Until Love Do Us Part

by Anna Premoli

  He paused for a moment and Amalia was forced to do the same. He took one of her arms and turned her to look at him.

  “I… I had some time to think. And I missed you. And I wanted to talk to you because I’d like to know if you missed me too.”

  She looked at him, completely unmoved by his confession. “What are you trying to tell me?” she asked, unperturbed.

  “That I’ve been going crazy since I left your house yesterday!”

  “Well yeah, you aren’t really sounding particularly sane today,” she agreed. “What’s the problem? Are you thinking of claiming mental infirmity as a mitigating circumstance? That wouldn’t be very original…” she said, trying to hide the sudden acceleration of her heartbeat by talking very fast.

  Ryan pretended he hadn’t heard that and pulled her even closer to him. Whether he was aware of it or not, Amalia had to unwillingly admit that his technique was uncannily efficient: he always managed to hypnotize her with those green eyes of his.

  “Look, I know I behaved atrociously yesterday morning. But if it’s any excuse, I was shocked by my own reaction… at the idea of the two of us being together. I went a little crazy, to be honest…” he admitted, blushing.

  “What? So you mean you’re not crazy at all today?” she asked.

  “Today I’m even more out of my mind than yesterday, if that’s possible,” he admitted candidly.

  “Have you changed strategy? After years of denial, you’re suddenly going to start being disarmingly honest? Well I hope you don’t expect me to trust you.

  He shrugged. “I don’t think my technique worked all that well ten years ago. If it had I wouldn’t be here today, with you still always on my mind, right?”

  Ryan had decided to bring out the heavy guns.

  “Enough with this nonsense,” she warned him, in a low but clear voice.

  “I’ve just gone through the worst thirty-six hours of my life, Amalia.”

  She laughed. “Well good for you, I guess that means you’ve never had any real bad times in your life.”

  “Aren’t I softening you even a little bit?” he asked her, moving really close to her face. And those eyes of his… Of course he was making her doubt her own mind! And that was why she wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible!

  “While you were gone, I had some time to think too,” Amalia answered, unable to move away, “and I have to admit that I concluded you were absolutely right about everything. I mean, let’s face it: two people like us could never really have a future together. Even if we forget about our personalities, which are totally incompatible, it wouldn’t work anyway.”

  “Yes, but you always told me you didn’t want to be in a relationship anyway…”

  “What do you mean?”

  She really didn’t understand where he was heading with all this nonsense. Truth be told, she didn’t even know why he was standing there in front of her.

  “I don’t want to be in a relationship either. But maybe we could… I don’t know…” he mumbled, trying without success to explain his feelings. “Look, I’ve spent a whole night trying to convince myself that I did the right thing in rushing away from your place like that. But I’m here now, and everything else can go to hell. I know that there can never be anything serious between us and that there are a million reasons why…” he stopped, as though embarrassed and unsure of how to proceed. It almost seemed as though they had swapped roles since the last time they had talked.

  “Ryan, in exactly one week the trial is going to start,” she reminded him, unconvinced.

  “Exactly. We have a week. It’s almost an eternity,” he said, trying to convince her with a smile.

  Amalia clenched her jaws as if to challenge him. “Ryan, a week is not an eternity, as you know very well.”

  “But it’s all we have, take it or leave it,” he said in exasperation.

  “And in fact, I thought that you had decided to leave it…” she couldn’t resist reminding him, while giving him an accusing glare.

  He was decent enough to show he was feeling guilty.

  “And are you going to keep reminding me of that for a whole week?”

  Amalia didn’t feel like she had to hide the truth. “Believe me, you’ll be looking forward to these damned seven days to be over.”

  “We’ll see about that. But at least you’ll have plenty of time to try and convince me that you’re right.”

  “I swear that when this week is over, I’m not going out with another lawyer for at least ten years…” she muttered resentfully.

  “See? We’re already agreeing on something.”

  And at that point he’d had enough of bickering with her, so he finally pulled her closer to him and kissed her. Just as he had been daydreaming of doing for the last thirty-six hours.

  *

  Thant night, Ryan slept at Amalia’s. Since he hadn’t planned for anything like that – although he had hoped for it – he realized in the middle of the night that he hadn’t brought any clothes with him for the following morning. And going to the office in the same clothes he had been wearing the day before was out of question: Alex would notice in about two seconds flat.

  So he chose the lesser of two evils: he phoned his brother Niel up and begged him to bring him some clothes over to Amalia’s the following morning. Of course his brother would tease him about it for the rest of his life, that went without saying, but Ryan was still convinced he had done the right thing. Or at least he really hoped he had.

  Waking up with Amalia in his arms was the perfect reward for the energy he had spent running after her all day: she opened her eyes and smiled at him – and that was something she didn’t do very often, especially not in such a spontaneous, natural way.

  “Good morning,” he said, giving her a light kiss.

  She stretched like a cat without pulling away from his embrace. “Well waking up like this is definitely a lot nicer than the last time,” she said honestly.

  “That’s the good thing about not having any expectations,” said Ryan, unable to suppress his cynicism.

  She burst out laughing and lifted herself up on one elbow to kiss him again. “If I was a different woman, I would accuse you of completely lacking romance. You woke up happy thanks to me, you idiot, not because you don’t have any expectations!” she laughed. And she was right – though Ryan decided that letting her know she was might be playing with fire.

  “You know, what I like about you is that you read me perfectly and understand my point of view. Even better than that, you agree with me but you still want to challenge my certainties.”

  They didn’t have much time that morning, before long they’d have to get up and Amalia would have to put on that severe mask she had become so fond of.

  She thought about what he had just said. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this time I don’t agree with you at all. It’s not a lack of expectations in my case, it’s just an awareness of the end. Which is an equally cynical concept, I know.”

  His reply was a very hot kiss and a hand that began to caress her body with increasing desire.

  “Ryan, it’s late and I need to be at the office quite early today.”

  “It’s not late at all, it’s still dawn. And anyway, if the Assistant D.A. doesn’t have to go to the office yet, that means you don’t have to either,” he reminded her.

  “Your brother is going to be here any minute now. Are you sure you want him to see you in this state?” she asked him maliciously, pointing at a precise area under the blanket.

  Ryan sighed. “God, but you’re cruel when you’ve just woken up. And that’s another new thing I just found out about you.”

  “Why, what was the first?”

  He stood up, totally confident in his nakedness, and headed towards the bathroom for a quick shower. He paused for a moment to smile back at her happily. “I’ll only tell you if you come into the shower with me…”

  “What if your brother arrives?”

  “He’
ll wait. He’s smart enough to guess that we’re busy.”

  18

  Amalia was sitting hunched over her desk, busily reading the same e-mail over and over again, but her mind was clearly so far away that there was no chance she was ever actually going to understand what it said. Quickly and cruelly, time was passing, and she was well aware what that meant – that it would soon be all over. They would have to fight in a courtroom and their opposing positions and points of view would force them apart. She knew it was inevitable.

  Unfortunately for her, being aware of all that didn’t mean that she was able to forget about it even for a moment.

  Right from the beginning, this whole story had been a complete disaster: they should have never got together in the first place. Now she was finally realizing how wise Ryan had been in trying to avoid her for all that time. Over the last four days they had spent every free moment hidden away at Amalia’s place, making love and talking and then making love again. This was the first time in her life that she had thought she might actually be in love with someone, but even though that was the case, from Sunday he would start ignoring her. And who knows, maybe it was actually better that way, because if they had spent one more day together she was certain she would have made a fool of herself and would have ended up looking even more ridiculous that she already did. To be honest, she suspected that he was well aware of how much she had lost her head over him, even though she had never actually told him. If she started blabbering compromising nonsense, she would be forever labelled as a pathetic, desperate woman.

  She was absolutely sure that she had lost her head because she had realized that Ryan possessed a place in her heart thanks more to his multiple defects than to his qualities. He was grouchy, stubborn, competitive and always ready to argue in defense of his point of views and ideas. And for some reason, none of that made him any less appealing in her eyes. On the contrary, she liked him precisely because of his hideous personality. She even liked him because of his bad temper, which was absolutely incurable. And she felt all this attachment after spending only four days with him – or rather, only four nights.

  Amalia banged her forehead on her desk in desperation. She was just pathetic, she had turned into one of those desperate little women she’d always laughed about, and now it was obviously time for her to pay the price for having foolishly felt superior, an attitude that had always made her feel safe in the past. Life always presents the check when you least expect it. But she did feel she was really being overcharged.

  While she was busy feeling sorry for herself, her mobile rang, snapping her back to reality. When she saw Kayla’s name on the screen, she decided to try and act normally because she didn’t want her friend worrying about her too much.

  “Hello, darling,” Kayla greeted her “I was thinking we could have dinner together tonight, what do you say?”

  Amalia hesitated long enough for Kayla to understand what her answer was going to be.

  “Oh, what? Are you actually going to sideline me again?” she exclaimed, laughing.

  “I am. But I solemnly promise you that from Monday evening onwards I’m all yours. In fact, please clear out your schedule for me!” Amalia answered in the tone of someone giving an invitation to the funeral of a family member.

  “Again with the doom and gloom? Are you still convinced that the world is going to end on Monday?” teased Kayla in an attempt to make her friend smile.

  “No, not the whole world – just mine.” Amalia replied grimly.

  Perplexed, Kayla drummed her fingers.

  “I must say that for a woman who’s always going around saying she never gets attached to anyone, you’ve really gotten yourself in deep this time. And I mean, really deep! Come on girl, you’ve only been sleeping with this guy for five days…”

  She knew very well how ridiculous it was to feel so attached to someone after only five days. But she was also aware of the dramatic truth: it had taken her only five minutes to fall for him. Five stupid, useless, damned minutes. What came afterwards had only worsened an already highly compromised situation.

  “Ok, let’s try and think this through rationally,” proposed Kayla. “Those five days are not your real problem. What I mean is, your problem is actually five days of fantastic sex after ten years of depressing abstinence. By the way, please remind me never to screw someone I used to fancy back when I was a teenager, it could really mess me up.”

  “God, don’t be so vulgar, Kayla!” Amalia scolded her. “When you fall in love – and it is going to happen to you, sooner or later, believe me – I’m sure you’ll use more delicate language.”

  “Who, me? Amalia, apparently you haven’t just lost your head – it looks like another very important organ of yours is malfunctioning too: your brain!”

  But Amalia wasn’t about to let Kayla confuse her.

  “Oh no – it is going to happen, and when it does, I will be there, being just as horrible to you as you are being to me right now!”

  Kayla didn’t say anything for a few moments, uncertain as to whether they should really talk seriously about it all or not, until she eventually decided to be as honest as possible.

  “Look, sweetheart, If you’re so sure that you’re in love with him – and that this is a feeling that runs much deeper than five minutes, five days or five years – why don’t you consider asking someone else to take over this case for you? You have a conflict of interests on your hands. It would be as easy as that. And it happens all the time. You can avoid fighting each other in court for the sake of your relationship.”

  That was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to hear… Her breathing, which was sounding ragged now, was already an answer in itself.

  “I can’t do it. I’ve worked too hard for the last ten years to build up a professional reputation for myself in this town. I can’t just suddenly ask someone to substitute for me three days before the trial. I would lose the respect of the judge and my client in one easy move. Okay, yes, I am in love, but luckily for me I am still in my right mind. At least partly…” she admitted in a pained tone.

  “What about him, then? Couldn’t he ask someone to substitute for him?” suggested Kayla.

  “Maybe… If he wanted to…” Amalia whispered.

  “Look, honey, can I give you a suggestion, as a friend?”

  Amalia leaned back in her chair and massaged her stiff neck.

  “You’re going to give me it anyway…”

  “Yes I am. Don’t wait until Sunday evening to ask him. If you want to do it, if you’re considering bringing it up, for Heaven’s sake, do it before it’s too late.”

  “Do you know what I hate most about you?” Amalia asked, smiling sorrowfully.

  “Apart from the fact that over the last ten years I’ve had a ton more sex than you?”

  “Yes, apart from that. I hate the way you’re always able to analyze things so damn rationally. How do you do it?”

  At that point, Kayla suddenly grew very serious, for the first time since that weird phone call had begun.

  “It’s because I never get involved, Amalia. I never play any active role in situations like this. And if I have to be honest with you, I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing. Anyway, go face your dragon armed only with that razor sharp tongue of yours. If there’s one person in the whole world capable of winning a discussion using only words, that person is you.”

  “I’ll try. Although I think I might have just found out the real reason why people hire lawyers.”

  Kayla kept silent, waiting for the big revelation.

  “It’s because you’re never dispassionate enough to win when you’re involved personally. You can never see things in perspective when it’s about yourself.”

  *

  Despite her best intentions, Amalia never found a good moment to bring the thing up with Ryan during the entire Friday evening. He had come over to her place and taken her out for dinner at a cozy little Mexican restaurant that had just opened round the corner.
She had immediately softened when he had given the waiter precise orders to eliminate paprika from both their dishes. She was the type of woman who knew how to appreciate these little things.

  Their dinner date didn’t last very long. In fact, before their mains arrived they had already started giving each other funny looks and feeling a type of hunger that not even the best restaurant in the world could have satisfied. Ryan had gotten closer and kissed her in a sweet, surprisingly chaste way, while she, on the other hand, had to struggle not to just jump on him in front of all those innocent people.

  Ten minutes later, Ryan had left the table to go and pay the bill – that was something she had stopped fighting about, as the Assistant D.A. apparently had no intention of giving up his habit of paying for them both – and Amalia realized she was happier about going back home than she’d ever been before. They should never have even bothered going out. Being around other people was just a useless pain in the ass – other people might be able to waste precious time having dinner in restaurants, but they only had one weekend left to spend together, and it would definitely be better to spend what little time remained in other ways. By the time they reached Amalia’s front door, their hormones were already out of control.

  “We should have never gone out,” she told him as she attempted to unlock the door – but unless he stopped kissing her neck it was unlikely she’d ever manage it. She almost thought she was going to melt right there in the middle of the street. She felt Ryan’s laughter on her skin.

  “I didn’t want you to think that I’ve only got one thing on my mind… I wanted to at least take you out for dinner for a change!”

  “I appreciate the gesture, but I’m going to enjoy the after dinner even more,” she replied provocatively after finally succeeding in opening the door and pulling it open.

  Ryan didn’t wait a second – he dragged her up the stairs and then took the keys from her hands and let both of them into the apartment with his usual impetuousness. She loved that side of his personality: it usually took them a few hours to get to the bedroom. And for someone like her who was used to always having sex in bed, it was an experience that was both liberating and fun at the same time. Ryan put the same passion and commitment into making love that he put into trying to get a conviction: he’d always put his heart and soul into what he did, and those moments were the most precious of all – it seemed that she was able to penetrate his armor and touch the actual man beneath it. He was always so talkative in the courtroom, but like so many other men he wasn’t good at opening up in intimate situations. For him, it was more natural to just show her what he was feeling, rather than talk about it.