Desolation Road

by Feehan, Christine

  “You make me feel sexy, Absinthe,” she blurted out without thinking and then shook her head and removed his socks.

  “You are sexy, Scarlet. I’ve never found another woman more sensual.” He put one hand on her belly and eased her back a step so he could stand up, stripping his jeans off as he did. “Everything about you is sexy. Go get in the tub, babe. I’m right behind you.”

  She was very conscious that he meant it. Absinthe simply tossed his clothes at a hamper and followed her to the bathtub. She could feel his eyes on her the entire way. She stepped into the bathtub and slid into the hot water. The tub was deeper than she expected, the color, teal, turning the water an incredible shade of blue.

  Absinthe got into the steaming water directly behind her, his legs wide, pulling her body back into his so she was sitting between his legs. Immediately he cupped the weight of her breasts in his large hands, his thumbs gently strumming over her nipples. She let her head fall back against his chest and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of him playing with her nipples.

  She loved being with him, skin to skin, close to him, the heat of the water rising around them, melting her body into his so she felt like she was sharing the same body with him. She let herself drift off for the first time in so long she couldn’t remember. She always had to be so hyperaware of everything. So vigilant. Here, with Absinthe, she felt safe. Peace settled into her as his hands moved over her body, claiming her.

  Ordinarily, she didn’t like anyone touching her. She had tried using money to exchange for the needed lessons in survival training, and most of the time it had worked, until Adrik. He’d been merciless. Daunting. She’d nearly given up until she realized he was the real deal. An assassin, and he could really teach her the things she needed to know in order to get to the man who had taken his friends to her little sister’s home and beaten and raped her. This was the man who would show her what to do.

  “Shh, baby, you’re safe with me,” Absinthe whispered, his fingers moving over her ear gently, his mouth brushing kisses into the messy topknot she’d made of her hair to prevent it from getting wet. “Anything either of us has done in the past stays there. The past shaped us into being who we are, why we need one another. I need you. I swear to you, Scarlet, I want you just the way you are. I hope like hell you want me the same way.”

  She realized she had tears running down her face and knew just sitting in the water with Absinthe was some kind of catharsis, a purification, a cleansing. She knew Absinthe meant every word. They had a connection, a path that lay open between them, and she felt his loneliness. She’d always been alone, and she’d accepted her path. Absinthe was different. He’d been with his family, those seventeen people who still surrounded him and yet he was desperately lonely. Why?

  He thought himself unlovable. That she could never love him if she knew the truth about him and what he wanted from her. His deepest need. His darkest craving. Her stomach did a slow roll as she tried to puzzle it out. Absinthe was such a gorgeous, handsome man. Intelligent. More than intelligent. He had amazing gifts. What could he possibly need from her that he would think would make her want to run from him? That was in his mind. What made him think the others didn’t know him? And if they did, that they would turn their backs on him? Detest him, even kill him. That made no sense. What was it that he needed? Why was he so lonely?

  She knew he said he could command with his voice, but she still wasn’t certain he could do that to her, or that she was willing to give her consent.

  What was it he didn’t think she would do for him that he wanted the most? Scarlet waited. They were skin to skin. Her mind was open to his. He knew all of her secrets. She wanted him to just open up and tell her his. She realized he was considering just using his voice on her, forcing his will on her without her consent, but that went against everything he’d ever promised himself once he’d left the hellhole he’d been raised in. He was struggling with his decision: tell her, let her go or do what he always had done—force his will.

  The moment he considered forcing his will on her, his mind turned into a world of horror. It became a kind of jumble of torture and rape, with men slamming little boys and girls into walls and hitting them with fists or even whips, laughing and forcing them to their knees. She caught glimpses of Absinthe as a child. She recognized him by his eyes, or was it his brother? She only knew there was blood, rape and twisted things that should never have been experienced by anyone, let alone a child.

  She caught glimpses of so many horrendous images crowding into his mind that she couldn’t stand it. She had to do something to stop it. She reached behind her with one arm, caught his head to bring it down to hers as she turned her own and initiated a kiss for the first time in her life.

  For Scarlet, it was daring, terrifying and desperate. For her, at that moment, more than anything else, more than her own fears, her own needs, she had to stop those memories from eating him alive. She could see the demons devouring him. Ugly. Real. These weren’t from a book, a horror story he’d read, a movie he’d seen or a nightmare that needed waking from. Absinthe had lived through torture and rape. He had seen things she never wanted to see again. A boy huddled in a corner with blood all over him, whispering, naked and cold, tears running down his face, trying to comfort other children, some dying, some already dead.

  She initiated the kiss and knew it was tentative and awkward, but she stroked her tongue along his and poured what she felt for him into it. Her need to give him everything. Her promise of submission to him. The very unexpected and growing affection she had for him. Emotion spread through her like a tidal wave, consuming her with astonishing and unforeseen passion that built until she recognized it as being too close to love. She barely knew him and yet she was already feeling that strong of a craving toward him. That outpouring of a promise that she would be the one person to love him unconditionally. She could give him that. She knew she could.

  Deliberately, Scarlet concentrated on the fire between them, pouring the flames over the images in his mind, building that terrible burn slowly because she had no real idea what she was doing, only that she had to take the horror away and give her man the knowledge that she could love him no matter what they had done to him. No matter what he demanded, wanted or needed from her. As long as he gave her the same back, she was willing.

  TWELVE

  Absinthe pulled back, shocked that Scarlet was reading his mind. She was. He knew she was inside of his mind; he could feel her there. He had forgotten how quickly her brain adjusted to every possible puzzle presented. She was often unaware of how fast her mind solved enigmas for her, because once done, it would likely dismiss the mystery as solved and go on to the next new problem. But this would be different because this was all about him and why he was so fucked up.

  He slammed down every hard shield he had and stood up fast, the water pouring off of his body as panic set in. “Stay right there.” His voice was low, a soft command that pushed its way into the brain and lodged there, forcing obedience even against will.

  Her face registered distress and hurt, but she didn’t move, her green eyes on his face, still looking up at him over her shoulder.

  He was tall and had long legs, so stepping out of the tub was easy in spite of the high sides. Catching up the towel, he glared down at her, daring her to move, all the while monitoring her brain activity through their connection. His order had failed to take hold in her brain. She obeyed, but not because she had to obey. She was choosing.

  He could barely breathe, his lungs raw and burning. He knew she couldn’t possibly get at him even through that same pathway. He was too strong. Too experienced. Her brain might seek a way to do that for her, but he had shut down every conceivable entry. Now it was a matter of whether or not she actually responded to his voice in the way every other person he had ever encountered did, and she hadn’t. She just fucking hadn’t.

  He backed away from the tub, toweling the water from his body, not paying attention because the o
nly thing that mattered to him was whether or not she was lost to him. Why hadn’t he remembered how her mind worked so quickly to solve puzzles? That had intrigued him, drawn him to her. The mystery of her, the way she was so like him and yet not at all. She was soft where he was hard. She was submissive where he was dominant.

  On the other hand, she was lethal as hell and he fucking loved that. Loved it. He loved that she was so intelligent, and he could discuss any topic with her, and she actually knew what he was talking about. Looking at her, touching her, thinking about her, made him as hard as a steel rod. He was already completely gone on her. She was the one for him. He knew it with absolute certainty and yet … she was thinking too much. Thinking. Her brain shouldn’t have been assessing his command. She should have been obeying blindly.

  He turned away from her, pacing across the room because his body was restless, the panic of knowing he couldn’t control her, the most important person in his world, choking him. The bathroom was spacious, the steam from the hot water still curling through the air in places. Scarlet stayed very still, her green eyes following his every movement. She didn’t speak and she looked stricken. He processed that even as he rapidly went through every possibility he had to choose from.

  He could cut her loose. Have the club watch over her, keep her safe and he could get the hell out of there and go as far from her as possible until this was over, and she was gone. He didn’t trust himself to be around her and not want to be with her. Adrik was right about one thing, she got into a man and wouldn’t let go. He already thought about her day and night.

  “Damn it.” He swore out loud, furious with himself for being so careless. He’d been so eager to have her that he hadn’t guarded against her getting into his head. No one had ever been able to do anything remotely close to that. Demyan, his brother, was the only other human being he’d known with the same kind of psychic gift. While Scarlet didn’t have his abilities, she had some kind of talent that enabled her to build a resistance to his voice, to his commands, but more, to connect to his mind when he was open to her.

  He stopped a few feet from her, standing over the bathtub, staring down at her. He couldn’t let her go. It was that simple. He’d found her after all this time of thinking there would never be a woman for him, and he couldn’t let her go. He just didn’t know if this would work between them. He needed to find out. To know for certain.

  Without another word, he left the room, leaving the door open between them. The carpet in the bedroom was thick and warm on his bare feet. He used the remote to turn on the fireplace. Donning a pair of loose drawstring pants, he made coffee right there in the bedroom using the setup he had installed in the corner next to the bar. It might be a long few hours. They weren’t going to make it to the restaurant after all tonight.

  Absinthe ran his fingers through his hair several times, agitated, worried, afraid that even if Scarlet stayed with him he would still lose because he wouldn’t ever have the courage to tell her what he needed from her. Role-playing out of their house was one thing. She played the librarian very well. She hid the real woman behind those glasses and skirts, so role-playing would come easily to her, but that wasn’t what he needed. He wished it was that simple.

  Pushing open the sliding glass door, he stepped outside onto the verandah. The sun was still high, but already a few wisps of fog had begun to drift in, looking like gray fingers. He set the mug on the railing and watched the waves crashing onto the bluffs and the rocks out in the midst of the blue of the sea.

  Sometimes the sight of the waves would bring him peace, but now, all he saw in his mind was Scarlet sitting in the bathtub, her red hair piled on her head and her green eyes looking up at him. Just the thought of her like that, doing what he asked of her, waiting without moving, brought up a million different erotic images.

  He caught up the coffee cup and went back inside, closing the sliding glass door carefully and setting the cup near the fireplace. He paced back and forth on the thick carpet, making certain he had the discipline not to look into the bathroom to see if Scarlet was doing as he told her.

  He hadn’t used his full ability on her, but he never would. Not even with her consent. She would never know and that would make her a robot. Had she been susceptible like he thought she would be, she would have known but would have been helpless to do anything but obey. That way, she would have been able to signal to him if she didn’t like something.

  “Damn it,” he whispered again. He would have taken a chance had he been able to command her. Now what was he going to do? He would never be satisfied. Over time it would become a problem, but he couldn’t live without her now that he knew she existed.

  He continued to pace, letting the time pass, minutes turning to an hour. The water would cool and then grow cold. What would she do? This was the easiest way to find out whether or not Scarlet had the resolve to obey his command on her own. She would be uncomfortable. There was no reasonable explanation that she would be able to give to herself. He told himself she would never stay there. The thought that she would sent heat rushing through his veins. He forced himself to stop pacing and sit in the chair in front of the fireplace with a fresh cup of coffee and drink it slowly.

  He spent another hour reading. Most of the time, he couldn’t see the words on the page. He didn’t hear the sound of the water splashing. Not a single sound. The sun began to sink. He got up and stretched and left the room before he gave in to the need to check on her. Thirty more minutes. If she could really last thirty more minutes, if she could choose to obey his command on her own, making it her choice without the reinforcement of his voice, they would have a chance together.

  He paced through the entire length of the house for the next quarter of an hour, the energy building until all he could think about was slamming her up against the wall and burying himself in her. The erotic images wouldn’t stop flooding his mind. She still hadn’t made a sound. He stalked back to the bedroom and warmed towels and made hot chocolate before making his way into the master bath. The temperature had dropped by several degrees.

  Scarlet sat in the bathtub exactly as he had left her. There was no attempt to cover up. No attempt to pull her knees up or make herself warmer. She was shivering and there were goose bumps on her skin. Her head was still turned looking over her shoulder, her eyes on the doorway. She focused on him immediately. Utterly. Completely.

  His cock leapt to attention, became hardened steel. He continued straight to the tub, bent down and twisted the stopper to drain the water. It was extremely cold. He held out his hand to her. “You did good, Scarlet. I’m proud of you.” He kept his voice soft, stroking praise over her like soft feathers brushing her skin.

  She put her hand in his and let him pull her to her feet, her eyes lighting up at the admiration in his tone. He wrapped a towel around her. She was shivering nearly uncontrollably.

  “Stay still and let me take care of you.” He had warmed the towel and he used it slowly, rubbing it over her body, taking away the droplets of cold water. He wrapped her in a second warm towel and led her from the room into the warmth of the bedroom.

  He pointed to the thick rug on top of the carpet in front of the fireplace. It was between the two chairs. “Sit there, moya malen’kiy kotenok.” The rug would be sensuous on her bare bottom while adding extra warmth. “Drink this.” He handed her a mug of hot chocolate he’d prepared in advance for her. Sinking down onto the chair, so she was virtually sitting between his legs, he poured warm lotion into his hands and began to massage her stiff shoulders. “You did as you were told to do without any influence. Why? You didn’t have to.”

  “I told you I would do whatever you asked of me.” Her voice was very low. She was still shivering.

  He dug his fingers deeper into her muscles and followed the line of her spine. She had a beautiful back. “That isn’t answering the question, Scarlet. Why did you choose to obey me?”

  She didn’t answer immediately, and he respected that she took her
time and was thoughtful in her reply. He wanted her to be. He wanted to know if she could really be his partner in every way, both outside of and in the bedroom.

  “I want to please you, Absinthe. I want to give you everything you need or want, no matter how difficult it is. You’ve indicated to me that it might be very difficult. I want you to know that I will be willing to follow your commands always as long as you stay within those boundaries I’ve asked of you, and I trust that you will. Pleasing you is what makes me happy, and also, following your orders makes my body very, very responsive.”

  “You mean when I tell you to do something it makes your fiery little pussy very wet,” he corrected. “You’re my kiska. That means pussy. Or pussycat. That’s what I want you to be for me here in this room quite a lot of the time.”

  He watched her closely. Her face was turned away from him, but he watched her body and he was more than adept at reading body language. Little goose bumps rose on her skin and a little shiver went through her. He swept his hand down her back and then back up to her nape, using his fingers to caress her before removing the towel.

  “I think you’re warm enough. The fireplace will warm you up fast.” She didn’t understand yet what he was telling her, but so far, she wasn’t opposed to anything he had said or done. “Turn around and kneel so I can see your face while we talk, kiska.” He used his commanding voice, ensuring she would know he meant business.

  She didn’t hesitate. She placed the mug of chocolate on the table and turned to face him, shifting to her knees, looking up at him, her green eyes meeting his.

  He dropped his hand to the top of her head and began a slow massage of her scalp. Gentle. Loving. He felt that way toward her. He used his other hand to play with her nipple. Her left one. He teased it idly on purpose, as if he wasn’t thinking. As if he wasn’t even fully aware of what he was doing. Tugging and then flicking. Rubbing. Using the pad of his thumb and then pinching down, a slow soft burn that got steadily tighter as if he didn’t notice while he spoke.