Linda didn’t seem put off by his tone. “It’s a shame about your folks. But is it a total failure when they have six strapping sons to show for it?”
And his mother walked out on all of them. That abandonment was and always would be a part of him. And all it meant was that his parents had sex at least six times but that didn’t mean they were happy.
“From what I hear, your married brothers are head over heels in love,” the woman said.
He wanted to say they were for now, but that made him sound like the Grinch. He couldn’t help it. Every time he thought about Avery’s pregnancy and the things that could go wrong, it bothered him. And the fact that all of his brothers were talking about starting families meant more worry. From his perspective, it was hard not to look at the dark side.
Maybe a subject change was in order. “How is it you’re here for the play? Do you have grandchildren at the school?”
“No. I never married.”
“I see.” Merry sighed a bit sadly.
“I can see you’re feeling sorry for me. Don’t. I’m resigned to it now. And the way I see it, all the elementary school kids are mine. I come every year to support them. They’re so doggone cute. And that little one of yours is a real sweetheart,” she said to Hunter.
“You’ll get no argument from me.” He grinned. Looking around, he noticed that the place was emptying out pretty fast. “Speaking of Wren, I wonder where she is. Maybe I should go look for her.”
Linda stood. “It’s time to take my old self home. Nice to meet you, Merry. And you, too, Hunter. Happy holidays.”
“Same to you,” they both said.
“Now go find that little angel of yours. Or should I say reindeer.” She grinned. “Good night.”
Linda left the row and Hunter was alone with Merry. She wouldn’t look at him and he was about to ask her what was going on. But just then he spotted his daughter skipping toward them with a happy smile on her face. She headed over to their row, squeezed right past him and threw herself into Merry’s arms.
“I saw you and then I remembered my lines. This is the best day ever,” she said.
“You were fantastic, kiddo,” Hunter told her. “You got all your lines and it was an awesome performance. There’s never been a better one in the history of school plays.”
“No, Daddy.” She climbed into Merry’s lap and snuggled close for a moment.
“No, what? I think you did a great job.”
“That’s not why it’s the best day.” She smiled tenderly up at her nanny. “It’s the best because I finally had a dad and a mom to see me. Just like all the other kids.”
He felt as if he’d been sucker punched. When Wren’s mom died, he’d always been thankful that she was too young to remember and feel the agonizing pain of losing her. Now he knew she felt it anyway. How could he not have seen how much she missed having a mother? How much she wanted one.
He’d been afraid of her getting too attached to Merry, but here they were. She’d stepped seamlessly into the role of mom, and his daughter had responded to that with love.
He should have realized there was no way to shield her. When he hired Merry he was damned either way.
And what about him? Just a little while ago he’d been thinking he liked everything about Merry. And he couldn’t get her out of his mind. Was he starting to love her, too? After so short a time?
That would be rushing into a relationship just like his father had done. A disaster scenario with history repeating itself. Even if he believed it would be different for him, he’d loved a woman once and losing her nearly destroyed him. Raising Wren had forced him to put one foot in front of the other. But if he let someone in and lost her again, it wasn’t just about him. This time he would have to watch his daughter be destroyed, too. He couldn’t stand that. He wouldn’t do it.
Abruptly he stood. “It’s getting late. We need to get home.”
Chapter Fourteen
Wren chattered happily on the drive back to the ranch. Merry wished Hunter would say something but he didn’t, not much anyway. This awkward silence was about his daughter saying that she was like all the other kids with a dad and a mom.
When that child had enthusiastically climbed into her lap, Merry’s heart had never felt so full. She loved the little girl so much and apparently Wren returned the feelings. Why would he have a problem with someone loving his little girl? Love was good, right? And Merry had never consciously tried to take her mother’s place.
Suddenly she knew what the problem was and felt cold all the way to her soul. It was about love, all right, but not hers for Wren. This had to do with Wren’s mother.
To finally meet a man who could love so deeply and completely was nothing short of astonishing. And clearly the universe was having a great laugh at Merry’s expense. Why else would she realize that she was in love with him and figure out at the same time that he’d never stopped loving the woman he’d lost?
“Daddy, can I stay up a little later tonight? I don’t have school tomorrow.”
“You don’t have school for the next couple of weeks. The play just kicked off your holiday vacation.” Hunter had just turned onto the road leading to the Ambling A. In the distance, lights from the compound of buildings were visible through the darkness. “What do you think about her staying up later?”
The question snapped Merry out of her dark place. She tried to make her response as lighthearted and normal as possible. “Well, since you don’t have to get up early, I think the success of your theater debut should be celebrated.”
“Can we do that with hot chocolate and cookies?” the little girl asked.
Merry would prefer something a little stronger to take the edge off the ache in her heart, but this was all about Wren. “That sounds like the perfect thing.”
She stole a glance at Hunter, who was nailing the role of the strong, silent type. The sharp angles of his profile were outlined by the truck’s dashboard lights and the intensity surrounding him was sucking all the oxygen from the air. At least for her. These weeks with him and his daughter had been some of the best in her life but now everything was awful. Wren was a bright little girl and would notice the tension. She noticed everything.
Hunter pulled up to the house and turned off the truck, then they all got out. Just as he was opening the front door of the log cabin, her cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and saw that it was her brother, Jack. Things were tense between them, too, but talking to him would be a welcome break from Hunter’s exhausting silence.
She answered and said, “Hi, Jack.”
“Hey, Merry. How are things?”
A little while ago things took a turn into suckiness, but thank you for asking, she thought.
“Hold on for a second, Jack.” She put her hand over the phone and said, “It’s my brother.”
“Okay. Wren and I will go whip up some hot chocolate and give you privacy.”
After he hustled his daughter into the kitchen, she stepped into the living room and stood beside the Christmas tree in the front window. It was the farthest she could get from the kitchen. Not that she was going to say anything personal about Hunter, but... Better safe than sorry. How ironic was that thought? She knew a lot about sorry but had very little experience with safe.
She put the phone to her ear again. “How are you, Jack?”
“Fine.”
“Good.” But it didn’t sound like he was fine. Still, how would she know? They’d barely spent any time together since she was a little girl who’d lost her mother.
“How are you?” he asked.
Shouldn’t be a problem pulling off a lie. Once they’d been close, but he couldn’t read her like a book anymore. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine,” he said.
Well, color her surprised. “Okay. You don’t sound fine either.”
He laughed. “I’m as fine as can be expected what with being halfway around the world at the holidays.”
“Can you tell me where you are? Or would you have to kill me?” She smiled at the memory of his very first deployment when he’d started that joke.
“Where I am doesn’t matter.” No question about it. He wasn’t fine either.
“Are you in danger?” Her chest went tight at the thought of something happening to him. The two of them had their problems but the idea of him not being on this earth at all was inconceivable to her. She loved him and he was all the family she had left.
“That’s not why I’m calling.” The non-answer was probably a yes on the danger thing. “I’m coming home for Christmas.”
“That’s great.” And it was, but things had changed dramatically since his whirlwind visit for their dad’s memorial service.
“But?”
“How do you know there’s a but?” she said.
“I know you. I could hear it in your voice.”
She let out a long breath. “Jack, I was Dad’s executor and he left the house to me because you were gone, and I wasn’t.”
“Okay.”
“I had to sell it. I couldn’t pay the mortgage without the income from Dad’s business. And without him there was no business.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounded shocked and upset.
This was not the time to get into all that. When they were face-to-face, they could discuss why she did what she did. “It was the best option. I’ll tell you when I see you.”
“Okay. But what about you? Where are you living?” There was a protective note in his voice that brought back flashes of their once-cherished relationship.
“I’ve taken a live-in nanny job. I’m okay.”
Was telling a lie so close to Christmas worse than a lie any other time of the year? Probably. But being on Santa’s naughty list would save the big guy a trip, for her anyway.
“Okay, then,” he said.
“I’m sorry, Jack. If I’d known you were coming, I’d have put off the sale. But I didn’t. And I can’t ask my boss to put you up.” Unexpected disappointment rocked her. She hadn’t realized just how much she needed to see her brother. For so long she’d felt alone, but something about hearing his voice tapped into a deep well of yearning for the bond they’d once shared.
“Don’t worry, sis. I’ll be there before Christmas and figure something out.”
“Okay. I can’t wait to see you.” That was truer now than ever before.
“Gotta go. Bye, Mer.”
“Travel safe and—” The line went dead. Loneliness like she’d never known settled heavily on her heart.
She shook it off as best she could because she had a job to do. For the moment anyway.
She walked into the kitchen and tried to act as if nothing was wrong. Wren was sitting at the table with a mug of hot chocolate in front of her and beside it a small plate with a reindeer cookie on it.
“So, how goes the celebration?”
The little girl shrugged. “Okay. Daddy’s hot chocolate isn’t as good as yours.”
A small victory but Merry would take it. She met Hunter’s gaze for the first time since his daughter had said what she had at the community center and changed everything between them. His eyes were dark and guarded.
“Sorry about that,” she said, holding up her phone. “I haven’t talked to Jack in a while.”
“How is he?” The tone was polite but cool.
“Fine.” So he’d said. “He’s coming for Christmas.”
Almost too quickly Hunter said, “I’m sure you’re looking forward to spending as much time with him as possible. Why don’t you take the week off, with pay, and have a quality visit?”
“But, Daddy, it’s our first Christmas in Rust Creek Falls.” The little girl’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “It won’t be the best one ever if Merry isn’t here.”
“Oh, hell,” Hunter mumbled. Then he went down on one knee beside her chair. “But, kiddo, her brother has been gone a long time. They have a lot of catching up to do.”
Obviously he wanted her anywhere but here and that made Merry’s heart hurt more than she’d have thought possible. “Sweetie, don’t cry. You’ll have a wonderful holiday with your dad and Gramps and your aunts and uncles and cousin.”
As big fat tears rolled down her cheeks, Wren turned her tragic gaze on first her father then Merry. “It won’t be wonderful. Why can’t your brother stay here with us for Christmas? We have room. Right, Daddy?”
“We do.” Hunter was crumbling under the weight of her sad expression. “Of course he can stay. But that’s up to Merry and her brother.”
Now it was her turn to feel the full force of not being able to tell this little girl no. It was also an answer to the problem of where Jack could stay on such short notice. She looked at Hunter. “If you’re sure? I promise he won’t be any trouble. We’ll do our own thing—”
“He’s more than welcome. Giving a soldier serving his country a place to spend Christmas is the very least we can do.”
The words were right but it felt all wrong. A few hours earlier this would have made everything perfect but not now. “Thank you, Hunter. I’ll let Jack know.”
Wren hugged her father. “It’s going to be the best Christmas ever.”
“Whatever you say. But now I think it’s time for bed.”
“Okay.”
Without another word to him Merry took the little girl upstairs for a quick bath and bedtime story before lights out. She remembered all the fun and carefree nights since she’d come to work for Hunter. Especially that night in his bed, in his arms. Now she knew there wouldn’t be any more sweet and happy times in this house.
More than anything Merry wanted to go to her room and curl up on her bed, but there was something she had to do first. She went downstairs and found Hunter in the living room staring at the Christmas tree. He was holding a glass with a small amount of Scotch in it.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked.
“Of course.” He downed the rest of the liquid in his glass then turned To look at her. “Is Wren okay?”
Merry couldn’t help a small smile. “Zonked. It’s exhausting being a star.”
“Yeah. The meltdown was a clue.”
“About that...” She stuffed her hands into her jeans pockets to hide the fact they were shaking. “It’s really not necessary for you to put Jack up while he’s on leave. We can make other arrangements.”
He shook his head. “I meant what I said. He’s a soldier and it would be my honor to have him here. Show my gratitude for the sacrifices he’s made for his country. And my daughter wants you here.”
“Okay. But there’s something I have to tell you and that might change your mind.”
He frowned and his gaze never left her face. “What?”
“I’m giving my two weeks’ notice.”
“You’re quitting?”
“Yes.”
“But I thought you liked it here.”
More than she could possibly put into words. But that was before. Now she knew he couldn’t return her feelings and it was just too hard. And there was no way she could tell him that.
“Your daughter is—” Emotion closed off her throat so she simply put her hand over her heart to express her deep feelings for his child. “But you and I both know this arrangement was only temporary. So it’s best to make a clean break. I won’t abandon her at Christmas or leave you in the lurch while she’s out of school. But I’m going to start the new year with an aggressive push to finish classes and get my teaching credentials.”
“I see.”
Merry blinked at him. She wasn’t sure what she’d wanted to hear, but that wasn’t it. Something along the lines of begging her to stay would have been ni
ce. And that’s when she realized hope was hands down the cruelest of all emotions. It set you up just to disappoint you again. And the second time was so much more painful and disheartening.
The chance to get out of this encounter with her dignity intact was slowly slipping away. It took the last reserves of her strength to smile but she managed a shaky one.
“I just wanted to let you know so you could start looking for someone else to be Wren’s nanny.” That said, she left the room and went up the stairs before hope could blindside her again.
Mostly she had to get away before her facade crumbled and Hunter could see that she was in love with him. Tomorrow she would worry about how she was going to hide that truth and pretend nothing had changed. For the record, this was going to be her worst Christmas ever.
* * *
On Christmas Eve, Merry was alone in the cabin, waiting for her brother to arrive. Hunter had taken Wren to the big house for dinner with his father and brother. It would give his little girl a chance to work off some Christmas anticipation energy. Max and Wilder could help with that.
Merry had been invited but declined to go, wanting to be here when Jack showed up. Hunter had seemed relieved but Wren didn’t censor her disappointment. It hurt Merry’s heart because in a very short time she would not be the child’s nanny. But she was trying not to think about that. In a few hours it would be Christmas and Jack had said he would be here. But why should his visit go the way she wanted? The rest of her life certainly wasn’t.
That’s the Christmas spirit, she told herself. A pity party during the most wonderful time of the year. Bah humbug!
She started pacing and kept checking her phone for messages, but there was nothing. Maybe nothing was all she could ever expect from Jack Matthews. But he’d sounded lonely. And sad. And very sure he’d be here in time for Christmas. How would she even know who to call to find him? What if—
A knock on the door kept her from going to a very dark place and she rushed to answer it. There on the porch was a man dressed in military camouflage and a matching fleece-lined jacket.
Maverick Holiday Magic (Montana Mavericks: Six Brides For Six Brothers Book 5) Page 17