by CL Rowell
“Dancing?” I eyed her up and down through narrow slits. “With who? And who’s playing?”
“With me and I don’t know. Do I look like I work there? A friend told me they offer decent live music on weekends. I haven’t been there before and thought it sounded fun. You used to enjoy going places. Remember?”
“I remember.” I worried the inside of my lip with my teeth, debating. Then, getting to my feet, I sighed and said, “Let me grab a shower.”
“Yay! I’ll let your mom know, and see if she needs anything for my favorite little man.”
Five hours later, I shot her a dirty look. “Four hours drive time to go to a casino? Really?”
Her cheeks a dusky pink, she ducked her head, admitting, “I didn’t look it up and see how far it was. I just programmed it into the GPS in my car and followed the directions. I’ll get us a room for the night and we can head back in the morning after breakfast.”
“I’m scheduled to work in the morning.”
“You don’t work weekends—you never work weekends.”
I laughed. “I occasionally work on weekends to pick up extra money.”
“Why do you need extra money?”
“Nosy much? James wants to go to Legoland.”
“In Ft Worth?” She snorted, rolling her eyes, “That doesn’t cost very much. Six Flags would be way more expensive.”
“No.” I laughed at her innocence. “The theme park and hotel in either Florida or California.”
“There are theme parks and hotels built around those torture devices?” She shuddered. “I thought it was bad enough they had a discovery center at the mall in Ft Worth. Call in sick anyway. When you start planning the trip, include me, and I’ll split the cost with you. Now, let’s go have fun.”
“Fun had better be code for let’s go eat,” I groused, climbing out of the car, my stomach rumbling. “I haven’t had anything to eat all day, and it’s almost eight o’clock.”
“Whose fault is that?”
“Yours…you know I eat at around two or three in the afternoon on my days off, with Mom and James. After that, James and I just have a snack, later, if we’re hungry.”
“So, why didn’t you eat?”
“Because I was getting ready to go out with you?”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right.” She looked up from her phone and grinned. “I forgot about that.”
I watched her put her phone in her pocket. “Who you texting with?”
“None ya.”
“Jerk,” I pouted, my feelings a little singed. It wasn’t like her to keep things from me. We shared everything. Had my self-absorption of the past weeks alienated my best friend, causing a rift between us?
She blinked, surprised. “Are you pouting? Oh my god, you are. You’re such a baby. If you absolutely must know, I was texting with Leo.”
“Who’s Leo?”
She looked away and muttered, “Jessie’s brother.”
“His—? Why are you texting him?”
“Maybe because I like him?”
“Really?” I scrunched my nose up, remembering his temper from Bartholomew’s. “He has a temper like your ex’s.”
“He is nothing like my ex!”
I stared at her…her red face, stormy eyes, and crossed arms. Backing down, I apologized. “Sorry. You know him better than I do. You’ve been talking to him—I just saw him the one night…”
“No, I’m sorry—for biting your head off.” A sheepish expression crossed her face. “I know how he acted that night, but it was an anomaly. He’s really sweet and thoughtful and funny, rarely loses his temper. You’d really like him if you got to know him.”
“And you got all this from texting?” I raised an inquiring brow at her as we walked inside.
“No.” We followed a waitress to a table at the buffet restaurant, then grabbed plates and went in search of food.
“Really, now…” My heart dipped into my stomach as I walked beside her, “It appears that I’ve missed out on quite a bit of your life, wallowing in self-pity.”
“No, it’s okay.” She giggled. “If you’d paid more attention to me, I might not have started talking to him.” I tipped my head to the side, confused, and she explained, “We bonded over our mutual frustration at you and Jessie. Jessie shut him out and put all his focus on music and writing songs, just like you shut me out and focused on your job and James.”
I placed a scoop of potatoes on my plate. “I didn’t even know you gave him your number. I feel like such a horrible friend.”
“Well, don’t.” I peeked around her at a familiar blond mop on her other side, then did a double take. “She didn’t give me her number. I annoyed it out of Julie.”
“Uh, Lucy…” My eyes darted around the buffet, as my heart bounced up from my stomach to lodge in my throat.
“Looking for Jessie?” I lowered my eyes and shook my head. “Liar. He’s here—hiding out in the room, panicking over how you’ll hate him for not calling you before now.”
“I don’t hate him,” I muttered, watching my plate shake in my hands.
“What was that?” His voice was loud in the relative quiet of the room, making me cringe. “What’d she say, Lucy? She was mumbling, and I didn’t catch it.”
“I said,” I jerked my head up and yelled, straight into a cell phone, “I don’t hate him. I could never hate—oh my god, what are you doing? Who’s on that phone?”
Leo looked at me, his eyes suspiciously shiny, but amused. “Jessie.”
“But…why?”
“Because he needed to hear it from you.” He put the phone into his pocket and smiled. “He’ll be down soon.”
I moved through the buffet lines like a zombie, not even registering the food choices. Jessie was here in Louisiana. How was that possible? Had Lucy known? Was that why she brought me down here? Why hadn’t she said anything? I would have come anyway—wouldn’t I? My thoughts bounced back and forth in my head. It wasn’t until I put my plate down at the table and heard Lucy snickering that I came back to awareness.
“Um, Callie?”
“Hmm?” I blinked and shook my head, looking around.
“That all you gonna eat? I thought you said you were starving.”
I stared at the small scoop of mashed potatoes crowning the twelve o’clock position on the white and green plate. I had walked the entire buffet without adding a single thing to my plate after the scoop of potatoes.
“You can go back through with me.”
I looked up, and into turbulent eyes the shade of leaves in a dark, shadowy forest. Hope lurked in the corners of those eyes, but I could see fear, too. Fear that I’d reject him? Silly man. I could never reject him.
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
Without another word said, we walked through the buffet lines, making our selections. Occasionally, our eyes would meet, and we’d smile, just like that first night. We sat side by side and enjoyed our meal, letting our eyes talk while our mouths whittled the food on our plates down to nothing.
“Dessert?”
I looked at him, then down at my plate and over to the dessert area, then nodded. Once we’d sated our hunger, and Lucy and Leo announced plans to hit the slots until their food settled, and then dance the night away, he invited me back to his room to talk.
13
**
“I’ll be fine.” I squeezed Lucy’s fingers and followed him to the elevators. The ride up was quiet…uncomfortably so. Neither of us knew what to say once we were alone. In the room, we went over and sat on the couch, avoiding the bed and trying to pretend it wasn’t there.
After a bit of an awkward silence, he cleared his throat, and whispered, his eyes on the floor, “Do you have a picture of him?” I stared at him for several moments, mystified. Picture of who? Then, “Please? I’ve only seen the one picture, and he was obviously younger. I promise I’m not trying to butt in and take over…I just—”
My brain finally jumpstarted and made the connectio
n. I gasped and apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry! A picture! You’re talking about James, aren’t you? Of course you are, and yes, you can see pictures. I have a ton of them. Here’s one, now…I took it this morning after he woke up.” I tapped my phone and pulled up the photo app. “Look at that adorable face, those eyes, those dimples—“
“He looks like me.” His voice sounded awed as he touched his face through the glass. I glanced up at him, ready to say something sarcastic. His eyes were bright and shiny, as if—before I could think it through, I watched a tear well up and trickle down his cheek. “I never thought this would happen…that I could father a child.”
“Why not?”
“When I was eight, I came down with the mumps and my…” He gestured to his crotch, “My guys got infected—orchitis, I think they called it. At the time, I thought he said horse-itis, and I was gonna turn into a horse.” His lips curved slightly. “The doctor told my parents there was a good chance I could be sterile, because both testes were involved. A follow-up test, after I hit puberty, seemed to say the same thing—it’d be a miracle if I ever fathered a child; it was like a-a one in a million shot, or something.” He lifted a shoulder and let it drop, “I just never dwelled on it—not until an ex I confided in used it against me. Before that, I thought it was kind of good. No condoms, hey! But, she wanted kids…and I couldn’t give her any, so she dumped me. Publicly.”
“Then she didn’t love you.”
It was like he didn’t hear me. “My next girlfriend, in college, came up pregnant and claimed I was the father. When I insisted on a paternity test, she got mad and admitted she’d cheated on me with the chemistry professor.” His face rueful, he continued, “And, boy, after I got a little fame under my belt, they really started coming out of the woodwork—not a single one mine, though.”
“So, on New Year’s Eve…” I felt my brow furrow, “You thought I was doing the same thing? It wasn’t even me that said it—it was Todd. But still…” I admitted, after taking a deep breath and blowing it out, “You weren’t the only one jumping to conclusions. When you didn’t call me, after that night, I was devastated.”
“You didn’t even leave a note. How could I call you?”
“I did, too.” I sat up, glaring. “I tucked it in your toiletry bag, so you’d find it when you packed up your shampoo and stuff before you left.”
“That wasn’t my bag. It was there when I arrived. I don’t have a toiletry bag.”
“The brown bag on back of the toilet?”
“Nope, not mine. I pack my bath stuff in gallon baggies and stuff them in my duffle bag. I was a poor boy…didn’t you even look at my van when you rode in it? It was like one of those Chester Molester vans—dark windows, bad paint job. Mothers actually clutched their children closer when I parked at stores.”
“Oh.”
“Wait…you thought—so, you really did leave a note?” I nodded. “And when I didn’t call…”
“I thought I was just a one night fling.”
“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” He collapsed against the back of the couch, his fingers in his hair. “I knew you were a virgin; there was blood on the sheet. When I didn’t find a note, I just figured I was a trophy fuck.”
“Ego much?”
“Wha—? No!” He chuckled, his shoulders shaking. “I mean, deep down, I knew I’d be famous, so yeah, a little. But…” He met my eyes, “It hurt to think you’d just used me. Things felt right with you. I mean, it was only one night, but…you stole my heart. I was ruined for anyone else.”
I nodded, understanding. “Me, too. All through high school, I focused on my studies. I didn’t want a boyfriend. I had to keep my grades up, because my ultimate goal was to be a pediatrician. Then in one night, with one interlude, in the middle of my senior year of high school, everything changed. I fell for you so hard that night. And even though you didn’t call, there was no way I would have gotten rid of our child, even though it meant changing my entire life’s plan. He was like a precious, unexpected gift…so, instead of being a doctor, I’m a nurse—and a mother.”
“The way you acted at the other shows makes more sense now,” he admitted. “Do you regret it?”
“Hell, no!” I pulled a small book of photos out of my purse, “Look at him. He’s perfect.” We leafed through page after page, from the day he was born until the present, before stumbling to the bed and passing out in each other’s arms.
When morning came, I turned my head and saw him staring at me. He smiled. “Good morning.”
“Good morning. How long have you been awake?” I stifled a yawn.
“Not long. Maybe five minutes.”
“What time is it?”
“Around six thirty, six forty-five.”
“Oh, shit, I almost forgot.” I sat up and grabbed my phone, “I have to call in. I was supposed to work today.” A few moments later, I hung up and sighed.
“All good?”
“Eh. They weren’t happy that I called in, but then, call-ins never make them happy. They even begrudge vacation time.”
“Why stay?”
“The pay and benefits are top notch. Some of the best in the area. Plus, they let me work during James’ school hours, so I can be home when he is.” I worried my lip, debating, then turned to more fully face him. “What are your plans for today?”
“I didn’t really make any because I didn’t know how last night would go. Why?”
“Question, first.” I waited for him to nod, then continued, “Did you come here with the intentions of meeting and talking with me, yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“That’s more than one question.” He grinned, winking at me. “The short answer is because I love you.”
I felt my cheeks heat up. “Did you get re-tested?”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes, I did.”
“And?”
“There are some sperm…whether it was enough to intentionally knock someone up, he couldn’t say. When asked if it could have happened accidentally, he said it only takes one reaching an egg to get the job done.”
“Last question…do you want a paternity test for peace of mind?”
He grabbed my hand and kissed the backs of my fingers, shaking his head. “Not necessary. My eyes tell me he’s mine, as do my brother’s and my mother’s eyes. She’s thrilled, by the way, at the thought of being a grandma. Plus, since I was your first, unless you went crazy during the first few days while you were waiting for me to call, that’s my kid.”
“Do you want to meet him?”
“I thought you said last que—wait…what?” His breath seemed to stop as he waited for me to repeat my question.
“I asked if you wanted to meet him.”
“Meet…James?”
“No, the man in the moon—yes, meet James.” I peeked up at him. “Well, do you?”
Lunging toward me, he tackled me and rolled me beneath him. Planting kisses all over my face, he declared yes after each and every one. He didn’t stop until a loud knock at the door grabbed both our attention.
“Ahem.” Leo and Lucy stood just inside the doorway, huge grins splitting both of their faces. “Are we interrupting?”
“If you were, I’m pretty sure there would be no doubts in either of your minds, so I’m gonna venture a guess and say no.”
“Ew, somebody didn’t get laid last night.” Leo teased.
“Bite me, Leo. It isn’t always about sex.” Jessie flipped him off.
“More’s the pity. We just stopped by to see what the two of you had planned for the day.”
“I’m guessing that was her idea?”
“You know it.” He grinned and Lucy rolled her eyes. “I was headed to the buffet for a big breakfast and she was all like, maybe we should check in on Callie and Jessie—Callie isn’t answering her phone.” He mock-glowered at me, “Thanks, Callie. Now I’m starving.”
“Actually, food sounds pretty g
ood.” Jessie checked with me. “Do we have time for breakfast before we go?”
“There’s always time for breakfast.” Taking my phone off mute, and struggling to sit up at the same time, I winced and waved it at her. “Sorry for worrying you, Lucy. It was an accident.”
They spoke at the same time.
Lucy, “It’s fine.”
Leo, “Go where?”
“To meet James,” Jessie crowed.
Leo’s eyes grew huge and his lips quivered. “Without me?”
Lucy hugged him close, “Aww, Uncle Leo worried about being left out of the first meet and greet?”
“Hell yeah, I am,” he agreed, “This is my first, and maybe only, nephew. I’ve been waiting since New Year’s for this day…was starting to think I was gonna have to put the cart before the horse and meet the kid before Jessie did.”
Jessie gasped, “Bite your tongue!”
“Then get ready, let’s grub and go!”
14
**
After breakfast, it was decided that I’d ride with Jessie in his rental car, and Leo would ride with Lucy in her car. The return trip back home seemed to fly by, in comparison to the trip down. Maybe it was the lead foot on my driver, but I had a sneaking suspicion that a large part of it was nerves, too. The closer we got, the quieter I got, and any illusions that I was hiding it well were busted when he reached over and squeezed my hand.
“You okay?”
I glanced at him, admiring his profile. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? You’ve gotten awfully quiet.”
“I’m a little nervous,” I admitted, my eyes on our hands, intertwined so naturally. “I’ve been waiting for this day five and a half years.”
“Five and a half? I thought he was four?”
“He is.” I laughed at him, “But he rearranged my insides with his kicks through most of my pregnancy, and I always wondered if his dad’s voice, singing to him, would calm him down. Also, July will be here before you know it, and he will be five.”
His brows met over his eyes. “I’ve missed so much. I’d have loved to see you pregnant with our child—who’s almost five already. I never got to see him learning to crawl or walk or sit. I missed his first words.”