All That Glitters

by Danielle Steel

  “You’re twenty-eight years old. You don’t know what could happen in the future. You might meet someone and have more kids.”

  “Yes, I do know. Either Ian will come back, or some other dazzling guy will come along, someone broken or different or exotic or famous or brilliant and unusual and knock me right on my ass, and it’ll turn out like this again. Guys like Ian don’t go the distance. They can’t. And that seems to be my specialty, as you said a long time ago. Four years was a good run.” She seemed ready to let him go, which surprised Sam. But she knew from everything he’d said that she couldn’t hang on to him. The falling stars had turned to dust in her hands the night before.

  “I hope he comes back,” Sam said in a low voice.

  “So do I, but I’m pretty sure he won’t. Bethanie will take it hard. She loves him, and he loves her. It almost killed him to see us go. He wanted to come with us, but he didn’t have it in him. Now we need to focus on what’s going to happen here.” She was determined. Every fiber of her being was focused on Bethanie.

  Sam left a little while later, and picked them up at nine-thirty the next morning to go to Sloan Kettering. He had taken the day off from work to be with them.

  Bethanie came bounding out of Coco’s old childhood room to greet him, and she looked better after a night’s sleep. Coco didn’t. She hadn’t been able to stop herself. She had called Ian, and he didn’t pick up. She had no idea where he was or if she’d ever see him again. She thought she wouldn’t, but she still hoped.

  * * *

  —

  The news at Sloan Kettering, after Dr. Jeff Armstrong reviewed the bloodwork and examined Bethanie, was somewhat encouraging. He concurred with the diagnosis they’d gotten in London. Bethanie had AML. They had caught it early and he thought the odds were good, but she was a very sick little girl. He recommended their standard protocol for the disease, which was six weeks of intense chemotherapy, which would make her feel awful and she’d lose her hair. He wanted to start the next day. Ideally, they hoped she would go into remission after the first intense round of chemotherapy. She had a ninety-five percent chance of remission, and even cure. The length of treatment would be about six months, depending on how she responded. And he felt that a full cure was entirely possible. He recommended that she be treated in Boston, Paris, or at Sloan Kettering, rather than go back to London, and he would treat her himself if they stayed. He was impressive in every way. Coco could tell he was brilliant.

  “I want to get her treated here,” Coco confirmed. He nodded agreement and looked at her intensely. He was a tall, powerfully built man with sandy blond hair and deep blue eyes. He was very serious, and rarely smiled, except when speaking to his patients. He described the protocol to her. Bethanie would be in the hospital for six weeks, for chemo and to protect her from infection, and then she could go home for some of the time, and Coco could stay at the hospital with her as much as she wanted. There was something cold about him, but at the same time he inspired confidence. You could tell that he was used to being in command. He wasn’t sympathetic when he spoke to Coco, but he had been very gentle when he examined Bethanie.

  He explained that they were going to put a port in to administer the medication more easily. “We start tomorrow then,” he said as he stood up. They had a hard six months ahead of them, but Coco wanted to get started. “When you’re finished here,” Dr. Armstrong told her, “you’ll need to choose between those three cities for follow-up. Paris, Boston, or here in New York. We follow the same protocol.” After he left the room, she thanked Sam again. And she knew she had to call Leslie and tell her. She couldn’t work until the end of the year, and London wasn’t on the list for follow-up treatment. There was so much to think about. She considered sending a text to Ian that they were starting tomorrow, but it would only torture him. She had to go through this alone, with Sam’s help when he had time. But she couldn’t lean too heavily on him either. He had a business to run, four children, and a depressed wife, and his mother hadn’t been well for the last year. There was only so much he could shoulder. She didn’t want to burden him.

  But he took them back to the hospital the next day to start treatment, and then left to go to his office an hour later. He said he’d call and check in throughout the day.

  The first treatment didn’t seem to have too violent an effect, but they increased the dose progressively, and by the end of the first week in the hospital, Bethanie was as sick as they had predicted. Her immune system was depressed from that point on, so she couldn’t leave the hospital. They were living in a bubble, and she felt sick and slept a lot of the time. Coco spent hours with her on her lap or reading to her until she fell asleep. She stayed at the hospital with her. She went home every few days for fresh clothes, but other than that, Coco never left her.

  She texted and called Ian several times, but got no response. It was an endless six weeks. Sam came to see them every day.

  * * *

  —

  The star physician, Jeff Armstrong, checked on Bethanie several times a day. He came to see her repeatedly during her chemo treatments, and he stopped to chat with Coco in the hall whenever he saw her. He surprised her when he mentioned a gala evening to benefit the hospital, and suggested that she should go. She didn’t want to leave Bethanie, but she felt obligated to once he suggested it, and asked Sam if he would go with her. But he had to be at home with the kids. Tamar still wasn’t doing well after her C-section, so Coco bought a thousand-dollar seat and went alone. She hadn’t brought anything dressy to wear, but found an old evening gown in her closet that still fit her. It wasn’t exciting, but she wore her hair up, and stopped at Saks to buy a pair of evening sandals and a big rhinestone brooch that looked real, and a black satin evening bag. She wasn’t in a festive mood, and she was shocked when she found herself at the head table, seated next to Jeff Armstrong, who offered her a private tour of their research facilities the next day. She couldn’t turn that down. She didn’t want to be rude to him after all the personal attention he was giving Bethanie.

  The tour of their research facilities the next day was fascinating and intense. He explained every detail to her, and gave her a two-hour tour himself, and then stopped to visit Bethanie, and as he left he bestowed one of his rare smiles on Coco. She could feel the strength he emanated. He exuded power and a brilliant mind. As she thought it, she recognized the early signs that were always so attractive to her. Supreme intelligence, a man at the top of his field, and unlimited success. The flash. It defined every man who was attracted to her, and whom she was drawn to like a moth to flame. She reminded herself to be careful. He had an important function in her life. He was trying to save her daughter, she didn’t want to become too personally involved with him. During the benefit dinner he had mentioned the kind of donations they were trying to elicit in their fund drive. He suggested a million dollars and upward, which was obviously not for himself, but for research. There was clearly an ulterior motive and an agenda behind his random moments chatting with her in the hall. A donation was certainly possible, though perhaps not quite that large. If they cured Bethanie, she would be forever grateful, but it made her uneasy that he saw her as a source of money and was preying on their plight, however subtly.

  “Do you like to sail?” he asked her one day in the hall, and she said she did, but hadn’t in a long time. “I have a small sailboat I keep tied up at the Chelsea Piers, if you’d like to come out with me sometime.” He was very attractive, somewhere in his mid to late forties. He reminded her of a younger Ed, or a more professional-looking Ian. He was definitely a type, her type. He was at the top of his field, as Ian was. She had called Ian several more times, and he still hadn’t responded. But Jeff Armstrong made it clear that he was eager to spend time with her during their lengthy stay in New York.

  “I don’t think I should leave Bethanie right now,” she said with a warm smile, and she mentioned him to Sam when he
came by that night. He brought a drawing from Nathan to Bethanie. She was still very sick, but on the whole, she was holding up well.

  “I think I have a problem,” Coco told Sam, after he told her how Tamar was. She was still depressed, and the baby was colicky. Nathan had hit his head at school that day and had to be picked up and brought home.

  “I’m turning into Mr. Mom,” he said with a sigh. He was doing all he could for his kids, and Tamar was despondent. He said she cried all the time.

  “I think Jeff Armstrong is hitting on me,” Coco shared with him, looking worried. “He suggested I buy a ticket to the benefit, which I did to support the cause, and he had me seated next to him, which was a little awkward. He invited me today to go sailing with him on his boat. And he wants a million-dollar donation or more. I can’t afford that, though I’ll certainly give them a healthy donation if they cure my daughter. I can’t put my finger on it, but he’s just a little too friendly for my taste. He’s also what I always fall for. I’m not here for that, I’m here for Bethanie. But he’s so damn smart and attractive. He’s the flash you always talk about, Sam, which is my nemesis.” He laughed at her.

  “You’re just too damn beautiful and sexy for your own good.”

  “Like hell I am. I look a mess. I’m not feeling sexy. This isn’t the time or the place. And I’m still in love with Ian,” she said sadly.

  “Did Jeff tell you he has a gorgeous Chinese wife? She’s a professor at Columbia Medical School. She’s a knockout. She lectures all over the place, she probably couldn’t make it to the benefit.” He looked startled that Jeff had gotten personal with her. It seemed inappropriate to him.

  “So what’s he after? Just money?” she asked him innocently.

  “That, and you. You’re a doubleheader, Coco. You’re young and beautiful and you can make an enormous donation. Not many women your age can.”

  “I don’t want to be the object of his attentions, particularly if he’s married. Here we go again.”

  “Just keep saying no. He’ll get the message eventually.” Sam thought it was funny and Jeff was harmless. He was a busy man and an important one. He wasn’t going to stalk her. But Coco didn’t trust herself. He was a very attractive man, she was lonely and scared, and he was cast in the role of savior, which made him even more dangerous for her. She knew herself. And she did not want a married man, under any circumstances, savior or not. All she wanted from him was that he save her daughter.

  He asked her to lunch the following week when he saw Coco in the hall when Bethanie was sleeping. He wasn’t being overly pushy, but he was persistent, and married. She saw him in the cafeteria a few days later, and he sat down at her table.

  “Are you avoiding me, Ms. Martin?” he asked with a sultry look and a voice as smooth as silk. She decided to be honest with him, she didn’t know what else to do.

  “I understand you’re married,” she said quietly, looking him in the eye. His attention was flattering, but his style and everything he represented was dangerous for her, like a drug she had detoxed from and didn’t want to dabble with again.

  “That’s true,” he said easily, as though it didn’t matter. “My wife and I have an understanding. She’s a very busy person. And so am I. It’s hard to keep a marriage working well sometimes in those conditions. The life went out of our marriage years ago, and you’re a very intriguing woman,” and also nearly twenty years younger than he was. It was Ed all over again, with a different job. Same guy, same style, same line. She almost wanted to laugh, and suddenly he was no longer attractive, just another married guy at the top of his field who was full of himself, and thought any woman would be lucky to have him. He was a classic narcissist.

  “I’m very touched by your offers,” she said coyly, feeling like an idiot flirting with him to get him off her back. “It’s hard for me to concentrate on anything right now except my daughter. Maybe when she’s better,” she said and he nodded. She could almost see him put her in the fridge for later, as a midnight snack. She didn’t want to anger him so he’d lose interest in Bethanie, which she knew he wouldn’t. He was too much the consummate professional for that, and indeed a brilliant researcher and physician, but he was also a horny, bored married guy looking for a new playmate. Like Nigel, or Ed, or so many men. At least Ian had never cheated on her, that she knew of. It wasn’t his style and he was an honest man. Men like Jeff had a massive ego that needed to be fed, like white mice to a boa constrictor. She had no desire to be anyone’s white mouse. He left her alone at her table then, and didn’t invite her to join him again. He had struck out, which men like him didn’t like either. She knew the type too well, and was proud of herself for resisting his advances.

  It was late June by then, and in mid-July, six weeks after they had started treatment, Bethanie was in remission. She was able to leave the hospital for a while, and be treated as an outpatient. Coco was able to take her to Southampton and drove her there herself. Bethanie had lost her hair, which she hated, and she was wearing a little white eyelet hat, like she’d worn when she was a baby.

  They made a sand castle and had a nice time. They slept in the same bed. Coco had to force herself not to think of her parents and Ian, the people she had loved and lost. Jeff Armstrong never crossed her mind. All she could think of was Bethanie, in remission and hopefully on her way to a cure. She was becoming one of their success stories, and Coco had never been as grateful in her life, nor as proud of herself for resisting a brilliant, successful, and charming married man. The flash hadn’t worked its magic this time.

  Chapter 17

  The next four and a half months went by very quickly during the latter part of Bethanie’s treatments. She was firmly in remission, and able to be treated as an outpatient, living at home. Coco went to a museum occasionally, when she could get away. They went to Southampton several times in July and August. In mid-August, Bethanie turned five, and they had a birthday party for her at the hospital, and another one at home with Theresa, Coco, and Sam. His children couldn’t visit, because her immune system was still compromised, but in September, after four months of treatment, the doctors were pleased with her progress, and considered her cancer-free. Coco was hoping they might get back to London by October. Leslie had been managing the business without her, and Coco wanted to go back to work. She longed for their life to get back to normal, and for Bethanie to be a healthy little girl again. Bethanie had asked about Ian several times, but there had been no sign of him since they left London. Coco just told her that he was away writing a book, which Bethanie was used to, and knew they couldn’t call him then.

  She asked her mother one day on the beach in Southampton why they had no daddy. Coco told her that some people just didn’t, and Bethanie was satisfied with her answer, for now. She would tell her the truth when she was older, in the gentlest way she could. Coco had heard from Leslie that Nigel was living in Dubai and entertained in Sussex, whenever he came back to England. She had no idea what he was doing and didn’t care.

  She had dinner with Sam whenever he had time, which wasn’t often. Tamar was still depressed five months after David’s birth, and he seemed like he was losing patience with her. He was doing almost everything for the kids, and he and Coco had dinner wherever he could eat meals that weren’t kosher. He had just turned thirty, leading the life his parents had wanted for him, but not the one he had wanted when they went to school.

  “Tamar has been talking about going to law school,” he told her, looking irritated. “I don’t know who she thinks is going to take care of the kids if she does, unless we hire a full-time nanny, which costs a fortune. We have a woman who comes in to help part-time and has kids of her own. My mother isn’t up to it anymore. And I can’t do any more than I already am. I haven’t had a day off from work or kids in four years.” He loved his children, and his wife, but Coco had the feeling he was drowning, and didn’t know what she could do to help him.
He asked if she had heard from Ian, and she said she hadn’t, and he stopped asking, not wanting to upset her.

  Bethanie went trick-or-treating around the hospital, and finally in November, Jeff and his team declared her cured. There was no sign of leukemia in any of her tests. Technically, she was in remission, but he thought there was a strong possibility that the disease would not return. They had a party to celebrate it with ice cream and balloons in the pediatric ward.

  She was officially discharged from the hospital. All the nurses and doctors came to say goodbye to Bethanie. And on the last day when she went to thank Jeff again, Coco handed him an envelope with a five-hundred-thousand-dollar check in it. It was less than he wanted, but it was an enormous gift.

  She had dinner with Sam that night. They were leaving for London the next day. She had been there for six months. It felt like an eternity to her.

  “Do you think you’d ever move back here?” Sam asked her wistfully. He had loved having her nearby during Bethanie’s treatments, and being able to see her anytime he wanted, even every day for a short time. He told her that she had gotten him through a hard time. Tamar’s depression had finally started to lift. She said now that she didn’t want to have any more children, and this time Sam believed her. The last one had taken too big a toll on her. Sam admitted to Coco he was relieved. “Four is a lot of kids.”

  “I don’t think I’d move back,” she said. “I’m going to keep the apartment here, though. I’ve been thinking about selling the house in London. It’s too big for us, and it has bad memories for me now.” She tried not to think of Nigel there, but the house was more than she wanted to deal with. “And I’ve been thinking of going back to school.”

  “You too?” He was surprised. “That’s all Tamar can think of. I’m beginning to think she was too young to get married, and I sure was. Some of my friends from college aren’t even married yet. And I’ve been married for five years, and have four kids.”