“I don’t want a damn thing,” Kay said, her voice shaking. “But I do need one last thing.”
“What’s that?”
“My own place.”
Melanie narrowed her eyes. “You can’t be serious. You’re way too young—”
“I need my own place,” she repeated. “Now are you going to help me get it? Or do I have to tell Dad your dirty little secret? And by the way, I’m pretty sure that polygamy is illegal.”
“Really?” Melanie said, leveling a cold gaze on her daughter. “You’re blackmailing me?”
“You’ve left me no choice!” Kay exclaimed. “I’m sick of both of you, and I just want out. Dad can have his booze and his freaking army memories and you can have your new husband and little boy. Just let me go, and I won’t bother either one of you again.”
“Kaytl—Kay, that’s not the way I want it to be.”
“Too bad.” Kay crossed her arms, not to be defiant, but to keep them from shaking. “Because that’s the way it is. Now, are you going to help me, or not?”
“You don’t have to live with your father,” she said finally, reluctantly. “You can come live with me.”
“No way in hell,” Kay spat, glaring at her mother. “I hate you. Don’t you get that? I want nothing to do with you, but you’re my only shot. If Dad found out I was even here, doing this, he’d freak. You have no idea how badly he’d freak. So I need you to talk him into letting me move out. I need you to sign the lease. And paying the security deposit wouldn’t hurt. I work for tips.”
Melanie just stared at Kay, as if she was seeing a complete stranger. Finally, she sighed. “Have you looked at apartments yet?”
***
Kelly
***
Kelly was buried in the sorting room at her mother’s store, surrounded by boxes and racks of clothing. Lately, it’d been her job to take the clothes from the boxes and hang them on the rack, which was annoyingly tedious, but gave her a chance to swipe an outfit or two along the way.
She’d just pulled out a cute patterned tank-top when her cell phone started ringing. Recognizing Gage’s ringtone immediately, her heart stopped. For a second, she just froze, listening to the Friends theme song, muffled by her pocket. Her body filled with anticipation as she dug out her phone and answered it. “Hey,” she said, trying to keep her voice light and careless.
“Kelly, hey,” he said, only he didn’t sound nearly so carefree. “Are you busy?”
She looked around at the stacks of boxes she hadn’t touched yet, and the bare racks to go. “Kind of, but not really. Why, what’s up?”
There was silence on the other end of the line, the heavy kind, like he was upset or something, but she couldn’t figure it out. “I was hoping…maybe you could…come over?” he finally said. “There’s something I want to talk about.”
She almost fainted. What could he possibly want to talk to her about? He’d never—not once—called her and asked her to come ‘talk’ before. Had he changed his mind about pretending the kiss never happened?
Probably not, she reasoned. Still, she was too stubborn to just drop everything and run. “Um…yeah, I could come over when I finish up here.”
“Great,” he said. “See you then.”
She quickly hung up the phone and stood to check herself out in the full-length mirror. Seeing her reflection, she groaned. She’d known wearing a track-suit to work would come back to bite her. Then she looked around, spotting a cute pair of jeans poking out of a box.
In a few minutes, she was changed into a cute pair of lo-riders and a v-neck tank-top with a sheer jacket over-top. She’d thrown her hair into a quick French-braid, which looked really cute with the recent black and red chunks of color she’d added. And though part of her nagged at how pathetic it was to get dressed up, she figured she was entitled to look good when she went to see him. She couldn’t have him thinking she sat around pining over him, in sweats, no less, even though she was guilty of that from time to time.
As she was heading out the door, she passed by her mom’s office. “I gotta run out for a few,” she said. “I’ll be back later.”
“Okay,” Jodi said, glancing up from the computer. “Hey, isn’t that new—”
“Can you take it out of my paycheck?” she asked with an innocent smile. “I had a fashion emergency.”
“I suppose,” Jodi said, caving. “Grab some dinner on your way back in?”
“Sure.”
The drive to Gage’s apartment building took her all the way across town, and traffic was a bit crazier than usual. She arrived around thirty minutes after the phone call, which she hoped was long enough.
So maybe she had just dropped everything and ran…it didn’t mean she was desperate or pathetic. It just meant she was curious. Her palms were sweaty as she walked up the narrow, dark staircase to the third floor.
Reaching his door, she took a minute to wipe her hands and pop in a piece of gum before she knocked.
He answered a little while later and opened the door for her. She couldn’t help but notice how quiet the apartment was. No sounds of cartoons, or Lizzie’s precious cooing and laughter.
“Hey.” Shutting the door behind them, he turned to her, awkwardly putting his hands in his pockets. “How’ve you been?”
“Good,” she replied, lingering in the space between the coffee table and the TV. “You?”
“Good.”
“How’s Lizzie?” She looked around, noticing the empty playpen.
“She’s doing great. She’s out with Sarah now.”
Kelly nodded, unsure of what to say. Had he arranged to be alone with her? Or was it a coincidence? “So…”
“Why don’t you have a seat?” He motioned to the couch as he headed over to the small table by the door.
When she sat down, he came over carrying a journal in one hand. “I uh...I thought you might want this back.”
As he held it out, she realized the journal was hers. Confused, she took it from him, leafing through the pages real quick to see if everything was in its place. “I…I don’t understand.”
“Kendall had it,” he said as he sat down. “I didn’t think you’d want her to keep it.”
“No, definitely not,” she said, still a little thrown off. And completely humiliated. How much of her secret thoughts and deepest feelings had Kendall been reading? “But…how did you know Kendall had it?”
He nodded, like he’d been waiting for that one. “She came to see me…she used to be Peyton’s friend.”
“Oh,” she replied. That, at least, made a little bit of sense. But now, instead of curious excitement and butterflies of attraction, a sickening feeling of dread settled into her stomach. “So…when you ‘met’ her in group…”
“I was being… discreet. Or maybe I was being a total jerk.”
Folding her hands in her lap, she looked down at her pink acrylic nails, studying the fading color as she tried to work through all the questions he’d raised. Finally, she said, “Why do I get the feeling there’s more to the story?”
He started to say something, but she interrupted, a sudden burst of bitterness kicking in. “Wait, are you going to say it’s none of my business? Because that seems to be your answer for everything.”
Biting his lip, he looked at her with that unreadable, stony gaze that always made her brain turn to mush and her stomach do a flip-flop.”I’m going to tell you the truth,” he said. “Because I think you deserve to hear it.”
Leaning back against the couch, she crossed her arms and waited. Bracing herself for whatever confession he needed to make.
He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans as he started walking across the room. “First of all…let me just say: never get married in high school. It was a disaster.” He kind of chuckled, like he was embarrassed by this. “I told you about Peyton and how she cheated and she was always out partying. I told you I was a total ass about it.”
Pausing, he leaned one hand against the mantle,
looking back at her. “Then there was this one night. After Peyton and I got married, but before Lizzie was born. I was sitting right where you are, waiting on her. I’d been waiting on her for hours when Kendall stopped by with some beer and some pot. And even though I’d been trying to stay clean, I’d had a week from hell and I was just…just so tired of the bills and the baby plans and Peyton stumbling in, not caring about any of it. So I had a beer. Then I had a couple more…and…” he trailed off, his voice quivering toward the end.
But his message came through, in full Technicolor, spawning images Kelly didn’t want to see. She cringed, literally cringed, when she realized what he was trying to say.
“One thing led to another. The next thing I know, I wake up to Peyton screaming at me…and Kendall’s in bed next to me. It was a nightmare.”
For a minute, all Kelly could do was stare. “You…you cheated on Peyton.”
He nodded slowly, and she could tell he hated himself for it.
“With Kendall,” she continued, talking mostly to herself. Her brain was bombarded with images of Gage and Kendall having drunken sex, her stomach turning sicker. “While your wife was pregnant.”
The shame on his face turned to full-blown self-loathing. “I told you I did horrible things.”
She hadn’t had a chance to prepare herself for the pain, and while it was climbing up inside her, she tried desperately to keep it hidden. “Congratulations. But, from what I hear, there aren’t a lot of people Kendall hasn’t slept with, so I hope you don’t think you’re special or anything.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “It wasn’t. I mean—”
She held up a hand, cutting him off. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Kendall seems to think you have a thing for me,” he said, finally returning to his seat. “She was going to tell you, to hurt you with it. I didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“Well, you wasted your time because it doesn’t hurt,” she said, quickly standing up. “Thanks for the journal though.”
“Kelly wait.” Gage stood up, reaching out for her.
She recoiled from his touch, but turned to face him. One thing she was sure of, if she wasn’t the first to pull away, Gage would’ve been.
“It’s okay if it does,” he said softly. “You don’t have to pretend…”
“I thought that was exactly what you wanted me to do,” she shot back, clutching the journal to her chest. “Pretend the kiss never happened. Pretend I don’t…”
“Kelly…” He came a little closer and motioned to the space around him. “Take a look at my life. What could I possibly offer a girl like you?”
She wanted to slap him. To grab him, shake him, and make him see what she saw. Convince him that he wasn’t a horrible person, tell him that he was the strongest person she knew and she could put up with his hot-and-cold attitude if only he’d admit that there was something between them. But he was too stubborn, too wounded and shell-shocked to do that. So, instead, she grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open. “Why don’t you give me a call when you figure that out?”
She left, waiting until she was out in the hallway before she finally let a single tear fall. Squeezing her eyes shut, she waited for the pain to pass, telling herself she had no right to feel like this, no right to be jealous or angry.
But she was green with envy. Sick with anger. And she couldn’t help but wonder…if she was a little more like Kendall, a little more fun, a little more careless, would Gage be interested in her?
***
Kay
***
When Alex came back to the hotel room with a takeout bag from McDonald’s, he found Kay sitting on the bed, her knees pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on them. Her puffy, swollen eyes stared absently at a TV game show.
“Hey,” he said cautiously. “How’d it go?”
Kay shrugged, and he took a seat in front of her.
“That bad, huh?”
“She agreed to sign a lease for me,” Kay said finally, but she didn’t sound excited about it.
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Yeah, I guess. But I still have to break the news to my dad. Chances are he’ll break my arm and we’ll have his-and-hers casts.”
She chuckled, like this was a joke, but he didn’t find it very funny. “She won’t help you do that?”
“She said she’d drive down on Tuesday and we’d do it together. But I’ll believe it when I see it.”
He nodded, understanding her lack of faith. Though he wasn’t really hungry anymore, he reached into the take-out bag and pulled out his cheeseburger. Then he offered the bag to her.
“I got you a salad,” he said. “And a Frappe.”
She smiled. “Thanks.”
He nodded again. Then finally, the guilty words spilled out. “Look…Kay…I’m so sorry for sticking my nose in where it didn’t belong. Sorry for dragging you down here. I should’ve just—”
“Hey,” she said softly, interrupting him. “I’m glad you found out. I mean, at least now I know the score, right? It’s better than being in the dark.”
“You think so?” he asked.
“Yes.” She sighed and looked at the clock. “I’d better get home. Dad gave me a list of chores before he left.”
For a second, he didn’t understand why Kay would be thinking of chores at a time like this. Then he started to understand that if she didn’t get the work done, she’d probably get into a lot of trouble.
“Want some help?” he offered. “Sure, I can only use one hand. But it’s yours if you need it.”
***
Ryder
***
Ryder walked through the abandoned parking lot where the fighting matches were held. It was Saturday night and the place was packed with people excited to see bloodshed.
With any luck, Ryder would get a fair amount of blood out of Seth. After talking Meagan earlier and seeing how upset she’d been about the pictures, he’d decided it was time to go against his pacifist ways. Sometimes a jerk just needed a good beating.
Ryder’s body went stiff and rigid when he saw the rapist, standing by the hood of a car with his arm wrapped around Lena, the girl that always gave Meagan such a hard time. And as Ryder watched the two of them laugh with their friends, he was filled with anger and resentment. All he wanted to do was show the world how dangerous Seth truly was.
He picked up his stride and crossed the parking lot to confront Seth. “You think you can fight someone your own size for a change?” Ryder called, gaining the boy’s attention.
Seth laughed with the cocky arrogance that made Ryder want to beat his face in. “Why? You offering?”
“Yeah, I am.” Ryder stopped in front of Seth, keeping an even, steady gaze on him. “I mean, you did such a bang up job running Meagan off the road. You almost got her killed. I’d like to see how you handle yourself when you’re not protected by your car.”
Lena shot Ryder a glare. “Seth had nothing to do with Meagan’s accident.”
“You keep believing that, princess,” he said to her. “But if you were smart, you’d get the hell outta dodge before you’re his next victim.”
Seth reached up and shoved Ryder’s shoulder then, and it made his patience snap. He lunged for Seth, fists swinging, barely missing Lena’s face in the process. Screaming, she ducked out of the way and retreated a few steps, where a small crowd had gathered.
Suddenly, someone pulled Ryder back and he saw it was Shane. “Hey, if you guys want to fight then fine,” Shane said, slurring like he was already drunk. “But save it for the ring.”
“Then let’s go,” Ryder challenged, feeling the anger and desire for revenge flood him. “If you’re man enough.”
“Pay up,” Shane said, sticking his hand out for the money and using the other to wave the announcer down.
Ryder dug into his pocket for the money, counting out three fives and a twenty, before Seth handed Shane a hundred dollar bill first. “Save it,”
Seth said to Ryder. “Wouldn’t wanna take your lunch money.”
Anger and adrenaline pumping high, he started after the jock again, but Shane grabbed him and ushered him to the center of the parking lot, where the make-shift ring was set up.
“You act like you’re so high and mighty,” Seth said, his eyes glowing with menace. “Like you care about Meagan so much more than I do. Like you’re better than me.”
“I am better than you,” Ryder spat. “You’re just a perverted freak who can’t get laid while the girl’s conscious.”
Seth laughed and tossed a glance over his shoulder. The crowd had formed a circle around them, eagerly waiting for the whistle to blow and the fight to begin. Leaning in close to Ryder, he whispered. “Where do you think I got that GHB cocktail, huh? From you.”
Ryder fell silent, his mind working to deny the accusation. But somewhere deep inside, he knew it was true. He knew he’d recognized Seth from somewhere, and he knew that someday his careless wheeling and dealing would come back to haunt him again. Shocked, he stared at the boy in front of him, wanting to punch and kick and beat the living daylights out of him. But he couldn’t bring himself to move. All he could think was ‘What will I tell Meagan?’
“So thanks, bro,” Seth said, obviously enjoying every word. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Just then, the whistle blew and Seth punched Ryder in the face. So lost in his guilty thoughts, Ryder was completely blindsided by the blow. The force knocked him off his feet and flat onto his back, and Seth didn’t give him the chance to get up.
He pounced on Ryder, throwing punch after punch and mangling Ryder’s face. At first, Ryder struggled to get free, to get away so he could sort his thoughts out, but then he just gave up. He let Seth give him the pummeling he deserved, after all, sometimes a jerk just needed a good beating.
Chapter 10
Ryder
Ryder trembled as he forced himself to walk up the sidewalk to Meagan’s house. It was late, at least eleven o’clock, and part of him hoped she was still awake. He climbed the stairs, and in the dark of night he saw his reflection in the screen door. His lip was busted and blood trickled from a cut around his eyebrow. The bruising and swelling made him look almost unrecognizable.
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