Danica, Kaylie, and Lacy had returned to the cottage, and Rob’s note haunted her. Was he sorry that he’d gone diving again? Sorry that he’d been hurt? Or sorry that he hadn’t listened to Sheila when she’d first begun asking him to change careers?
Kaylie was in the kitchen fixing lunch. Food always helps my kids when they’re upset, she’d said, and Danica had been watching Lacy as if she were about to jump off a bridge.
“You didn’t have to come here, but I’m glad you did,” Lacy said.
“When Max called and told us what had happened, I was worried, but I knew you’d call if you needed us. But then, when we couldn’t reach you and Max said no one could reach Dane, I started to worry,” Danica said.
“Maybe Dane went back home.” Lacy’s voice was just above a whisper. It hurt to say his name, and knowing that he might have left the state brought another wave of sadness. She curled her feet beneath her on the couch. The couch where she’d tried to seduce Dane. Stop it. She swallowed against the lump in her throat.
“Blake called his father’s house and he’s not there,” Danica said.
“No. I meant his home. He lives on a boat in Florida when he’s not traveling,” Lacy said.
Kaylie brought a plate with grilled cheese sandwiches into the living room and set it on the coffee table. “Comfort food,” she said.
“Thanks, Kaylie,” Lacy said.
“Lacy, I don’t want to sound ignorant, but from what Danica shared with me, it sounded as if you and Dane were headed down lover’s lane. Why would Rob’s accident change that?” Kaylie picked up a sandwich and took a bite. “I swear grilled cheese really does help.”
“I’m not sure anything will help this,” Lacy said. “We were heading in that direction, or maybe we had already found the lane and run down it, but Rob’s accident changed everything. After Danica and I talked—Oh God, this hurts so bad.” Tears fell from her eyes. “I love him so much that everything hurts. From my eyes to my stomach to my frigging feet. I ache all over. I miss him so much.”
Danica pulled her close. “I’m sorry.”
Lacy took a deep breath and continued. “We tried to figure out how our relationship could possibly work. He wanted me to travel with him.” She smiled through her tears at the memory of his friendship proposal. Her smile faded as more recent memories invaded her mind. “Then Rob had his accident and I realized—he realized—we both realized that I could give up everything to be with him and something like this could happen. Or worse, he could get killed. Rob was lucky.”
“But, Lacy, something could happen to anyone,” Danica reminded her. “Look at Blake’s partner. He died in a skiing accident. Something could happen walking across the street.”
“I know, but still. I can’t change my life to be with him, no matter how much I love him, knowing that I could end up losing him any day that he went to work. Sheila told me how hard it was to be married to Rob because of what they do. She worried every day. Then her kids began worrying. You know that every day you love someone you just love them more—and I love him so much already.”
“I know you do,” Kaylie said. “It’s written all over your face, like a crack that says, Fix me. Please get Dane to fix me.”
“How can I go into a relationship knowing I’d be tortured every day with worry? It seems unhealthy at the least, and unfair, and…I don’t know. Danica, don’t you have any support for me here?” Please tell me what to do.
Danica sighed. “Lacy, honey, I can’t tell you what to do. You have valid concerns, and you’re right. You’ll probably worry every day. Every job has risks. Granted his is riskier than most, but still. Women marry police officers and firefighters all the time.”
“Seeing Sheila mourning her husband as he lay there in the hospital bed—”
“I know it was difficult, but he lived, Lacy. He’s okay,” Danica said.
“This time,” Lacy said. “I don’t think I can do it.” And Dane doesn’t want to. “Especially now that I can’t deny how unsafe his job really is.” She touched her thigh. “He asked me to leave,” she whispered.
“He…You were both in shock. I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Danica said.
“Maybe you should go talk to him, Lace,” Kaylie suggested.
“I can’t. If I see him, I’ll see Rob and then I’ll see Sheila falling apart and wondering how she’ll survive. And then the kids’ little faces. You should have seen how scared they were when we arrived at the hospital,” Lacy said.
“Everyone goes through scary trips to the hospital at some point,” Danica said.
“And kids are resilient. His kids won’t even remember this in two years. It’ll be like a bad dream,” Kaylie said.
“Maybe not, but Sheila will, and I know I will. If I see Dane, I’ll beg him to take me back, and what happens if next time it’s him in that hospital bed? What then?” She swiped at her tears. “You think I should give up my whole life for a guy I might lose because he’s got some stupid idea about saving sharks?”
“Lacy, calm down,” Danica said.
Kaylie shot her a look. “You don’t tell a woman who’s upset to calm down.” She put her hand on Lacy’s shoulder. “Honey, love comes with worries, no matter what job a person has. And it’s scary and all consuming at times, but if you love him that much, isn’t it worth it?”
Lacy couldn’t think past her pain again. Worth it? How could anything be worth losing the person you love? She looked at her sisters, and for the first time since the accident, Lacy felt sure of one thing. “I want to go home.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
DANE FLEW THROUGH the ICU doors twenty minutes after receiving the message from Sheila. He shouldn’t have turned off his phone, but his family’s incessant calls were driving him mad. He’d turned the phone on for only a minute, to call the hospital, when his messages rolled through. Seven from his family and one from Sheila. He entered Rob’s room out of breath and unprepared to see the tube still down his best friend’s throat.
“I thought…?” Dane fumbled for words.
“He needs the tube until his lungs recover,” Sheila said.
Rob lifted his sleepy eyes and met Dane’s. Tears spilled down Dane’s cheeks. He leaned over, and with one arm on each of Rob’s thick shoulders, careful not to knock the tubes and wires that snaked Rob’s body, Dane put his face against Rob’s healthy cheek. He needed to feel Rob against him, and he wanted Rob to feel what was left of his strength and to draw from it whatever he needed.
“I missed…” Sobs swallowed Dane’s voice. “You scared the shit out of me.”
Rob pointed to a notebook in Sheila’s hands. She handed it to him, and Rob fumbled to grip the pen, then dragged it across the paper slowly. His hand shook as he passed the pad to Dane.
Did they tag her?
Dane laughed and wiped a tear from his cheek. “You crazy bastard. You scared the shit out of me. No, they didn’t tag her. We were too busy saving your ass.” Dane wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have let you go down. It was selfish and stupid.”
Rob wrote something on the pad again and handed it back to Dane.
You couldn’t have stopped me.
“I’m still younger than you. I could have stopped you,” Dane said, but he knew that he couldn’t have stopped Rob any more than Rob would have been able to stop him if the tables were turned. “None of it matters. I’m just glad you pulled through. I’ve got you covered. Anything you need. You know I’m here.”
Rob nodded.
“Sheila,” Dane began, but words evaded him.
She came around the bed and embraced him. “You had a good run,” she whispered.
Their last dive together would haunt Dane forever. It was the defining moment that shaped his decision to move on alone.
“I backed out of this assignment and the next one. Now that Rob’s doing better, I’m gonna sail Treat’s boat back to Wellfleet; then I’m taking off for a bit,” Dane explained.
�
�Where will you go?” Sheila asked.
Dane shrugged. He’d sent Lacy away so he could continue his career without the possibility of her getting hurt, but knowing she was no longer a part of his life crushed his passion to continue and hindered his ability to function. “Florida to start, to get my boat. After that, I’m not sure.”
Rob pulled his sleeve and pointed to the notebook. Dane handed it to him and Rob wrote, Lacy?
Dane ran his hand over his face, gathering the strength to say aloud the painful truth. He couldn’t do it. Instead, he shook his head.
Rob wrote, Because of me?
“No, Rob. It’s because of me.” It’s my career choice. My risk. My selfish need to do what I want to do and my desire to protect her from getting hurt, no matter how much it hurts me.
Chapter Thirty-Three
BACK AT WORLD GEOGRAPHIC, Lacy moved through her days like an automaton. Fred advised her of the hold that Dane had put on their assignment, and Lacy explained that if he requested that she run the program in the future, she respectfully declined. She kept in touch with Sheila and learned that Rob would be going home in a few days. The kids were elated, and Sheila was beyond thrilled, although worried about what Rob’s career change might mean for the family. She didn’t want him going back on the boat, but she knew he would never be happy working a typical land-based job. Lacy hadn’t thought about Rob’s love of the sea, much like she hadn’t thought about Dane’s love of his job in that way. Hearing Sheila talk about the sea as if it were Rob’s lover made Lacy realize why Dane could never give up his chosen career. If the sea was Rob’s lover, it was Dane’s lifeblood.
She’d had a lot of time to think in the week since the accident, and once the ache of Rob’s scare eased, the loss of Dane took over. She’d thrown herself back into work, and even now, as she tried to form a strategic plan for one client and a marketing concept for another, her mind waded back through that thick fog of pain to the memories of her and Dane together.
Dane hadn’t called her and she hadn’t reached out to him, although every night before bed she’d turned on Skype and set her cell phone by her bed, just in case. She longed to hear his voice, but each time she thought about calling him, she remembered Sheila standing at Rob’s bedside, not knowing if he’d live or die. That was enough to keep her from punching in his speed dial number.
“Can I see you for a minute, Lacy?” Fred asked from her office doorway.
“Sure, of course. Come in.”
Fred closed the door behind him and sat across from her desk.
“Lacy, were you there when Rob had his accident?” Fred asked.
“No. I wasn’t on the boat with them, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said.
He nodded. “And did you get really close to him while you were there?”
Lacy narrowed her eyes. “Rob? Not really close, but we became friends. We had dinner together. I spent time with his wife and children. Actually, yes, I guess I would say we were close.”
“Do you need some time off? I know you said you didn’t want any time off originally, but I’ve noticed your work hasn’t been up to your usual high standard.”
Lacy saw the worry in Fred’s serious gaze and the way he leaned forward when he brought up her quality of work, like he was saying something even he didn’t what to hear.
Yes. I’d like a lifetime off. I want to disappear and never have to think again. Or feel. Or be. “I’m sorry, Fred. I know my work hasn’t been up to par, and I promise to do better, but I don’t want time off. I need to keep my mind occupied.”
“I’m worried about you, Lacy. Are you sure you don’t want to go visit your sisters, or spend some time just relaxing? Tasha can handle covering for a few days,” Fred said.
Before going to Chatham, the idea of Tasha covering for her just to take time off would have knocked her from her seat. Now, sitting with Fred and begging him to let her do a subpar job to keep her mind off of Dane seemed ridiculous. Maybe she should take time off. God knows that every time she walked by Fred’s office, she remembered finding Dane there. Maybe she should go visit Kaylie and the kids and immerse herself in them for a while. Or maybe she should take off work and stay home and wallow in her loneliness. Either way, having Fred look at her with pity wasn’t the answer, even if it meant Tasha earning the promotion she had wanted so badly. I don’t care anymore. The truth of her thought startled her.
She needed to clear the chaos from her mind. She glanced at the clock. “I really appreciate your concern, Fred. I’ll think about it while I’m at lunch. Can we talk later this afternoon?” Lacy promised herself she wouldn’t dwell on Dane while she was at lunch. She’d get a cold Diet Pepsi, a People magazine, and sit at the café down the street and just veg for a while.
“EVERYTHING SUCKS. THAT’s just the way my life is right now.” Lacy held the cell between her shoulder and ear as she pulled out of the office parking lot.
“I know it feels that way, Lace, but you’re really very blessed when you look at the bigger picture,” Danica said.
“Oh, I know. I have a great family, a good job that I might have just jeopardized, and I’ve got a nice place to live. I think I’m just tired and stressed. I’m gonna grab a rag mag and chill for an hour. And I’m not gonna think about Dane. Shit…hold on.” Lacy slammed on her brakes and dropped the phone in her lap. “Asshole,” she yelled at the car that cut her off. She looked down for a split second to retrieve her phone and stepped on the gas to cross the intersection. Lacy never saw the Honda Civic coming her way, and she never heard Danica’s scream coming through the phone when the sound of metal against metal sent her car spinning and her phone flying through the air.
Chapter Thirty-Four
IT WAS A typical New England evening. Dane sat on the deck of Treat’s bungalow, having decided not to return to Florida after all. He wanted to be able to visit Rob as he recovered and be there for Sheila. They were both doing much better. Rob was getting stronger by the day, and without the ventilator, he was able to speak freely, even if a tad gravelly. He and Sheila were looking forward to returning to their home in Florida, and they were grateful for Dane’s generosity, as he covered Sheila’s hotel stay and any medical bills that insurance didn’t cover. He’d offered Rob a job with Brave on the boat or in the office—the choice was up to him—and for as much as his friend’s life was coming together, Dane felt unglued within his own.
Every time he thought about going back to his boat, he thought of Lacy. He knew he’d see her in the cabin and feel her in bed beside him. He’d stayed in Treat’s cottage to avoid being in the cabin of that boat because the memories were too fresh, his emotions too raw. He’d done the right thing. At least he thought he had. Who was he to ask her to live a life surrounded by risk and worry when she’d so willingly been overcoming her own fears? He loved her too much to allow that. As he watched the sun set over the bay, he knew that another reason he’d stayed in Massachusetts was that the act of physically leaving would finalize their breakup. As silly as it seemed, somehow being in the same state made him feel closer to her.
His cell phone rang. Dad. His family had been all over him for ignoring their calls after Rob’s accident, but in the end they’d all understood his need to be alone. He picked up the phone.
“Hi, Dad.”
“How are you doing, son?”
Hal’s voice wrapped itself around Dane.
Lonely. Sad. Feeling like taking a step on a boat might hurt too much. “Not bad. How about you?”
“Fairly well. I was down at the barn this afternoon with Hope. She’s doing well. Strong. Rex takes good care of her.”
When his mother had first become ill, his father had bought her Hope, a mare, and his father treated Hope as though Dane’s mother lived within her. Although that had always bothered Dane, he knew it brought his father comfort, and for that he was grateful.
“Good, Dad.”
“Dane, what are you doing out at Treat’s place? Why aren’t you b
ack home?” his father asked.
“Home?” His father never pressured any of his children to visit, and his question brought a string of worry to Dane. “Is something wrong?”
“Home, Dane. Your home. On your boat.”
Dane sighed. “I’m headed that way, Dad. I just needed a little time to make sure Rob was okay.” And to make sure I was ready.
“All right. What have you been doing for the past week?”
“Uh, you know, going out on the boat.” The lie tasted like acid on his tongue. “Trying to get past Rob’s accident.”
“Treat’s boat?” his father asked.
Dane shook his head. He knew his father didn’t believe him. Hell, all it would take is one call from Treat to the resort to know that he hadn’t even sailed it back. He’d paid to have it returned.
“Dad.”
“Something you want to tell me, son?”
Dane pictured his father sitting in his favorite leather recliner wearing a flannel shirt and a pair of Levi’s, his face a mask of worry. “Not really,” Dane said.
“What’s your plan?” his father asked.
“I don’t know, Dad. I guess I’ll head back to Florida at some point and get back in the game. Right now I’m trying to remember what it all means,” Dane admitted.
“What it all means? Like what it means to save sharks?”
He knew his father’s inquisition could not be deterred. When Hal Braden set his sights on making a point, he made it. Dane wondered what today’s point would be and decided he’d better cut to the chase and fess up now if he wanted to get to the point of it.
“Life, Dad. Work, relationships, death. I’m trying to figure out the point of it all.” He closed his eyes and waited for his father’s wisdom to enlighten him. When his father didn’t answer, he said, “Dad?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“You asked me a question, and I answered. Don’t you have anything to say?”
Sea of Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens, Book 4) Contemporary Romance Page 25