by CL Rowell
“You never got peed on or threw up on or had to change a dirty diaper.”
He glanced at me. “Are you trying to make me feel better?”
“Did it help?”
He laughed. “Yeah, a little.”
“Good.” With a happy grin, I directed him to my house, and had him park beside my car so there would be room for Lucy. As we climbed out, my mom’s screen door flew open, and a tiny bullet shot across the yard in our direction.
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, you’re home!” I knelt just in time to catch him as he flew into my arms. “I missed you so much. Grandma didn’t know when you’d be home. Whose car is this? Who is that guy in the car with Aunt Lucy?” He paused for breath and looked up. “Are you my daddy? Cuz you look like the picture in Mommy’s room, and she says that’s a picture of my daddy, and you have eyes like him. I have eyes like him, too, so that means your eyes are like mine. Are you my daddy?”
The silence was unnerving. I wasn’t sure what to think or feel as I watched Jessie kneel down to our son’s level. His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and his voice sounded strangled, as he nodded. “Yes, I am your daddy.”
James reached out and patted his cheek, concern in his eyes. “Are you going to cry? Because you look like you’re going to cry. It’s okay if you do cry. My mommy says even big boys cry sometimes. Are you sad? Is that why you look like you’re going to cry? Mommy, is he going to cry? Why is he sad?”
“I don’t think he’s sad, honey.” I rubbed his back, soothing him. “It might be happy tears.”
“Happy tears?” He studied Jessie, then touched a tear that welled up to track down his face. “Are you sure?”
“Ask him.”
His face ready to crumple up in sympathy tears if necessary, he whispered, “Are you crying happy tears or sad tears?”
Jessie smiled and said, “Happy tears.”
“But…why?”
“Because I’m finally meeting you, and that makes me really happy.”
James’ eyes widened. “It does? Wait til I tell Tommy Tyler! He said I didn’t have a daddy cuz I’m too mean.”
“Your daddy was mean, too, when he was a little guy like you.”
James spun around and looked over my shoulder. “Hi, I’m James. Who are you?”
“I’m your Uncle Leo…your daddy’s brother.”
“I have an uncle? Cool!” He was bouncing on his toes. Taking off, he ran toward my mother’s house. “Grandma, Grandma, you won’t believe it!”
“Believe what?” She caught him, from her seat on the steps leading up to the small porch, and snuggled him close.
“I have a Daddy and an uncle, now.”
“Really?” She raised her brows, impressed. Lowering her voice, she mock-whispered, “You know what else you might have?”
“What?” He leaned in closer.
“Another grandma…”
“But…she won’t make me choose, will she?” His little lip extended in a quivering pout, “Cuz I love you and I don’t want to trade you in like a car. I wanna keep you forever and ever, amen.”
“Someone’s been hanging around Mom’s church friends,” I teased. Then, more serious, I said, “Mom, this is Jessie, who you’ve heard so much about.”
“Pleased to meet you.” She nodded, a twinkle in her eye. “I almost feel like I know you, with your miniature running around underfoot.”
“Mom!” I blushed, sneaking a look at his pink cheeks, “You’ll embarrass him.” Then I backed up a step, to include Leo and Lucy, “And this is his brother, Leo. He’s the drummer in their band.”
“Pleased to meet you, ma’am,” they both murmured, ducking their heads.
“Impressive.” She clapped her hands, “It’s a pleasure to meet you both. Will we be seeing more of you around here?” Her glance bounce back and forth between Leo and Lucy, and me and Jessie. “Or will I be seeing less of these three?”
“Mom—“ I narrowed my eyes at her.
She widened hers, looking innocent. “What? Was it something I said?”
“You know what you’re doing. No guilt tripping the guys. They have their lives mapped out.”
“So do you.”
“Yes.” I deliberately avoided looking at Jessie and the others, “But, if it came down to a choice between Jessie and my job—I’d homeschool James and choose Jessie, in a heartbeat.”
A hand tangled with mine, and I looked up. It was Jessie. The love shining in his eyes took my breath away.
“Do you mean that, even after—“ I nodded, blinking back the sting of tears, and he continued, “How did I ever get so lucky as to deserve you? I thought the day I got pulled over, heading into the tiny town of Robeline, was the worst day of my life. Doors had been slamming all around me, and then I was coerced into playing a freebie show in a tiny rundown bar in the middle of nowhere—but that’s where I found you, and my life has been on an upswing ever since. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know one thing, for sure—as long as you and James are in my life, I’ll be content. I’m never letting go of you.”
“Better be careful.” I bit my lip, squeezing his hand tight, “I might hold you to that.”
“You’d better hold me to it.” He pulled me closer. “I meant every word.”
CHAPTER TWO
Fated Love
1
*
“I’m pregnant.”
I stared at her for several long seconds, nonplussed, then shoved my fingers through my hair. “How?” I shook my head so hard my hair slapped me in the face. “No, I mean…I know how. When? Who?”
Callie and I have been friends since grade school. I grew up just around the block from her house with my Dad and Nana Edna, his mom. If things had been different, she and I might never have even met. Like if my mom had stayed off drugs, and she and my dad had stayed together. We used to rent a place in Shreveport, closer to my Grandma Linda and Grandpa Ted, Mom’s mother and father—but that was before she OD’d, and was forced into treatment, after nearly dying in the emergency room. But they didn’t stay together, and we did meet—on our first day at kindergarten. I’ll never forget that day. I was riding the edge of tears, clinging to Nana’s fingers with every ounce of strength my little hands could muster, when I heard a horrified scream.
“No, Mommy, you can’t leave me! I’ll die!”
I peeked around my Nana’s round belly, all thoughts of tears gone. I watched with bated breath as a pretty little girl about my height, with a peaches and cream complexion and butterscotch ringlets cascading down her back, squalled until her cheeks flushed with brilliant, ugly, red splotches. She threw her arms and legs around the blushing blond lady and clung like a leech as she tried to peel her off.
“Callie, you’ll be fine—“
“No, I won’t. I don’t know anyone. I’ll be scared! I want to go home with you.”
“You’ll make friends, and you’ll learn new things.” The woman knelt down to look into her eyes. “I bet, by the time I pick you up, you’ll have tons of stories to share with me, and will be excited for tomorrow to arrive, so you can come back again.”
“No, I’ll be dead from a broken heart, because you left me here with strangers.” She glared, crossing her arms across her little chest. “If you make me stay, I’ll run away, and you’ll never see me again.”
“Callie—“
Nana shook my shoulder. “Why don’t you go over there and introduce yourself, Lucy? The poor little thing—she’s scared, and could use a brave friend like yourself.”
I don’t know how brave I was, but I mustered up my courage and took her advice—and from that day forward, we’ve been inseparable, closer even than blood sisters. I’ve had Callie’s back when the bullies teased her for screwing up the grading curve with straight A’s, and she had mine when my proclivity for bad boys got my eyes dotted and I needed a shoulder to cry on. To this day, she’ll tell you I saved her life, but in truth, she saved mine.
That’s why I to
ok it upon myself to search for Jessie after hearing her story. You can tell me it wasn’t my business, tell me I should’ve kept my nose out, but until it’s your friend standing before you, pregnant, with tears rolling down her cheeks, you can’t really know. Should I have discussed it with her first? Maybe—but I’d do it all over again, given the chance. That’s what friends do…they take care of each other. Besides, helping her helped me. It brought me Leo. And me and Leo? We never would have happened without Callie.
As a rule, I don’t date musicians. All those groupies tend to give them a big head, and I’m not gonna be just another notch on any man’s bedpost. I’m the girl who turns down the stage hand when he approaches her in the audience with an offer to go backstage. I’m the one who laughs off invites to be serenaded by the singer with a sweet love song. It isn’t that I have an inflated opinion of myself, because I don’t. And I’m in no way insecure. What I do usually have is a boyfriend and I don’t cheat. Ever. Not even if the guy in question is currently at the top of the charts and rolling in dough. I’m a longterm lover, not a quick roll under the covers. My Nana raised me to be a lady, and I took her teachings to heart…well, most of them. She also told me young ladies are quiet and soft spoken—something Callie loves to remind me of, now that my Nana’s gone. That’s a lost cause, though. I’m loud and mouthy, with the vocabulary of a sailor—just like my daddy was—and I like me just the way I am.
I only have myself to blame for putting myself on a collision course with destiny. I was intrigued by the smoking hot drummer in the picture on their website—the same one that’s on back cover of Jessie Robertson’s debut CD—and on the poster stapled to the underside of the canopy over my bed…Leo Sorducci. Or, I should say, I was until I met him. When I met Leo, it was hate at first sight—but wait…I’m getting ahead of myself. Why don’t I start at the beginning? Then, maybe you’ll understand why I fought so hard to get those two together—and along the way, I’ll tell you all about me and one of the hottest drummers on the rock scene.
2
*
When Callie came to me and told me she was pregnant, in tears because Jessie hadn’t contacted her, my heart dropped. I wanted to hunt him down and hurt him—at least, until I heard the whole story, that is. Then, I just wanted to smack her. I mean, who puts a note in a toiletry bag? Seriously? Have you ever seen the inside of a guy’s toiletry bag? They’re wet and soapy—a slimy mess. Ew!
It’s like she never watched a damn chick flick or read a romance in her life. Everybody knows you leave the note pinned to the pillow, or propped up on the bedside table, so it’s the first thing they see when they look around and realize you’re gone. No hero or heroine ever says oh, let me go check the toiletry bag and see if they left a note. If they did, it’d be like Dear Hermione, I apologize for leaving while you slept but—and the rest of the writing is a big smear of ink and soap residue. Did they leave a number? Who the hell knows? You’d be better off stuffing it into the pocket of the jeans he’s gonna toss into the washer—at least then it’ll be dry when he tries to read it.
In her defense, she’s never interacted much with guys. When I was out dating, she was at the library, nose crammed in a book. She’s dreamed of being a doctor for the majority of our friendship. As a result, she has focused all of her energies toward her studies, hoping to get into a good college on a scholarship. So yeah, I was floored to hear she’d gone all the way with a hottie she met at a bar. That’s something I’d do. But her? I knew she must have been swayed by some powerful emotions, so I made up my mind to find him. If anyone deserves love, it’s Callie.
My Nana always said if anyone could find a needle in a haystack, it was me. She claimed I had a nose like a bloodhound and should train to be a PI—so I knew I was the perfect person for the job. I have a knack for finding things. It’s like an extra sense, a…what do they call it? A sixth sense. I get hunches—and I have connections, too. So I went online, and I put out feelers. And, for the first time ever, I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was floored.
As time passed, I put it out of my mind. I had plenty of distractions. Callie’s pregnancy, the reveal party, the baby shower…James’ birth. She made me his god mother. I was so thrilled. Still in school, pursuing a nursing degree instead of a medical degree, she’d bring him over when she needed to study, and drop him in my lap. She never went far—usually just across the room to my desk to study for an important exam. Occasionally she might go to the library if she had research to do that required more than an internet connection. I never minded. I couldn’t have loved him more if he was my own.
One day, out of the blue, it finally happened. I was catching up on one of my favorite series’, binging on dry, unbuttered popcorn, trying to ignore all thoughts of my cousin’s upcoming wedding so I wouldn’t fall off my diet. I only had five more pounds to go, and I’d fit into my old high school prom dress—and I really wanted to wear it to that wedding. Those last five pounds were coming off hella slow, too…almost like even the fates were conspiring against me.
I grimaced after another bite of salted white, puffed cardboard, and my text alert went off. I grabbed it, figuring it was from the aforementioned cousin, wanting to text me again and crow over her victory—though you’d think that shit would get old after three months of it. Only, it wasn’t her.
You still looking for information on Jessie Robertson?
Jessie—? Links in my brain connected, like dots on a page in a child’s coloring book, and I jackknifed upright. Yes, I am. Do you have information?
I do—but it’ll cost you.
What? I already paid Petey a hundred bucks.
Yeah, well, Petey don’t have the info. I do—and if you want it, it’ll cost you two hundred more.
Two hundred fucking dollars? Are you shitting me?
Oops, attitude tax…the price just went up.
I took a deep breath and counted to ten. My hands still shaking from irritation, I repeated the process ten more times before I felt in control enough to text again. How much do you want?
That’s better. Western Union four hundred big ones to Henry Buckstein in Los Angeles, California. Once he tells me he has the money, I’ll text you the information.
I winced. Four hundred? Way to lose your temper, Lucy. Worried, I sent: How do I know you’ll keep up your end of things?
You don’t. But if you don’t send the money, you ain’t getting the goods on Jessie.
The goods? Really? Who talks like that, other than two bit gangsters in the movies? I bit my tongue, reminded myself that it was for Callie and James. Fine. Hold your horses.
I woke my computer and sent the money, using my credit card. Then I sat on my hands and waited. Just as I was kicking myself, figuring I’d been scammed, my text alert chimed. When I tapped the screen, I saw links to four websites. Two were celebrity news sites, one was a digital music download site, and the fourth was a concert ticket site called Ticket X-Change. As I perused the links a grin split my face from ear to ear. I’d found Jessie…in a way. Then I kicked myself, realizing I could have found everything he’d sent on my own, given enough time.
After sending the links to my email address, and downloading the song onto my iPod, I pulled up the tabs on my laptop, grabbed my phone, and texted Callie.
Come over when you get off work.
Mom expects me to pick up James as soon as I’m off on Wednesdays. You know she has her church group.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. Fine, pick him up, and then come over.
Okay. Are you alright?
Yes, but I found an article you need to see. I hesitated, debating. Should I wait until she’s here to tell her? Nah, I shook my head, fuck it. Thumbs flying, I added: It’s about Jessie.
I’ll be over as soon as I can.
I spent several minutes studying the photo of Jessie’s group on the first celebrity site. There were three band members in the picture—Jessie, who sang and played guitar, Phillip Smith, the scrawny keyboard player slash b
ackup singer, and Leo Sorducci, the hot blond drummer with bedroom eyes and muscles that wouldn’t quit. After the third time I caught myself sighing over Leo, with his bleach blond faux hawk and shredded wife beater, I tore myself away. I felt guilty for the feelings his photo inspired, unable to understand why he affected me when I still felt jealousy toward my cousin’s sneaky back stabbing tricks. Putting it out of my mind, I found other stuff to do. I paced, I cleaned, I even hopped on the treadmill for a quick jog.
The chime of my text alert pulled me back to my desk. It was Callie again.
Please tell me it’s not an obituary or a wedding announcement.
My jaw dropped. Would I do that to you? Hell no, it isn’t anything like that. I stole a glance at the screen and tried not to notice a tickle of disappointment in my belly when I saw nothing but black where the group’s picture should be. Tempted to wake the computer, I balled my fist and resisted.
Thank God.
I checked the time. You on your way yet?
Just got to Mom’s.
Well, hurry.
3
*
I tossed the phone onto the coffee table and checked the charge on the laptop battery. Hearing a car pull up, I ran to peek out the window. It was Callie and James, finally!
“What part of hurry did you take issue with?” I demanded, blowing her a raspberry as I held the door open. “I’m going crazy, dying to show you what I discovered, and you come waltzing in two whole hours later.”
“Maybe not two whole hours later.” She laughed at me. “Truth fudger.”
“Mmm, fudge.” I closed my eyes, going weak in the knees at the thought of chocolate. It had been so long since I’d let the tiniest bite cross my lips. “That sounds so good, right now.”
“Isn’t there a container in your freezer?”
“Shut up! Don’t remind me—I’m trying so hard to forget it’s there until after my cousin’s wedding. Even a glimpse will add five pounds—a sniff, ten. And a bite?” I threw back my head and laughed, cutting it short when it started to sound a bit crazy. If I could hear it…I glanced around at my neighbors’ houses.