The Au Pair

by Janey Fraser

  ‘But Lottie then admitted that she’d given Antoinette permission to have a boyfriend over. She said she didn’t want her to be lonely.’

  ‘Ah,’ repeated Karen along with a little what-can-you-do? shrug. ‘How sweet.’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ Matthew felt an uncomfortable pang in the pit of his stomach. ‘Actually, I’ve got a feeling that my little Lottie is cleverer than I thought. She’s done everything she could to get rid of every au pair who’s arrived.’ He gulped. ‘Poor Sozzy.’

  Karen touched him lightly on the shoulder. ‘You mustn’t blame yourself for that.’

  ‘I can’t help it. There’s something else too. I’m beginning to learn much more about my daughter than I did before Sally … before Sally died. She can be much more manipulative than I thought, just like her mother.’

  Karen frowned. ‘Like her mother?’

  Matthew suddenly realised he’d gone too far. When you were on your own, it was so easy to voice thoughts that normally you kept inside your own head. That’s why it had been good to have Christina as a sounding board, but he could hardly go back to her now.

  ‘So what’s going to happen now, Matt? I can call you that, can’t I?’ Actually, only Sally had abbreviated his name but she was babbling on, without waiting. ‘You said that Antoinette is going to her other family this week now they’re back from holiday.’

  ‘Yes.’ He gave a short laugh. ‘And I’ve got yet another au pair arriving, this time from a different agency in London. She’s Italian and a bit older this time: twenty-three. So hopefully she’ll be more responsible.’

  Karen’s face tightened. ‘A twenty-three-year-old Italian girl?’ She stood up from her chair. ‘Sounds like every man’s dream!’

  Suddenly he wanted to be alone. He hadn’t meant to spill all this out to Karen even though at the time it had felt very cathartic. Now he was painfully aware that he had broken that privacy line between employer and employee. And unless he was mistaken, Karen seemed rather disapproving. Maybe she, like the nosy neighbour, considered it inappropriate for a single man to have a young girl in the house. Perhaps she was right.

  ‘Actually I need to prepare for that conference this afternoon. Can you hold all my calls – unless it’s about Lottie, of course.’

  ‘Of course,’ she repeated in a slightly stiff tone before walking out of the office. Great. Now he’d somehow managed to piss off his secretary as well as his counsellor.

  ‘Now, Lottie,’ said Matthew carefully a few days later. ‘We’ve got another au pair coming tonight and this time I want you to be very nice to her.’

  Her small face squinted up at him. They were having breakfast – a rather rushed bowl of cornflakes – because he had to get into the office. Paula (bless her) had agreed that Lottie could go over for the day until Genevieve arrived at Heathrow. This time, he was determined to be on time. Memories of having been late for Sozzy still haunted him.

  ‘But, Daddy, I’m nice to Antoinette.’

  ‘Yes, that’s true.’ Nicer than the girl deserved, he added to himself. ‘But what about Berenice and poor Sozzy?’

  ‘Why is Sozzy poor?’ Lottie’s eyes, so like her mother’s, grew suspicious. ‘Doesn’t she have any money?’

  Too late he remembered he hadn’t told his daughter about the murder, feeling that it was too much for her to take in.

  ‘I said “poor Sozzy” because you were unkind to her,’ he said carefully. ‘Remember what you did to her room? I don’t want you to do the same to Genevieve’s. I’ve spent quite a lot of time getting it ready.’

  ‘But, Daddy’ – Lottie’s eyes filled with tears – ‘I don’t want another oh pear. I just want you at home.’ She began to whimper and buried her face in his shirt so that he could feel the damp tears seeping through. ‘If you go to work, you might not come back just like Mummy didn’t come back from the hospital.’

  This was awful! ‘Listen, Lottie.’ He held her to him, feeling her little heart beating against his. ‘I promise that nothing will ever happen to me. I will always be there for you.’

  Even as he said the words, he realised how foolish they were. Lottie was right. Something might happen to him one day and then where would she be? Between them, he and Sally only had one surviving parent and that was Sally’s divorced mother who lived in Sydney. If he died before Lottie grew up – God forbid – she’d have to go out there or else to his childless sister in Scotland whom he’d never been that close to.

  ‘Look, we’ve got to get ready now.’ They were already running late, which meant he wouldn’t be on time for his first meeting with a new client. ‘Have you been to the loo?’

  She gave him a do-you-think-I’m-daft-Daddy look. ‘Course I have.’

  That was one of the other things about being a single dad to a little girl. Checking that she’d been to the loo and making sure that she was dry after her bath was just about acceptable at the moment. But what would happen when she needed a bra and began her periods? ‘One step at a time,’ Christina had said, but that was all very well. Lottie needed a womanly touch. He couldn’t afford a full-time nanny. So an au pair it had to be.

  Somehow Matthew got there just in time for his meeting. ‘We were about to start without you,’ said James in a slightly clipped tone. During the last few weeks, he’d seemed increasingly irritated by the extra time Matthew had had to take off to sort out the various au pair crises.

  Luckily, the client – a large commercial developer – approved the designs and they all went out to lunch to celebrate. ‘Relax,’ said James quietly when he noticed Matthew glancing at his watch.

  ‘I’m afraid I need to get back soon.’ He gave an apologetic shrug at the client. ‘I was hoping to leave early.’

  ‘Again?’ asked James sharply.

  ‘I’m picking up the new au pair from Heathrow.’

  ‘Au pair?’ The client looked impressed. ‘Lucky you. I’d love one but the wife won’t let me. What nationality is she? I hear the French are the best.’ He winked. ‘Very open about certain things if you get my meaning.’

  Matthew, who hadn’t particularly liked the client in the first place, felt a wave of revulsion. ‘Actually I don’t think it’s very respectful to talk about “them”, as you put it. Most are young girls who’ve never been away from home before and we should look after them. I need one because my wife died last year.’ He stood up, ignoring the danger signals on James’s face. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll leave you to it and get back to work.’

  Striding back through the square outside, Matthew began to feel embarrassed about letting James down like that. Yet he wasn’t sorry for making a stand. What he’d said was true. It wasn’t easy for young girls. Once more, a picture of Sozzy floated into his head. On impulse, he stopped and bought a large bunch of Stargazer lilies from a stall.

  ‘Oooh, they’re beautiful,’ said a wide-eyed Karen when he returned. She waited expectantly and Matthew suddenly realised she thought they were for her. Maybe to celebrate the new deal that the whole office was talking about.

  ‘Actually, they’re a welcome present for the new au pair,’ he said, blushing. Opening the drawer, he pulled out a packet of digestives which he’d had for ages and somehow never got round to opening. ‘I wondered if you’d like these.’ There was a silence. ‘To say thank you for your part in the deal.’

  There was another silence during which she took the packet and turned it over. ‘The expiry date was last month,’ she said quietly, turning back to her screen.

  Matthew could have kicked himself for being so insensitive. His mind went back to that conversation with Christina. Was that what came of being self-centred? Of thinking about his own problems instead of others’? Still, he’d try to make it up to Karen tomorrow – get a box of chocolates or something like that. But right now, he had to crack on if he was going to get to the airport on time.

  It was like waiting for a blind date! All these young women streaming down the slight slope into Arrivals, each
looking for someone in the crowds behind the tape at the side and at the bottom. Matthew, with his sign Genevieve, felt as though he was a sleazy old man in lascivious expectation of a Thai bride.

  ‘Waiting for your girl, are you?’ asked an old boy next to him, glancing at the lilies – which now seemed too big – and the sign.

  ‘Not exactly.’ He was about to explain when the old man cut in.

  ‘I’m waiting for my son. Haven’t seen him for three years. Went to New Zealand, he did.’

  Matthew fervently hoped Lottie wouldn’t do that. Some of his friends had emigrated after university and at the time he hadn’t thought about the impact on their parents. ‘Make the most of each stage,’ Christina had said at some point during their counselling. Wise words, he was beginning to realise. How he missed those chats … Oh my goodness, was this her?

  A very tall, almost Amazonian girl in dark sunglasses headed towards him with long dark, glossy tresses. She was massive! Well, not all of her – just the top bit! Not sure where to look, he tried to concentrate instead on the very expensive-looking red leather suitcase by her side.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ breathed the old man.

  ‘Meester Evans?’

  He nodded.

  She flashed him a smile that revealed teeth as perfect as Berenice’s had been. Where did these au pairs get them from? Some dental warehouse for continental young things? ‘I am very thrilled to greet you.’

  ‘Me too.’ Matthew’s voice came out squeaky as he took in her burnt sienna suit with a shiny gold belt. ‘Er, these are for you.’

  She glanced at the lilies as though amused. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Let me take this.’ He tried to pick up the huge case but it weighed a ton. Unwilling to look like a wimp, he had another go. ‘This way,’ he managed to say between puffs. ‘The car is over here.’

  She talked non-stop all the way home! It wouldn’t be so bad if she could speak proper English but every now and then she used inappropriate words that she didn’t really understand the meaning of.

  ‘The agency dictates that I preserve your daughter after class,’ she boomed from the passenger seat.

  He glanced across at her while waiting at the traffic lights. She had taken off her sunglasses now and he could see that she was wearing very heavy eye make-up that made her look a bit like a cat.

  ‘Yes. Yes, that’s right.’ He was repeating himself like a schoolboy out of embarrassment. ‘I’d like you to look after Lottie when I’m at work and then you can have every weekend off. She starts school next week so you will also have part of the day free.’

  ‘You have enlisted me at the English class, yes?’

  He’d learned his lesson on this one. ‘That’s correct. They’re twice a week in the morning. I’ve left the details in your room.’

  Her heavy perfume was making him feel slightly sick. ‘You will commence my salary immediately, yes?’

  Hang on. ‘The agency says that it is normal to pay at the end of the first week.’

  Her eyes grew hard and he felt a sense of foreboding.

  ‘But if you wish, I can pay you in advance.’

  ‘Grazie.’ She nodded as though he had, only just, appeased her. ‘I have plans to visit, how do you say, Harvey Nicholas in Knights’ Bridge.’ She withdrew a pamphlet from a soft leather handbag that matched the suitcase (which he had only just managed to get in his boot). It was called Serious Retail Therapy in Cities throughout the World. She leafed through the pages reverently. ‘I like shopping. I like it very much.’

  ‘And do you like children too?’ he couldn’t help asking.

  ‘Children?’ Genevieve appeared to be considering the question as though it had never occurred to her before. ‘They are OK.’

  This had to work, he told himself after they’d picked up her daughter from Paula’s. And this time, it might! Lottie, chattering away to Genevieve in the car, seemed quite taken by their new arrival; she couldn’t stop looking at her hair. Matthew was beginning to cotton on to all this girly stuff.

  This time, he went up the stairs before they did, just to make sure his daughter hadn’t sabotaged Genevieve’s room on the quiet. But it seemed exactly as he had left it with the bed rather nicely made, if he said so himself. There was also a vase on the table for the lilies.

  ‘Shall I put your flowers in it?’ he asked.

  ‘My flowers?’ She seemed to take ages to consider each question before replying. Then she put a well-manicured hand in front of her mouth, showing beautifully shaped red nails. ‘I regret that I must have deposited them in the airport. I recall now. It was when you were positioning my case in the car.’

  ‘Never mind.’ He paused. It was like this every time he brought an au pair home; this awkward what-shall-we-do-next bit. You’d think he’d have got used to it by now. ‘I thought we would have alphabet letters for dinner tonight.’

  ‘Actually, Dad,’ Lottie reminded him. ‘We opened the last tin on Wednesday.’

  ‘Tin?’ Genevieve frowned. Then she caught sight of herself in the mirror on the other side of the room and instantly put one hand on her waist as though posing for an unseen photographer. Lottie was open-mouthed in admiration. ‘I have special diet! Did the agency not tell you?’ She flashed a smile showing those perfect, expensive teeth again. ‘I only eat salmon. Smoked salmon. And my favourite drink is champagne. You have a bottle to celebrate my arrival. Yes?’

  The following day, Matthew woke with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He’d had to knock twice on Genevieve’s door at eight o’clock in order to wake her before he left. Eventually, she had opened it, bleary-eyed, in a pale blue silk dressing gown. ‘I am going to work now,’ he said. ‘Lottie is already up and watching television downstairs. Please can you keep an eye on her.’

  Another blank stare. ‘Keep an eye on her? What does this mean?’

  ‘It means please take care of her.’

  ‘Allora, I take her to Knights’ Bridge, yes?’

  ‘No. I don’t want you taking her to London. She might get lost. I want you to stay here.’

  Genevieve looked disappointed. ‘We go for a drive instead?’

  ‘No.’ He definitely didn’t want her driving his daughter until he could see what her driving was like. Besides, his insurance company had quoted a ridiculous price for the extra insurance cover. ‘Just play with her. I don’t know. Take her for a walk. Watch television. That sort of thing. I have to go now. You’ve got my number at work, haven’t you?’

  ‘Got your number?’ she repeated. ‘I do not understand. Please speak more slowly.’

  This was hopeless. For two pins, he would take the day off but James specifically wanted him to go to a meeting in London today. There was no getting out of it.

  Matthew switched his phone off in the train as he always did, in order to concentrate on his files for the meeting. Then it occurred to him that if there was an emergency with Lottie, no one could get hold of him so he turned it on again.

  It was then that he noticed her sitting a few seats along in the carriage on the other side. At least he thought it was her, although she wasn’t wearing the kind of conservative skirts and trousers that Christina usually wore for their sessions. This woman had her hair down, instead of up in a tight knot at the back, and she was wearing skinny jeans with little purple summer boots that matched the colour of her glasses. She had long dangly earrings and was reading a book.

  Matthew was tempted to rush up and apologise for his outburst in her office but something stopped him. A train carriage was hardly the most private place to talk. Besides, the more he thought about it, the more embarrassed he felt. This woman, this virtual stranger, knew more about his private life than … well, than anyone. If it wasn’t for the fact that it would probably draw attention to himself, he would change carriages. His only hope was to sit tight and hope she didn’t see him.

  As the train drew closer to Marylebone, Christina began to put away her book and look around. Immediately, he glanced do
wn at his files. He’d wait for her to get off and then hang back in the crowd.

  ‘Matthew?’

  Too late. She’d seen him.

  ‘Hi.’ He tried to look surprised.

  ‘I saw you earlier but didn’t want to disturb you.’ She gave him an almost shy smile and he noticed that she seemed far less confident than she did in her counsulting room.

  This was no good. He had to come clean. ‘I’m sorry I stormed out the other day.’

  She gave him a quick sideways look as they walked along and he noticed that she was wearing glossy stuff on her lips. It suited her. ‘That’s OK. It’s part of the healing process sometimes.’

  ‘No, it’s not OK. In fact’ – he glanced at his watch – ‘I wondered if you had time for a quick coffee.’

  She shot him another sideways glance. ‘I’m meeting my daughter shortly.’

  Christina had a daughter? Matthew was intrigued.

  ‘But I’ve got half an hour or so if you have,’ she added.

  Half an hour? If he got a cab, he’d still be on time. Besides, something told him that this was a conversation he needed to have if he was really going to move on.

  They found a small coffee bar and ordered lattes. She took hers with sugar, which surprised him somehow. He waited until the waitress put them on the table before launching straight in. ‘Am I allowed to tell you something? I know this isn’t a counselling session but I need to explain why I got so upset.’

  Christina stirred her coffee without looking at him. ‘Strictly speaking we shouldn’t but I’ve noticed that you haven’t signed up for any more sessions. So if you’re no longer a client, it would be all right for us to talk as friends.’

  He toyed with the small packet of sugar in the bowl in front of him. When did a promise cease to be a promise? When someone had died? He hoped so. For something inside told him that he needed to get this off his chest. Otherwise he was never going to be able to move on.

  ‘The thing is,’ he said slowly, ‘just before Sally was taken ill, I found out she was having an affair.’

  Christina raised her eyebrows.

  ‘You don’t usually do that!’ he blurted out.