Fractured Hearts: A Fractured Rock Star Romance

by L. M. Dalgleish

  Connor stared at him in shock, then sunk back down, his heart thundering in his chest. Fuck. He felt sick, hollow, gutted. He did love her. He couldn’t deny the truth anymore. He loved her—loved everything about her—and according to Tex, she loved him back. And he’d pushed her away at every turn. From the first moment he’d realized he was attracted to her, he’d tried to keep her at arm’s length. Even when he’d given in to his desire and touched her, he’d made sure to let her know it was just a fling. Even when he’d been inside her, he’d never let himself think about what exactly he was feeling. Pretending it wasn’t there. Pretending he’d be able to walk away at the end. Pretending he could watch her walk away and not care that she’d end up belonging to someone else.

  He had been so stupid. Was it too late to make up for it? He didn’t want to think so—couldn’t think so. He had to make it right. He wanted Lexie in his life; it was the only thing he felt clear about at the moment. But Tex was right. He needed to sort things out before he spoke to her. He stood up. “Let’s go.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’m going to get my shit together, and then I’m going after her.”

  Tex grinned. “Finally.”

  Chapter 43

  It had been five weeks since Lexie had left the tour, and she was still waiting for the pain to ease. She’d got back from Canada a week ago. It had been good to escape from everything, to go somewhere she couldn’t be found, to have time to think and process her feelings. But then again, that time on her own had also allowed her to feel all the pain and regret.

  She didn’t know if she’d done the right thing by ignoring Connor’s phone calls those first few days after she’d left. Talking to Tex and finding out the truth about what happened on that last night had blunted some of her anger but hadn’t lessened the pain. Talking to Connor wouldn’t help. She loved him, but he didn’t love her. He hadn’t wanted anything more from her than her body—he’d made that clear. And even if he did care about her, he wasn’t someone she could have a future with. She needed to focus on that and do her best to forget him. Talking to him would have just meant ripping her heart to shreds again, and she wasn’t strong enough for that.

  Before she’d headed to Canada, Lexie had finalized the mock-up of the photo book and sent it off to Drew. Doing it had been heartbreaking, but it also ended up making her smile. There were so many amazing photos, so many incredible memories. She’d never forget her time with those four amazing, talented men, regardless of how it had ended. Eventually, the pain would ease, and she’d remember only the good times. And as much as he’d ended up hurting her, Connor had first started healing her; had shown her that love after Damien was possible. She rubbed her chest, over her heart, hoping to ease the ache as she thought of him.

  She had ended up swapping out Connor’s portrait, replacing the one he’d posed for with the candid she’d taken at the end of their morning at the beach. Just looking at the photo made the love and pain surge up in her. The play of light and shadow over his back emphasized every toned muscle, highlighting the beauty of his body. But that wasn’t what captivated her. It was the way he stood, holding his guitar and looking out at the ocean as if searching for answers in the endless blue. She hoped eventually he would find whatever it was he was looking for.

  She had also forced herself to look at the photos they’d taken on their last night together. They were amazing, beautiful, heart-wrenching, brutal. You could see every emotion on her face, and she’d cried far too many tears at the memory. Then she’d dried her eyes and saved them onto her personal hard drive. A bittersweet memory she’d keep for the rest of her life. No matter what else happened.

  That morning, she was updating her online portfolio with examples of her most recent work when a knock sounded at her door. She frowned, curious as to who it could be, pushing aside the little voice in her mind wondering if it could be Connor. She knew it wouldn’t be, and she hated the part of her heart that clung to the hope he might come for her. So, when she opened the door and saw him standing on her doorstep, looking sexy and disheveled as if he’d just run his hands through his hair, she only stared at him with wide eyes.

  “Hi, Lexie.” Two words said with that oh-so-sexy lilt had her heart threatening to beat out of her chest.

  “C-Connor? W-What are you doing here?” Great, now she was stammering.

  He smiled, but his expression was guarded. “I’m here to see you. Can I come in?”

  She started, realizing she’d been staring at him and blocking the doorway.

  “Of course.” She stepped back and he brushed past her, his clean, crisp scent bringing with it a rush of memories.

  He walked over to the dining table, looking down at some of the prints from her Canadian job that she’d laid out. She had to shake her head to make sure she wasn’t dreaming—seeing him in her house was surreal.

  Lexie took a few steps closer, but not too close. She was already fighting the urge to touch him.

  Connor was still looking at the photos—landscapes, some candids. “These are beautiful,” he said quietly.

  “Thank you.” She wasn’t sure what else to say.

  Finally, he turned and looked at her. His green eyes burned into hers, but she couldn’t read his expression. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke.

  “I wanted to apologize,” he started, and she felt the small balloon of unwelcome hope that had begun inflating in her chest deflate. He was just doing the decent thing and coming to apologize to her in person, nothing more. She blinked back the tears that were always so close to the surface these days. “What I said to you was unforgivable. I lashed out at you, and you didn’t deserve that. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that things ended that way between us.”

  She nodded, her chin trembling with the effort to hold back the tears. She just needed to get through this, and then she could fall apart when he’d gone.

  He sighed. “And then having to see what you did that night. Tex told me he let you know what happened. I promise you, Lexie, I would never have done that to you.”

  “I know,” she whispered. Wanting him to go and never leave at the same time.

  “Why did you talk to Tex and not me?” He sounded upset then, which made her a little mad.

  “Because I didn’t want to talk to you!” She stopped and took a deep breath so she could continue more calmly, “By the time I spoke to Tex I’d already been too hurt. Even though I knew then that you weren’t screwing around, it was still over between us. I was already gone—why put us both through that? We both needed to move on.”

  His eyes narrowed, the green glittering with an anger of his own. “I said some terrible things that I didn’t mean, Lexie, but you should have given me the chance to apologize. You didn’t think I might be hurting too?”

  Taken aback, she paused before responding. Had she thought Connor would be hurting? Not really—she’d honestly believed he would want a clean break. But looking at him now, with his tense jaw and narrowed gaze, she realized that maybe she’d been blind to what was actually going on with him. Too absorbed in her own pain to see what he might have been feeling.

  “I-I’m sorry, I just assumed this would be easier for both of us to, you know, move on…” She trailed off as his jaw clenched tighter.

  “I may not have said the words, Lexie, but I was showing you how I felt. Even when I didn’t know myself. Yes, I said some stupid things because I was upset and I handled it badly, but then you pushed me away when I tried to make it right. I’m sorry—sorrier than you could ever know—that I hurt you. But you hurt me too.”

  Lexie felt her chin trembling harder than ever, and then her entire body started to shake, because she could see from Connor’s expression that she had hurt him. And she realized that maybe a small, mean part of her had wanted to pay him back for the pain she’d felt. She should have known, after what he’d told her about his father, that ignoring him and pushing him away when
he was reaching out to her would hurt him. So, what did that say about her? Shakily, she managed to get out, “I’m sorry, that was wrong of me. I should have spoken to you, cleared the air.”

  He raked both hands through his hair in frustration. “You don’t get it. I don’t want to just clear the air so we can move on. I don’t want to move on, Lexie. I want you to stay with me, to be with me properly. I want to try to make this work between us.”

  She sucked in a shocked breath, never expecting that from him. He’d told her over and over that he didn’t do relationships. Could it be true? And if it was, what did that mean? She knew she loved him, but she couldn’t figure out how they could be together. He was a hugely successful rock star, and she was just a normal person. How could it ever work between them?

  This time she couldn’t stop the tears spilling over. “Connor, being with you was beyond incredible. I lo… like you so much, but that’s your life, not mine. You’re a rock star, and I’m not cut out to be a rock star’s girlfriend. You must know that as well as I do.”

  His brows drew together, and he frowned. “What does that even mean? What sort of person do you think you need to be, to be a rock star’s girlfriend? Surely all it takes is wanting to be with me?”

  “I do want to be with you. So much. But I also don’t want to be on the sidelines of your life, waving goodbye every time you head out on tour, watching women throw themselves at your feet, spending long nights wondering if you might be lonely enough to…” She paused and gave a slight shake of her head. “Wondering if I’ll be enough for you. It might sound selfish, but I want to be someone’s priority. I want love, marriage, a family. You have your own priorities, Connor, and they’re important because they’re yours. Tex, Noah, Zac, they’re your family. The band is your life right now, even if you’re not sure what the future holds. I can’t lose myself in you, then have my heart broken all over again. It’s going to hurt like hell to walk away, but it’s the best thing for me, for both of us.”

  He shook his head in frustration. “We can talk about the future of the band later. What I need to know right now is how you feel about me. Do you love me, Lexie? Because I love you. That’s the only thing that matters.”

  Her heart stopped, then kicked back in at double time. He loved her?

  He stepped closer and reached for her, cupping her chin and tilting her face up to his. “Stop seeing the truth only through your camera. I need you to see me, who I really am.”

  He took her hand in his and pressed it against his chest, just over his heart. “This belongs to you. I’ve never given it to anyone else. You’re the only one I ever want to give it to.” His green eyes searched hers. “I’m asking you to give me a chance. To give us a chance.”

  Lexie could feel his heart beating under her palm, fast, but strong and sure, and as she gazed up into his beautiful eyes, she felt like she was finally able to look past the reality of what he was to see the truth of who he was. He was more than just a rock star. He was a man—a talented, passionate, generous man. A man who loved her. The possibility of a future with him unfolded in front of her. Love, laughter, passion. Maybe one day dark-haired children that would nestle in their father’s arms as he sang lullabies to them, while their mother took a thousand photos. It was a different future to the one she used to imagine, but just as real.

  Lexie felt the tears well up in her eyes and overflow. She’d been so stupid to walk away from him. No, not stupid—frightened by the intensity of her feelings for him and the potential for more heartbreak. But there can only be heartbreak when there is love, and she didn’t want to spend her life frightened of love in case she got hurt again. She was stronger than that. And he was here, standing in front of her, offering her his heart. It might be hard. It might not work out. But she realized she would forever regret not giving them a chance.

  So, as he reached up to brush away her tears, his pain and hope clear in his eyes, the words spilled from her. “I love you so much Connor; I’m sorry for walking away from you. I was so scared of letting myself love you in case I lost you. After Damien, I was scared I could never love anyone again. And then I met you, and I was scared of loving the wrong person and having my heart torn out again. I didn’t think I could bear the pain, but I was wrong. Being with you is worth the risk. It’s worth everything.”

  Connor closed his eyes in relief, before opening them and giving her the sexiest smile. “Thank God. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d said you didn’t love me.”

  Lexie smiled back at him, even as she felt more tears fall. “Was there ever any doubt? I still can’t believe no one saw it written on my face whenever I looked at you.”

  “Tex saw it. He saw through both of us right from the start.”

  She nodded slowly. “Yes, I think he did.”

  He leaned closer and smirked as he whispered, “I can’t believe you kissed him.”

  Lexie’s eyes rounded, and she blushed. “He told you?”

  “Yeah. I would’ve punched him if he hadn’t been holding my guitar.” She laughed at that. “But he told me you weren’t interested, so I let him off with a warning.”

  Lexie started to say something else, but before she could his mouth was on hers. She moaned and stood on her tiptoes so she could press herself closer to him, pushing her sensitive breasts against the hard planes of his chest. Connor groaned and she could feel him, already hot and hard, against her stomach.

  He broke the kiss. “Bedroom?” His voice was tight and urgent.

  Lexie pointed down the short hallway running off the living room. “Last door on the right,” she said breathlessly. Then his mouth was back on hers, and he swept her up in his arms, holding her against him as he carried her down the hall and into her bedroom, never taking his lips from hers.

  Chapter 44

  Connor collapsed back on the bed. He didn’t know how long they’d been making love, but regardless of how long it had been, he knew he would never get enough of her. Now she was draped over him, her head resting on his chest and her fingers stroking circles over his skin. He still couldn’t quite believe that he’d managed to get her back, but knowing he had made him smile in satisfaction. Whatever it took, he was going to make sure Lexie never regretted taking this chance with him.

  He’d also found the time to tell her what had happened with his dad, the morning it had all gone bad. Her anger on his behalf made him realize how little his dad’s actions could hurt him anymore. Somehow loving her, and having her love him, had lessened the pain of that last betrayal. His dad had moved on; he owed it to himself to do the same.

  Lexie finally broke the contented silence. “You said something before about the band’s future. What did you mean?”

  He smiled more broadly. “I should have listened to you and spoken to the others earlier. After you left, I knew I needed to get my shit together before I talked to you again. That’s why it’s taken me this long to come for you. We had a few decisions to make and meetings with the label. But now it’s all sorted.”

  Lexie propped herself up on one elbow, brows raised and a small smile playing on her lips as she waited for him to elaborate.

  “So, the band has made a unanimous decision to take a hiatus. Everyone was kind of over the intense touring schedule. Tour fatigue and all that shit. Anyway, Tex and I have decided we want to try writing songs for a kind of stripped-back acoustic album, as well as focusing on more actively supporting the music therapy charities we’re involved in.”

  “That’s fantastic! I’m so excited for you, Connor.” Lexie’s eyes were shining, and he had to stop to kiss her thoroughly before continuing.

  “Zac and Noah are starting their own band as a side project. Zac will be the lead singer, and we’re all going to collaborate on writing an album for them. We’ll be spending a lot of time writing songs, but I can do that from home initially, or on the road with you if you want me to come with you when you travel. We’ve got a few gigs we’ve signed up for that Fractured wil
l still need to do. Some of those are overseas, but if you don’t have any jobs on then, I’d love you to come with us. After we release the new album, we’ll probably have to do a tour, but it won’t be stadiums. It’ll be just a few small, intimate venues to suit the stripped-back style of the album. We’re all looking forward to toning it back and just enjoying playing music with each other again. I can’t promise we won’t have to do a stadium tour at some stage; you never know what the future holds. But Lexie, I want you with me always. We’ll deal with it together if it happens.”

  Lexie pushed herself up and pressed her mouth softly against his. Pulling back, she smiled at him. “You look so happy.”

  “I am happy. The happiest I’ve been in a long time. I’ve got my friends, my music the way I like it, and best of all I’ve got you. Add in the ability to use my fame and money to help kids, and what more could I ever need?”

  She gazed up at him, so much love shining in her eyes that his heart surged in his chest. Her lips met his in a long, searing kiss, and he’d never felt more sure of his future.

  Epilogue

  C onnor had known he was going to marry Lexie almost as soon as they’d started officially dating.

  She’d shown him the photos they’d taken that last night they were together on tour. Apart from being incredibly erotic, he’d been struck by the love he’d seen shining from her face, and his—even though he hadn’t realized at the time that he loved her. The knowledge that he was going to make her his forever had hit him like a sledgehammer. He wanted them bound together in every way possible—body, soul, and marriage—something he once thought he would never want.

  He knew it was far too early to say anything to her then since she was still nervous about whether their different lives would mesh. He wanted to give her time to see how well they could work together. And he knew they would because he was prepared to do everything he could to make sure that they did, even if that meant leaving the band altogether.