Undeniable

by Laura Stapleton

  The way up jounced her so she did as he said and held onto him. When the horse had a solid footing, Beth said, “Thank you for seeing me safely over and back.”

  Squeezing her hands, he replied, “My pleasure, ma’am.”

  She let go of his waist. “I suppose there’s no need to hold you so tight.”

  “Then I must find another excuse.” He held out a hand as support for her to dismount. When she gripped him, he turned her palm up to kiss.

  Tickles ran down her spine and she bit back a saucy comment. Instead, Beth held onto Nicholas and slid down from her perch. “I’m rather hungry. The shop smelled very good too.”

  He dismounted. “I’m starving as well.” Unpacking his saddlebags, Nicholas knelt, placing the purchases next to the campfire. “Do we need to wash up these?” he asked, indicating the cooking utensils Beth had gathered while alone.

  “No, I scrubbed them before and after using.” She picked up the cooking pan. “This one has dust in it now. I can get water to rinse everything.” Beth filled the bucket with all the dishes she’d found.

  “When you take the pan, fill it half full too, please.”

  Beth nodded, taking both a leaky pail and the pan to the river’s edge. She rinsed and half filled the pan. Each dish and utensil received a quick wash, and after she tried to bring back a full pail. By the time she reached Nicholas, a quarter of the contents had leaked through a hole in the side. Showing him the results, she said, “I’m sorry about the water. This was the best I could find.”

  “Don’t fret. No one throws out a solid bucket.” He’d cut up a ham into chunks. Adding the meat, a handful of rice, beans, and corn into the cook pot, he said, “I brought some bacon with me, hoping I’d be able to share with you.”

  “I’m glad you did.” Beth loved how he’d returned just for her. She watched as he stirred the food then sat back when done. “As soon as I woke up and saw everyone gone, I became afraid.” She picked up a flat rock to worry with, keeping her hands occupied. “I went to the ferry but couldn’t cross. No one leaves money behind here at camp. Just household goods and the occasional wagon.”

  “If people did leave behind their money, this place would be a lot more crowded.” Nicholas patted her knee. “Did the storm hit here that first day too?”

  “Yes, and it was horrible.” She saw how he stared into the fire instead of at her. His expression seemed angry, and Beth heard her voice waver. “The hailstones hurt until I found an old wagon to hide under until the storm passed. A few others huddled under with me.”

  “Handcart Mormons?” He looked up at her, his face still grim.

  She hesitated, wondering what he thought of them and of how much to say. Honesty being the best, Beth admitted, “Yes, I shared because they didn’t have shelter. We didn’t have any problems. I’d heard a lot of stories about them in town, and they’re a far nicer people than most say.”

  Nicholas nodded and stirred the food. “I think that’s true of a lot of people in this world. What is gossiped about them is far removed from the reality.”

  “Like the natives? I noticed quite a few of them in the store, all in various stages of undress.” She couldn’t help her curiosity. He’d been married to a native. Had his wife been near naked so much, she wondered. And had he? She bit her lip at the thought of him dressed like a savage. Her face began its heated blush from embarrassment. Still, Beth felt the need to ask, “Are they all so unclothed? Is it just in front of whites that they even bother with dressing?”

  Nicholas laughed outright. “The colder the weather, the more they wear, no matter who is around them.” He glanced at her, grinning. “Most cover the more, um, vital parts.”

  “That explains a lot,” she said, relieved at his amusement. “It’s rather hot here, so undressed seems best at the moment.”

  He mixed flour, water, a little bit of soda, and some sugar to form a sticky dough and pressed it into biscuit shapes. “Did anyone harass you the past couple of days?”

  The question, abrupt, took her by surprise. “No, a few came by, being nosy. I shooed them away, saying my husband was out hunting. I might have added I hoped he shot something because coming back empty handed always angered him.”

  He grinned at her lie. “Very good.”

  “The threat of a returning husband kept all but one away. He came back, but when I begged and pleaded for laudanum, he left.”

  Pausing, his expression puzzled, Nicholas asked, “You wanted medicine from him? Why?”

  “After he called me out, saying I was lying and he could do what he wanted with me, I agreed he could. I told him my husband had died of something too horrible to describe.” She folded her hands in her lap, looking down at them as if a modest young woman. “After he laughed at me, I said a lady doesn’t talk about her husband when he eliminates blood instead of urine.” She looked up at him through her lashes, smirking. “His jaw gaped open, so I added I was just starting my husband’s symptoms. He could have his way with me, but first, I needed medicine before I died too.”

  Nicholas snorted, “He backed away, didn’t he?”

  “More like ran away.” She paused her story until he quit laughing. “Word must have spread, because I was in something like a quarantine for the first day.”

  He handed her a dish of food, saying, “Until they moved on, of course.”

  “Of course.” Nicholas fixed his own plate, soon joining her.

  “This meal is heavenly.” She paused before taking the last bite. “Why ever do you let me cook when you’re such an expert?”

  “Because hunger makes a good sauce for me.” He pointed a shortbread biscuit at her, “You, however, are a great cook no matter how hungry I am.”

  Nicholas’s beard was grown the most she’d seen since they’d first met. Dark circles colored the skin under his eyes, adding to the air of weariness Beth saw in him. “Nicholas, how far were you when you came back for me?”

  “Not far, thirty miles or so.” He sighed, putting his dishes in the water pail. “If I had not been so keen on resisting you, I’d have left sooner and we would be caught up with the others by now.” He reached out his hand to her

  She gave him her dishes. “The blame is mine too. I avoided you as well, despite my wishes.”

  Nicholas stared at her for a moment. “We feel the same?”

  His looking into her eyes in such an intense way caused her heart to thud. “It seems so.”

  “I’ll wash up for us.”

  “I can help.” She stood.

  “No need. Stay here, keep an eye on our camp, and I’ll be back before you notice I’m gone.”

  “Very well.” Beth watched him for a moment before turning to store their foodstuffs. When opening a saddlebag, she paused. Nicholas had a small Bible there, and she hesitated putting edibles in with it. Instead, she opened the other bag. She found a coffee pot with the beans inside, so placed the items in the second bag.

  Nicholas walked up to her, dishes dripping still. “Thank you for putting away everything.”

  “You’re welcome. One of your saddlebags is still empty.”

  “I did that in case you needed the space for your belongings.” He walked Buck out a little ways to better grass and staked him with a discarded peg. “A woman can be left in the middle of a desert and in an hour find enough things to fill a saddlebag.”

  She blushed knowing he spoke the truth about her at least. “That’s very thoughtful, thank you again.”

  Nicholas walked up to her. “Stop thanking me and apologizing for everything.”

  “I…all right.”

  “I know, not easy, but it’s good you’re trying. I’m not your husband. There’s no need to be on tender hooks around me.”

  “I’m not.” As he readied his bedroll, she caught his disbelieving glance and ignored it. What he thought didn’t matter. She trusted his kindness but couldn’t help her politeness habit. He’d have to learn tolerance, she decided, readying her own bedding next to his.<
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  “Elizabeth, we need to talk about what will happen when we reach the others.” He pulled off his boots, flexing his toes.

  Nicholas still wore the socks she made him. Beth smiled, saying, “I have been thinking already.” She pulled off her boots and socks, dismayed to find another hole in the toes. She’d seen wool in the store but not thought to say anything. Seeing Nicholas had distracted her beyond all reason.

  “And have you reached any conclusions?”

  “I need to go with them, since I have nowhere else to go.” She settled into her blankets, tired all of a sudden. Beth had to confess to him, “Although, I’d prefer to never see Daggart again. He left me here on purpose, breaking our vow to Pap.” She glanced over at him to see Nicholas laying back, staring up at the stars.

  He shook his head. “You are in no way, shape, or form married to that man. And even if, in your convoluted mind you are or were, the union is over because the contract goes until ‘death do us part.’” Settling back into bed, he added, “You died and he parted, so whichever Elizabeth you decide to be, you’re not married anymore.”

  She lay back down as well, nestled under the covers. Beth knew Nicholas was right. Daggart had no obligation to provide for her. His leaving her behind gave proof of this. Tears welled in her eyes, running down her temples and into her ears. “Then I have no one and nothing.”

  “I think my feelings are hurt.” He reached over and brushed away her tears. “You have me for sure, and I’m certain you have Sam, plus all the men who work for us. We all care very much about you, some more than others.”

  Beth sniffled, wanting to believe him. “Some do more than others?”

  He chuckled as if catching her hint. “Yes, I do, more so than any other.”

  Smiling at his admission, she said, “I’m glad, because I’d hate for this between us to be one sided or unequal.”

  “Do you care more for me than anyone else?” He sat up a little and leaned closer.

  She looked into his eyes as they reflected the campfire’s embers. “Very much so.”

  “I’m not sure I believe you. You’ll have to prove it with a kiss.”

  Putting both hands on his stubbly beard, she teased, “I don’t know if I want to kiss such a porcupine. If only there was a way to miss your quills.”

  “Let’s try.” He gave her a gentle kiss, brushing her lips. “Is that nice?”

  “Very,” she murmured, pressing her lips against his too. “But nothing more until your beard is all out or all in, I think.”

  He smiled, closing his eyes, and she kissed his forehead, wanting him to rest. Nicholas unconsciously complied, his breathing slowed. Beth smiled, never having seen him asleep before now. He seemed younger, less serious. She wanted to hold him close, but resisted, not wanting to wake him. Before long, she fell asleep too.

  Awake after dawn, she saw Nicholas’s empty bed next to her. Fear of being abandoned again hit her until she thought of how he wouldn’t have left behind his bedroll. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around for his horse. The animal grazed nearby, still unsaddled. Relieved, she stood, looking toward the river. He walked toward her, carrying their water bucket. The container leaked a steady drip and she smiled. He’d shaved, held his wet shirt in his other hand, but still hadn’t fixed the bucket. “I slept far too late,” she admitted as he approached

  He filled the cook pot with what remained of the water. “Don’t fret, we both needed the rest.”

  “I’ve had enough and am ready to leave whenever you are.” She handed him the coffee beans.

  Nodding a thank you, he asked, “Before breakfast?”

  “After dinner last night, I may not be hungry for a good while.”

  Nicholas grinned. “Once the food starts cooking, you might change your mind. I’ll take care of coffee. I’d suggest cleaning yourself up and gathering whatever you’d like to bring.”

  Looking at her bedroll, Beth shrugged. “I don’t have a lot.”

  “Good, because I’m having a difficult time finding a horse for you.”

  She gathered up her bedding, asserting, “I can walk. I have so far.”

  Shaking his head, he argued, “No. You’ll not walk while I’m astride. You’ll ride my horse on the way back.”

  “No, you’ll not walk while I’m astride either.”

  He laughed, folding up his own bed into a seat of sorts. “Do you think we’ll ever say yes to each other?”

  She blushed at the desire she saw in his expression. “At some point, I hope so.”

  “So do I.” He nodded and went back to the campfire.

  Beth went to the river as she had the prior mornings. Enough times and she had a system. She wanted a full bath but settled for washing her feet and the hemline of her dress. Later, when alone, she might be able to find a place safe enough to bathe. She needed to ask Nicholas if the Sweetwater River offered such a luxury. Once done cleaning, she wrung the water from her skirt and socks. Beth picked up her boots and made her way back to camp. Nicholas had been correct. The smell of coffee and bacon whetted her appetite as she approached. “Could we have preserves with our biscuits again this morning, or should we save them?”

  He glanced up from cooking. “I think saving them is a good idea, maybe a little for flavor later.”

  Wanting to help, she offered, “I could rummage through the discards for more food.”

  He stood, glaring at her. “Absolutely not. You are your own person, but I forbid you to do such a thing ever again.”

  She swallowed a rising lump in her throat from his harsh tone. “Oh? I don’t mind doing so if it’s necessary.”

  His face softened into a sad smile. “We aren’t discussing this. You did what you had to while left here. But as long as I am anywhere near you and can provide, digging through rubbish for food is not an option.”

  She nodded and took the biscuit and bacon he offered. A part of her felt offended by his bossiness. Another enjoyed him being so protective, something Daggart had never done. “I see.”

  “Do you?” He ran a hand through his hair. “Because I don’t think you do. I care for you very much. When I think of you here alone, foraging through discards for food…” Nicholas looked up at the clouds. “When I think of how scared you must have been, then to learn of how you might have been attacked.” He looked at her, concern evident in his expression. “When I thought you were dead and likely left out in the open, I prayed some kind soul took the time to bury you. Then, I thought of you buried and how would I know where you rested?”

  Beth smiled to reassure him and keep the catch she heard in his voice at bay. “Nothing happened and everything is fine now. You’re here to get me back home, I suppose. I’m feeling better now with some solid food in me. Coffee, too, has been beneficial.”

  “You’re right, I’m being foolish about imagined events.” He drank the last of his coffee and indicated his horse. “I’ll try to find you an animal I can afford.”

  She brushed the crumbs from her dress, worried about the cost. “I don’t know if I could repay you for such a thing.”

  “Consider this a loan, and it’s only if I have the money to cover the cost.” Nicholas stood, taking her cup, adding it to his and the cook pot. “I didn’t bring everything I had, just enough to get me back to the others after I found you.”

  Beth stood, making a give-me motion for the dishes. “I’m glad you came back for me, even so.”

  He grinned, handing over the dishes for her to wash. “Me too. Now, providing you’re able to travel, I’ll get started on finding you a mount.” He saddled up, double checking the bit in his horse’s mouth and patting the animal’s nose.

  She nodded, wanting to argue, instead. How could she ever repay the cost of such an animal? Even if she sold everything after catching up to Daggart, she couldn’t afford to pay him back. She watched as he crossed to the fort. Maybe she didn’t have money to return his kindness, but she could do everything else. Beth took the dish pail
to the river’s edge. Staring into the water, she thought of how attractive he’d looked without a shirt. If they shared a horse and he rode without such a covering? Beth shivered with desire at the thought. She scrubbed at the plate. She rather liked the kiss last night. Shaking the water from everything, Beth had to admit she enjoyed every kiss with Nicholas.

  She wondered if she should suggest riding in tandem on the same horse. What might be pleasurable for a few miles might not be so after tens of miles. Beth shrugged off the worry, knowing she could always walk if riding became difficult.

  Nicholas returned with a stormy expression. “I couldn’t find anything resembling a horse for you.” He dismounted, still frowning. “And what they did have, they wanted an entire gold mine for in exchange.”

  “Goodness!”

  He smiled a little. “Yes, I know you want to protest but I’d rather just share my horse all the way there than have you walk since you’re too stubborn to let me walk while you ride.”

  She grinned at him. “I’m glad you know that now.”

  Nicholas checked what few belongings they had and nodded. “You’ve packed up everything. Very good! I might make a trail hand of you yet.” He picked up his saddlebags, placing them astride the horse’s shoulders instead of his rump.

  His acceptance without anger felt wonderful. Beth rather liked life with someone not finding fault in everything she did. “I couldn’t fit the blankets into your bags, so I rolled them as you and the other men do. Is that what you needed?”

  “It’s just right.” He made certain the ties keeping them in a cylinder held. “We can put these between us to keep the cantle from bruising your stomach. You might also be more comfortable sitting astride from here on in.”

  His thoughtfulness appeased her heart. She waited until he sat in the saddle before taking his hand and joining him. She placed the bedrolls between them as he’d suggested. “What happens if the horse gets scared and gallops? Will I fall off and break my neck?”

  He clicked the animal to go, chuckling. “It takes a lot for this guy to spook. Falling asleep and topping over is more of a worry for you than him bolting.”