A Lady's Choice

by Sandra Robbins

  Sarah shook her head to clear her senses. “You’ve driven by here?”

  “Yes. Mr. Buckley’s home isn’t too far from here. I visit there quite often.”

  The truth behind his words penetrated her still-foggy brain, and she flinched. “Of course. His daughter, Larraine. I’ve seen your picture on the society page with her. She’s very beautiful.”

  “Yes, she is, but you’ve been in the news quite a bit lately too.” As he said the words, he looked toward the parlor. “I hope I’m not interrupting your afternoon.”

  “Not at all. I was just wondering how I could entertain myself when you rang the doorbell. Please come into the parlor. Can I get you some tea?”

  Alex’s eyes twinkled. “I don’t know. Can you cook now?”

  She laughed as she remembered telling him of her lack of skills in the kitchen. “Well, they do let me boil water. I think I can handle a cup of tea.”

  “No, I don’t want anything. Just to visit with you.”

  She led him to one of the fireplace chairs and motioned him to sit. He didn’t take his eyes off her as she sat down in the chair next to him. When she was seated, he leaned back and crossed his legs.

  The old easiness in his presence overtook her, and the suppressed memories flooded back. This was so different from their last two meetings, and Sarah relaxed. She searched her mind for something they could talk about without a repeat of their Christmas encounter. Not suffrage and not the firm he worked for. She settled for a neutral subject. “Tell me all the news from Richland Creek. How is Ellen?”

  “I suppose you haven’t heard Ellen married last month. She has a husband to take care of now.”

  Sarah gaped at him. “A husband? Who did she marry?”

  “Edmund Lancaster. I wasn’t too happy about it at first, but I came to realize I was being selfish. Ellen deserves someone to love her, and I’ve never seen her happier. Edmund dotes on her, and she on him. I think theirs is a match made in heaven.”

  Sarah squealed in delight. “I could tell when they came to see my mother that they liked each other. I told Ellen then she had an admirer, but she dismissed me. I couldn’t be happier. Do they live at the farm?”

  “Yes. Edmund still has his office across from Charlie’s store, but he travels to house calls most of the day. Ellen helps him when he needs her.”

  Sarah blinked back tears of happiness at the thought of Ellen. “I wish I could see Ellen. She was so good to me when my mother was ill.”

  Alex studied her face. “Ellen loves you, Sarah.”

  The words hung suspended in air between them. She wanted him to say that he did too, but he just smiled at her and said nothing more. “She’ll always be very special to me.”

  Alex uncrossed his legs and leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs. “I came here today because I feel I need to apologize to you.”

  She blinked. “For what?”

  “For the way I acted the last two times we were together. I was hurt and angry, but I should have been more understanding of your feelings. I’m sorry if my words hurt you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  “We both said some terrible things, and I need to ask your forgiveness for lashing out at you. At times I’ve thought you probably hate me for the things I said about your working for Mr. Buckley and your views on suffrage. My father always cautioned me about the way I talked to people. I hope you’ll forgive me too.”

  “Of course I will. I’ve done quite a bit of soul searching since I saw you at Christmas. I’m beginning to understand how important your cause is to you. I’m sorry I didn’t before, and I apologize for belittling your dreams. I hope you can forgive me for that.”

  “I do, Alex, but what brought about this change in your attitude?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “Edmund had a talk with me and helped me understand how blind I’d been about the injustice of not allowing women to vote. I’ve prayed about it a lot, and God led me to a new way of thinking where women are concerned. If I hadn’t already been convinced that I needed to rethink my position, you certainly made me with your speech at the Orpheum last night.”

  She sat up straight and gasped. “You were there?”

  He nodded. “I was, and I stood and clapped right along with the rest of the crowd.” His eyes softened, and a sad smile pulled at his lips. “You were wonderful, Sarah. I only wish I’d listened to you sooner. Things might have been different between us.”

  The regret she heard in his voice sliced through her like a knife, and she clasped her shaking hands together. His tone told her all she needed to know. Once he had said he loved her, but he didn’t anymore. Now he talked of how things had once been between them. But what could she expect? He had a new life now, and it included a beautiful woman who happened to be very rich. Sarah pressed her lips together and swallowed. “It means more to me than you’ll ever know that you came to hear me speak. I’m sorry I didn’t see you afterward.”

  He shook his head. “I knew you were with your friends, and I suspect you were swamped with well-wishers about your trip to Washington.”

  “I was. The members of our group have been very supportive. I can’t believe I’m really going to volunteer with Alice Paul.”

  He scooted to the edge of his seat and frowned. “That’s one of the reasons I decided to come here today. I want you to be careful in Washington. Up to this point Alice Paul and her followers have been tolerated, but I’m afraid it may change soon.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “America is going to be at war any day now. I don’t know why we’re not in the fight already. President Wilson has been patient with Miss Paul’s demands, but that may change when he has a war to worry about. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “It’s kind of you to be concerned about me, but you don’t have anything to worry about. How can I get hurt just working in an office? I’ll probably be stuffing envelopes and mailing fliers out to supporters. I don’t think I’ll come in contact with anyone who might cause me problems.”

  “You never can tell. Summer is on its way, and Washington will probably be a hot city. If we are in the war as I predict, tempers may also be hot. Stay out of situations that may get you in trouble. Of course, knowing how feisty you are, I’m probably not doing a bit of good with my warnings.”

  Her eyebrows arched, and she couldn’t help but smile. “Whatever makes you think I’m feisty?”

  He smiled, and again she could see the sadness in his eyes. He tried to mask it, but it probably reflected what was in hers. He scooted to the edge of his seat and reached for her hand. “I knew you were a spunky girl the day I saw you with your skirt lifted. Later I came to know how strong-willed you are when you’re passionate about a cause. All I’m saying is remember to use common sense, and don’t get yourself in a situation you can’t control.”

  Her chin trembled, and she tightened her grip on his fingers. There was so much she wanted to say to him—to remind him of their time together by the pond at her home, to thank him for all he did for her and her mother, and to tell him she would always love him—but she couldn’t. He’d begged her to try to find some common ground with him, but she had refused. In so doing, she had ruined any chance they might have had.

  Instead of the words she wanted to speak, she said what she knew she must. “I’ll be careful, Alex. Take care of yourself, and I hope you have a happy life.”

  The muscle in his jaw twitched, and he squeezed her hand. “Don’t forget my promise.”

  She nodded. “If I ever need you, you’ll come no matter where I am.”

  “Yes. Don’t ever forget….”

  Before he could finish what he was saying, Roger’s voice from the doorway interrupted. “Well, well, I didn’t know we had company.”

  Sarah jerked her hand away from Alex and sprang to her feet. Alex stood slowly and turned to face Roger. “I came to tell Sarah good-bye and wish her luck in Washington.”


  Roger strode forward, his hand outstretched. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Roger Thorne, and I suppose you must be Alex Taylor. Sarah has told us so much about you I feel I already know you.”

  Alex’s eyebrows arched, but he reached for Roger’s hand and shook it. “I feel I know you too.”

  Roger smiled. “I would have spent the afternoon here if I’d known you were coming.”

  Sarah darted an angry glance toward Roger for his subtle insinuation that Alex had come uninvited to his aunt’s home. If Alex noticed the slight, he gave no indication. He picked up his hat from the table at the end of the sofa and smiled. “It was a spur-of-the-moment visit so I could wish Sarah well in Washington. Now I think I’ll be going.” He turned back to Sarah. “Good-bye, and try to remember what I told you.”

  She tried to smile, but she wasn’t sure how successful she was. Her mouth didn’t want to cooperate. “Good-bye, Alex. It was good to see you again, and give Ellen my best.”

  “I will.”

  Before Sarah could take a step to show Alex out, Roger turned to her. “Sarah, would you mind checking on the kitchen staff? I’d told them we wanted dinner early tonight. I’d appreciate it if you’d see what time it will be ready.”

  She glanced at Alex. “But I was going to…”

  Roger waved his hand in dismissal. “No need for you to show Alex to the door. I’ll do that.” He gestured toward the door. “After you, Mr. Taylor.”

  Alex cast one more glance at her before he turned and headed toward the door. Sarah rammed her fist against her lips to keep from crying out as she stared at his retreating figure. When she heard the front door close, she turned and ran for the staircase. If Roger wanted to check on dinner, he could do it himself.

  Alex stopped on the front porch at the top of the steps and turned to stare at Roger Thorne, who had followed him outside. The friendly attitude he’d displayed inside the house had disappeared, and in its place a sneer covered the man’s face. His chest heaved, and he clenched his hands at his side. He stepped closer to Alex.

  “Don’t ever come to this house again without being invited. You are to stay away from Sarah.”

  Alex shook his head. “I think that’s Sarah’s decision, not yours. But it probably won’t be too hard for you to keep me away since you’re taking her to Washington.”

  Roger exhaled, and his shoulders relaxed. An arrogant smile pulled at his lips. “She didn’t tell you, did she?”

  “Tell me what?”

  “That she’s going to marry me.”

  Alex almost doubled over in pain. He struggled to breathe, but his chest felt like something was squeezing the life from his body. He gulped a big breath of air and tried to steady his shaking legs.

  “Marry you?” He could barely gasp the words.

  Roger smiled, but it didn’t reach to his cold eyes. “I see she didn’t. Well, now you know. We’ll be married this summer in Washington. I hope you won’t feel left out, but we thought it best not to invite you to the wedding.”

  Alex searched for some clue that would tell him Roger was lying, but he could see nothing beneath the cool façade of his stony expression. “I—I don’t believe you.”

  “Oh, believe it. That’s been my plan for years. I was just waiting until Sarah was old enough. Now she is, and she wants a life of ease. But most of all, she loves me. I suppose she didn’t tell you because she didn’t want to hurt you.” He grinned and took a step closer. “I have to thank you for helping my case, though. If you hadn’t been so opposed to suffrage, you might be the one marrying her. Too bad for you.”

  Alex reeled from Roger’s words. How could Sarah marry this contemptible man? His lack of character showed in every action and word. Alex longed to storm the house, throw Sarah over his shoulder, and carry her from this place. But if she really loved Roger Thorne, there was nothing he could do.

  After a moment he took a deep breath. “Tell Sarah I wish her every happiness.”

  Before Roger could respond, Alex descended the steps and hurried to the car he’d bought a few months ago. As he cranked the engine and pulled away from the house, he heaved a sigh of regret. He wished he could go back to last summer and do it over; maybe he could have made the situation different.

  His stubbornness had helped drive Sarah away, and now she was lost to him. But what could she be thinking? Roger Thorne would never make her happy. In fact, there was something rather sinister about the man, and he feared for her in a marriage to him.

  At the corner, he pulled to a stop and pounded the steering wheel. In the past when he and Sarah had argued, he’d been left with some hope that she still loved him. Where there was a tiny shred of love, there was a possibility they would eventually work out their differences. Today that hope had ended. They would never be together.

  He thought of Larraine and how they had first met and how different things were between them now. He knew she was in love with him. It showed in her eyes, but she’d never spoken of it. Perhaps because she sensed he’d suffered a great loss in love. But she’d been a friend to him and had never pushed him in their relationship since that first day.

  As he’d gotten to know her, he found her not to be the flirtatious girl he thought at first, but an intelligent young woman who wanted the attention of her father. She’d learned early in life she could only get it by outrageous behavior, and she had capitalized on that. Since Alex had known her, she had broken ties with all her old saloon-hopping friends and become more focused on her painting.

  A car horn honked, and Alex realized he sat lost in thought at the corner. He pulled across the intersection and headed down the street to the house he’d visited many times in the past seven months. As he drove, he couldn’t quit thinking about Roger Thorne’s words.

  If Sarah was lost to him, maybe it was time he got on with his life. He pulled to a stop in front of the Buckleys’ house and jumped out. He only had to wait a moment before a maid answered the door. She smiled when she saw him.

  “Good afternoon, Mr. Taylor. Come in.”

  “Thank you, Greta.” He stepped inside the huge Victorian house. “Is Miss Buckley in?”

  She nodded. “Yes, sir. If you’ll wait in the parlor, I’ll get her for you.”

  Greta disappeared, and minutes later Larraine hurried into the room. Alex rose from sitting on the sofa. A look of uncertainty crossed her face, and she didn’t come closer.

  “Alex, I didn’t expect you this afternoon. In fact I haven’t heard from you in nearly a week.”

  He nodded. “I know. I’m sorry about that, Larraine. I’ve been busy, but I know that’s not an excuse. I should have been more thoughtful of you.”

  She frowned as if she didn’t understand what he was talking about and walked closer. When she stood in front of him, she stared up with a questioning look on her face. “There’s no need for an apology. I know how busy my father is. He spends more time at the office than he does at home.”

  Alex swallowed. “I know he does, but I don’t want to be like that. I want to have people in my life, and I want to be important in other people’s lives.”

  Her eyes searched his face as if she wanted to understand his words. “What are you saying, Alex?”

  He took her hand and wrapped his fingers around hers. “We’ve known each other for seven months now. We’ve gone to dinner, to the theater, to parties—all the things young couples do when they’re trying to get to know each other, but we haven’t tried to know each other better, to discover what makes one another happy.”

  Tears glistened in her eyes. “I’ve tried, Alex, but you always shut down and push me away when I try to get to know you better.”

  He nodded. “I know. It’s my fault, not yours. You’re a wonderful woman, Larraine, and I’ve enjoyed the times we’ve been together. But I’ve reached the point I need to know if there can be more between us.”

  She sucked in her breath, and her lips trembled. “What about the woman you haven’t been able to forget?�
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  His eyebrows arched in surprise. “How did you know there had been someone?”

  A sad smile pulled at her lips. “A woman always knows when a man’s thinking about someone else. Before we go any further, you need to know one thing. I can’t be her.”

  He nodded. “I know that, and I would never try to make you into her. You have your own special qualities that make you Larraine. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say this to you.”

  “What made you come here today and say these things?”

  He could tell she still hadn’t accepted what he was saying, and he struggled to put it into words so she would know he was sincere. “Today I have put my past behind me. I want to look to the future, and I want to see if that includes a relationship between the two of us. Will you meet me halfway?”

  Tears ran from the corners of her eyes, but she smiled. “Yes, I will. I’m already at the halfway mark. I’ve just been waiting for you to join me.”

  He reached up and ran his index finger down the side of her face. “You really are a beautiful woman, Larraine, on the inside as well as the outside.”

  She wrapped her hands around his neck and stared up at him. “That’s the best compliment anyone has ever given me.”

  He pulled her closer. “You deserve more, and I intend to give them to you.”

  He bent his head, and her lips came up to meet his. He searched for the excitement and pleasure he’d experience when he’d kissed Sarah, but he couldn’t find it. Maybe it was too soon to expect the same feeling. He would in time. Don’t be in a hurry, his battered heart whispered. You will love again. You will. You will.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Washington, D.C.

  June 1917

  The rustling of her skirt and the staccato of her tapping footsteps vibrated through the small sitting room. Sarah paced back and forth in an effort to calm her excitement but found it impossible. She stopped as Dora entered the room carrying a tray.