Broken Shadow

by Jaine Fenn

  CHAPTER 15

  Dej half guided, half carried Etyan back to the camp and into the cave, calling out for help. Gerthen laid him on the bed, and got her to fetch water to wet his lips. The other two men who slept in the cave – Captain Govand and Master Timanth, the head metalworker – woke up, then in Govand’s case, went back to sleep once he saw there was no immediate threat.

  Dej paced about outside. When she couldn’t bear it any more she called, “Will he be alright?”

  “He will,” replied Gerthen, “but he needs water, and rest.”

  “Let me look after him.”

  Gerthen considered for a moment. “If you want. Give him only a dribble of water at a time, and let me know if his breathing slows or his fever grows.”

  The cave was awkwardly crowded now but Dej barely noticed. Etyan had come after her, and nearly died doing so. She was going to make him better.

  After a while he focused on her face and whispered, “Found you.”

  “I hoped you would.” Because she had. No wonder she’d been unable to decide what to do; some part of her had been waiting for him, knowing he’d come. “But it’s been weeks!”

  “I know. Not the pathfinder you are, my love.” His eyes closed, but he was smiling, his breathing strong and even.

  She sat with him all day, dribbling water over his lips when he was awake, just watching him when he wasn’t.

  When evening fell, the Captain had his men set up a makeshift pallet for Dej at the edge of the awning, but she stayed with Etyan until she found her eyes closing, at which point she lay on the floor beside him and dozed.

  When daylight came and they were both awake he told her how, after she had been gone two days, he went to the estate.

  “You do know that’s the last place I’d go?” She tried to make a joke of it.

  “Yes. But if I was going to come after you I needed supplies.” He’d arrived with an empty backpack. “I stocked up and left Shen on the north road, then turned off into the mountains.”

  “You knew I’d come here?”

  “I hoped you would, given it was where we met.”

  Love swelled to fill her. “I’m so glad you did. So what happened?”

  “I thought I knew where I was going but got lost in the mountains. I was so scared, Dej. Some of the stuff out here, like nightwings…” He’d nearly been killed by a nightwing. “I ended up more worried about finding shelter than finding you. Sorry.”

  “But you did find me.”

  “Eventually. Ran out of food and resorted to eating the local stuff first. Remember how I hated palefruit when you first gave it to me? Tastes fine now and it kept me alive long enough to find you.”

  “Thank the First!” She slipped her hands under him and held him to her, though it made her damaged chest twinge. She sat back. “I’m sorry I ran off. You must have been so worried.”

  “I was. I mean, I knew you’d be all right – you’re tough and smart and you know how to survive – but of course I had to come after you.”

  “I’m so glad you did.” For now, said a small nagging voice. What about when they went back to Shen? Would they just fall back into fighting and fucking and not really talking. Should she try and get him to talk now? Maybe when he’d recovered a bit.

  “Dej?” He was looking up at her in concern. “Are you alright?”

  “Yes. I was… just thinking.”

  “Listen, we’re out here now. Why don’t we do what you always wanted? Let’s explore the skyland, together.”

  Dej’s face broke into a grin. “I’d love to!”

  “Good. Because I’ve been thinking about why we keep fighting and a lot of it… Don’t take this the wrong way, but we were bored. Once we’d got the shack built, and set up regular visits to the estate so we had supplies there wasn’t much to do.” He grinned. “Other than the obvious, of course. But we need to do stuff together, besides that. We could spend a while finding out about the world at large. What do you say?”

  “Yes, obviously! Yes, yes, yes!” She hugged him again, pulling him as tight as she dared given his feeble state and her damaged ribs. “Just as soon as we’re both fit enough.”

  “Have you been ill then?”

  She pulled back. How would he react if she told him she’d been shot trying to steal some iron? He’d be happier not knowing. “It was nothing. I’m pretty much over it now.”

  “Oh. If you’re sure you’re alright.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Good. We’ll have to tell Ree.”

  Her warm heart cooled a fraction. “Tell her what?”

  “What we’re doing. I got to the estate before she was due. I should have left a note or at least told someone where I was going, but I just wanted to get out here and find you.”

  “You’re right, I suppose. It’s only fair to let her know we’re leaving.”

  “And when we’ll be back.”

  “Will we? Be back I mean?”

  “I can’t just disappear forever, Dej. But we could spend, I don’t know, three months, maybe four, out in the skyland. It’s not like there’s much going on with my sister except her eternal studies.”

  And worrying about marrying her brother off. Both of which she could keep doing by herself for all Dej cared. “All right. Four months then, yes?”

  “Yes. Four months, just us, seeing the world.”

  She sat with him all day, sometimes talking, sometimes just holding his hand and looking out over the skyland. She wondered if the men dozing in their beds overheard them. So what if they did? When the shadowkin got up for the night’s work and left them alone she cuddled up to him on the bed. But despite her elation, she was exhausted. She needed a proper night’s sleep. She considered using one of the other pallets but didn’t like the idea of sleeping in a strange man’s bed, even when it was empty.

  “Etyan, I need to sleep, just for a while. I’ve got a pallet outside. You should rest too. Then tomorrow you can write a note for your sister, and I’ll ask about getting some supplies. We can leave as soon as you’re able. All right?”

  “All right.” He looked as tired as she felt. “If you think you can sleep with all the noise.”

  “I hardly notice it.” The to and fro of the craftsmen was no more intrusive than the background fuss and mutter of the crèche dormitory. “I’ll be back before dawn.” She gave him a lingering kiss, and left.

  Her new pallet was between a pile of boxes and one of the supply tents, out of sight of the men. She dragged it round to align with the north then fell into it. Sleep came quickly, her last amused thought being that she was sleeping within an arm’s reach of enough iron to buy her old crèche.

  She woke to a greying sky, and sat up. The men were winding down for the night.

  “Got that end?”

  Someone in the supply tent next door, their voice loud through the canvas. She thought it was the soldier who kept losing at dice.

  “Wait. Yep, got it now.” That was Lanen; Govand had made him apologise for shooting her but he hadn’t met her eyes when he did so. “I know she hasn’t got tits any more, but is she scaly down below too, d’you think?”

  They were talking about her. Her breath caught.

  “No idea. Not going to bother his lordship if she is, though.”

  Something being lifted, and some sloshing; they were manhandling a barrel. “What d’you mean?” asked Lanen.

  “Don’t you remember? Couple of years back a guildmaster’s girl got her throat slit, body dumped in the dyer’s pools.”

  “What was that to do with Lord Harlyn?”

  “The murder was down to hired thugs. Some sort of House feud. But I heard a rumour that before she got herself killed his lordship had his way with her, and not gently either.”

  “Oh. Didn’t know he was the type.”

  “Oh yes. Got a cousin does door-work on a brothel. His lordship was a regular. That sort, sometimes they don’t want to pay for it, even if they’ve got the money. They jus
t take it.”

  Dej pressed her hand against her mouth. They were lying. Or they meant someone else. She jumped up off the pallet. Then she made herself walk sedately through the camp, like nothing was wrong.

  When she reached the cave she looked down at Etyan. He was half asleep but opened his eyes and smiled up at her. Oh, that smile. But who else had he used it on?

  “Etyan, I need to ask you something and I need you to answer honestly.”

  “What is it?” He struggled to raise himself on his elbows. “What’s wrong?”

  “Have you ever… did you visit brothels?” It sounded so absurd, so unlikely. “Back in Shen, before you met me.”

  He gave up trying to sit, fell back, and exhaled. “I did a lot of stupid things before I met you.”

  “So that’s a yes then. You went with whores.”

  “Why are you asking this now?”

  “Never mind why I’m asking. Did you?”

  “I… yes. I did. Lots of us did. Young men, with money, out to have fun. We lived life to the full. I’m not proud of it. But I wasn’t the only one.”

  Perhaps it had been normal, then. Perhaps he really did regret it, now. But that wasn’t all. “And what about the girl?”

  “What girl?”

  “You know what girl.” She fought to keep her voice down. “The one who died.”

  “I didn’t kill her, Dej. I wasn’t even there when it happened.”

  “But you were there before, with her.”

  He said nothing.

  “You were there,” she continued, “and you… “ She couldn’t say it, and instead settled on, “…attacked her.”

  “I don’t know where you’re getting this from, Dej–”

  “That doesn’t matter. What matters is what happened. What did you do to her?”

  “Do to her… “ His voice died away.

  “Answer me Etyan! Did you rape her?” There, she’d said it.

  He looked at her sharply, and at that moment she knew the truth. She pulled away. He put a hand out. “Wait, wait…” She paused, out of range of his touch. “Dej, you have to understand, it wasn’t like you think.”

  “How was it then?” Each word felt like a stone she was spitting.

  “I was set up. The whole thing. My so-called friends got me wrecked, found this girl, said she was a whore. I didn’t know any better.”

  “Yes, because if she had been a whore it would’ve been just fine to do whatever you wanted to her.”

  “Yes. No. I really thought she… “

  “Wanted you?” Like I’ve wanted you, so many times. Dej gulped back bile.

  “No. She wasn’t… She didn’t act like a whore. But they said that was part of the game. She was play-acting, pretending. That’s what they said.”

  Pretending to be what he wants, because you want him to want you. “And you believed them! You didn’t think about her at all. You just fucked her. Even though she was just a scared, innocent girl.”

  “I really didn’t know! I barely knew what I was doing, I was so out of it–”

  “That’s no excuse!”

  “No, it isn’t. And if only she’d struggled, or cried out. Anything to make me realise what was really happening. How wrong it was. But she just lay there, just let me… She just lay there.”

  Looking up, at the rafters. Waiting for it to be over. Because if you struggle, it’ll be even worse. Dej couldn’t breathe.

  “Listen, Dej, please. I did a terrible thing. If I could go back and undo it… “

  “You never can.”

  “You think I don’t know that? You think it doesn’t eat away at me? But what can I do, now?”

  “I don’t care what you do now.” She turned on her heel.

  “Please!”

  She paused in the mouth of the cave, not turning, speaking just loud enough for him to hear. “You will never see me again.”

  She stalked through the camp, blind to the craftsmen and soldiers. Once she was away from their tents she stopped, bent over, and threw up, a single violent ejection of the foulness inside. She straightened, wiped her mouth and carried on, walking faster. She was humming under her breath, the rough sound going in and out of tune but filling her head, like the act of walking filled her body.

  Even so, as she strode through the dark, she couldn’t help thinking of Cal. What that bastard did was part of who she was, but she’d dealt with it. She wasn’t going to waste any more time worrying about a shit like him. But Etyan… how could he? She slowed and stopped when the Sun came up. Now, more than ever, she needed to think straight.

  She walked back across the valley then crept up to the ironworks, using what cover she could find, every sense alert to being spotted. The Sun was high, the camp silent. When she reached the shadow of the first tent she paused and tried to sense Etyan, though even this much contact repelled her. Nothing. He’d been too weak to get up by himself. He’d probably gone back to sleep.

  She swallowed hard, then got out her paring knife and slit the wall of the tent. Time to do what she should’ve done when she first came to this wretched place. She found a pack and filled it: a fire-kit and a soldier’s travel-pot; a waterskin; a thick cloak; plenty of food; a diamond-edged shortsword strapped to the outside. The finished iron weapons were in a different tent, which was good, as that meant she wasn’t tempted to take one.

  She heaved her bulging pack onto her back and strode away, not looking back.

  CHAPTER 16

  “We won the lottery.”

  Sorne looked up from his bowl of sweet rice. “We what?”

  “Won the regatta lottery? For seats in the stands?” Sharrey was doing that thing she did, where she made it extra-clear she was asking a question, so the stupid Shenese man would understand.

  “Oh, that. I’m not really interested in going.” He kept his tone neutral, indifferent.

  “I know.” She raised her chin. “But I am.”

  Ah, that little defiant gesture, made without meeting his eyes. Sorne suspected that more than one of the men who’d sat at this table before him had taken issue with her cheek, maybe made their displeasure known. “So go then. You don’t need me along.”

  “I got four tickets.” She looked over at her son, busy tucking into his breakfast across the table. “And Tamak wants to go. Don’t you?”

  Tamak looked up, startled, then nodded. The boy was as quiet as his mother was garrulous, but Sorne was getting to know that expression. He smiled at him. “Got the pains again, son?”

  As Tamak gave a slower nod Sharrey said, “He’s fine. Don’t change the subject.”

  “We were going fishing later, but if he’s not well…”

  “We’ll see how he is. But we need to talk about the caliarch’s birthday regatta.”

  “Go, please. You’ll enjoy it.”

  “So might you. It’ll get you off Arec. Something has to.”

  “I have everything I want here.” He smiled to show he meant her, rather than this dingy, cramped room, but her eyes said she didn’t believe him.

  “Sometimes I just don’t get you. You come all this way from Shen to live in Mirror, but then you never leave the strangers’ isle.” He knew what was coming next; sure enough, “Not even to take me to the priory.” Ever since they’d got together, coming up on a year now, she’d wanted him to take her to the restday service at the Order of the First Light. Foreigners were welcome at the service; another of the current eparch’s foibles.

  “Told you: I’m not that religious.” He’d actually seen more of the priory than she ever would.

  “It’s not just about the service. It’s about being seen. A matter of appearances.” Sharrey was big on appearances, which was why her tiny home was crowded with knick-knacks: she felt pointless collectibles lent some “class”.

  “Hhhm.”

  “Lots of the immortal advisors go. The prince himself sometimes.”

  “Well you’ll see the prince when you attend the regatta.” And I’d ra
ther the prince didn’t see me.

  “Yes, but that’s not the point.”

  “Take Nishet.”

  “She can’t leave her ma alone. Last time the silly old coot wandered off and asked a punt to take her to heaven because she was sure she was dying.”

  “Nishet could take her along too. Like I said, I won’t need my place.”

  “Huh. Imagine how well that’d go, with the old lady shouting at the clouds and accusing any man in range of touching her up.” Sharrey looked over at her son. “Well done: I like to see a clean bowl. Now get along to school.”

  “My legs hurt.” Tamak hung his head.

  “Then I imagine you won’t be well enough for Uncle Garen to take you fishing when you finish your lessons.” Everyone round here knew him by the name he’d used when he re-entered Mirror-of-the-Sky.

  The boy shrugged. His mother reached over and squeezed his hand. “You’ve missed so much. You need to get educated so you can get a good job.” Her eyes flicked up to not-quite-meet Sorne’s. He kept his face impassive. He wasn’t going to deny how little use he was to the woman who let him share her house and bed.

  “All right.” Tamak levered himself up to stand, then walked off, stiff-legged.

  Sorne forced himself not to watch. “Can’t Nishet get someone in to look after her ma?”

  “You volunteering then?”

  “Course not. But Breta might do it. She’s not interested in the regatta either.”

  “Perhaps, if it’s not beneath her.”

  “I’ll ask Jemulf if she’d do it as a favour.”

  “You owe those two too many favours already.”

  “Perhaps. But I’m seeing Jemulf later this morning anyway.”

  “Why am I not surprised.”

  Though he’d stayed in one on the way here, Mirror-of-the-Sky itself didn’t have inns. But the Zekti did meet socially, and they did drink. They just did it in public courtyards, what they called common-yards, or simply yards.

  Because it was still morning, the only drink being served in Ramek’s yard was tea. Because this was Arec, the strangers’ isle, there were several variations of “tea” available to suit foreign tastes. But because he was broke, Sorne could only afford the local stuff, bitter and chewy as it was. He sat with his cup on the low table in front of him, shifting on the mats to get comfortable. Another thing that got him about Mirror: nothing to sit on except your arse. Avoiding furniture with spindly legs made sense when you were on an island made of packed reeds and compacted earth, but the lack of seats played havoc with his back.