The Secret He Keeps

by Julieann Dove

  “What are we celebrating?” She took her white coat off and hung it on the tall rack in the corner.

  “One week back at work.”

  “Ha! Maybe we should wait to see if I make it a month.”

  “Are you messing with me? Was it that bad? I told Melinda not to overbook you. I swear, that girl.”

  “Dane, she didn’t overbook me. I’m just giving you a hard time. I’ve got to get home.”

  He grabbed her arm as she reached for the light switch. “Come on, Rachel. Please?” He showed her his praying hands.

  She could never turn him down. He was so much maintenance, yet had so much charisma. She covered for him more than once during their residency. Lying to Dr. Wallace when he was hungover in the supply closet. He needed to keep those blue eyes away, every now and then.

  “All right, but I’m not staying long. My feet hurt from wearing actual shoes and I have a bottle of bubble bath beckoning me.” She looked down at her black pumps and knew she should’ve gone with the flats.

  ***

  Dane picked Jake’s Bar. It was Otis Redding night. Arty featured an artist once a month. Otis rotated more than once in a while. Dane held the door open for her to go inside first. Arty stood behind the bar, waving as they walked past him. For a man in his seventies, he sure looked good. His short sleeves, folded up twice, showed what was left of his muscular arms. He still worked out at the gym during his lunch break. Most of his hair had receded and now only stray whiskers showed up on his cheeks. He was as meek as a teddy bear and optimistic as a Girl Scout. Everyone came to tell their woes to Arty, and usually left feeling much better than they walked in.

  Dane pulled out Rachel’s chair for her. Its loose back moved back and forth as she sat back. The dim lights of the bar gave privacy to each table that was there. Smoke wafted to the ceiling from a few of them. Arty never bought into a smoke-free bar. Smoking went hand in hand with drinking, he always said.

  “What can I getcha?” The woman with hair as long and straight as Crystal Gayle stood, holding a black tray wedged against her side.

  “You want a Cosmo?” Dane asked Rachel.

  “Actually I’ll have a cranberry juice, straight up.”

  The woman looked up from her pad, questioning her with her eyes.

  “Okay,” Dane said, interrupting the ensuing question from the waitress. “I’ll have a Coors.”

  She looked back at Rachel before she left the table.

  “So you’re not drinking tonight?”

  “Giving it up for Lent.” She folded the tiny cocktail napkin the woman left behind.

  “You’re not even Catholic.”

  “Yeah, well, that might change, too.”

  The music was certainly bluesy that night. Dane noticed a man in the corner. He was swaying his head, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. His eyes were closed, feeling the music deep in his soul.

  “So, how was your first week? Did it all come back to you?” He rested his elbows on the table. It was all he could do not to reach across and pull a stray hair from the middle of her forehead. But then that would lead to touching her cheek. Then that would lead to bending across the table and kissing her. Something she wouldn’t understand.

  “Yeah, pretty much. You see one naked ass, you’ve seen them all.”

  He let out a laugh. The woman reappeared with their drinks. Rachel’s was bright red and filled a medium glass. His was a longneck. A frosted mug accompanied it.

  “So true.” He poured the cold elixir down his throat. It felt as if it were setting off sparks as it crawled down to his stomach. A great end to a busy day. And now to be sitting across the table with Rachel made it the best.

  Rachel began to sway in her chair to the song that was playing. Without giving thought to how she’d react, he pulled her out to the small dance floor. He couldn’t take not being able to touch her any longer. They were going to share it with three other couples. Slow-moving couples. Maybe dirty dancers, if the lights were brighter and he could see better.

  She fought at first, shaking her head no. But he insisted, pulling her harder. The song was “These Arms of Mine.” The words couldn’t have been more fitting to how he felt for her. He wrapped his arms around her tight and began to sway. Her body felt so good…so perfect next to his. She went to say something the same time he moved his head to look at her. She ended up at his cheek. Her lips brushed against it. They stopped for a brief second, a half inch of space between their faces. His eyes focused on her lips. The ones he’d watch getting slathered with lip gloss in the break room that day, longing to be the wand in the tube. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed her. It was second nature. He wasn’t sure whether she closed her eyes. It ended quickly. Like the song. “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” came on next, not allowing for any silence in the dance area. Her eyes didn’t leave his for what seemed a whole chorus of Otis belting out the soulful tune.

  She moved her head back to his shoulder, laying her cheek flat against it. His body radiated heat from what just happened…from feeling her breast pressed against his chest. How could he get rid of the extra warmth before she sensed the temperature change?

  They remained dancing until the song ended and she pulled away. They went back to the table and sat down without saying a word.

  “I’ve got to go to the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

  He nodded.

  ***

  Crap, what was that? She set her bag down on the green tiled surface. It looked like it was original to the old building. The lines in the caulk were stained black from years of use. Probably some drug use involved, too.

  She rested her hands on the edge of the top and looked herself in the eyes. This was Scott’s best friend. Her business partner. She was NOT attracted to him. Repeat, NOT attracted. She turned on the water and felt the cold water on her fingertips. An image of Scott came to her mind. She shook it away. It was quickly replaced with Dane…and his lips. Coming close to hers. And how nice the kiss was. But it couldn’t be. No, no, no.

  Still, there was something in the way he held her close. The way his smell was familiar. He was a natural sedative for her troubled soul. Seeing him in the hallway at work every day was something she was now looking forward to in the mornings. She even took extra time to decide on what earrings to wear. Damn it! Why didn’t she see this coming? No, she wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t. It was good the way it was. Damn it! How was she going to turn off this feeling? Would she have to quit the practice? Move back home? No, that was drastic. She’d just regain some professional distance. Despite what she found herself really wanting to do.

  Otis was still crooning when she got back to the table. Luckily it was a fast-paced song, nothing to do with loving someone for so long. All she needed was for a breakout of Elvis singing a duet of “Can’t Help Falling in Love with You.” She sat down and finished her drink in one long sip.

  “Are you ready to go?”

  “Is everything all right?”

  He was using his eyes again. His x-ray vision, trying to see past what she was going to lie and say.

  “Yes. I just have to get back for Gus. He’s a freak in the dark, and I didn’t leave on any lights for him.” She started to stand.

  “Would you like me to drive you home? I can bring you back tomorrow to pick up your car.”

  “No.” It came out too fast. Was it too fast? She didn’t want to seem weird about anything. If they could ignore what happened on the dance floor, that would make her year. Or at least seeing him at the office bearable.

  “Okay.” He pulled out his wallet and threw down two bills. “Let’s go, then.”

  They parked next to her car, back at the office building. “Rachel, it’s cold and your car hasn’t heated up. Let me just take you home.” He reached for her hand and she pulled away.

  “It won’t take long for the heat. Anyway, I’m not cold.”

  She pulled the door handle and he took her other arm, holding onto it. She pressed her
eyes closed before she turned to look at him.

  “Rachel, I don’t want things to get strange between us. I just—”

  “It won’t.” She pushed the door open with her foot. Escape was just a few feet away.

  “I’ll see you Monday.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Sacrificial Friends

  Rachel did that smile all day to Dane. The one that you did to the person at the drycleaners, as they pulled things from your pockets. Things you should have found before taking them to be cleaned, but didn’t. It hurt her cheeks. The level of weird was more than she could stand. Exactly, why was it weird? How had it transgressed to this? It didn’t help that he was the only thing on her mind. She even wore a rubber band around her wrist, snapping it each time her mind strayed to that crazy night when she felt his lips against hers. Clearly he needed a girlfriend. She was too accessible for him. Maybe he felt a duty to take care of her in the absence of his friend.

  She cradled her chin in her hand and looked around her office. She knew Collette was waiting for her to get home. It wasn’t every day your best friend flew in to see you. Okay, so her house was getting bombed for termites. How was Collette supposed to know ants didn’t have wings? She had vacation time coming to her, anyway. It couldn’t have come at a better time. It was the holidays and her mother was playing host to all the crazy aunts and funky uncles. Rachel was more than willing to put her up for a few nights.

  And it could work out for her benefit, too. How do you throw a bear off your scent? Throw a deer in the pathway and hide behind a bush. So Dane was in no means a bear, but in this analogy he was definitely trailing Rachel. She could feel it. Feel him watch her standing at the coffee machine, putting his hand to his mouth, rubbing his lips in a pensive way. He never used to do that.

  Collette was in no way a deer, either. She would serve only as a tester. Like one of those dummies that car makers strapped in the front seat and drove into a wall. But in this case Rachel would never let her actually hit the wall. And what was so wrong with the wall? It was Dane. Dane was attractive. He was sensitive. And definitely needed to be removed as a distraction for Rachel. He was off-limits by reason of relation to her and Scott. If Rachel’s test worked, he would no longer be dancing in her head and holding her tight. The smell of him could dissipate like vapors, and her best friend would score a bachelor. Win-win.

  Rachel couldn’t believe how good Collette looked when she picked her up from the airport. She had colored her hair back to its natural color of red and it was so freaking glossy and flowed like one of those shampoo commercials. Rachel didn’t know it was her until she turned around. A pretty deer, indeed.

  She knocked on his office door. “Come in.”

  It was Thursday and on Thursdays they shut down the office at noon to catch up on files or go to a much-needed extended lunch hour. Rachel didn’t have many files to catch up on and she knew Collette was home, waiting for lunch. She had on her coat and was ready to go.

  “Hey, I see you’re not leaving.”

  “Did the stacks of files and messed-up hair act as indicators? Seriously, what do we pay Melinda for? I thought you said she was taking some courses in business management or something.”

  “I think she might still be waiting on student loans, or acceptance. I’ll check with her tomorrow. She’s gone to lunch.”

  “Nice someone is.” He seemed perturbed.

  “Dane, Melinda is the receptionist. Sabrina is the insurance processor. Now do you need a third person to transcribe medical notes? I’m sure Michael wouldn’t object. His desk is at least three inches higher in folders than yours.”

  “I’ll give it some thought, I guess.”

  She sat down, keeping her bag tucked like a pillow on her lap. “So…” How was she going to do this? Why hadn’t she rehearsed? “So,” she started again. “I was wondering if you’d do me a favor?” Commence puppy dog eyes.

  “What?” he asked, one eyebrow raised.

  “Well, I have a friend…”

  “Stop right there, Rachel.” He put up his hand. “I’m glad you have a friend. Now keep her, because I’m on overload with friends. I don’t need any more of them.”

  Harder than expected. She resituated herself, throwing her bag up on his less than neat desk. A folder pushed over from the tallest stack.

  “Okay, do you remember the heavy weightlifter you had in here on Monday? The guy who looked like the Hulk under the tight sweats?” She stood, pointing her finger, talking to him like a prosecutor giving her final argument. “And you came into the room, where I was giving that little underweight boy a physical so he could go get creamed on the basketball court? And you asked to see me in the hall for a second. And when I did, you begged me to come to exam room five so I could lance a boil on that Hulk-like man’s ass?” Prosecution rests. She sat back down.

  “Now, about my friend.”

  He shook his head. “What’s her name?”

  “Collette, and I’m pretty sure you’ve met her. She used to come visit in the summer and I think we all went on the boat one time.”

  “No, but go ahead.”

  “You didn’t even try to remember, Dane! Now, she’s quite fetching.”

  “Fetching? Did you really say fetching? Who says that?”

  “I do. Now, listen.” She banged her hand on his desk. “She’ll be ready at six. She’s not weird, so she eats meat and vegetables. She weighs more than a hundred pounds, and she’s a writer, so she’s very opinionated. You’ll simply have the best time ever.” She looked directly at him, hoping to see a reaction. Would he be willing to love her? Was this the first stroke of pure disaster? What was she doing?

  He dove into another folder. No reactive eyes to be seen. “Fine, six.” He pointed with his pen. “But this means we’re even, Rachel Miller. No more friends. I’m not looking for anyone.”

  Oh yes, he would. Rachel half-heartedly wanted him to. The other half wanted it to not be so convoluted.

  Now to pull a favor owed from Collette. Did it have to be something from this decade? Rachel recalled a time when they were playing Barbies and Collette took scissors to Malibu Barbie just to infuriate Rachel. It worked. Rachel cried for a day. Malibu Barbie would never get Ken to like her with centimeter-long hair.

  “Collette,” Rachel yelled out when she came in the front door of her house.

  Collette peeked her head over the couch. Gus ran off her lap to Rachel, licking and jumping on her legs. He finally had a sister. Someone to stay home with all day and serve as his human-legged bed.

  “Wanna go out tonight?” Rachel hung her coat up on the peg and joined her friend on the sofa, handing her a combo meal from McDonald’s. Extra salty fries and a Big Mac, just like the good ol’ days.

  “Sure, where?” She untucked her legs, turned down the television and propped herself up to eat.

  “Where would you like to go? Somewhere expensive, where they have a piano player and no tip glass? Somewhere cozy, with a fireplace and chilled wine? Or, somewhere with great seafood, and it’s all you-can-eat at the buffet?”

  Collette stared out the corner of her eye, pulling her sandwich from the bag. “What’s the catch? I’ve been here two days and the fanciest we’ve been to is the diner.”

  Rachel jumped up from the sofa and hit the wood with the poker. Sparks danced up into the flue. “It’s not actually me you’d be going with. I want you to go out with Dane.” She didn’t turn around to see her friend’s expression.

  “Rachel!” she screamed. “I don’t want to go on a blind date. You know I hate them. I’m on overload from Match.com. I haven’t checked my computer in a week, and if I have to sit and make nice talk with someone else on this getaway, I’ll simply scream. And why do you want me to? Did you discover it was all in your imagination about him? You never called to let me know how Thanksgiving went.”

  “Thanksgiving was okay. There was a moment where I misread something, but I splashed some cold water on the notion he wa
s flirting. And then the other night…” Rachel turned and clasped her hands. She didn’t want to admit her feelings about that evening out loud. “I’m begging, just go out so I can put this silly notion out of my head that he’s interested in me. That’s the last thing I need in my life.”

  “Just ask him, for God’s sake, Rachel. The worst he can do is laugh in your face.” Collette took a large bite of her sandwich; lettuce fell from it into the cardboard box. Gus sat at her feet in a begging stance.

  Rachel buried her chin in her neck and rubbed it nervously. “We kissed.”

  “O-M-G! Girl, you didn’t tell me that.” A piece of burger shot from her mouth. Gus trailed it on the floor. “Why didn’t you tell me that? Do you like him? Hold on, why didn’t you call and tell me this? Wait a minute.” She was catching on. “Didn’t we all go out that summer on the boat? He’s the one with the sandy hair and the toned abs, isn’t he? The one who wore those Wayfarers like he was posing for GQ?” She fanned herself. “Hell yeah, I’ll go out with him. What time will he be here?”

  Rachel stood up to follow her friend into the other room. She was going in search of a napkin. “Okay, you don’t have to be that overboard with excitement.”

  Her friend turned abruptly. Rachel ran into her and backed up a step. “Wait a minute, he kissed you? Then what’s the problem, again? Why is it that you want me to go out with him? Rachel, he’s perfect for you.” She grabbed a napkin from the counter and wiped some dressing off her cheek.

  “We’re partners, he’s Scott’s best friend, and it makes for total awkwardness.”

  “And, you’re not interested?” She shook her head back and forth, lowering her chin until Rachel gave a response.

  “Of course not. Hello? He’s Scott’s best friend. My partner! This would totally count as unacceptable. No way, no how.”

  “Why?” The one-syllable word was drawn out to the length of three.

  “Umm, did you not just hear my reasons?” Rachel went back to the sofa to get her sandwich out of the bag.