“Jack!” Merry threw herself into his arms, forgetting their differences in the sheer joy and relief that her big brother was safe, and more importantly, here. “I was getting worried.”
“Traveling with the military is not an exact science.” He hugged her tight, then held her at arm’s length. “It’s so good to see you, Merry. You’re beautiful.”
“You, too. Not beautiful. Just good to see you.” She laughed and opened the door wider. “Come in. How did you get here? I’d have picked you up in—well, wherever you were.”
He walked inside and looked around. “I caught a ride from a buddy who lives in Kalispell.”
She looked at the duffel in his hand. “I’ll show you where your room is so you can stow that.”
“Okay.” He followed her up the stairs and into the empty room next to hers.
“Hunter managed to find a mattress and box spring in storage up at the big house. I hope it’s comfortable. You’ll have to share the bathroom with me and Wren—”
“The little girl you take care of?”
“Yes. I can’t wait for you to meet her. You’re going to love her.”
“And the father? Am I going to love him, too?”
Merry hadn’t seen that protective look in his eyes for a long time. “Hunter is a good man and a devoted father.” And that’s all she was going to say about that. “Are you hungry? I’ll fix us something to eat.”
“It’s past dinnertime. You haven’t eaten yet?”
“I couldn’t. I was worried about you,” she said.
“Yeah, I could eat.” Dark circles under his eyes were a clue that he was exhausted as well as hungry.
“It’s just leftover stew,” she warned, “but Hunter said it was the best he’d ever tasted.”
She chattered away as they walked downstairs and kept it up while she reheated the food. Before long they were sitting at the table, eating. Jack scarfed his dinner up in record time.
“How about a second helping?” she asked. “Before you answer, you should know there are fresh baked cookies, too. Mom’s recipe.”
The sparkle in his blue eyes dimmed. “I don’t think I could eat another bite. But thanks, Mer.”
It didn’t escape her notice that his expression changed at the mention of their mother. But before she could call him on it, the front door opened and closed. Moments later Wren ran into the kitchen and came to a screeching halt when she saw the new arrival. Hunter was right behind her.
“Are you Jack?” the little girl asked.
“I am.”
“My name is Wren. You’re finally here. Merry was waitin’ a long time. It took you forever, Jack.”
“He’s Mr. Matthews,” Hunter corrected her.
“Jack is fine with me if that’s okay with you.” He stood up and held out his hand to Hunter. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same here. Hunter Crawford,” he said, gripping the other man’s hand.
Merry watched them sizing each other up. Both were big men, muscular and solidly built. Jack’s hair was lighter, a dirty blond, and would have riotous curls like hers if allowed to grow longer than his short military cut. The two of them reminded her of predators circling each other, waiting for a show of weakness.
Jack broke the standoff. “I want to thank you for your hospitality. I’m sorry it was last minute but I appreciate you letting me stay here for Christmas.”
“Happy to have you. Thank you for your service,” Hunter said.
Wren looked way up at her brother. “Santa’s comin’ tonight, Jack.”
He hunkered down to her level. “That’s right. Have you been naughty or nice this year?”
“Mostly nice,” she answered. “And Daddy says that Santa knows no one is perfect.”
Jack laughed and Merry realized she hadn’t seen that in a very long time. The magic of a child to touch someone’s heart in a miraculous way was beyond measure.
“How was your dinner?” Merry asked her.
“Fun. Gramps let me open one of my presents. It’s a princess Christmas nightgown.”
“I can’t wait to see it on you.” Technically Merry had seen it. Max had requested her assistance for ideas and she’d bought it. “She loves princesses.” That was for Jack’s benefit.
“Can I get ready for bed now?” Wren was practically quivering with excitement.
“I think that can be arranged,” her father said. “I’ll supervise so Merry can visit with her brother.”
“Yay!” Wren clapped her hands together then said to Jack, “I’ll see you later.”
“I look forward to that.”
She ran out of the room and Hunter started to follow. He stopped in the doorway then turned and said to Merry, “Mission accomplished.”
“You’re welcome.”
When they were gone Jack asked, “What was that all about?”
“Her grandfather asked me for gift ideas and I suggested the nightgown, knowing she would want to put it on right away. So it checked two boxes—a gift to open Christmas Eve and an incentive to get ready for bed and, if a miracle happens, go to sleep at a reasonable hour.” She shrugged. “It worked.”
“That’s something Mom would have done,” Jack said wistfully.
She’d been young when their mom died and wouldn’t have recognized this as one of her strategic moves. Not without her brother to point it out. “Really?”
“Yeah. You remind me a lot of her.”
“I remember her saying you were her firstborn, the one she spent the most time with. You loved her a lot, didn’t you?” She put a plate of cookies on the table, then poured him a glass of cold milk.
“Yes.” Sadness welled in his eyes. “I know you did, too.”
“I was devastated. And Dad was drowning in grief when she died. Then you joined the military and went away.” She met his gaze and didn’t bother to even try and hide the hurt and resentment in her own. “It felt as if I lost my whole family. As if I was alone. The big brother I adored, the one I looked up to, the one who was my hero and always protected me, was just gone. You abandoned me, Jack.”
He stared at her for several moments as if he was lining up his argument, then just sighed. “I’m so sorry, Mer.”
“Why did you disappear? How could you do that to me? To Dad?”
“Mom was sick for a long time.” He took one of the cookies and broke off a piece but didn’t eat it. “She got sicker, thinner. She died a little more every day. Pieces of me died along with her. After she was gone I just had to get out of there, away from all the painful memories.”
“I guess I was one of them.” Merry couldn’t hold back anymore. It didn’t matter that tomorrow was Christmas. This conversation was long overdue. It would either make things better between them, or he’d never speak to her again. Either way she had to get rid of the bitterness that was eating away at her. “Because you got away from me, too, and Dad.”
“Not my finest hour.”
“I took care of Dad alone, Jack. There was no one to share the pain and burden. You were his son and you couldn’t even get home to see him.”
“Yeah.” He crushed the cookie into crumbs. “I was on a military mission, but that’s not an excuse. I should have tried harder to be there for both of you.”
“Damn right. You were in and out of his memorial service so fast it made my head spin.”
“I know. You have every right to be angry.”
“I don’t need your permission. It sucked and I’m still pretty mad at you.”
“I deserve that. All I can say is losing Mom just broke me. I was stupid, impulsive. Young.”
“Not as young as me,” she snapped.
He pushed the plate away. “If it’s any consolation, I’ve been paying a big price for what I did. I loved her so much and it feels as if I’ve been running from love ev
er since.”
He looked so completely miserable that Merry didn’t have the heart to keep this up. The anger she’d carried around for so long seemed to explode inside her and then the fragments just went poof and disappeared. Gone.
She put her hand on his arm. “I understand.”
“How can you? You were just a little girl.”
“Losing Mom is a part of me, of who I am. A motherless little girl.” She met his gaze. “Wren never knew her mother. She died from complications of childbirth.”
“Damn.” Jack looked shocked.
“The Crawfords moved from Texas and when she started school here, I sensed something, the void in her life, and responded to it. I’m grown up now and I get it. I understand how it feels to grow up without a mom. It’s one of the reasons I took the job as her nanny. And it’s why I’m still here through the holidays even though all I want is—”
“What?” Jack prompted. “To leave?”
“I didn’t say that.” But she’d said way more than she meant to. “It’s just been hard losing Dad. Selling the house. My life isn’t what I planned but I’m making it work. I refuse to settle. I’m—”
“In love with Hunter,” Jack finished for her.
“Why in the world would you jump to that conclusion?”
“I saw the way you looked at him.”
“Oh, please,” she scoffed. “You’re a guy.”
“I am a guy, but I’m also your brother. I know you. Just because I’ve been an idiot doesn’t mean that the bond we shared is gone. I can read you like a schematic. You’re in love with Hunter Crawford.”
She winced. “A little louder and they can hear you in downtown Rust Creek Falls.”
“You haven’t said I’m wrong,” he pointed out.
She met his gaze and realized taking responsibility for your actions and feelings worked both ways. He’d been honest about what he’d done and why. The least she could do was be truthful about her own situation.
“Okay. As much as it pains me to say this, you’re right. I am in love with him.”
“But you’re going to walk away?”
“I have no choice. When Wren goes back to school after New Year’s, I will no longer be her nanny. I have to go. It’s too hard to be around him when he’s still in love with the wife he lost.”
“So you’ve talked to him about this?”
“Well, no. I just gave him my notice, but—”
“No. Mer—” Jack put his hand over hers. “Running away because you’re afraid isn’t the answer. Trust me. I know all about that. I’ve been doing it for a long time.”
“So you’re saying I should fight for him?”
“Only you can decide whether or not he’s worth fighting for. If he is...” Jack shrugged. “You’ll know what to do.”
In spite of her doubts and fears, Merry smiled. “It’s so good to have you back. You’re still my hero, Jack.”
“I’m glad.” His eyes twinkled for a moment then he turned serious. “But something tells me I might need to make room for someone else on this pedestal.”
Chapter Fifteen
Merry was alone after Jack went to bed. It felt so wonderful clearing the air with him, and she filed their repaired relationship under Christmas miracles. But she was restless after their talk and ended up in the front room, sitting on the floor by the lighted Christmas tree with brightly wrapped packages underneath. She couldn’t help thinking about what he’d said. Would it be more painful to tell Hunter about her feelings and drive him away? Or to lose him without ever having tried?
Before he went upstairs, she and Jack had reminisced about past Christmas Eves when she was little. Their father had made a big deal out of leaving milk and cookies out for Santa Claus, but there was always a carrot for the reindeer, too. The memory made her smile. Death couldn’t steal everything from her, but it also made her miss her dad more than ever.
He had an opinion on every boy she ever liked and she used to roll her eyes at him, especially when the review was negative. But he’d always been right. What would he think of Hunter Crawford? Would he advise her not to give up without a fight? What she wouldn’t give to have him here, be able to talk to him one more time.
Lights from the tree reflected in the window but she caught a glimpse of fat white flakes floating past. It was starting to snow. She smiled, remembering Wren telling her about mistlesnow wishes. Heck, what could it hurt?
She rolled to her feet and looked outside. “Daddy, if you can hear me, I wish you would give me a sign. I’m leaning toward fighting for him, but it would sure help to know what you think.”
“Merry?” It was Hunter. “Are you okay?”
She thought she was alone and his voice startled her. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him. “I suppose that depends on whether or not you think it’s okay to talk to yourself.”
“In my experience you always have something smart to say, so...” He shrugged.
That was something anyway. “You’re still up.”
“Yeah, it took Wren a while to settle down. I guess your brother called it a night?”
“He did. Traveling for over twenty-four hours is exhausting. I insisted he get some rest. He finally gave in when he kept falling asleep in the chair. Too stubborn for his own good.”
“That sounds like my daughter.” He looked around. “It was so quiet I thought I was the only one still up.”
“No.” She folded her arms over her chest. “But why are you?”
“I have to put out the presents from Santa.”
“Right. And the big guy is supposed to get milk and cookies.” She glanced at the empty coffee table.
“Damn.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I forgot about that.”
“Uh-oh. Your daughter would have something to say. And this isn’t your first rodeo. You can’t even claim it’s a rookie move.” She figured he probably had a lot on his mind.
“Yeah.” His expression was adorably sheepish. “I’m not sure what happened but I can give you the perfect storm of excuses. The first Christmas in Montana. Big dinner at Dad’s. A military guest of honor. And Wren didn’t remind me.”
“Still, Hunter—” She teased him with a pitying look. “Epic dad fail.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Waking her up is not a good move, so plan B. Take before and after pictures. Full plate, then cookies with bites out of them. Drink half the milk. Show her Santa was here. She’ll believe.”
“Good idea. And you’re right about not waking her. It will have to do,” he said.
“Trust me. With hours of therapy she’ll be fine.”
His mouth curved up slightly at the corners. “I feel much better now. No guilt at all.”
“Happy to help.” For a few moments she’d managed to forget she would be gone soon and then the sadness of that fact was back. But for right now she was still his employee. “Do you want a hand putting out her Santa presents?”
He hesitated a moment, then said, “Yeah. I’d appreciate it.”
Together they made several trips up and down the stairs, carrying gifts wrapped in paper and ribbon that Wren hadn’t seen. They’d been hidden in his closet. Merry knelt under the tree to arrange them. In spite of her heavy heart she was glad she would still be here to see the happy look on that little girl’s face tomorrow morning when she would first see this pile of presents. At least Wren would have a carefree Christmas. The following day it would be time to break the news that Merry was leaving.
She looked at Hunter. “I’ll help you put that snack out for Santa.”
“Right.” He held out his hand to help her up.
She wanted to touch him, partly because it might be the last time. She put her fingers into his palm and savored the warmth of his big hand around hers. But dwelling on that was going to make he
r cry.
After he pulled her to her feet, she quickly broke the contact, then walked into the kitchen and got a Christmas-themed paper plate. After opening a tin of homemade cookies, she asked, “How many of these can Santa eat?”
“Two and a half.”
“So, three it is.” She set them on the plate then poured milk into a glass tumbler. “Okay, I’ll set this on the coffee table.”
“Wait.” He went to the refrigerator and opened it. “Just one more thing.”
“Santa, what a big appetite you have.”
“It’s not for me.” He reached into one of the crisper drawers and pulled out a carrot, then held it up. “This is for the reindeer.”
“What?” She’d just been remembering the Santa snack from when she was a little girl. Who did this besides her father? Merry felt tingles from head to toe. “Why?”
“I’m a rancher. I feed the livestock. Horses have to eat frequently because they’re big animals. So are reindeer.” He held up the raw carrot again. “Bon appétit, Rudolph.”
“It’s a sign,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry?”
She would bet everything she owned that her father, wherever he was, approved of this man and was encouraging her to not give up without a fight. “Hunter, we need to talk.”
“About?”
“The elephant in the room,” she said.
He looked puzzled but said, “We’re going to need a lot more carrots.”
“I’m serious. Ever since the night of Wren’s play you’ve been acting weird.” Merry could almost see his guard coming up and emotion shutting down. This time she was having none of it. She’d faced the worst-case scenario and could live with the consequences. There was nothing more to lose. It would hurt more if she let him go without trying. “I’m not imagining this. You started acting weird right after Wren talked about it being the best night ever because she had a dad and mom, like all the other kids.”
“Merry, I don’t know—”
“In case you aren’t already aware of this, I love Wren very much. She makes that very easy. And I’m so happy to be in her life, hopefully making a positive difference. But I’m not trying to take her mother’s place. There’s no way I could do that.”
Maverick Holiday Magic (Montana Mavericks: Six Brides For Six Brothers Book 5) Page 18