is, Dante's men would have gotten me another time, another place, if they couldn't get me that night. This is nobody's fault.
We stay out on the lawn and soon it turns into a party. Music is playing loud on the radio, everyone is dancing and someone even starts a BBQ out on the street. Nearly all of the neighbours come over to me and tell me they are glad I am home and safe. People from school, who I've never spoke to, tell me how worried everyone was.
I take the time to take it all in. For four months I have had nothing but silence and dullness in my life.
I take in the laughter, the smiles and the faces. My eyes scan over the scene, taking in the colours that surround me, from the green grass under my feet, the multi-coloured leaves covering the trees, and the bright, blue sky up above. I listen to the sounds of nature, from the chirping birds to the whispering winds.
At first it is overwhelming, to have all these people surrounding me, to have people touching me every few minutes when they hug me or pat my shoulder. My mind pictures the men from the warehouse, the ones who came to look at us, I can see their wandering hands. I tell myself that they are my friends and family, they are not some creepy men in a hidden warehouse, I’ll be fine.
I realise Josh is nowhere to been seen. I find Karen and pull her to one side. "Where's Josh? I thought he would be here." she bites her lip before answering and I wonder if I'm going to like what she says.
"Well." she starts before taking a big breath, as if she's preparing herself, "A few days after you were... taken, Josh was so upset, I tried to comfort him but nobody could get through to him." she has a pained look on her face as if she doesn't want to say anything more.
"Tell me." I tell her.
"Well, at school, Lacy started to hang around him. Soon, about a month after you were taken, they were together all the time. Then... then they started to hook up." she looks at me then, waiting for a reaction.
"You mean...?" I hope she's wrong. Josh wouldn’t do that.
"They slept together. He's changed Tay, he doesn't talk to me anymore either. He's like a void. His mind isn’t there, he just lets Lacy guide him around like a dog." I can feel my heart ripping into tiny pieces. I don't understand. Why would he do this?
"I'm so sorry, Tay." she hugs me close but I don't respond. My mind and body are frozen.
A few hours later and everyone is saying goodbye, soon it's just Mum, Dad and me left, we tidy up the rubbish and put away the dishes, then make our way inside. We quickly change into our pyjamas and settle on the sofa and watch a movie, happy to be in each other’s arms.
Not long into the movie, my eyes start to drift shut and I let sleep overtake me. I dream for the first time in four months and they are full of nothing but happy thoughts.
CHAPTER 16
When I wake the next morning, it takes me a minute to remember where I am. I'm home. I smile and snuggle myself further into the bed.
I look over at the clock on the bedside table, it's only 10:05 am. I'm taking an extra couple of weeks off before I finally start college so I try and think of what to do today.
I slowly make my way to the bathroom and start the shower. When the water is hot enough, I peel off my pyjamas and climb under the spray.
I grab my body wash and squirt some onto my sponge. A minute later, the strong smell of strawberry has my body paralysed. I throw down the sponge and slide down the wall, my body shaking and my eyes full of tears.
My mind goes back to the showers in the warehouse, I can hear the shouts and whistles of the guards.
"I'm safe." I tell myself, "I have nothing to worry about. I'm safe now." I wrap a towel around my body and open the cabinet where all my toiletries are. Looking at the body wash, I see they are all strawberry scented, I used to love the smell.
Grabbing the bin from under the counter, I grab every bottle and throw them in. Then I look at the shampoo and throw them away too, I won't be using those anymore.
I close the cabinet and look at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes look hollow, with dark circles underneath, my cheek bones protrude from under my skin, my hair is dull and lifeless. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, telling myself I'll be OK.
After I grab some new shampoo and body wash from my parent’s bathroom, argan oil and lavender, I quickly shower and wash my hair before going into the bedroom.
I dress in a pair of blue skinny jeans, a floral, strappy t-shirt and a pair of boots, then I text Karen. I ask her to hang out with me today, I want to go out, to get some fresh air and be normal, but I don’t want to be alone out there, fear of being kidnapped again settles deep into my bones.
When Karen texts back that she’s on her way over, I make my way down stairs. I grab a piece of toast off Dad’s plate, give him a kiss on the cheek and Mum a hug.
"How are you feeling hunny?" Mum asks.
"I'm OK." I smile at her, "Karen is on her way over, we are going for a walk around town." ten minutes later and the doorbell rings, I say goodbye to my parents and head out the door.
Soon, I'm surrounded by people. Back at the warehouse, all was quiet, except for the cries of the girls, but that is different and I'm grateful for the noise.
“How are you, Tay? Really?” Karen asks me.
“I’ll be fine, K, promise. I just need time.” I tell her. As we walk, she asks questions about what happened. I answer everything with vague answers. She takes the hint that I don’t want to talk about it just yet and changes the subject.
"Hey, Tayla!" I turn and see a figure running towards me, at first, my mind panics and tells me to run, but it’s only Barry, the local bakery owner. He walks over and holds up a white box. "I was glad to hear you were back." he says.
"Thanks, Barry." I say.
"Here, I made you these, I know how much you like them. Think of them as a welcome back present from all of us at the bakery." tears spring forward as I carefully open the box, I laugh as I look inside. Nestled into a tray are a dozen white chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, they are my favourite. I would buy one pretty much every day.
"Thank you, Barry." I say with a smile.
"See you tomorrow?" he asks.
"Maybe." I laugh. We say our goodbyes and he disappears in the sea of people.
We end up sitting on the beach, looking over the sea while we share my cupcakes. We talk about everything that happened while I was gone. I zone out as I recall everything that I missed, mainly the end of school, I had exams that I missed and I hope it doesn't affect my grades. I am going to see the headteacher on Monday to talk about it all.
Karen tells me about the party invitations she turned down and the shopping trips she didn’t go on. “I didn’t want to continue living like that knowing that you were out there someone. It didn’t feel right.” she says.
We sit on the beach watching the waves in silence for a few more hours, before making our way back home.
As we turn the corner to get to my street, I notice a white van sitting outside one of the houses. My heart starts to race and my palms get sweaty. It can't be. They're in prison. Well, maybe not all of them. We cross over the road and keep walking down the street, I think to myself, "I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe.” Karen walks me to my gate and after saying goodbye, she continues down the road.
I turn and look back at the van, almost laughing as I spot the logo of AL's decorating company on the front of it. Two men wearing white overalls, covered in paint, come out the house opposite and put away their supplies.
I kick myself for being so paranoid and then I walk down my pathway and into the house. Not a minute later, the doorbell rings, I jump slightly and open the door again.
Standing there, is Josh, his eyes widen as he sees me. "Tay. Please, let me explain.” My first reaction is to close the door in his face but I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. I nod my head
and invite him inside. We say a quick hello to my parents before we head upstairs.
For two hours he explains what happened. Lacy seduced him, he tells me, and he was too grief-stricken to shield himself from her advances. He was in a void, not really living, just going about on auto-pilot.
I know Lacy has had a little thing for him but I never thought she would be so callous as to go after him after I was kidnapped. Does she have no decency?
Later, we say goodnight and I see him to the door. Things have changed between us, we agree, only time will tell what happens next.
I say goodnight to my parents and lay down in bed. I slowly fall asleep.
✽✽✽
The next day, Mum takes me shopping. We are in the shopping centre in the middle of the town, browsing through the stores. Already I have six bags, all from different shops, full of jeans, tops, blouses, dresses and shoes. Plus, accessories, makeup and jewellery. However, my mind isn’t at ease, I keep thinking someone is going to appear from around that corner or jump out from behind that notice board over there and grab me, taking me back to Dante.
When I'm about to be pulled into yet another store, I pull on Mum's arm, stopping her in her tracks. "Mum, I think I have enough clothes." I tell her, "Why don't we do something else?"
She looks at me and a hint of sadness flashes over her face before she smiles. "I'm sorry hunny. I guess I'm just trying to make up for the fact that you were gone for four months. I wanted to treat you to whatever you want."
"Oh Mum, don't worry about that. The only thing I want is to be with you and Dad." I pull her away from the store and we sit down on a nearby bench, "Is that what today is all about? Do you and Dad feel like you have to make up the time?"
"I'm sorry." she gives me a guilty smile.
I laugh and shake my head, "You don't need to do anything, Mum, I’m just glad I’m home."
"OK darling, but... your dad is planning a meal out tonight at that restaurant you've always wanted to go to, Firehouse, was it? Please go, for his sake?" she pouts a little as she waits for my reply.
"How can I say no to that face." I laugh and we lean in to hug each other. We go into one more shop and then we head back home.
When we get in Dad tells me to change into something nice. I decide on a pair of black skinny jeans, a dark blue, polka dot blouse with a pair of black heels. All of which I bought on my shopping trip with Mum today. I ruffle my hair a little and leave it flowing down my back, I add a little makeup to cover up the dark circles forming under my eyes add then some perfume. A few minutes later, I meet Mum and Dad by the door.
CHAPTER 17
A few weeks pass and soon it's time for me to go to college. I decided to stay at the local college instead of going off to London. I feel a lot safer being close to family and friends than being hours away and on my own. I will be attending one of Cornwall's college campuses where I'll be doing my A-levels in Environmental Science and Geology. This course is a lot more science based then what I had originally planned to do, but as long as it helps me get a job in the field I want, then it doesn’t matter.
I had applied to Cornwall college as a back up just in case I didn't get into London. My welcome pack and letter had arrived in the post last month. I learnt that from the exams I took in school and from the tests from each of my subjects, my grades weren't affected much by my kidnapping so I had the right qualifications to do the course of my choice. I did have to do one final test last week to get an overall grade on my subjects though.
While I'm waiting for the bus that goes near the college, I start to wish Karen was with me so I'd know at least one person there, but I'm all alone. Karen is following her dream and has gone to a college in Southampton to study fashion.
Once I arrive at the campus, It's larger than I imagined and I easily get lost. I ask someone for directions and soon I'm pointed in the right direction.
I'm standing outside the room where my science course is being held, I have to take a moment to gather my thoughts and control my breathing, and then I open the door.
Heads swing in my direction and stare at me. I feel my cheeks flush slightly. I tell my new teacher my name and then make my way to the only empty seat in the room. The centre seat in the front row. I sit down quickly and take out a pen and notebook.
As the teacher carries on with today’s lesson, I can't help but listen to the other students whispering to each other. About me.
"Isn't that the girl who was kidnapped?"
"I heard the men who took her did nasty stuff to her."
"I heard she killed people."
"I heard that too."
I try and block them out but their words ring loud in my ears. Does everybody know? What are they saying? My mind wanders back to the day of our escape attempt at the warehouse. I had to do some stuff that I'm not proud of but I never killed anyone. Does everyone think I did?
"Tayla?" a voice brings me back to the present.
I look up and find the teacher looking at me, I hear the other kids snickering behind me.
"Tayla, are you even paying attention?" I read on the board that the teacher's name is Kelly Thompson.
"Sorry, Miss Thompson." I say quietly. I can't remember if we use first names here.
"My name is Kelly, no need for formalities." she tells me and I let out a long breath when she turns back to the board and continues the lesson.
For the next couple of hours, I take notes and try to answer some questions. By lunch time, I am ready to go home.
After I get my lunch from the cafeteria, I look around, trying to find somewhere to sit. The tables are full of students, laughing and joking and talking about their day. My heart sinks as I watch them interact with each other and I regret not being able to go to the opening day for my course. Everyone else has had the time to get to know each other and make friendships and here I am almost a month into the course and the new kid.
A table soon opens up at the back of the room and I make a beeline for it. Once I'm seated, I take out my phone and text Karen to see how she's doing, then I eat my lunch of chicken mayonnaise sandwiches and a packet of prawn cocktail crisps. When lunch is over, she still hasn't replied and I make my way to my geology class feeling down.
✽✽✽
"Hey sweetheart, how was your first day of college?" Mum calls from the kitchen when I get home later that afternoon. Dad is still at work so it's just us.
"It could have been worse, I guess." I shrug off my jacket and hang it up by the door before going into the kitchen. Mum is stirring some pasta in a pot and making a sauce.
"Why? What happened?" she asks. She turns around, wiping her hands on her apron, and pulls me into a tight hug.
"Nothing bad, I promise." I reassure her as I wiggle free, "Did you know people are saying stuff about me from when I was taken?"
Mum gasps and frowns, "That's horrible. What are they saying?" she asks.
"It doesn't matter." I shake my head and help with dinner, stirring the sauce slowly.
Mum sighs as she drains the pasta and puts it on our plates, "Well, just ignore them sweetie. They will stop soon enough. Apart from that though, how was your day?"
"It was OK." I shrug, "I basically took notes for the day, I got some work from Kelly, the teacher, so I can catch up on the work I've missed." I pour the sauce onto the plates as I tell her what kind of stuff I'll be learning.
We sit down at the table and eat in silence, occasionally exchanging questions about our day. Afterwards we watch some TV together until Dad comes home at 8 pm.
Later that evening, I grab some snacks from the cupboard and make my way upstairs. With my books open on my bed and my laptop ready to go, I start to work on my missed assignments.
An hour later and I take a quick break. I look at my phone and see Karen still hasn't replied to my text from earlier. I quickly type out another and hit send before getting back to work.
Tayla: Hey, hope your day was better than mine. Text me soon. I miss you.
When my eyes start stinging from looking at the screen, I decide to finish for the night. I look at the time and see it's 12:45 am, I save my work, close my laptop and get into bed.
The next day is more of the same. I have Earth Science in the morning and Geology after lunch. I have started to eat lunch outside the college because people still whisper about me. I text Karen more but she still doesn't reply. I'm starting to wonder if I was ready to start college.
Soon, it's the weekend and I take advantage of the fact that I have no work to do and I decide to call Karen, but all I get is her voicemail.
"Don't worry hun, she's probably just busy with school work." Mum says when I tell her I'm worried. She's right but I can't help but worry.
A few more weeks pass and college life is getting better. I am finally caught up in my classes and I'm doing well so far. We have a field trip later on this week to a real science centre, which I am looking forward to. I have even made a couple of friends, Martha and Lisa. We had to work on an assignment together and we have slowly become friends. No one else says anything about my months away anymore and I can honestly say I am a lot happier. One thing is for sure...
My life is finally getting back to normal.
CHAPTER 18
The next few months go by with no problems. A few weeks after I had started college, some ridiculous topic became the new obsession of the student population and my tragic past was all but forgotten. Nobody talks about it constantly anymore and nobody stares at me either.
Everything is normal again.
For the past few weeks I have been going back and forth seeing doctors and therapists. They tell me I am healing perfectly and I have no long term problems.
My shoulder has finally healed and I no longer need the sling, I still have some pain but I take medication to help with that. The branding mark on my neck has healed. My doctor says I can have surgery to remove the scar whenever I want. I have chosen not to worry about that right now though. We just don’t have the money. For now, it is there as a constant reminder of what happened.
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